AN ACCIDENTAL PASSION

Title: An Accidental Passion, 1/2 
Author: Jaye (Copyright September 2002) 
Codes: VOY C/P NC-17

Disclaimer: Star Trek and all related characters and concepts are
the  property of Paramount. No infringement is intended or profit
made. This  is NC-17 for m/m sex. If you aren't interested (or
aren't old enough),  don't read it.

Archive: Drop me a note first so I know where it's going. Please
keep  the text (especially the disclaimer) intact.

Feedback: Sure but be kind, or at least constructive. E-mail is 
wordsmith872@fastmail.fm

Summary: While on an away mission, a member of Voyager's crew drinks
an  alien aphrodisiac.

Note: AU (no P/T). Set some time after "Day of Honor." Part 2 isn't
a  continuation of Part 1, it's actually a reset. Part 1 is Version
1,  where Tom slurps the carnal concoction. In Part 2 (Version 2),
Chakotay  imbibes the potent punch. POV switches back and forth.

***************

VERSION ONE: IS IT HOT IN HERE OR JUST YOU?

I suppose the Oolians aren't such bad folks. They were willing to
sell  us some dilithium at a fair price. They certainly can't help
the fact  that their atmosphere blocks the transporters and only
offers a window  for shuttle travel once a day.

And I'm sure the Captain meant well by assigning me this away
mission.  She sent me down with Chakotay so I could brush up on my
diplomatic  skills. She was *not* pleased with what I considered
"appropriate humor"  during the last state dinner we attended. I bet
she figures I might pick  up a little more finesse by watching
Chakotay in action.

That last part is easy. I watch Chakotay all the time.

Like now, following his path with my eyes as he and the Oolian Prime 
Minister discuss the tapestries lining the reception room walls.
Poetry  in motion, as someone used to say. Graceful and gracious.
Even after the  deal has been signed, sealed, and the dilithium
delivered to the  shuttle. He's just that kind of guy, sincerely
interested in other people.

I certainly hope that's all it is. The PM is a pretty foxy lady.
Even  if that long Oolian nose really does make her look like a fox.
I clamp  down on my automatic jealousy with an effort and return to
my thoughts.

I don't know what the Captain is hoping to achieve here. I'm never 
going to be that smooth or confident a negotiator, despite the
endless  drills on diplomacy at the Paris dinner table. I'm too
glib. Mostly to hide  my nervousness. I also don't have as great a
talent to shift  perspectives and see other people's points of view.
You know, to speak their  language---and I'm not talking about the
universal translator.

My style is more breezy. It's more about *me* than anything else. 
That's to my advantage in a casual setting because it makes it easy
to "play  well with others". But you can't let it all hang out in a
formal  situation like this, when how well you click is the *only*
thing deciding  failure or success. My method is too much like a
crap-shoot: if the aliens  decide they like what they see I'm home
free. Of course if they don't,  the mission is toast.

I rolled a snake-eyes this time. The Oolians were supremely 
unimpressed. It was mutual. In fact, they got on my nerves as the
day wore on.  They kept calling me *youngster*, for crying out loud.
So what if they  live to be 300? I mean, I'm hardly a baby. I'm only
eight years younger  than Chakotay. Hello people, do the math. Not
even a decade's difference.  Sheesh.

Fortunately, they seemed really taken with the Commander, and he 
figured out what they would accept in exchange for their dilithium.
Two hours  later it was a done deal. Mission accomplished. I didn't
really need to  be here at all.

As we were piloting the shuttle through the turbulence this morning, 
Chakotay also wondered aloud if the Captain had an ulterior motive
for  sending me along. Not so much to polish my diplomatic skills as
to ensure  the shuttle made it back in one piece.

Of course I shot back that couldn't be right because we had the same 
number of crashes notched on our belts. Unless she was figuring our 
individual bad karmas would cancel each other out. We grinned at
each other  and landed without a hitch.

That's the way it is between us now. Light, friendly. We lowered our 
hackles surprisingly quickly after Voyager started its journey. I
was  kind of surprised Chakotay dropped his grudge so soon. From his
point of  view he had a lot of reasons to dislike me, even without
my...um,  less-than-ideal...attitude back then. Yet even during the
Jonas incident when  I would have smacked *myself* upside the head
for being such a  smartass, he mostly kept his cool and gave me the
room to grow up a bit. I  finally did.

We began to hang out together sometimes, shooting pool and the
breeze.  There were even a few away missions where we really
clicked. But I had  never considered the "BG" relationship material.
(That's what he's  called by the drooling lower decks; Chakotay
thinks it means "Big Guy" but  it really stands for "Bronze God".
And anybody who's seen him in his  workout gear knows just how
accurate that moniker is. Hubba-hubba.)

But despite the *very* attractive package, in my mind he was like
Capt.  Janeway and Harry---strictly off-limits. Besides, I was still
deep in  the pool of playful partners who indulged in recreational
sex almost  like a hobby. Eventually though the pastime palled, and
I was debating  whether to swim solo for a while.

Chakotay's status didn't change even after I went to see him for
some  advice. Just a few times, to get my head on straight. I needed
to be  sure of myself before deciding *not* to get involved with
B'Elanna. It  touched me more than I can say (and certainly more
than my Flyboy rep  would ever let him know) when Chakotay kept an
open mind about B'Elanna and  I becoming a couple. He and B'Elanna
are practically related, so it  meant a lot that Chakotay thought I
was good enough for her. But in the  end our lovely half-Klingon
stayed firmly in my Friend category.

Chakotay listened as I poured out my jumbled muddle of feelings
about  B'Elanna and my father and expectation and failure and Caldik
Prime and  the Maquis and prison and Voyager. I didn't expect to go
beyond that  first topic but something about being one on one with
Chakotay invites  confidences. I think it's his eyes, deep and dark
and wise. It's like you  *know* any secret you share just sinks into
the safety of those  mysterious pools, never to be revealed to
another. Plus the serenity he  projects like an aura. Once you get
in close range you can't help but relax  into what is your true
self. "Mystic Warrior" is more appropriate than  you might think.

So, I figured out that it was B'Elanna's desperation I was
responding  to, not her declaration. I was as tired of my cabin's
revolving door as  she was of being alone. But that's a really
shitty reason to start  dating someone, so I didn't. I told her we
both deserved better, then sat  back and waited to be blasted by the
hellish fury of a Klingon scorned.

Instead, B'Elanna admitted that she had reached the same conclusion. 
She didn't want to die without saying those three little words to 
*someone* in her life, and I just happened to be there when she had
her last  chance---or so we thought at the time. It surprised me
that she would  have still become my girlfriend if I had asked.
Klingon honor demanded  it. That would have been an even worse
reason to get involved, so we  stayed friends and privately thanked
our lucky stars. At least I did.

Anyway, it wasn't until a few months after that I began thinking
about  Chakotay in *that* way. It actually started with dreams.
Steamy, erotic  nighttime fantasies in which his incredible eyes
smoldered with passion  as they tenderly caressed me. All over. And
then his hands and lips got  into the action. I'm not even sure we
ever made it past second base.  But shit, I never changed the sheets
so many times a week since I was a  teenager.

That's when I started watching him. To see if there was any chance 
Chakotay might be into blonds. Blond men, more precisely. Me, to be 
specific.

I'm still not sure if I'm reading the signals right. Sometimes our 
banter does seem to border on flirting, but then he'll draw back.
It's been  frustrating as hell, especially since the more time I
spend getting to  know Chakotay the more I want from him. With him,
really. I'm starting  to think I won't be satisfied until I have
everything. You know, the 
love-honor-cherish-til-death-do-us-part-who-gets-to-carry-the-first-
kid  kind of everything.

It's a little scary, since I've never wanted to be long-term or 
exclusive with *anyone* since we landed in the Delta. And now I feel
this need  to stake a claim. A permanent, obvious, 
mine-mine-absolutely-all-mine-don't-you-even-*look*-at-him-that-way-
you-hussy sign of our  togetherness. It certainly knocked me for a
loop. And boy, won't Chakotay be  surprised.

Well, he will be when I tell him. And I intend to, eventually. Of 
course, first I have to figure out how to ask him for a date. I know
it's my  move. It has to be, because of the differences in our
ranks. I've  considered arranging a stuck turbolift for the two of
us. Then if all I get  in response to my sure-to-be-babbling
suggestion of dinner together is  a blank stare and a big-brown-eyed
helping of pity I can blame it on  temporary insanity. Brought on by
claustrophobia.

Hey, I never said it was a *good* plan. That's why I haven't carried
it  out. I'm sure I can do better. If I just put my mind to it.

Uh-oh, I definitely think that Oolian vixen is trying to put the
moves  on my man. I don't care that Chakotay doesn't even *know*
he's my man  yet, I still instinctively bristle.

She's wound her arm around his like kudzu. And a very 
suspicious-looking goblet of red wine or something is heading their
way on an ornate  silver tray. Time for me to run some strategic
interference.

My mind is a blur. It's like one of those out-of-body experiences
when  time slows down but you still can't change the outcome. Like
fate or  something. I swooped down upon the oh-so-cozy twosome just
as that Oolian  home-wrecker's manicured hand was reaching for the
glass. I snagged it  before she could and chugged the contents down
in three gulps. It was  actually pretty good even if it wasn't what
I expected. The taste was  more like herbal tea than alcohol.

A triumphant click marked the moment I returned the empty goblet to
the  tray. Then I licked my lips and prepared to subtly---or if
necessary,  forcibly---detach *that woman* from Chakotay. Then I
noticed the  absolute silence in the room. And all the shocked
faces. I flinched and time  slammed back into gear.

This could not be good. I'd completely forgotten our hosts' possible 
reaction. Hopefully they'll believe it was just the high jinks of a 
juvenile delinquent. Hell, they've been practically calling me one
all damn  day. I felt my mouth twitch into a nervous smile.

***************

Tom has always been able to surprise me. That's one of the things I 
find so refreshing about him. He seems to navigate his life the same
way  he pilots, instinctively, with absolute confidence in his
choice of the  moment.

But I have a very bad feeling about this. Just what has Tom done and 
how can we get out of it unscathed? Gleesa, our lovely host, and I
had  been enjoying a discussion of traditional arts and crafts in
her culture  when Tom burst on the scene. He grabbed a richly
decorated glass filled  with carmine liquid off a tray and
aggressively drank it in front of us  like he was declaring war or
something. I haven't seen anyone suck down  liquor that quickly
since Wil Riker dragged me to off-campus keggers  during my cadet
days.

I'm not sure what brought on this sudden thirst in my shipmate.
Maybe  it's a reaction to accumulated stress. I know Tom hasn't been 
comfortable here. I've had a few moments myself when I've wanted to
let loose and  give these people my honest opinion of their rather
rude behavior.

Frankly, I thought it was inappropriate and extremely condescending
for  the Oolians to keep harping on Tom's relative youth. It also
didn't  help my peace of mind. Their calling him "youngster" made me
feel like  some doddering ancient. It's not as though we're from
different centuries,  for Spirits' sake.

It's a shame really, since the last few away missions with Tom have 
been real treats, opportunities to get to know each other better. I
had  even been wrestling with the idea of asking Tom why he didn't
start a  relationship with B'Elanna. I hope it has nothing to do
with an aversion  to brown-eyed brunets. If so, all of my vague
hopes and speculations  will be for naught.

The attraction---sexual attraction, at least---has been there since
the  first time I laid eyes on Tom Paris. Long and lean and golden,
he  surprised me by inspiring some torrid and rather graphic visions
involving  the two of us together. It shocked me even more when I
reminded myself  that I'd never been attracted to a man before, much
less  contemplating...well, what I'd been contemplating.

It took me over fifteen minutes to get my body and vivid imagination 
back under control and approach the pilot about flying for the
Maquis.  Then Tom opened his mouth to sneer at the very idea. Though
he eventually  accepted my offer, his attitude pretty much pulled
the plug on the  electrifying connection that arced between us.

We'd been on Voyager a few years before I noticed him again. Or saw
him  as more than a thorn in my side and later, an okay guy to be
around. I  can't pinpoint the exact moment, but the reawakening of
my awareness  came after he and B'Elanna *didn't* get involved.

That was a perfect opportunity for Tom. He could have gone for the 
quick fuck, or even tried for a real honest-to-goodness
relationship. But  he did neither. Instead, he took the time to
understand himself, and  B'Elanna, and what they meant to each
other.

That surprised the heck out of me. Impressed me, too. Enough that I 
would have been happy for my "little sister" if she and Tom had gone
down  that path. But when they didn't, it seemed my newfound respect
for  Tom's maturity dug up some other old feelings. Much more
personal ones. I  started wondering just how two men made a life
together. And, I'll  admit, how they made love.

But there's not much I could do about it. I sometimes try to make 
things a little more personal between us when we're spending time
together  off-duty. But I can't just ask him out. Protocol, the rank
difference,  the age difference, the background difference---it all
adds up to Tom  making the first move. And me waiting like some
wallflower at a dance,  hoping he'll notice me. I haven't really
gotten a definite show of  interest yet. I think he still sees me as
just a friend. So until that  situation changes, Tom-watching is
simply my favorite spectator sport. He  never fails to be
entertaining. And he can still leave me stunned.

Like right now. I can see the panic starting to freeze his handsome 
features into a parody of his usual devil-may-care grin. I
instinctively  shift into diplomatic mode to protect my subordinate.
The fact that I  have a more-than-professional interest in his
welfare is irrelevant.

I just hope I can talk our way out of this one. "Prime Minister
Gleesa,  I sincerely apologize for my crewmate's impulsiveness." I
grit my teeth  at the thought of playing on their patronizing
attitude toward Tom, but  manage to keep a straight face. "Sometimes
the young fail to think  their actions through when seized by a
whim. I certainly hope we haven't  upset you too much...?" I
succeeded in hiding my discomfort as I let my  voice trail off
hopefully, but to be honest the utter silence in the  room was
starting to get on my nerves, too.

"He---He---I can't believe he---" Gleesa stuttered, then blinked and 
suddenly burst into motion. She whirled and started barking orders. 
"Prepare the Green Room immediately. Make sure all accoutrements are
in  place."

Gleesa pointed to an older Oolian man wearing a vaguely military 
uniform. "General Judreau, check among your staff to find a willing
and  available female. They understand duty and we don't have time
for subtlety.  Order them if you have to." A motherly-looking female
was her next  target. "Dr. Koor, we'll need some means to prevent
conception---"

"What?!" I heard my own shocked outburst in stereo and shot Tom a
look  to let me handle this. "Madam, what is going on here? What
exactly are  you attempting to arrange?"

The Oolian leader's face was a remarkable blend of irritation and 
impatience. Gone was the serene superiority that had marked the
woman's  demeanor all day. "Your impetuous Lieutenant has placed his
very life in  jeopardy, Commander Chakotay. I'm trying to ensure
that this First  Contact doesn't end in tragedy."

"I don't understand. Was there poison in that glass?" Though I kept
my  outward calm, my heart filled with fear for Tom. Out of the
corner of  my eye I saw his face pale as he swallowed convulsively.

"No, not exactly." Here Gleesa turned a glare on the Lieutenant.
"The  youngster has imbibed a tea steeped from a very exotic blend
of herbs.  We call it the Lovers' Cup, because both parties drink
from it." Her  eyes seemed to berate him for his greed. "At least,
both parties are  *supposed* to."

"Both parties to what?" I was getting a horrible suspicion, but I 
needed it spelled out completely.

"To an...intimate encounter. The tea removes inhibitions, increases 
arousal and ensures performance." The Prime Minister's expression
shifted  to embarrassment. "I had intended to offer to share it with
you,  Chakotay."

I was stunned. I thought we were hitting it off but it never crossed
my  mind to hit the sheets with Gleesa. "So Mr. Paris is going to 
be...uncomfortable for a few hours," I said briskly, covering my own 
discomfiture. I didn't dare risk a glance at Tom's face. "That
doesn't seem the  life-threatening condition you suggest. It
certainly doesn't warrant  ordering someone to bed him."

The touch of Gleesa's hand on my arm reinforced her worried frown. 
"With a normal dose, I would agree. But your Lieutenant has drunk
double  the usual amount. Such accidents have happened before,
though rarely. The  person affected usually exhibits signs of
arousal, yes, but also the  symptoms of a raging fever. If they do
not copulate, the body overheats.  Coma is possible, even death."

I could feel the blood drain from my face. I did look at Tom then,
and  his horror echoed my own. I cleared my throat and concentrated,
all  business. "But if he climaxes, then the fever dissipates? How
much time do  we have?"

"I don't know with humans. If he were Oolian, an hour at most." An
aide  tapped Gleesa on the shoulder and whispered in her ear. She
nodded and  dismissed him, then turned back to us. "The room is
ready, and we're  making arrangements for a companion---"

"That won't be necessary," I said firmly, ignoring the incredulous
blue  eyes drilling into my tattoo. "Though the offer is
appreciated, we have  very strict protocols about
interspecies...encounters. Before any type  of physical contact our
physician must confirm that such interaction is  safe for both
parties, down to the biomolecular level."

That was the truth, and I was profoundly relieved for it. It would
have  been very awkward indeed to explain I couldn't possibly let
some  stranger touch Tom because *I* wanted to. And to force him
into anonymous,  cold-blooded sex after he'd left those days behind
was something I  wouldn't even consider. Bottom line, I desperately
wanted to be Tom's lover,  and more. But right now that wasn't
nearly as important as being the  one-night stand that saved his
life.

I gave Gleesa a small shrug. "We can't take the risk of adverse 
reactions." My eyes were rueful as I regarded her. "That's part of
why I would  have refused your offer, no matter how tempting."
Taking a deep breath  and squaring my shoulders, I continued
briskly, "Now, if you could show  us to the suite?"

I think Tom was in shock, since I hadn't heard a peep of protest
from  him. I drifted closer to his side in case he fainted.

Gleesa began leading us from the roomful of staring eyes, but
resumed  her arguments. "I don't think you understand the danger
your Lieutenant  is in. He needs---" her voice dropped "---full-body
contact, to  penetrate and ejaculate within another body. Otherwise
the fever will---"

"I'm fully aware of both the risk and the remedy, Madam." We stopped 
before an open set of ornate doors. "Was there anything else I
needed to  know?" I asked.

"No," Gleesa replied, "but I really think you should let us find a 
volunteer."

I motioned Tom into the suite. He went without a word. I was really 
starting to worry about him.

The Oolian's surprise was obvious as I stopped her from following to 
continue the discussion. I gave her a smile, ignoring the blush
creeping  up my face as I admitted, "We won't be needing one. As I
explained, we  can't violate our interspecies protocols. So I'll
be...accommodating  the Lieutenant." I hastily closed the doors with
a terse, "Thank you for  your assistance, and good night."

As the lock clicked I paused a moment, swamped by the feeling that
my  life would never be the same.

***************

I was still reeling in shock as I watched Chakotay close the door on 
Fox Woman's stunned face. I spared a brain cell or two to wonder if
they  even had same-sex intercourse on this planet. The rest of my
mind was  absorbing the 'Fuck or die' consequence of my
spur-of-the-moment  beverage selection.

And that Chakotay was going to be...accommodating me.

Maybe it was the aphrodisiac-fueled fever starting, but my senses
were  heightened to an almost unbearable intensity. And all of them
were  focused on my soon-to-be lover. My eyes were dazzled by the
way the light  gleamed in the strands of Chakotay's glossy black
hair and enhanced the  honeyed tones of his skin. My nose tingled
with the hints of his  tantalizing scent as he approached.

The feel of his palm against my forehead drove me to lean my whole
body  into the gentle touch. I knew I'd soon be lost in a sensual
haze.

The hand retreated and I opened my eyes to sink into the heated
pools  of Chakotay's.

But passion wasn't what I found. Instead it was a mix of tenderness
and  concern. At least my ears weren't disappointed with the velvety
tones  of his voice.

"Tom, you do feel a little warm. The preliminary scans we took 
suggested that the Oolian metabolism is pretty close to our own, but
maybe I  should go to the shuttle and get a medical tricorder."

"No." I shook my head. "We don't have time."

"Oh. Well, all right. You're the medic." Chakotay surprised me by 
backing away and sliding around me to cross the room. It was a
pretty long  walk, across a carpet that was the green of woodland
moss. It echoed the  painted walls and leaf-patterned curtains.

I let myself notice the bed as Chakotay gracefully slid past it, 
imagining his bronze skin against the rich coverlet. Oh, yes, he'll
look  fantastic against the forest-green background.

But first I needed to get him out of his uniform. I wandered over to 
where Chakotay was inadvertently spiking the heat in my belly
higher,  just by bending over as he rummaged in a drawer of the
nightstand on the  right side of the bed.

I stopped a half-meter away and held out my hands, spreading my
fingers  and miming taking hold of those magnificent, unconscious
offerings. I  measured the black-covered globes against the span of
my grip. They  would overflow my double handful, but I certainly
wasn't going to complain.

At my lascivious thoughts my cock leapt to life like it'd been
struck  by lightning. Chakotay straightened and turned to me just as
I moaned.  He looked startled.

"I know we need lube. Will this do?" His voice trailed off as his
wide  eyes took in my obviously aroused state. He swallowed, and I
watched  the Adam's apple bob in his lovely throat. He did it again
and his breath  quickened as I reached out and plucked the small
bottle from his hand.

***************

I tried to stem the sudden surge of trepidation in my gut. I felt 
pinned by a heated gaze that was more dilated black than the
familiar ocean  blue. Then Tom licked his lips like he was about to
enjoy a hearty  meal.

And I think I'm the only thing on the menu.

Tom's eyes slowly shifted to the tiny vial in his hand. He brought
it  close and uncapped it, putting one drop on the pad of his index
finger.  He rubbed it languidly against the tip of his thumb. He
brought it to  his nose as if checking for a scent, then tasted the
oil. After a moment  his eyes opened to look at me again and it
suddenly occurred to me that  I was trapped. The nightstand was
behind me, the wall on one side. The  only way I could move was onto
the bed or through Tom.

I didn't even know why I was looking for an escape. Tom's life was
at  stake. And I *wanted* this, wanted him. I'm even pretty sure I
love him.  But I just felt so off-kilter. I'm not really sure what
Tom thinks or  feels about me. I had only the most basic
understanding of what lay in  store for me. And none of my female
lovers had ever seemed  so...overwhelming.

"I'm sorry," I blurted, trying to banish the silence that thrummed 
between us. "That I couldn't let an Oolian...help you. That I didn't
give  you a choice." I licked my own lips, nervous. "I'm sorry," I
repeated.

Tom seemed not to hear me as his gaze homed in on my mouth. Then he 
moved and there was definitely nowhere to run.

He stepped forward to put the oil on the nightstand. Only he did it
by  reaching both arms around me, pressing my legs against the
furniture  and his body into mine. "Don't be," he murmured, and I
felt the words as  much as heard them.

Then he kissed me.

It was strange, to be embraced by a body taller than my own. Cupping 
hands tilted my head just a fraction to better meet the warm lips
seeking  mine. I let my arms enfold Tom, bringing his slender form
closer. My  lingering uncertainties weren't important, and I didn't
want to send any  mixed signals. I opened my mouth, issuing an
invitation.

It was accepted with alacrity as a talented tongue swept past my
lips  and teeth to take the grand tour. Tom's hands drifted over me,
stroking  my neck, running along my shoulders. I felt his nails
lightly pressing  as they swept down my back and firmly gripped my
buttocks. I shivered  in reaction to the unfamiliar possessive clasp
and the way Tom pulled me  tight to his own body. I felt his hard
cock against my own through our  clothes. The sensation was
indescribable and I moaned and shifted  further into him, wanting
more.

***************

I felt Chakotay's breath flow into my mouth along with a moan that 
stroked like raw silk along my nerves. He was warm and strong, both
solid  and yielding in my arms. The sweetness of his mouth was
intoxicating,  and I was giddy with his taste and scent and the feel
of his body against  mine.

My eyes fluttered open as I drew back. I had to see him, touch all
of  that golden-brown skin. His eyes popped open in surprise as I
spun us  and pushed him to sit on the bed. I hastily tore off my
boots and socks  and threw them away. His confusion cleared when I
dropped to my knees  and started pulling off his footwear, tossing
his stuff after mine so the  pieces landed somewhere in the middle
of the room.

"We're not gonna need 'em," I answered the silent question as his 
dubious gaze followed the last boot bouncing onto the carpet. I
tugged  Chakotay up with me as I stood and began undoing his jacket
with a  concentrated efficiency.

He began chuckling at my ruthless eagerness as I stripped him. "Are
you  trying to set a record here, Tom?"

"Mmmhmm," I replied as his face disappeared behind his turtleneck.
He  was helping me despite his amusement, lifting his arms for me to
draw  the gray cloth off his body. I flung it with the rest, then
stopped in  shock.

"Your underwear is *silk*?" I squeaked as my cock got hotter and
even  harder. Instead of the Starfleet-issue tank top, Chakotay was
wearing  one of black silk. Mesmerized, I ran my hands down the
shimmering cloth,  watching it pull taut over the muscles
underneath. Chakotay shivered  again as I let my fingers roam.

I raised my head to meet Chakotay's gaze. His eyes glimmered with a
mix  of burgeoning desire, warm humor and good-natured chagrin. Then
he  leaned forward to nuzzle my neck while his hands started
removing my  jacket. "Yes," he said, the puff of his breath a
prelude to the slide of a  heated mouth along my throat, down to my
collar and up again to play with  my earlobe. "I have a confession
to make."

He paused to whip both of my shirts over my head at once and
returned  to suck at the base of my neck. And damn he was good at
it. I flung my  head back and gripped his shoulders, feeling skin as
soft as the silk. I  barely heard Chakotay as he continued, "I'm a
closet hedonist." A sharp  bite emphasized the teasing threat,
"Don't tell anyone."

When he pulled back, I looked into the smoldering dark eyes of my 
dreams. There was weight and heat in them that I could feel as he
slowly  examined my half-naked body. I was panting by the time he
was done,  struggling to regain some measure of coherence and
control. "Is that right,  Cha?" was my breathless query. My fingers
found the small bumps of  Chakotay's nipples through the silk and
teased them into hardness. I was  stunned when he surged into my
caress with a shockingly arousing groan. I  needed to be inside him,
soon.

***************

"Yes," I replied in a sound that lasted about a minute and seemed to 
come from the bottom of my lungs. Tom's hands had slipped to my
waist to  skim up my torso as he pushed off my top---and he was
taking his own  sweet time about it. His touch was sparking along my
nerves, tightening  my flesh, heightening my awareness of him. After
he finally threw the  cloth away I dropped my own fingers to slide
them along Tom's pale  shoulders. My thumbs stroked his collarbone.
"I can't stand rough cloth  against my skin," I explained in a voice
huskier and deeper than my usual  register. "I even have satin
sheets on my bed."

Tom started a string of stinging, nipping kisses from my jawline to
my  chest. I nearly shrieked as his mouth and hand began tormenting
my  nipples. It took me a moment to realize he was speaking again.

"That's pretty extravagant, Chakotay. It would be more practical to 
save your rations and replicate silk pajamas." It was surprisingly 
arousing to see Tom slide to his knees once more, eagerly undoing my
trousers.  I couldn't spare a breath to answer as Tom teased my
erection through  the silk of my boxers. After a few groaning
moments cool air met my  erection as it was freed by long pale
fingers. The cloth pooled at my  ankles and the guiding hands urged
me to lift one foot at a time. Then the  rest of my uniform was sent
to join its other half.

I urged Tom to stand and swiftly finished unclothing him. "There's a 
very good reason I don't do that." When he was naked I paused a
moment to  look at him again. My first male lover.

His skin was pale, warmed with a pink flush of arousal. He was as I
had  imagined him, tall and slim but with lightly defined muscles.
His limbs  were decorated with fine hairs, and his chest was covered
with a golden  down. It trailed in a bright line to where more wiry
counterparts  clustered at the juncture of his thighs. Between them
his cock arched long  and full.

I looked up into blue eyes that were hungry and glittering in a face 
transformed by fierce need. "Why is that, Chakotay?" Tom asked,
closing  the gap between us.

"I sleep in the nude," I answered, and the next thing I knew I was
flat  on my back on the bed.

***************

Shit I couldn't wait anymore. The fever and desire were rising
together  in me, and the thought of Chakotay in his cabin on
Voyager, asleep,  naked and wrapped in satin sheets put me into
overdrive. I managed to  shift us so his head was lying on the
pillows and I was lying on top of  him. I snagged the tiny bottle to
set it on the bed beside us and pushed a  knee between his muscled
legs. They immediately parted for me and our  groins brushed once
more, startling us both into moaning.

Then I ran my hands and mouth over his silky skin, exploring my
prize.  Bronze God was no exaggeration; he was like something
crafted for  worship. The sharp planes of his face were gentled by
the deep mystery of  his eyes and those soft, full lips. I ran my
hands along his powerful  shoulders, the muscles perfectly matching
the smooth strength of the broad  sculpted chest and rippling
abdomen. I could feel his simply beautiful  cock digging into my
belly. My own yearned to be buried deep.

***************

Tom's lips and hands were everywhere on my skin. He licked under my 
chin and ran his teeth along my throat. His hands gently feathered
down my  sides like a promise even as I felt his hot mouth move to
my chest. He  seemed to know instinctively where I wanted just a
light flick of his  tongue, where the graze of his teeth would send
my hips bucking up into  him. And all I could do was offer him more,
beg him for more. Spirits,  I had never felt so raw with a lover
before.

And Tom was definitely a man on a mission, learning my body. His
touch  was strong and certain. Not really rough, just intense. After
some time  he ran his hands down my arms and gripped my wrists,
pressing them into  the pillow as he thrust his body onto mine.
Imprinting himself on me. I  could smell his arousal and the musk of
his skin as we kissed once  more, his sweat coating me with his
scent.

I lifted my head and body, sucking Tom's tongue into my mouth and 
cradling his hips with my thighs. He seemed to be hotter, his skin a
brand  against my own. It was definitely time.

***************

I reluctantly ended the kiss and sat back to spread Chakotay's
thighs  wider. I retrieved the oil and thoroughly slicked my
fingers. I checked  that he was still willing, and ready for this.
My breath caught in my  throat at the sight of him, the Bronze God
offering himself to a mere  mortal.

I needed to claim Chakotay. Completely, entirely.

I moved my hand and delicately traced the opening hidden between
those  firm globes. I breached it with one finger, and felt Chakotay 
instinctively tense. I looked into his eyes, willing him to trust
me. "Relax,  Cha. Let me in."

Chakotay's response surprised me. I felt his whole body soften and
open  up, letting my finger slide in to the knuckle with no
resistance. But  what got me, made my heart lurch and cock twitch,
was the sound he made.  He gave a contented little sigh of my name,
a sign of welcome. Shit, I  only needed to hear it once and I knew
I'd never forget it. And no  question, I was instantly addicted. I
wanted to hear my name slide past  those curved lips for the rest of
my life.

I stroked with one finger for a moment, getting him used to the 
sensation. Chakotay started pumping with me, writhing a little,
making more  noises deep in his throat. The sight was making my cock
weep as I watched  him watch me as he moved his hips in a slow,
sensual dance. There was a  low sound of disappointment from both of
us when I pulled out.

***************

Tom had two fingers gliding inside of me, stretching and preparing
my  body for his. I relaxed as much as I could, trying to make
things easier  on both of us. I was unprepared for how sensual this
connection is. I  knew what men needed to do to make penetration a
pleasure rather than a  pain. But knowing and experiencing were two
very different things.

There was something so...primal about what Tom is doing. He's
breaching  my core, finding his way to a place that has known no
other touch. In  my heart, as well as my body. At this moment I
can't imagine anyone  else's hand upon me, any other life entwined
with mine.

The uncertainty is gone. I know I love him.

And then those long clever fingers reached a little deeper and I
gasped  in shock. My pelvis lifted, seeking to repeat the internal
sizzle of  sensation. From my reading I know Tom's just found my
prostate. Whoever  wrote that manual didn't do the experience
justice. Tom stroked the same  spot again and sent my limbs
shuddering in reaction as I moaned  helplessly.

***************

Oh that was just it. I can't hear Chakotay make one more sound
without  me inside him or I swear I'll explode. I shifted to rest
the head of my  cock against his anus. I started to push forward,
holding his hips and  staring into his beautiful eyes.

Chakotay relaxed once more, letting me glide all the way in. Then he 
sighed my name again. I don't even think he's aware he's doing it.
I'm  overwhelmed with sensation, having all that wonderful strength
and  softness beneath me, all around me. The sense of welcome.
Belonging. The  moment stretched into eternity.

I felt gentle hands stroking my sides in languid caresses. They 
wandered to cup my buttocks, not pulling or gripping, just a light
squeeze as  if to confirm our connection. Completing a circuit.

Then the heat clenching around my cock kicked off the fever-driven
urge  to drive, to claim, to mate. I began to thrust, using my hands
to  adjust Chakotay's legs. I leaned forward to feast on his throat.
Reveling in  his groans, half-formed words interspersed with my
name.

Chakotay rose to meet me, driving me deeper into the embrace of his 
body. His chest began to heave and I knew that he was close. I felt
the  heat, the need, building within me to manic levels. I shifted
up to stare  into his eyes, seeing passion and tenderness and
mystery. Secrets  revealed, veils parting to admit me to the heart
and soul of the man in my  arms.

***************

It was too much. Tom sliding into me, driving forward, his quick
pants  almost sounding like sobs. I gripped his body a little
tighter, lifting  my hips. Desperate to join with him, to complete
our merging, to become  one flesh.

His eyes were on mine and I could sense their searching. They were 
asking me for something, a pull I felt resonate throughout my being.
It was  as if Tom was seeking a path into my soul, not just into my
body. The  intensity built between us and I became afraid of what I
might reveal.  Some shred of self-preservation closed my eyes at the
sight of my  beloved, my mate. And in this moment of thrust with no
retreat, my conqueror.

A strangled, guttural voice penetrated my darkness. "Don't hide from 
me." It was not an order, but a fervent plea. I could no more resist
it  than I could have let Tom die by denying him my body. It seems
whether  he knows it or not, my heart and soul came with it. I
opened my eyes.

He was some kind of gilded icon, golden and gleaming with sweat.
Tom's  eyes were incandescent as he realized I had heard him. He
nodded  acknowledgement, his face tense with our drive to
fulfillment. One pale hand  reached between us. In the rush of new
sensations I'd practically  forgotten my cock. Tom's coaxing touch
along my penis reminded me of its  aching fullness.

His strokes and squeezes brought me over the precipice. With a
hoarse  scream I climaxed, lightning flashing through me in an
endless arc of  pleasure. My eyes were still locked to his as semen
gushed forth to coat  his hand and my stomach and my body fiercely
gripped his.

***************

I was being squeezed to death. Inside by the drive to fuck, to leave
my  seed inside a body even more beautiful in completion. Outside by 
Chakotay's hands clasping my buttocks, his hot channel spasming
around my  cock, and his eyes. Eyes that were a window to his soul.
The dark pools  filled with a kind of shocked joy even as his cries
echoed in my ears.

Then my own release gripped me in a white-hot surge. All I knew was
the  plunge into Chakotay's flesh, the scent of sex heady in the air
around  us as I added to it. I kept moving, cum pulsing out of me as
I bellowed  loud and long.

I flopped onto sweaty, fragrant skin, utterly spent.

***************

I was still shuddering in the aftermath when Tom's dead weight
toppled  onto me. His cock slipped out and I sensed an unfamiliar
liquid coating  my buttocks and thighs. As well as a few twinges in
secret places. I  gathered him close despite the pool of cum smeared
on my belly. I was  relieved to feel his skin cooling to normal as I
stroked his sweat-soaked  hair.

It was an effort, but I got us both under the covers before I too 
drifted into sleep.

************************************************************

A raging thirst drove me out of my slumber and into the bathroom for 
some glasses of cold water. I blinked and yawned as I returned to
the  bed. I kicked the too-heavy covers away and slid onto the
mattress.

I propped my head on my hand and stared at Chakotay. He was lying on 
his side facing me. I let my fingertips brush against his as I drank
in  his quiet beauty.

I felt profoundly shaken, smashed apart and rearranged to the bottom
of  my soul. I had no idea I would feel this way.

The dreamy fantasies, my half-serious decision to make Chakotay my 
lifemate, even all of my vast experiences with sex hadn't prepared
me for  love. The feeling was utterly devastating. And making love
is definitely  what we did.

As I'd always known, always dreamed, Chakotay's dark eyes set me
aflame  with a look at once caressing and claiming. I've had sex
with a lot of  people, but as our gazes locked I knew it'd never
been like this.  So...elemental. Most people I end up in bed with
are in it for the fuck.  Maybe they think I'm cute or something, but
really I'm just a notch or two  above a warm body. I've never felt
as though anyone really wanted *me*.  The whole of me, not just the
pretty face or ass.

With Chakotay it's...more. More intimate, more intense. More
personal  and profound. When he looks at me it's like he's seeing
deep into who I  am. And he doesn't flinch away. He welcomes me, and
let's me know him  in return.

The real person behind the stoic Commander façade. I never knew a
man  could make himself so vulnerable but still be so strong. From
the first  moment I touched him I knew Chakotay was a very
responsive lover,  moaning and arching, giving himself to me. He
really is a hedonist. I'd  never met anyone who simply *enjoyed* an
experience so much. At first I  figured he was just getting off on
the sex. But then I realized he was  reacting to *me*. Most of his
breathy pleas were my name. It was the most  erotic thing I've ever
heard. Not to mention that sigh that just sails  right to the heart
of me.

And Chakotay embraced me the whole time, his hands running along my 
spine, across my shoulders and down my arms with a kind of wonder.
As if  he were proving to himself I was there. Even when I captured
his hands  his eyes still glowed as they accepted me, encouraged me.

And when he welcomed me into his body, I knew it was more than just
a  physical connection. I felt like some part of my---what? soul,
heart,  mind?---was yearning and reaching out for him.

When Chakotay closed his eyes I wanted to cry. I was so desperate,
so  shaken and needy. I don't even know what I said to him, but when
he  opened his eyes again I knew that we were bound together. Flesh
to flesh,  mind to mind, hearts and spirits joined.

I grinned to myself at all the sappy things I had stored up to tell
my  lover. Won't he be surprised.

At least I'm no longer worried about asking him out on a date.

Chakotay stirred and turned over, showing me the lovely lines of his 
back and legs. I felt a flush of desire as I scooted a little
closer. I  had to touch all that honey-gold skin, cool and smooth as
silk. One  finger followed the line of his backbone to where it
flowed down to those  sumptuous buttocks.

With a smile I lightly pressed my fingers into the dimples at the 
bottom of Chakotay's back. They were utterly adorable. And
incredibly sexy.  My eyes traced the carved muscles of his thighs
and those exquisite  calves. Damn, he was hot. And making me even
hotter.

I swallowed as sweat broke out on my forehead. Even the sudden chill
of  realization couldn't bring down my temperature any.

That damn Oolian aphrodisiac must have kicked off another cycle of 
life-threatening desire. And this time there was no slow build, just
a  sudden surge of heat and need. I had to have Chakotay *now*. I
knew  instinctively that I wouldn't survive too long without coming.
This really was  'fuck or die'. I moved forward and reached out for
Chakotay's sleeping  form.

***************

I woke lying on my side. A strange burning sensation ran all along
my  back but was centered on my ass. "Tom?" the question was a gasp.

"I'm sorry, Cha. No time for prep. I thought I was just horny from 
looking at you, naked and beautiful in my bed. But it's starting
again and  it's happening way too fast. I have to---I need you.
Now." Tom's hot  forehead pressed into my nape. "This is probably
going to hurt. I'm so  sorry."

The messages from my body sorted themselves out. Tom's fever was
back,  his skin almost unbearably hot where it touched my own. The
blunt head  of his cock was breaching my anus, seeking entrance. By
the temperature  of the body behind me, we didn't have much time. I
slid back a little  despite the discomfort. I kept the worry from my
voice with effort.  "What can I do to help?" I felt a grateful
squeeze from a hand on my  shoulder.

***************

My voice was strained. "Pull your knee to your chest." My hand moved 
down to stroke the muscular leg now folded into Chakotay's torso,
while  the other continued to hold apart the bronze buttocks. So I
could force  my way in. The bitterness of that thought froze me. I
couldn't move,  suddenly unwilling to hurt Chakotay despite the urge
and the fever  driving me. And the temptation before me.

"Tom? Tom, why did you stop?" Chakotay couldn't turn with me pressed
so  tightly to him, but he must have guessed I was having second
thoughts.  "Tom, keep going. You have to...it's the only way to
break the fever."  His voice became a little desperate with my lack
of response. "Please,  Tom, I---I want you to. I want you." He
lifted his head, and I felt his  hair tickle my throat. "I love
you."

The soft words jolted my heart and soul. They made me burn hotter
than  any alien fever. I was too overwhelmed to speak or move. Then
I rained  kisses along Chakotay's cheek and jaw, and hugged him as
tightly as I  could. I started inching forward again. He relaxed and
let me in, and I  trembled as I heard that little sigh.

***************

The twinges of pain in my ass gave way to a burning. When Tom paused
a  moment to let me get used to the still-unfamiliar fullness I
released  my leg.

Tom's hand brushed along my side in soothing strokes from shoulder
to  knee and I felt a rumble of pleasure build in my chest. When his
fingers  wandered forward to play with my nipples I began moaning
again. He  started to move and I caught his sense of wild urgency,
slamming back to  meet his punishing strokes.

***************

I was losing it again, the heat and pressure expanding outward from
my  core. One hand was gripping Chakotay's shoulder hard enough to
leave  bruises, I knew, but I couldn't help myself. I had to be so
deep inside  him and it had to be now. I managed to be less brutal
with my other hand  as I began lightly squeezing my lover's balls
and stroking his hard sex  in time with my thrusts.

Our climax came together. All I remember is the heat and tightness
and  the fierce pleasure of knowing the man I loved felt the same.

Then all was blackness once more.

************************************************************
************************************************************

I woke up alone, my body sore and strained and sticky with Tom's
dried  semen as well as my own. I couldn't quite believe I'd been
abandoned as  I sat up and glanced around the room.

But there was no sign of Tom. His uniform was nowhere in sight, and
I  could see enough of the bathroom through the open door to know
he'd been  and gone.

The despair that slammed into me made me gasp. I brought up my legs
and  wrapped one arm around them, resting my forehead against my
knees as  the other hand scrubbed through my hair. I've been such a
fool. I should  never have told Tom I love him.

I thought he and I had forged a connection, established a bond,
started  a relationship. But the silence that greeted my confession
last night  and the empty suite this morning are telling me a very
different story.

It seems I read too much into the experience. After all, I was just 
doing Tom a favor, fucking him to save his life. The poor guy
probably had  a panic attack last night when he heard me start
spouting like that. I  can't believe I let that slip. I don't even
have an alien aphrodisiac  to blame it on. Just my own hopes and
dreams, leading me astray. I've  probably ruined any chance with Tom
now, since I wouldn't want him to  date me out of some misguided
sense of obligation.

Not that there's any reason to think he'd do that, since he's
already  proved with B'Elanna that he's strong enough not to give in
to feelings  of pity. I just hope we can salvage something of our
friendship and  professional camaraderie.

But it's going to be hard to go back to sitting on the sidelines
where  Tom's concerned. I don't think I'll be able to watch him
without  wanting him. Or want him without doing something about it.

Maybe it would be better to just pretend this never happened.

I snorted at the ridiculousness of that idea. How do you just forget 
the love of your life? I tried to look on the bright side. At least
my  life debt to Tom is paid. If nothing else, I do have that small 
consolation.

Of course, my life is his more irretrievably now than it was when he 
helped me out of the Ocampan tunnels. The irony is bittersweet.

I sighed, crossed my arms over my knees and rested my chin on them.
It  was going to be a long day. The first of many. And at that
moment I  really didn't feel up to any of it. I closed my eyes.

***************

I slipped inside the suite, trying to be as quiet as possible to
keep  from waking Chakotay. As I turned I saw him sitting dejectedly
in an  otherwise empty bed and knew I'd screwed up big time. He
obviously figured  I'd ducked out to avoid an embarrassing scene or
something. Based on my  clam routine at the critical moment last
night, there wouldn't be any  reason for him to think otherwise.

If I know Chakotay I'm only going to get one chance at making this 
right. If he thinks I only want to be with him out of pity or guilt
or  something he'll retreat so fast I'll never catch him.

And I *have* to catch Chakotay, and keep him. If I don't there won't
be  much point to the rest of my life.

I silently made my way to the bed and knelt next to it. My touch on 
Chakotay's arm startled him out of his morning musings. For a
heartbeat  his eyes were alight at the sight of me, but then I
watched him slip  behind his stoic façade. When he finally gave me a
nod and the barest hint  of a smile he's a portrait of professional
concern. "How are you  feeling, Tom?"

I couldn't stand it. I knew this man's soul and his heart and his 
embrace and damn it, that's where I belong. So I forgot all of my 
spur-of-the-moment speeches and reached up to grab Chakotay's hair
and haul him  down so his mouth slanted over mine. I put everything
I had into the  kiss, more passion than any stupid alien cocktail
could ever induce and  all the love I had yet to share.

I nearly lost it when I felt Chakotay respond, cradling my face in
his  palms. After a moment he took control of the kiss and wow! was
the only  thought in my head. He gave me a tongue-fucking that made
me wonder  what else that talented mouth can do.

I was calculating how long it would take to strip and offer my ass
to  the Bronze God when Chakotay released me. He's so damn beautiful
I felt  my heart ache in response and I whispered "I love you"
before I was  even aware of it.

He looked at me in wonder. Chakotay's eyes were glowing as he 
intertwined his fingers with mine. The corner of his mouth turned up
in his  heartbreaker smile. I sagged with relief. He believed me.
Then I saw a  twinkle enter the dark brown gaze. "Are you sure? You
can't take it back,  you know. No more waving it away as part of
Gleesa's drink."

"Oh, I'm sure," I said as I shifted his legs down so I could rest my 
arms on them over the blanket. "I'm very sure." I clasped one 
cloth-covered knee as I recalled the misunderstanding I
inadvertently caused. "I  was going to tell you last night, Cha,
but...I couldn't. I'm sorry."

The smile he gave me then was one I'd never seen. Soft and loving,
it  reassured me with its gentle warmth. "I missed you this
morning,"  Chakotay admitted to me. "Where were you?"

I moved one hand to slide the items out of my jacket. "I went to the 
shuttle to use the medical tricorder to make sure I *was* as good as
I  felt. There's no damage and no residual traces of the Oolian
herbs." I  shrugged. "Then I grabbed it and a regenerator and headed
back here. I  knew you'd need some healing, Cha. I wasn't exactly
careful last night."

"That wasn't your fault, Tom." Chakotay leaned forward to reassure
me.  His fingers carded through my hair and I shivered with delight.

"I know," I replied, "but I don't like the thought of you hurting."

"Thank you," Chakotay said as his hand moved to caress my face. I 
leaned into the touch and closed my eyes. I heard a chuckle above
me.

"Keep those baby blues wide open, Tom. You'll need to see if you're 
actually going to use that equipment. I'm surprised you don't know
that,  being a medic and all." I looked up with a grin to match
Chakotay's own.  Chakotay was actually teasing me. Shit, I was so
happy I thought I'd  burst.

"Okay, turn over," I told him. He did as requested and as I removed
his  cover I had to stifle my immediate arousal. I concentrated on
soothing  the irritated tissues with the regenerator. "I'm going to
prescribe a  shower, breakfast with the Prime Minister," I rolled my
eyes at another  morning of being called "youngster", "then a quick
trip to Voyager."

"Any recommendations once I get there?" Chakotay's voice was muffled
as  he'd pillowed his face on his crossed arms. Even so I could hear
his  wicked grin.

"Once the report is filed I suggest complete bed rest. Of course,
I'll  need to be there to monitor your condition personally. And to
conduct  some tests." I patted his backside to let him know I was
done.

"Tests?" Chakotay turned over, confusion crinkling his tattoo. "What 
kind of tests?"

"Oh, very scientific experiments." I stated solemnly while trying
not  to leer at his tantalizing display. "Involving a handsome
hedonist,  satin sheets, some lube, his dick and my ass."

"Ah," Chakotay nodded gravely. "I can see why you'd want to compare
the  effects of the parameter changes while the original conditions
and  results were fresh in your mind."

"That's right, BG, so you'd better get moving." I smiled and flushed 
with pleasant remembrances as I watched him disappear into the
bathroom.  I was tempted to follow but I knew we'd be naked again
together soon  enough. I could wait.

Chakotay's head appeared around the doorway. "BG? Big Guy? I'm not
sure  that's the best choice for a nickname, Tom. After all you
*are* taller  than me." He popped back into the room again and I
heard the shower  start running.

I couldn't wait. I peeked in as Chakotay started soaping up. Shit, 
maybe we'd better skip breakfast. "Trust me, Cha," I said while
eyeing my  lover, my love, my Bronze God through the steam, "It
suits you  perfectly."

END OF VERSION ONE