As a new mother, it is disappointing to me how some mothers react to how I choose to raise my son. I mean, everyone is an expert right? Wrong, in fact even mothers with years of experience and multiple children, run into problems. What gets me is that instead of setting aside our differences and uniting for one common goal; raising healthy, moral, well developed children, we instead compare and criticize one another. What, with all these self asserted "experts", and confounded new-age child-rearing techniques, it gets confusing. Do I choose "attachment parenting"? Do I "boycott Nestle"? Sling or stroller? Breast or bottle? I choose to do my own thing. Let's call my parenting technique, "Stay-out-my-business".

ATTACHMENT PARENTING -

Okay, I was all for this one at first. Attachment parenting is basically a mother following her natural instinct, breast-feeding, co-sleeping and whatnot. I pretty much fit that description. I breastfeed during the night, and sometimes during the day. Jayden does not sleep in his crib, therefore he sleeps with me, and I'm all for bonding with my baby. The problem is, that, for some blasted reason, mom's must breastfeed for over a year, and carry baby around in a sling. If y'all can handle that, then cool. I for one, am not going to break my back carrying Jayden's 16 pound plus package around. I also started "weaning" him since he was a week old. Haha. Seriously though, I never liked the way my breasts got all engorged and leaky, and saggy. So, the sooner I get him off the breast the better. The point is, I think these mom's are going a little far. Boycott Nestle? Why? Their cereal tastes pretty darn good. Besides, in order to meet all those requirements you would have to be a stay at home mom. There's nothing wrong with staying home, yet I know plenty of stay at home mom's who do not practice this new age stuff.

My real problem isn't what they do compared to what I do. My problem is the exclusivity of it all. The fact that we put ourselves in these sometimes demanding roles. I could not, and would not even want to meet all those requirements in order to be considered a "good mom". The truth is, most mothers feel a sense of guilt. In this day of inflation, we are considered lucky if we can actually stay at home with our children. For those who can't or won't, we regret the time spent apart, and feel we are missing out, and are soon to be forgotten. We put way to many demands on ourselves. When was the last time a father felt guilty for not being home on time to give the little one's dinner? Or, not having dinner done, the babies bathed and fed, and fresh lipstick on? They may have different problems from mothers, yet they do not let little things eat away at their self worth.

The worst part is, when we reach out to another mom, just to be slapped in the face. For example, when Jayden was 2 months old I chose not to cut his nails, they were too thin and I was afraid of injuring him. Then my nurse came and gasped in shock, "Oh Amanda!" So, feeling like an ogre, I went to clip his nails, and snip, into his little pinky I went. I cried, I cried, I cried. Plus, my baby's father ripped a new hole into me. "You hurt him! Why are you screaming at me?" Oh and what about the "I-blend-my-baby's-food" mom's. Great. Or, the, I-just-bought-him-a-$500-peg-perego-feeding-chair mom's. The truth is, most of us can't meet those standards, and there's nothing wrong with that. My son does not need designer clothes, shoes, and dammit, a designer high-chair, for him to grow, and develop. He also does not need to be swaddled to my chest when we go outside.

In short, I follow MY own rules, and MY own instincts when it comes to MY baby. What others choose to do, or not to do, is also fine with me, because it is none of my business. I am just concerned at all the extremes people go to when parenting. Either they are way to relaxed about it, or way to uptight/elitist. I think a balance of the two, are what is needed to raise a child. The point is, I am not willing to shove my views down other mother's throats, and I do not hold it against them if they do things in their own way. I would rather play a supportive role, than a critical one. The best mothers are the one's who want the best for their children, we just sometimes get confused on what is the best for our children.

So, the next time a snooty, I-am-so-better-at-this-than-you mom comes along, and says, "freshly blended peas flown in from Maine, are much more nutritious". Just tell her, "Really? Well, I heard peas lose their vitamins when at high altitudes." See if she has a come-back for that one, or better yet, say what I say, "Girl you have way too much time, and money on your hands. Let me take some from you." Or, try this ghetto fabulous one, "mind yo damn business". Yeah, I like that one too. Try to remember motherhood is not a competition, and advise is only needed when asked for. Relax, and enjoy the early years, you'll have enough criticism to face from you cooler than thou teen.

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