SMALL SACRIFICES

Title: Small Sacrifices, 5/5 
Author: Jaye (Copyright May 2002)
Codes: C/P NC-17

Disclaimer: Star Trek, Voyager and all related characters and
concepts  are the property of Paramount. No infringement is
intended or profit  made. This has m/m sex and implied violence.
If you aren't interested (or  aren't old enough), don't read it.

Archive: Drop me a note first so I know where it's going. Please
keep  the text (especially the disclaimer) intact.

Feedback: Sure but be kind, or at least constructive. E-mail to: 
Reader8901@fastmail.fm

Summary: The aftermath of the plan to blackmail Kashyk, the real
reason  the Devore Inspector didn't arrest Voyager's telepaths
at the end of  "Counterpoint."

***************

CONCLUSION

SUPPLEMENTAL PRIVATE LOG OF CMDR. CHAKOTAY, FEDERATION STARSHIP
VOYAGER

/I watch the pen shake in my hand as I sit and contemplate
recording my  thoughts. My last, my only attempt until now was
one of the more  traditional exercises in gaining distance from
trauma. I wanted to harvest  all the sharp-edged memories like
broken shells and throw them far away,  let them sink forever
into the sea of the things we prefer to forget. I  failed.
Dismally./

/I hope for better things this time, for I do not seek to recall
my  time with Kashyk. Not just yet. Tom and I gave ourselves a
few hours to  prepare for our joining. Now just a few minutes
are left, and I decided  to fill them by writing down these
musings as I wait for him to arrive./

/I love Tom Paris. It's a strange thing to say, to write, but
oddly not  to feel. Two months ago I would have reported that I
liked our daring  pilot, respected him. If pressed I would have
admitted I was attracted  to him. But now...I realize that I
kept my reactions to him, my thoughts  about him, as shallow as
I once believed him to be. I never delved  beyond the surface to
check the depth of the emotions Tom inspired. At  first, it was
because I considered him a traitor. Later, he came to me 
seeking counsel, uncomfortable but willing to trust. Before
enough time had  passed since he was my patient---no matter how
unofficially---he became  involved with B'Elanna. I would not
hurt her for all the worlds, so  friends were all Tom and I
would be./

/Then, so many changes. First I was affected by my time with
Kashyk.  Then Tom was transformed by knowing my secret. He was
so caring and  concerned, even when I didn't want him to be.
And, by some alchemy of the  heart, he went from being
B'Elanna's lover to my love. Now we are about  to make our first
step toward a life united./

/For several reasons, I'm glad our chance never came until this
moment.  If some time in the past Tom and I had acknowledged,
and acted on, the  sparks that always struck between us we would
be dead right now. Or at  the very least, Tuvok and the others
would be. If the hotshot and I had  been together I would never
have considered my deal with Kashyk. And I  don't know how else
we could have saved our friends. I would never have  delivered
anyone else into the Inspector's black-gloved hands./

/I meant what I said to Tom. I wanted this wound on my soul to
be gone  before our spirits joined. I feared it would taint our
feelings, still  so new. But Tom is right. After "I love you,"
the rest is unimportant.  We'll deal with what comes. Together./

/Kashyk was not a monster, just a man. And I will not let that
man keep  even the smallest part of my life. It already
belongs...has always  belonged...to Tom Paris. No matter what
happens, it always will./

END LOG

*******************************************************
*******************************************************

It was time.

They were as ready as they could be, barefoot and dressed in 
comfortable clothes. Tom had brought an overnight bag. Lube and
towels were  handy.

The two men stood facing each other in Chakotay's bedroom.
Chakotay was  nervously pleating a fold of his tunic, avoiding
Tom's gaze. "Kashyk  wanted me to be loud, to scream and yell
and curse him. So I stayed  silent. The whole time...both
times...I never made a sound. I know you read  the report. You
know what happened. But, if it's okay, I'd like to talk  us
through it."

Tom just nodded.

After a few moments of silence Chakotay took a deep breath and
lifted  his head to meet anxiously waiting blue eyes. "After
Kashyk and I made  our bargain, we moved to the bathroom. Easier
cleanup, I suppose. He  ordered the lights so bright I felt like
I was a specimen in some sort of  lab. I think he lowered the
temperature...it was so cold."

Tom nodded again in understanding, his near-whisper matching the
husky  tones. "We're here in the bedroom, Chak, with the lights
low and the  air warm." He gave the computer orders to that
effect.

Chakotay plucked at the now-wrinkled bit of fabric. "He ordered
me to  strip. He stayed fully clothed."

Tom rushed to shed his garments, but his hand stilled when a
darker one  encased it. He heard a soft "Take your time, Tom. We
have all night."

He turned the broad palm and brought it up to his lips for a
kiss. "We  have all of our lives," he answered and released
Chakotay to finish his  undressing, now at a more sedate pace.
When he lifted his head, a  little uncertain in his nakedness,
he was surprised to find the other man's  body as bare as his
own.

Chakotay gave a small shrug at Tom's expression. "I would never
have  stayed clothed while you weren't. I know
how...disheartening it can be.  This is about healing me, not
wounding you."

The older man's skin was smooth, a warm honey-colored covering
that  tempted the eye, mouth and hands. The only hair on his
body comprised a  few soft strands around his quiescent cock.
Tom let his gaze brush across  the tense features, down the
graceful line of throat to a body carved  and corded with
muscle. Chakotay looked as though he'd lost none of his 
strength or vigor since the night he decked those six Maquis,
all those  years ago.

For a disorienting moment Tom understood the rush of power that
must  have filled Kashyk at the thought of taking this man, at
knowing such a  magnificent creature was bowed and submissive to
his will. Then Tom  looked into scared brown eyes and recognized
the compassionate soul that  was the Maquis warrior's true
source of strength. At his core Chakotay  was a noble, deeply
emotional, truly gentle man.

That Kashyk battered and abused and humiliated someone so
sensitive to  the pain of others quickly cured Tom of any
fellow-feeling for the  Devore Inspector. Strangely, his hate
and anger also began to recede. All  that was left was love and
respect for the remarkable being in front of  him who had
allowed, and survived, so much hurt to save his friends.  And
determination to be deserving of the trust and courage Chakotay 
showed to ask Tom for such an intimate form of help.

Chakotay looked at the tall slim body, which housed a shining
spirit  that was the antithesis of Kashyk. He wasn't aroused,
but he admired  Tom's pale elegant turn of arm and leg, the lean
muscled torso and  swan-like neck. He contemplated the gleaming
skin, liberally dusted with golden  hair. But mostly, he drank
in the love he could see pouring from eyes  that reflected the
endless expanses of sky and sea. Warm feelings  surrounded him,
flowing like water around his body and through his soul.

"We can skip the next part. Kashyk wanted to 'test my
endurance', so he  tied my wrists and ankles to the shower
doorway and beat me until I was  ready to drop. He told me if I
tried to cut short his fun by pretending  to be hurt, the deal
was off." Chakotay's eyes darkened slightly as he  remembered.
"The first time he got too excited to wait. He cut me loose 
early and pushed me down to my knees. The second night he was
more  patient, and thorough."

Tom closed the gap between them. "No, we shouldn't dismiss
this." He  lifted one hand to rest on Chakotay's shoulder. He
could feel the skin  shivering beneath his fingers. "Just let me
touch you, please."

At Chakotay's hesitant nod, Tom began to explore the silk-soft
skin,  trying to overlay the memories of blows with gentle
touches. He followed  the lines of muscle and bone, raining soft
kisses as he circled  Chakotay's quivering form. He returned to
his starting position, sliding his  palms down the powerful arms
to grasp the faintly trembling hands. "Are  you okay?" he asked.

"So far, so good," Chakotay breathed. He noticed that Tom's 
purple-crested cock had begun to fill and lift. He swallowed and
knelt, preparing  himself for the next stage.

"When I was down, Kashyk pulled out his penis. It was...alien,
pink and  fat with some kind of ridge running down its length. I
took it, all of  it, in my mouth. The ridge hardened as he
neared his climax. It started  to scratch, but there was nothing
I could do." He paused reflectively.  "I never learned his
taste. When he shot down my throat there was too  much blood.
When I got a second chance, I made sure to pull back and  clean
him before he spurted." He looked at Tom. "The sample had to be 
pure."

Tom nodded. The flat recitation had almost killed his ardor, but
he  knew Chakotay was counting on him. He remembered the
doctor's report, and  circled the bronze neck with his hands.
Not squeezing to bruise the  burnished skin, but caressing,
encouraging. "Whatever you want to do,  Chak. However far you
want to go."

Chakotay's eyes regained their focus as he gave his partner a
grateful  glance. Then he once more dropped his gaze to Tom's
penis. It was only  slightly erect, so he lifted his hands to
cradle the graceful length,  discovering its texture and shape.
He moved one hand to roll the balls  resting below within their
sac, and used a knuckle to press behind it. A  startled moan
escaped Tom as his manhood stiffened, growing longer and 
thicker before Chakotay's eyes.

The hands around Chakotay's neck shook slightly. This sent a
shot of  unexpected gladness through Chakotay; he was happy to
be giving his lover  pleasure. He looked up to see Tom's eyes
were closed, his face glowing  as his arousal increased. The
younger man wasn't making any attempt to  hide his reactions,
and that willing vulnerability soothed Chakotay's  spirit. It
reminded him that sex wasn't a painful power game; this was  the
intertwining of bodies and souls.

He started with a quick, sucking kiss to Tom's slit, cleaning up
the  precum that had begun to bead. He let the flavor settle on
his tongue.  Then he took some of the shaft, letting his tongue
tickle the underside  of the head. His hands left Tom's balls to
grip the long thighs. He  pulled the slim body toward his mouth
even as he leaned forward to meet it.

Tom felt his hands want to tighten in excitement around
Chakotay's  neck, so he started to explore. He ran his hands
along the rims of the  kneeling man's ears and teased the skin
under and behind them. He stroked  the shifting jaw and
hollowing cheeks, soothed the temples, playfully  mussed the
perfect dark hair. His fingers were still buried in the short 
shiny strands as his hands clenched, signaling his approaching
climax.  He gasped out a warning, "It's coming, Chak."

Chakotay was absorbing Tom's essence, banishing the touch and
scent of  his tormentor. His heart lifted at the younger man's
message; the  unspoken coda was Tom's willingness to let
Chakotay withdraw, even at this  late stage. He chose to renew
his efforts, humming in anticipation. He  was soon rewarded with
a shout of ecstasy somewhere above him and the  flavor of his
lover's hot seed.

When Tom stopped heaving like a bellows, he felt his body relax
as his  hands contritely attempted to bring some order to
Chakotay's hair. He  felt the older man's mouth release his
spent sex and looked down. The  handsome face was pensive but
not upset, so Tom gave his lover time to  ponder the experience.
He waited, his body still thrumming with pleasure,  simply
offering his silent support.

Chakotay licked his lips and stood, catching Tom's hands on his
ascent.  He was shaking a little now. He gathered his courage
and looked at Tom.  "This is going to be the tough part. I knew,
no matter what Kashyk did,  that I was safe until he stripped
off those black gloves."

Tom nodded and concentrated on his partner's voice and body
language,  as well as his words. His thumbs brushed soothingly
against Chakotay's  knuckles.

Chakotay's eyes drifted to their linked hands. He studied the
contrast,  ivory and bronze, then drew the long elegant fingers
up to his mouth.  He gave each one a light kiss, then lowered
them, still meshed with his  own. "Your hands are so warm.
Kashyk's were...icy, and when they  touched me I felt like they
were digging into my mind as well as my body."

He paused for a moment, then continued. "He was hard again
almost  instantly. He pushed my head down until I was pressed
against the tile. Then  he ran those chill fingers along my
back, then down as he moved behind  me. He just shoved in. He
said my blood would soon ease his way. By the  time that
happened, that ridge was sharp again."

Tom was blinking, trying to hold back tears.

"But his hands were worse. Bruising, scratching, and the whole
time  their cold alien touch was in my head. I held him off the
first night, but  when I went back...he started biting me. I
think he hoped I'd be so out  of it with pain he could get past
my walls. He did. He made me feel so  cold, inside and out. Cold
and unclean and alone." Chakotay turned his  head away and his
voice faltered.

"Eventually...finally he finished and walked out. He was done
with me.  The first night I managed to get dressed and transport
to Sickbay. You  know what happened the second time." Chakotay
turned a helpless, almost  hopeless gaze to Tom. "Can you do
this, Tom? Help me feel warm again?"

Tom moved to hold the strong form that was shaking with more
than a  physical chill. "You're not alone, Chakotay. I love you.
Keep telling  yourself that. We'll get through this, I promise."
He nearly collapsed with  relief as he felt the tremors ease the
slightest bit as the older man's  arms closed around him. He
backed up and led Chakotay to the bed.  "Let's get started."

He turned his lover to sit at the foot of the mattress as he
grabbed  the tube of lubricant and set it nearby. Chakotay's
brow wrinkled in  confusion. "This isn't the right position---"

"I know." Tom soothed. "But it takes two to make a mood, Chak,
and  let's just take it slow." Chakotay simply nodded and lay
down; Tom was  almost undone by the trust and apprehension
swirling together in the liquid  eyes. He kissed them closed,
featherlight touches, as he settled beside  Chakotay.

"Just think about me, Chakotay. How warm my hands are," he began
slowly  traveling along the satiny golden-brown skin. Face and
throat,  shoulders and arms and chest. "How much I love you,
admire you." He could feel  himself getting hard as his fingers
teased the small dark nipples,  rejoicing when they tightened.
"How much I hope we can be together. In bed  and out of it."

Tom's hands strayed below the waist, stroking the hips and
stomach,  massaging the muscular thighs, dancing around the rosy
dark cock that  showed the faintest signs of interest. He turned
his head to find Chakotay  watching him. He responded to the
hint of passion in the dark depths.  His voice turned husky.
"How beautiful you are. How much I want you."

Chakotay had feared to the bottom of his soul that he and Tom
would  fail. That Kashyk had destroyed Chakotay's ability to
trust, to desire, to  love. Relief flooded him, fueling his
reawakening feelings as his hips  moved slightly, seeking those
warm, loving hands.

Tom leaned next to Chakotay's ear. "Let me hear you, Chak." His
gaze  was serious. "If we take the next step I won't be able to
see your face,  and I have to know you're all right."

Chakotay leaned up to kiss Tom. Their lips met in a gentle
exploration  that lasted a moment that held them suspended in
time. Still joined,  the two men sat up and finally parted. Tom
reached for the tube of  lubricant while Chakotay turned to rest
on his hands and knees at the end of  the bed. He looked over
his shoulder to give Tom the ghost of a smile,  then faced
forward and waited.

Tom stood on the floor and slicked up one hand, then leaned over
to  drape himself over the trembling body on the bed. "Feel us,
Chakotay. Skin  on skin." He straightened as his dry hand made
long strokes from  shoulders to waist, tracing the muscles and
sinews that made up his lover.

Chakotay concentrated on Tom's scent, the brush of Tom's flesh
against  his own, the path of that wandering hand. Remembering
the younger man's  concerns, he gave an appreciative sigh and
"Mmmm..."

The older man felt Tom's touch stray to his buttocks and
instinctively  tensed, gripping the material beneath his hands.
He waged an internal  battle, trying to keep his footing amid a
sudden sweeping tide of  memories. He would not lose this chance
with Tom. After a time Chakotay took  a deep breath and
consciously relaxed his fingers. He turned his head  again to
see the concern and, yes, fear on his lover's face. He calmed 
even more. "Tom," he called softly. When those uncertain blue
eyes met  his he said, "You are my love. Take me. Give yourself
to me."

Tom smiled, reassured by Chakotay's words. He leaned forward
once more  to share a gentle kiss. "Yes." Then he turned his
attention to the  rounded buttocks in front of him. One hand
caressed the firm flesh, while  the other carefully stroked the
cleft. "I'm starting now," he said, and  sent a fingertip into
the opening. After pausing a moment, he  continued, easing in
the entire digit. He felt the ring of muscle closing around 
him, the heat of the channel beyond.

Chakotay felt the finger drawing a circle inside him, stroking
his  internal walls. Then it withdrew a moment, only to return
with a companion.  Chakotay gave a soft moan as he felt them
slowly move inside him,  gently scissoring and stretching. This
was Tom, his love, his lover. The  fear began to ebb as he felt
desire rise to match the love already there.  His whole body
shuddered as Tom found his prostate.

Tom felt his own arousal increasing as the older man's body
continued  to respond. He was up to three fingers, occasionally
brushing Chakotay's  gland. He pulled out and thoroughly slicked
his cock. He gently parted  the firm globes and lined up with
the loosened opening. Tom moved  forward to wrap his arms around
Chakotay and rest his cheek against his  lover's. "This is it,"
he whispered, and slowly pushed his way past the  slight
resistance. He advanced and retreated, nudging in a little
farther  each time.

Chakotay shimmied in Tom's embrace, moving back slightly as he
finally  felt wiry hair brushing against his ass. He turned to
kiss an ivory  cheek, then lifted one hand to squeeze the arms
enfolding him. He knew he  needed more: Tom's intensity, to
overcome Kashyk's ferocity. "Touch me,  hotshot. Fuck me. Give
me everything you've got," he growled in  challenge.

Tom had started to pant, fighting his urge to thrust hard and
fast into  the beautiful bronze body. He licked the skin behind
Chakotay's ear.  "Are you sure?" he breathed, his hands already
wandering to roll and tug  at dusky nipples.

"Yes," Chakotay groaned, "I trust you. Please, Tom." He felt the
slim  body behind him tense, then straighten. Tom stayed buried
in Chakotay as  he moved them back until both lovers were
standing on the floor. The  older man continued to lean forward,
his hands braced on the bed for  leverage as Tom started again,
then quickened and deepened his strokes. Tom  pulled almost
completely out before he thrust back in to the hilt,  making low
sounds of pleasure.

The pale hands were pressing a little harder now, scrabbling
over  Chakotay's sides and clenching around his hips. Tom's
mouth surrendered to  the yearning for tawny skin gleaming with
sweat, licking and kissing the  strong shoulders. He bared his
teeth and ever so lightly scraped them  down Chakotay's back,
pausing occasionally to gently suck, leaving faint  red marks.
He was thrilled when the older man began to moan and meet  Tom's
thrusts. A slim hand reached around to find his lover's cock hot 
and hard. His fist began to pull at the engorged length in time
with his  own movements.

Chakotay's body was shaking again, a strange mixture of relief
and  tension as he rode the building wave of his climax. He
lifted his head to  roar Tom's name as his cock exploded and his
body surged in the throes  of release.

Tom felt the spurt of semen against his palm as his cock was
gripped by  the contractions of Chakotay's body. He screamed as
his orgasm claimed  him, his body slamming into his lover's in
that final climactic drive,  cum pulsing in hot jets into the
clenching channel. Tom guided Chakotay  down as the men
collapsed on their sides on the mattress, still joined.

When their breathing finally quieted Tom eased out of Chakotay's
body  and raised himself, kneeling on the bed. The older man sat
up, turned  around and was immediately embraced. After a moment
he leaned back and  looked at Tom with unreadable eyes. "I love
you. Thank you," he  whispered, then moved once more into the
slender encircling arms. He tucked his  face into Tom's neck and
softly began to cry.

Tom laid his cheek against the dark hair and rubbed Chakotay's
back,  shedding a few tears of his own. He felt as though the
two of them were  being cleansed in the gentle flow of moisture,
as if it were washing  away some of the bitter memories so
better ones could take hold.

He waited until he was sure the quiet storm had passed, then
silently  reached over to pick up the damp cloth he'd prepared
earlier. He first  used a corner to wipe the tearstains from
Chakotay's face, then  carefully cleaned the bronze body. He
finished by wiping himself down.

Tom flung the towel toward the bathroom as the two men stood.
Then he  unmade the bed and tucked Chakotay into it. When he
moved to his own  side he caught sight of Alfred half hidden
behind his pillow. He reached  down to grab the bear and held it
a moment, silently conveying thanks to  his furry friend.

Chakotay looked at the toy wistfully. "I'm going to miss that
little  guy. I don't understand it, but you were right. He did
help me sleep  through the night."

Tom rubbed the light brown fuzz, then set the bear on the
cabinet.  While he was arranging Alfred's limbs he said with
studied casualness,  "Well, I could always let him stay here.
And maybe keep him company so he  didn't forget me."

Chakotay waited until Tom laid down to answer. "You mean move
in? I  love you, and would love to have you with me. But that's
a pretty big  step, hotshot. And a sudden one. Are you sure you
want to take the chance?"

Tom opened his hands in a questioning gesture. "Where's the
risk? I'm  sure of my feelings, you're sure of yours. All we're
doing is skipping  the tedious packing and unpacking of
overnight bags." Tom looked into  Chakotay's eyes. "I want to be
with you."

"And I want you here. But first, let's see if I'm ready for a
bedmate,  okay? I think that maybe now the nights will get
easier, but you have  to be able to get enough rest with me."
Chakotay gathered the slim form  into his arms. "Let's wait just
a little while, then I'll leave the  choice of move-in day to
you."

"I'll hold you to that, Chak." Tom called the lights down and
smiled as  the older man smothered a yawn. Then he delivered a
chaste kiss. "It's  been a long day," he said fondly. "Good
night."

"Good night, Tom," Chakotay murmured, his eyes already closing.
For a  short but satisfying time, the younger man watched the
rise and fall of  Chakotay's quiet breaths. Then he nestled
against the powerful frame  and drifted off to sleep.

*******************************************************
*******************************************************

Tom woke to a profound sense of peace. He gently disentangled
himself  from Chakotay's unconscious embrace, and leaned on an
elbow to look at  his sleeping lover.

Tom's gaze traced the tiny smile barely curving the full lips.
Tom  hoped Chakotay was dreaming of him, since the older man's
rest had been  completely undisturbed. The blue eyes lifted and
winked at Alfred, who  still sat patiently in front of the lamp.

"Good morning." Chakotay said. He saw the focus of those
twinkling  orbs. "I guess Alfred's out of a job, poor bear. I'd
much rather have you  in my bed." He pushed a hand into tousled
blond waves, bringing the  smiling pink lips down for a thorough
kiss.

The new lovers settled in for a long session of necking, a
leisurely  beginning to their day off. Eventually Tom sat up,
grabbed both of his  lover's hands and pulled. "Come on, let's
hit the showers." Chakotay  followed him without hesitation.

The two men stepped into the cubicle, lathering and rinsing each
other  in ways designed to arouse. They came together under the
spray in a  deep, hot kiss, creating sweet friction between
their rampant cocks.

Tom pulled free. "I want you inside me, Chakotay. Right now." He
dialed  up the hot water until it fell in sheets around them and
sent billows  of water vapor rising to the ceiling. Then he
turned and braced his  hands against the tiles, presenting
Chakotay with a tantalizing vision of a  long lean back, lightly
muscled limbs and a pert little ass.

Chakotay rubbed lightly against Tom, feeling the rivulets of
water  sliding down his skin as he caressed the pale form. He
stroked the front of  Tom's body from neck to knees, varying
pressure and pathway until he  had the younger man writhing with
need. Only then did he slick his  fingers with the shower gel
and begin a careful stretching, knowing how much  time had
passed since Tom had been with a man.

Tom thrust back against Chakotay's fingers, seeking to bury them
more  deeply. He moaned in anticipation and opened his eyes to
clouds of  steam. Without warning, he had a vision of the cement
wall of Auckland's  shower room. He vividly remembered being
forced up against its rough  surface as an unwelcome invader
shoved its way into his body. Tom swallowed,  trying to stay
relaxed and hide his sudden anxiety from Chakotay.

The older man quickly slathered his length with the thick gel.
He  parted his lover's buttocks and pressed the head of his cock
against the  stretched portal. He prepared to ease in when
something made him pause.

Chakotay felt the body before him trembling, but he sensed it
was no  longer in desire. He stepped away and turned off the
pounding water. His  voice broke into the sudden quiet. "Tom,
you should have told me you  were having a problem."

Through the dissipating steam he saw the pale shoulders shrug.
"How did  you know?" Tom asked without looking around.

Chakotay turned his lover, whose guilty blue gaze immediately
slid  away. "Something didn't feel right. Why didn't you tell
me?"

"I was hoping you would just keep going. I didn't want to spoil
the  mood."

"It takes two to make a mood, Tom, remember?" Chakotay ran a
gentle  hand along his partner's now-flaccid sex. "And it's
pretty obvious you're  not ready for this."

"But I should be!" Tom replied sharply. "I don't understand
what's  wrong with me. For just a few seconds I was back at
Auckland. And snap, I  went from excited to terrified."

"These things happen. Maybe next time I'll be the one who
freezes."  Chakotay lifted his eyebrows and shoulders. "Between
us we have so much  emotional baggage laying around I'm not
surprised we tripped over it."

"I know, Chak, but I feel so stupid, like I've let you down. I
mean,  here you are reliving your experiences within months.
Then I'm the one  who freaks out, but for me it's been over five
years."

"Most of that time you spent trying not to think about it,"
Chakotay  soothed. "You should give yourself a break. Besides, I
have a clear  advantage."

"What's that?" Tom asked.

Chakotay gave him a breath-stealing, dimpled smile. "I have Tom
Paris  looking after me."

Tom started to roll his eyes, but stopped at the expression in 
Chakotay's. His voice filled with wonder. "You really mean that,
don't you?"

Chakotay framed the doubtful, beloved face in his hands. "You
are the  greatest blessing I will ever receive in my life." His
expression was  serious. "And I will spend the rest of my days
striving to be worthy of  the gift. It doesn't matter to me how
we come together, Tom, as long as  we *are* together. I could
never be disappointed in you. I love you."

"I love you too, Chakotay. And I wanted this to be our moment."

Chakotay stared into blue pools still murky with self-doubts.
Tom had  proven his strength so many times that Chakotay
couldn't bear to see him  question it. "Then it will be. Let's
make a few changes first, okay?"

Tom nodded briskly, determined to prove something, mostly to
himself.  Chakotay reached over and started the water again. It
fell around the  men, this time warm and soft as a summer rain.
Then he simply said,  "Watch me," and sank to his knees. He set
his mouth to reawakening Tom's  cock, while one hand slipped
into Tom's cleft, teasing the hidden opening  while he confirmed
the younger man's readiness.

Tom watched as Chakotay pleasured him, the full lips sucking the
head  of his cock, opening further to absorb the shaft, then
retreating until  just the tip of his tongue playfully lapped at
the slit. Most arousing  was the expression of love and
enjoyment in the brown eyes that  caressed him all the while. He
reached out to let his hands shape the muscled  shoulders.

Chakotay soon had Tom fully erect and moaning again. He moved
his hands  to the slim pale hips, and very slowly lowered Tom to
meet him. He  easily supported the taller man's full weight,
taking advantage of his  lover's descent to kiss each inch of
ivory flesh as it passed his mouth. He  nibbled the hipbones,
dipped into Tom's bellybutton, traced his tongue  over the ribs.
He kissed the underside of each pectoral, and nuzzled  into
golden curls as he suckled and nipped the dark pink nipples,
drawn  up tight and begging for attention.

Tom's arms fell naturally around his lover's neck as his long
legs  folded and settled outside each solid bronze thigh. He
marveled anew at  Chakotay's strength; the older man seemed
oblivious of Tom's considerable  weight. Then those soft lips
moved to the base of his neck and Tom  stopped thinking. He also
closed his eyes, leaning his head back and  arching his throat
like an offering, which was quickly accepted. The kisses,  sucks
and licks along his skin sent his desire soaring. Tom felt his 
lover lift his head as his own knees finally reached the floor
and his  buttocks lightly rested above Chakotay's cock. He
opened his eyes, very  aware of the rod pulsing against his ass.
"Why'd you stop?"

Chakotay kissed him, then grinned. His eyes were bright and warm
and  free of shadows. "Because you're running this show,
hotshot. What happens  next is up to you." His expression
softened. "Whatever you want to do,  Tom. However far you want
to go."

Tom smiled and shook his head, but didn't answer in words. He
raised  slightly and used one hand to guide Chakotay's
still-slick cock into his  depths. He felt them join inch by
exquisite inch as he lowered himself,  his own erection tracing
a line of precum along his lover's taut belly.

When the connection was complete, Tom stopped and simply enjoyed
the  feeling of being filled. And the view. Chakotay's
expression was  exquisite; dark eyes shimmering with love and
passion and pride, skin beaded  with water. The full lips
slightly parted as he panted, trying to keep  his control as the
muscular sheath around his sex clenched and quivered.  He
groaned, "Please Tom."

Tom claimed the older man's open mouth, his hands sliding into
slick  dark hair as his tongue echoed the joining of their lower
bodies. He also  began to move, raising and lowering his pelvis,
moaning himself as his  prostate was hit on every stroke.

Their movements together were a tender undulation. Chakotay
stroked  Tom's sides and legs, letting him choose the pace and
depth of their  joining. He opened his eyes when Tom broke their
kiss and began to move more  quickly.

Tom drew back enough to look into Chakotay's face, but kept his
hands  behind the dark head. "Bring us home, Chak," he
whispered.

One warm hand immediately moved to encircle Tom's glistening
cock,  pumping to match the younger man's cadence, swirling
thumb spreading the  gathered fluid over the sensitive head.

Tension built in both bodies as the men continued to hold each
other's  gaze. Their eyes were still locked as they came
together with heartfelt  groans of release. Tom felt his soul
spill over with joy as his balls  emptied and his limbs closed
tightly around his partner. Chakotay  reveled in Tom's external
and internal embrace as the semen was milked from  his cock to
bathe his lover's core.

Tom and Chakotay touched foreheads and simply breathed as the 
aftershocks faded. Gradually the light patter of the shower
could be heard over  the pounding of their hearts. Tom pulled
back and touched Chakotay's  face. "Thank you."

Chakotay just nodded and smiled. He felt himself slip out of
Tom's body  as they both stood on slightly shaky legs. They
began a quick cleanup  under the soft spray. "So, Tom, do you
have any suggestions for our day  off?"

"Yes. I'd like to go back to your beach program, maybe have a
picnic."  He gave an embarrassed shrug. "I've had this dream, of
us in the  sunlight. Nothing special, just being together."

Chakotay tenderly brushed a thumb over a faintly blushing cheek.
"That  sounds wonderful," he said softly, "Let's make it come
true."

As the two survivors embraced once more, they knew that,
together,  their sweetest dreams always would.

THE END