Mommy's Poetry

To My Precious Son

Why�d you have to go so soon?
I�ll never understand.
I want to see your first steps�
To take you by the hand.

Why did you have to leave?
Was it something that I�ve done?
What could I do to deserve
To lose my precious son?

Forever in my heart
Forever on my mind...
Putting pieces back together,
Still hurting all the time.

What was so important
That called you away so soon?
So many other children
Hurting; living in doom.

I�ll never understand
And never be able to change
Why you were taken away
My life will never be the same.

Maybe God forgot
The conversations I had with Him
All the ones where I told Him
How badly I wanted twins.

Or maybe He was too busy
Or had too much to do.
But after September eleventh
I thought surely He could spare you�

But I suppose just as we love you on Earth
He also needs you up there
Not just anyone can be an angel,
But it�s a halo you now wear.

I hear that you�re much happier there
Than you could ever be on earth
But so badly I want to hold you,
To tell you about your birth.

I want to say how proud I am
And how I�ll always be
I�m forever your loving mother
From here to eternity.

I want to say I never knew
A baby could be so strong.
I would gladly admit to you all the time
A mommy�s sometimes wrong.

I want to be the one to kiss your �hurts�
But where you�re at there won�t be any.
But that�s what Mommy�s are supposed to do,
Yet I left you with so many.

Baby Jayden, I hope you know I would have done anything to save you.
If I just could have done anything at all�
It�s such a worthless feeling
That I have let you fall.

I just don�t understand why you had to go.
Didn�t God hear my pleas?
How could He take my sweet little boy?
Why couldn�t it have been me?

I guess I wasn�t chosen
And I�ll never understand
But I�ll always carry you with me
Until you�re in my arms again.

I love you Baby Jayden�More than you�ll ever know.
Love,
Your Mommy Forever�.

February 24, 2002

A letter to my Mommy

Try not to cry Mommy
Wipe that tear from your eye
Take care of my brother,
He�s a special little guy.

And when you get lonely
When you�re thinking of me
Just look deep in his eyes,
And there�s where I�ll be.

I know that you tried
And did your very best.
You left it up to God,
And He took care of the rest.

I know you don�t understand
Why I had to leave,
But someday I will show you,
So please try not to grieve.

Don�t give up on God
Or lose all faith in man.
Blayze needs to know the way
To get to the �Promised Land�

I know the pain is awful
I can see it in your face.
But one day when we meet again,
You�ll feel my strong embrace.

My body�s no longer weak,
It�s finally tough as me�
God knew that I needed a stronger one,
He broke the mold when He made me!

I�m with you every day
And I see you every night.
I just wish you could hear me,
When I tell you I�m alright.

To answer all your questions
No, I�m not alone�
I�m a very busy angel,
And now I�m breathing on my own.

There are no tubes and wires
For God has set me free
I have no more painful heel sticks
No medicine, No IV.

And the question about me growing�
You�ll have to wait and see
But if you look deep inside yourself
That�s where I will be.

For that is my new home
And I know deep down you know
That all the love you feel for me
Will feed me and I will grow.

I no longer have that body
Although cute, I've found out
I needed to have wings
And that body came without.

Blayze is still my twin
And though he�s left behind,
He�s living now for both of us,
Please show him a good time.

My time for writing this letter
Has suddenly grown short,
I have one more thing to say
Before I end my small report:

Mommy, please dry your tears
And try to picture the day
When you�re right here beside me,
And we can watch the angels play.

And to Daddy who held me tightly
And rocked me in his arms
I�ll never forget him napping
As I listened to his heart.

And tell my sweet twin brother
I�m sorry I had to go.
But I�ll always be right beside him,
Helping him to grow.

And tell the people that love me
To dry their teary eyes
And always talk about me�
Keep my memory alive.

February 28, 2002
I love you baby Jayden�With all my heart�
Love,
Mommy