The Worst of Times
Indigo
***
"Lance? Lance? Are you okay?" The words floated into his consciousness, through the haze of sickness that threatened to engulf his mind. The voice was familiar---a sweet, beautiful voice that was the voice he loved most in the world. JC's voice.
"Huh? What? I'm okay. Sorry guys. I just...kinda spaced out a little there." He shook his newly-brunette head, and tried to focus on the dance routine they were at the moment rehearsing for their upcoming show in Philadelphia, part of the PopOdyssey Tour 2001. JC gave him one last look of concern, then focused his attention back on their choreographer, Wade Robinson.
"So after the twist, it's one-two-three-four, turn, jump, and land with your back to the audience. Got that, guys? Ok, good. Let's try it to the music."
*Do you ever wonder why, this music gets you high...* "Stop! Stop! Justin, good, Chris, pick up the beat a little, Joey, needs improvement, Lance...what's wrong? You didn't even get past the first step. C'mon, buddy, you can do better than that..." Wade tried to keep his voice light, but the criticism was still there.
"I think I need a break, Wade." Without waiting for his consent, Lance picked up his water bottle, took a swig, and walked off the stage wiping his mouth on his sleeve.
JC shot Wade an imploring look. He waved his hand. "Go, go. I think we could all use a break right about now." Without waiting for another word, JC followed his boyfriend backstage.
***
"Lance...are you in here?" He pushed open the door to Lance's dressing room gently. The
22-year-old was sitting in his make-up chair, head down over his arms, which were folded on the
dressing room table in front of him.
Lance sat up quickly when he heard JC's voice. "Oh, yeah, hey Josh. I'm okay, I'm just a
little tired." He smiled up at him with what was obviously a forced grin.
"Are you sure?" JC replied, coming closer to sit on Lance's lap and give him a wary look.
"Yeah, I'm sure." He smiled, genuinely this time, and kissed JC on the nose. "Stop
worrying about me so much, Josh. We're all pretty tired. This is the fourth destination in
6 days."
JC sighed. "You know I can't help it. Remember that time you almost fainted
and had to be brought to the hospital? We weren't together then, but I still cared about you
more than you could imagine. And it killed me. It just killed me." Lance was shocked to note
that his voice was quavering, and his eyes wet with tears. He held him closer and leaned his
head against JC's, eyes closed, and spoke quietly.
"I remember. I didn't know how you really felt about that until now. And I'm sorry, baby,
for putting you through that. What I do know is that if I feel less than perfect, I'll tell you.
I promise I won't take anymore risks. Okay?" He felt JC nod in reply, and the two of them
continued to hold on to each other until Joey came down the corridor, calling them back to
the rehearsal.
***
"Pretty hectic today, wasn't it?" JC sat up in bed, clothed in the pajamas Lance had
given him, and looked over at Lance, who was at the moment immersed in a book. Lance closed
the book, set it on the night table, and turned to him.
"Yeah, it was. First the rehearsal, then the press junket, and finally, the television
appearance. I don't know if I'll make it through the show tomorrow night..." He instantly
regretted saying it, even if it had been meant as a joke. JC's brow furrowed, and his sea-blue
eyes became worried.
"Lance..." he began, obviously bent on lecturing him. It was times like these that Lance
ALMOST felt himself losing patience with him.
"I was kidding, Jace. Honestly." He gave an exasperated sigh. "Really, JC, sometimes you
annoy me." He moved closer to him and rested his head on JC's chest. "I'm fine," he mumbled
sleepily. "Totally fine."
"You bet you are!" JC laughed as he dropped a kiss on Lance's head. "Pretty hot, too."
"Shut up, Josh," Lance said, grinning. "And turn off the light, would you?"
***
*Do you ever wonder why, this music gets you high? It takes you on a ride, feel it when
your body starts to rock...* Lance could listen to his JC sing all day. It was like he became
another person when he started singing...his energy, his personality, everything changed. He
didn't mind that he never got to sing lead. Just as long as JC did.
"Can we do a soundcheck on This I Promise You? Just you and Justin, Jace." Their
manager, Johnny Wright, was trying to make sure every little detail of the show was going to
be perfect. Right now, he was testing the two leads, Justin and JC, to make sure they picked
up the band's cue when it was time for each song to start.
Lance was sitting in one of the front row seats, bobbing his head to the music and
mouthing the words. He pretty much tuned out Justin's starting verses, but perked up when it
was JC's turn to sing.
"I've loved you forever..." JC began, and stared straight at Lance as he did so. This was
their routine. It helped JC put more emotion into his singing. Not that he needed it. "In life-
times before..."
When it was over, the two of them just smiled at each other. Justin grinned as he observed
this customary exchange. "Good, good. Well, I think we're ready. You know the routine, guys.
Meet n' Greet starts at 5:30. Be back here by then."
***
"So where d'you wanna go?" Josh was at the wheel, Lance beside him and Justin in the
backseat. They had a couple of hours to kill before they had to be back at the stadium. Chris
and Joey preferred to hang out at the hotel during the day, so it was just the three of them.
"You know, if you guys wanna like, go to some secluded place and make out, I'd be perfectly
okay with that. Just, you know, drop me off at the mall before you do."
"Hah! Funny, Justin. Besides, you at the mall? When people know we're in town? You really
wanna make it hard for them, huh?" JC jerked his head back towards the black SUV that was
following them closely. Their bodyguards were never far behind.
"How about we get something to eat? I'm starved." Lance grinned at both of them, and
they nodded.
"Sure, let's go."
***
"You're late." Johnny stood in the hallway backstage at the stadium, his arms crossed
over his chest, tapping his foot impatiently.
"We're sorry. Really sorry. Just got carried away, that's all." JC, Lance and Justin
filed past him, towards the room where the Meet n' Greet was being held.
"Right. Lucky for you Chris and Joey have been holding off the fans. Well. Get in there,
and try to keep it short. Show starts in an hour." They nodded, in went into the room.
***
"...is going to be much better than the last tour. If No Strings Attached was huge,
PopOdyssey's even...huger." The fans laughed as Chris finished answering the question. Then they
caught sight of the three new arrivals...and went ballistic.
"Justin, I love you! Will you marry me?" "JC! JC you are so hot!" someone screamed, which
made Lance just a tad jealous. "Lance, you're my favorite!" They waved and took their seats
at the long table set up in the front of the room.
"Where the hell have you guys been?" Joey said through clenched teeth.
"Sorry. Really sorry..." Lance trailed off as he saw another hand being raised. "Yes, you."
"Is it true that you and JC are dating? Each other?"
The room suddenly went very quiet. Lance felt his heart drop to his stomach. He gave JC a
quick glance, and leaned towards the microphone to answer. "Where did you hear that?"
"I read it on the internet. I didn't believe it, of course. But, you know, I just wanted to
like, ask and make sure. I mean..."
"No, we are not dating." JC's clear voice filled the room. "That's nothing but a rumor. A
very disgusting one, I might add." There was a collective sigh of relief from the crowd, and
the room was once again filled with noise and giddiness. Lance, however, just sat back in his
chair and watched all of it happening.
***
"Disgusting, huh? You have no idea how much that hurt me, Chasez. You acted like some kind
of homophobe out there."
JC flinched. Lance's voice was laced with venom. "You know I didn't mean it that way,
Lance. But, come on, that question was completely out of left field. It made me panic. I had to put the issue to rest."
"And you just HAD to say something like that. You know what, I know we have to hide it. I
know there's no way the public will accept it. I know that our careers depend on how well we
conceal this. But..." and here his voice was choked with tears, "...the only thing that makes
me think this whole thing is worth it is that I KNOW we're in it together. And to hear that word
coming from you, to know you're even THINKING it, even if you don't believe it...it hurt me more
than anything ever could." His face was streaked with tears now. All JC wanted to do was hold him,
run his fingers through his hair, bury his face in his shoulder and tell him he didn't mean it,
ANY of it. He wanted to make Lance see that he thought what they had was precious, was beautiful.
But he didn't do any of those things. Instead he just watched miserably as the man he loved walked
away.
***
There was definite tension in the air as the five of them prepared to go out onstage. It
wasn't just from the mounting excitement that always came before a show. The others knew something
was wrong between JC and Lance, but none of them said anything. It would all come out in time.
As of now, they had to concentrate on dance routines, harmony, and beat. They said their
final prayers and stepped on to the rising platforms that would take them up to the stage.
***
The noise was unbelievable--deafening. They should've been used to it by now, but every time
it just seemed like it was louder than before. The stadium was dark, save for thousands of glowsticks
waving in the air, held by thousands of fans.
Lance suddenly felt weightless, giddy. It's probably from the noise, he told himself. But
somehow he knew that wasn't true. He'd been feeling the same way earlier, but hadn't told
anyone...he didn't want to give JC the satisfaction of saying "I told you so." Not now, not when
he was still so angry at him for what he'd said.
Just get through the show, Lance, and everything will be fine, he told himself. The intro
for "Pop" started playing, and he prepared to launch into the steps they'd so diligently
practiced for the last few days.
He never got past the first chorus. Lance felt his feet slip out from under him as his
vision went cloudy, and he hit the ground with a thud. Then the world went black.
***
He woke up to the sound of someone crying quietly beside his hospital bed. He could feel
the slight pressure of someone's hand resting over his own. He was groggy, lightheaded, and could
barely open his eyes to see who it was. But he didn't need to. He knew who it was.
"Lance? Are you awake?" Music. Sweetness. The voice that could bring him back from the dead,
if it had to. JC's voice. His JC.
"Mmmffff." He tried to speak but couldn't. His vision cleared slowly, and he saw sea-blue
eyes, tinged with red.
For a while JC just sat there beside his bed, not speaking, just crying silently. Then he
couldn't stand it anymore. "God, Lance, I'm so sorry...if anything happened to you I'd...shit,
Lance, why didn't you tell someone you weren't feeling well? This is my fault. If I hadn't said
such a stupid thing...baby, please forgive me..." He lapsed into unhappy silence.
Lance tried to sit up. His tongue didn't feel so heavy anymore, but his voice came out
barely above a whisper. "It's not your fault. I was acting like an idiot. I know you didn't
mean it. I know you just panicked. I'm sorry, Josh. So sorry." He started crying too, more
from relief than from pain, relief at not being mad at JC anymore, relief at being able to hold
him any time he wanted to, like he was used to. So that's what he did. Just held him, until it
all went away, and the two of them fell asleep knowing that, through the best of times, through
the worst of times, they were always in it together, always.
***
fiction