Subj: A Widow's Heart 5

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A Widow’s Heart - Chapter 5

Brenda & Jax looked like two little kids on Halloween who jut got their bags of candy back for their eating pleasure as they took off on the plane to Brenda’s home town of Port Charles. Like the kids who longed for their candy for days before they were finally allowed to go from door to door to collect their prize for lasting through the endless anticipation, Brenda and Jax too were enjoying their prize. Instead of candy, Brenda and Jax had each other. The freedom of being together with no worries of disappointing anyone was amazing.

Brenda and Jax shared small but very important touches through out their journey to her home town. By the time they finally reached the ground, the only thing they wanted was more time alone together, but they both knew that the trip was not purely a pleasurable one. Not only would they need to pack all of Brenda’s stuff but they also had something else very important to do, for themselves and Jerry, they had to get Jax straight to the doctor for a check up, the only problem was that neither knew which doctor, Monica or Alan. Brenda also knew that she had another job to do, distracting Jax from the Quartermaines so that she wouldn’t be thrown right in the middle of a hostile take over between the man she knew she wanted to be with for the rest of her life, and the family who were the closest thing she had ever had to a family, that is until she became part of the Jacks clan.

Brenda could feel Jax tensing as they stepped off the plane into the PC airport.. She didn’t think to question the change in his body, she figured his fear of going to the doctor was finally beginning to show, so instead of speaking, she invited Jax’s lips to a long and very evoking kiss. To Brenda’s shock, Jax pulled out of the kiss before she was ready to give up their pleasure, and said, “Brenda we’re in a public place..” Brenda’s mind didn’t skip a beat, nor did her heart.

B: “I know and I don’t care.”

J: “Bren”

B: “Can you honestly tell me that you don’t want to kiss me right this second?”

J: “No, but”

B: “There are no buts, if you want to kiss me, kiss me.”

Brenda’s face lit up as Jax did exactly as Brenda instructed. This time it was she who had to pull back.

J: “What’s wrong Bren?”

B: “We are in a public place.”

J: “And?”

B: “And if you keep kissing me like that I’ll get us arrested for indecent exposure or lude acts in public.”

To Brenda’s surprise, Jax joined her in another kiss, but this time much gentler and less tempting.”

J: “Should I keep our kisses to polite friendly kisses in pubic to avoid that problem?”

B: “No, never. Just don’t tempt me so much.”

J: “And how do you suggest I do that?”

Brenda meant to show Jax a kiss that was pleasurable and sensual but not too torturous, but her lips electrified once they touched Jax’s making her share a kiss even more pleasurable then she was ready to feel.

J: “That’s what you suggest? I can do that.”

B: “We’ll have to work on it more, but not here. . At my place.”

J: “Are you inviting me to your place Miss Barrett?”

B: “Yes & I suggest that you accept quickly before we display our affections a bit too much here.”

J: “I guess for all of Port Charles I should accept your invitation.”

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As the driver spoke to Mr. Jacks & Ms. Barrett in the ride to Kelly’s they were far too busy enjoying each other to answer the poor man, who almost got in several wrecks while watching them kiss throughout their ride thorough the town. It wasn’t until they were almost in front of Kelly’s that Brenda broke their kisses to speak.

B: “Jax, we cant go to my place, I just remembered.”

J: “What did you remember?”

B: “We have to bring you to the doctor to get checked out. I promised him I would bring you straight there.””

J”:: “I will go, I promise you, and Jerry, but right now I’m exhausted, all I want is to go to bed. This will wait Bren, we can go tomorrow.”

B: “But I promised him.’

J: “It wouldn’t matter to him if we went straight there, as long as we go. I promise, I’ll go tomorrow.”

B: “Do you really promise??”

J: “Yes, in fact, lets shake on it.”

Jax laughed when Brenda put her hand out to him.

J: “Not that kind of shake.”

B: “What other kind is there?”

Jax proceeded to show Brenda a lip shake that she never imagined experiencing but she was certainly happy that she did.

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B: “Jax, you’re not going straight to bed are you?”

Brenda was shocked by the change in Jax from the car to her room. From the way he was kissing her, in the airport, and in the car she anticipated going back to her room over Kelly’s and making love with Jax, all night long. While Brenda was a bit anxious about making love to Jax since she had dreamt of it so many times, yet never expected it to happen so soon, Brenda wanted Jax to try and make love to her. While most of her was sure that she was ready to take that next step with him, a small part of her, the part that reminded him about the hospital visit they needed to make, wasn’t sure if she was going to make love to him that night or ask him to wait until she was completely ready. It turned out that Jax didn’t even try to make love to her.

Once they got into her room, he asked where the shower was and excused himself to take a shower. Brenda was tempted to undress and join him but instead she decided to change into something more appealing.

To Brenda’s surprise and devastation, Jax didn’t try to get her to make love to him. He came out of the shower fully dressed for bed, which is the only place he was heading. Actually he didn’t even try and sleep on the bed. Jax asked Brenda where she kept her spare blankest and if she had a spear pillow. When Brenda asked why he wanted them he said so he could sleep on the floor, which pulled Brenda’s question, if he was really going to bed, out of her mouth.

J: “If you tell me where the blankets are I’ll be asleep within ten minutes.”

B: “I don’t have extra blankets, I didn’t; think that would be a problem, but if it is, I guess we could rent you a room somewhere.”

Jax didn’t respond to Brenda, he simply sat on the bed and looked at the wall., as Brenda finally tried to explain out of a desperate need to hear a voice in the room, even if it was her own.’

B: “Ruby doesn’t allow visitors over night, she never has. It’s one of the things I agreed to when I signed the lease. IF you’re uncomfortable sharing a bed with me, I’m sure I can get you something at the PC hotel, I know the owner, Edward Quartermaine.”

Brenda knew that something was wrong when Jax showed no reaction at the sound of Edward’s name echoing from her lips. Instead of getting the usually steely glint he gets when contemplating his next business maneuver, Jax simply spoke monatonely, “This will be fine, which side do you sleep on?””

Instead of pointing out that Jax should know since he was at her bedside several times when she awoke, always on the same side, she simply said, the one I’m on. Brenda had planned to stay up for most of the night, even if she wasn’t with Jax the way she dreamt of, she wanteed to make a few calls and let her friends know she was back in town, but her frustration over Jax’s mood change made her too tired, so she turned out the lights, and layed with her back to Jax in her bed. Brenda didn’t know why, but when Jax quietly said, “goodnight Bren,” she felt a great sense of relief.”

B: “Goodnight Jax.”

About five minutes after Jax said goodnight to Brenda, Bren heard his voice. In reality his voice was so soft spoken that it could barely be heard, but to Brenda, his whispers filled the room with sweet joy.

J: “Did you really think I didn’t want to stay here?”

B: I didn’t know what to think. At the airport and in the car, the way you kissed me, you made me feel like you wanted me, that you wanted to be with me, to make love to me. For that brief time I could feel you wanting me, like I want you, but since we’ve been here, I don’t know, you changed. You haven’t kissed me once, you haven’t even touched me”

J: “You’re not questioning us are you?”

B: “No, but I think you might be.”

J: “Never. I wouldn’t be here with you if I wasn’t sure this was what I want, that we are what I want.. I want you Brenda, more then I’ve wanted anyone.”

B: “But you’re’ having doubts about us.?”

J: “NO, I’m just tired.”

B: “You know Jerry taught me some things, like he told me that you go to the water when you’re happy, and when you’re sad. The water brings you peace. He also told me that when something’s wrong you refuse to look into people’s eyes that you care about because if you do, you know they will see that something is wrong. You haven’t looked me directly in the eyes since we’ve been here.”

Instead of going on Brenda decided to let her words float in Jax’s mind for a few minutes. To her delight, she felt Jax’s hand reaching to her waist and gently turning her towards his face.

J: “I adore you Bren and I do want you. My mood has nothing to do with you.”

B: “But it does, because when you get like this, I think I did something wrong to make you not want me.”

J: “Please don’t ever think that Bren.”

B: “If this isn’t about me what is it about?”

:J: “I hate doctors.”

Brenda couldn’t hold back her laughter as she heard the magical words float from Jax’s mouth to every inch of the room. Brenda laughed so hard that tears ran out of her eyes as she reached for Jax’s hand which she gently joined with hers.

B: “All of this is about the doctor?”

J: “Their quacks, all of them. They think they know more about me then I do.”

B: “Honey the Quartermaines are very good doctors, I know, I’ve been to both of them, there’s nothing to be scared about.”

J: “I’m not”

Before Jax could say scared, Brenda reached to his face with her free hand and gently wiped away his silent tears. Brenda’s voice got norturing and loving as she spoke her next words.

B: “It’s okay to be afraid, everyone is. You have every right to be nervous, your brother just recently died and now you have to go to the same doctor who probably diagnosed him and see if you have the same thing that might take you away from u s too. I’m not the one taking the test but I’m scared too. No that’s a lie, I’m petrified. But you know what?”

J: “What?”

B: “It has to be okay because if it’s not, I won’t be able to handle it, I can’t lose you Jax. That’s why you’re going to be okay because I can’t lose you.. You are the one person who has ever made me want to live a long life, you make my life worth living, and if I ever lost you, I couldn’t go on.”

J: “You’re strong Bren, you could survive anything.”

J: “Anything but that, that’s why I know you’re going to be fine, you have to be. I can’t lose you, do you want to know why?”

Brenda waited a second for Jax to ask why, but then she decided to go ahead and tell him.

B: “I can’t lose you because I love you, not as a friend either, I’m in love with you Jax, I think I have been from the moment I heard your voice, so that’s why I can’t lose you because I love you too much.”

Brenda never expected Jax to tell her that he loved her too but she at least thought she would get a kiss from him, instead she got nothing but silence and the relief that he knew that she loved him, that is until she inquired about his response.

B: “Jax, aren’t you going to say something? I just told you that I love you.”

It wasn’t until Brenda looked with the little light in the room drifting in through the uncovered window, that Brenda realized why Jax wasn’t responding, he was fast asleep with her hand still connected in his.

It’s not how Brenda imagined their first night in bed together, but it was a memorable night just the same. It wasn’t long before Brenda was fast asleep as well with her hand still joined in Jax’s.