untouchable face

***

Fuck you.

Forgive me, Lance, if I can't come up with anything more eloquent than that. As Justin says: it's a good thing I can sing, because I sure can't talk. You've always been better at that than me, haven't you? Then again, there are a lot of things you can do much better than I can.

For example: ripping someone's heart out without knowing it. I could never do that to someone, because I'm way too emotional for that. Call me sensitive, I just pick up what other people are feeling. But you? You're a cold bastard, Lance. So you wouldn't know someone else's pain if it bit you in the Bass ass.

Giggle. I'm more than a little drunk right now. What time is it? *hic* 2:30! That's hilarious. I'm usually sleeping by now. But I'm not, I'm driving down a deserted road outside Orlando trying to think straight, even if I can't drive straight. Shit, I'm almost out of gas and nowhere near your house. Because you know, that's where I'm going. Yes, I'm going all the way to your house to push you up against the wall, hit you in the face and kiss you like it's the last time I'll ever see you. *sigh* What a joke. I seem to be making a lot at the moment.

What the hell is this crap they put on the radio? Country's always been more of your thing. The most country thing I own is that spectacular bling-blinging belt with the buckle that says "Country Music" in sparkly sequins. You tried to stop me from buying that, remember? You, always watching out for my fashion sense. I love yooouuu...

I hate you, Lance, fuck you, fuck you! You led me on for months and months, and just when I thought it would happen, you go and get yourself a girlfriend. And you know, she's a very nice girl, even if she's not really my type, but fuck man, you're making me hate her. You're so perfect together it makes me sick. Sick, sick I tell you!

Oh, I feel sick...I've had to stop a couple of times just to purge the vodka out of my system. I think I'm a little more clear-headed now. *sigh* Oh Lance, you have no idea what kind of pain you're putting me through. That was funny *hic* No, not really. Just a little bit sad.

Looks like I'm going to make it after all, because I'm turning the corner on to your street and my car hasn't died yet. Whoops, there it goes. I'm going to get out and walk now.

Part of me wishes you'd come out and join me, but that's a bit stupid because I know you're fast asleep in your wonderful, comfortable bed. Alone, at the moment (thank god, I don't think I could stand it if SHE was there). And here I am on your doorstep, making enough noise to wake up the neighbors.

Fuck you for looking so hot when you've just woken up. "JC?" You peer out at me from behind a strand of hair that's fallen over your forehead, blocking your vision. I don't think it would hurt if I just--there we go--push it out of the way, would it?

"Hey...hey, Lance." I push past you into your living room, then turn around to look at you. You're staring back at me, slightly bewildered.

"Uh, JC?" You come a little closer, and you're looking more alert. "It's like, 3 in the morning. Can't this wait?"

I just shake my head and sit down on your couch. You join me and wait. Suddenly you can't wait anymore.

"Why are you here?"

Instead of answering, I ask, "So how's Laura?" I feel you stiffen next to me. Clearly you weren't expecting that.

You sigh. "I broke up with her about five hours ago." It's all I can do to keep from jumping up and whooping like a madman. I want to yell, I'm so happy, but I don't.

"Really? I'm sorry, Lance, I really am..." I take the opportunity to give you a nice hug, man-to-man. You hug me back, clearly desperate for some human contact.

"Thanks, Jayce. Thanks a lot." You wipe a tear from your eye and look at me again. "But seriously, why are you here?"

I'm hesitating, all of a sudden. Would it be right, to say it this minute, when you're so vulnerable? It would be so easy, though, so incredibly easy to bend you to my will...but that's not what I want to do. I sigh. "Nothing, Lance. I just...needed a place to crash, that's all. If you noticed, I'm more than a little tipsy..." I give a false, high laugh, and collapse on to a pillow.

I feel you get up, get a proper blanket for me and tuck it under my chin. I can't see you, but I know that for half a minute you just stand there, watching me. I don't know if my radar's on the blink or something, but I'm picking up a lot of emotions from you...could I even dare to hope?

You turn to go and switch the light off, and a moment later I hear you trudging back upstairs to bed. It suddenly occurs to me that I never asked you why you broke up with her.

Maybe I'll ask you tomorrow.

***

untouchable face

think i'm going for a walk now
i feel a little unsteady
don't want nobody to follow me
except maybe you

i could make you happy, you know
if you weren't already
i could do a lot of things
and i do

tell you the truth i prefer the worst in you
too bad you had to have a better half
she's not really my type
but i think you two are forever
and i hate to say it but you're perfect together

so fuck you
and your untouchable face
fuck you
for existing in the first place
and who am i
that i should be vying for your touch
who am i
bet you can't even tell me that much

2:30 in the morning
and the gas tank will be empty soon
neon sign on the horizon
rubbing elbows with the moon
a safe haven of the sleepless
where the deep fryer's always on
radio is counting down the top 20 country songs

out on the porch the fly strip is
waving like a flag in the wind
you know i really don't look forward
to seeing you again soon.

you look like a photograph of yourself
taken from far far away
i won't know what to do
i won't know what to say

so fuck you...

see you and i'm so perplexed
what was i thinking
what will i think of next
where can i hide
in the back room there's a lamp
that hangs over the pool table
and when the fan is on it swings
gently side to side
there's a change in constellation
of balls as we are playing
i see Orion and say nothing
the only thing i can think of to say

is fuck you...

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