Past Mistakes, Future Hopes Chapt. 11 (JB)

by Lissie on March 07, 19100 at 23:03:23:

Chapter 11

Brenda’s hand clutched the cold railing on the main ramp that led down to the docks. Jeffrey’s arm was wrapped around her arm trying to help her keep steady as with her exhaustion from the day combined with the dim light, and the steep decline due to the tide being in, she was having trouble keeping her balance. Jax was a few steps ahead of them, leading them on down to the boats that lined the docks along the lake.

“Need any help up there?” Jax asked them when he had reached the bottom of the ramp, and glanced up to notice that they were still struggling on their way down.

“No, we’re fine!” Brenda called back.

In that moment she and Jeffrey, were fine. That was before she lost her balance and fell free of Jeffrey’s grip and the handrail. She felt herself lunge forward, her hands grasping wildly for something to clutch to, a scream escaped from her lungs, and she heard Jeffrey and Jax cry, “Mom!” and “Brenda!” at the same time.

Before she could hit the ground, she was righted on the ramp. When she was sure she had her balance and wasn’t going to fall again, she focused her eyes on what was in front of her. Jax. He’d stopped her from falling.

“Are you okay?” Jax asked, still holding onto her arms, making sure she was steady.

“Yeah, I think so.” Brenda said. “I think my shoe got stuck in the metal rungs on this ramp here,’ she explained as she tried to take a step forward.

She winced instead. Darts of pain shot through her left ankle when she tried step on it. She felt Jax’s grip tighten on her arms. Brenda knew she wasn’t going to fall with him around.

“Mom, can you walk?” Jeffrey asked and hovered around her.

“I’m trying Jeffrey.” Brenda said in a strained voice.

“Here, Jeffrey, can you take this, please?” Jax asked as he handed Jeffrey the bag that had been slung around his shoulder, but had shimmied its way to his forearm when he had rushed over to prevent Brenda from falling. Jeffrey took the bag wordlessly and moved out of the way to allow Jax some room to help his mother.

“Do you think you can walk a little?” Jax asked.

“I don’t know.”

“What hurts?”

“My ankle. The left one. The one that got stuck on the ramp.”

“First we’re taking off your shoes, then we’re looking at that ankle.”

“Uh huh.” Brenda said as Jax helped her to sit on the ramp.

“You know Miss Barrett, heels aren’t the best thing to wear on a dock. You should know that.” Jax commented jokingly as Brenda slid her black heels off her feet.

“Well Mr. Jacks, if I had known I would end up on the docks, I would have pulled out my tennis shoes. But seeing as I haven’t been home since this morning, I certainly didn’t have time to bring any. They weren’t much help on the beach earlier either.”

Brenda winced again as Jax took the injured ankle in his hands. He touched it here and there asking her if it hurt. She could still move her ankle okay, so Jax didn’t think it was broken, but it could possibly be a sprain. She refused his offer to take her to the hospital, claiming that there wasn’t much that could be done for a sprain. In reality she didn’t really know if that was true, she didn’t want to be in the hospital tonight. She didn’t like them.

“Jeffrey, did you pack me any other shoes?” Brenda asked when Jax was finished and she’d determined that the heels weren’t going back on her feet.

“Um, I’m sorry, but I forgot about shoes.”

“That’s okay, honey.”

“Well it looks like we’re going to have to do this the hard way.” Jax told her.

“Do what?” she asked.

“Get you to my boat.” He said and while picking her up with one arm under her knees and one on her back.

“Jax!” she cried. “What are you doing?”

“You can’t walk, remember?”

“Yeah, but…but I can hop.”

“Oh sure, and hop right into the Lake when you lose your balance? Or hop on a stray nail or wood splinter? I don’t think so.”

“Jeffrey will make sure I won’t drop you. Right Jeffrey?”

“Yes.” Jeffrey answered almost shyly.

“See you have nothing to worry about.”

“I wasn’t worried about that.”

“Then what were you worried about?”

“Nothing…”

When she looked at him, she knew he was thinking the same thing. She knew he didn’t believe for a minute that she was thinking about ‘nothing,’ but their last ‘something’ together. How could she not? It had been a night almost like this one, on a boat almost like the one that was in front of her when he stopped.

Wait a minute, ‘almost?’ It was it! It was the Isabella.

“Jax?” she whispered. “Is this…Is this really the Isabella?”

“The one and only.”

“But…How?”

“I told you it would be mine someday.”

“I know, but Mr. Henderson…”

“Mr. Henderson let me know he was selling it before he put out notices. By then I was out of college and had already made myself a small little fortune. This was my first major purchase.”

Brenda stayed quiet in admiration of the boat in front of her, so Jax turned to Jeffrey to ask, “What do you think of it Jeffrey?”

“It’s wow…so cool!”

“That’s exactly what I thought of it at your age. When I was just a little older than you are now I used to help Mr. Henderson, the former owner of this boat, clean and do odd jobs around the boat.”

“That seems so long ago. I wasn’t expecting to see the Isabella again.” Brenda said whimsically.

“It was a long time ago Brenda.”

“Can we get on it now?” Jeffrey asked. He didn’t care about whom owned the boat when or where, he wanted to get on the thing to explore. Especially since he had never been on one before.

“Sure. See that step stool right there?” Jax asked Jeffrey while pointing to a white box that had three steps on it that was near the end of the Isabella’s dock. Jeffrey nodded yes. “Put those bags down right here and get the stool and put it on the dock where you see the entrance to the boat.”

“Like this?”

“That’s perfect.” Jax answered. “Do you think you can get on first, and then help me get your mother on?”

“Yeah, let me try.”

“Honey be careful.” Brenda said.

“I will Mom.”

“ Is it supposed to move away from like this?” Jeffrey asked when the boat drifted away from him when he climbed up the stool.

“It moves with the water, be careful to get on the boat and not in the water.” Jax warned.

“There I did it!” Jeffrey exclaimed once he had made it aboard.

“Good job!” Jax complimented him.

“Look Mom, I’m on a boat!”

“I can see, honey. Do you like it?”

“It’s beyond cool.”

“I can’t wait to watch him when the sails are up.” Jax whispered in her ear. “Will he be just as excited?”

“More.”

“He’s just like you.” Before she could answer, he called, “Jeffrey, ready to help?”

“Yes.”

Jax started up the step stool. “Brenda, I’m going to put you down here. Jeffrey, grab a hold of her waist and don’t let her walk on that ankle.” Jeffrey did as he was told. “That’s good like that. I’ll be up in a second, I’m going to get the luggage on the dock.” He then left her alone with Jeffrey.

“Are you okay, mom?”

“I’ll be fine Jeffrey. Help me please get the seats up there by the steering wheel.”

“The steering wheel?”

“Yeah, the thing that’s right there covered by the blue tarp thing.”

“Oh.” He answered. “You ready?”

Brenda nodded yes.

“Okay, I’ve got you. Hold on to me.”

A few minutes later they had made it to the seating area. Jax was close behind them, making sure neither one of them fell.

“You two sit here, and I’ll unlock the cabin and get the heat started so we don’t freeze.”

Brenda watched as Jax swiftly took out his keys and unlocked the compartment, rolled back the top, and descended down the ladder into the cabin.

A few minutes later, Jax reappeared at the top of the ladder. “Everything looks fine down here. Ready to make it down the stairs, Brenda?”

“Yeah.”

“Jeffrey, can you go down in front of her and I’ll go down behind her.”

“How am I going to get down?” Brenda asked.

“Scootch, crawl, whatever, but it’s too hard to carry you on the ladder. I’ll be right behind you, so don’t worry.”

“Right.” Brenda said, getting into position to scootch her way down the ladder. She was suddenly thankful that she had worn her black pantsuit today to the funeral instead of her black dress. It made ‘scootching’ a lot less embarrassing and easier to do.

She waited until Jeffrey was down the ladder before she sat on the first rung of the ladder and proceeded to shift her body weight to the rung right below. She repeated the movement until she could safely stand up inside the cabin, with the help of Jeffrey holding her hands. He then led her to the seating area that was right behind them and told her to sit down.

Now that they were in the light, she could see her ankle, as she propped it up along side the seating bench. It wasn’t as bad as she thought it was, but it wasn’t as well as she hoped it was either. Jax had said it wasn’t broken, but it sure was swollen.

“Here, let me take another look at that ankle of yours.” Jax dropped the bag beside the ladder and made his way to Brenda’s side. He dropped down to her level and looked to where she had rolled up her pant leg to examine her ankle. After he felt around it for a few moments with her wincing in pain when he found a sensitive spot he told her, “I still don’t think it’s broken, but it could be sprained.”

“I’ll be fine.”

“Your ankle is swollen, it’s going to hurt like hell.”

“I can live with it.”

“I might have some ice blocks left in the freezer from the other day. I’ll go get some to put on your ankle. Jeffrey, can you get the ace bandage that is in the first aid box that’s on the shelf right above your head.”

Fifteen minutes later, Brenda had both men tending to her. Jax had found the block of ice, but unfortunately the ice was still a block. He’d found a hammer from somewhere and he was holding it on the table while Jeffrey hammered at it.

“Jax, Jeffrey, you’re going to ruin the table.” Brenda warned.

“It’s just a table,” Jax replied, more for reassurance to Jeffrey who had stopped his hammering to look at Jax cautiously, appearing to have taken his mother’s comments to heart. “It’s okay, keep hammering. If the table happens to break, you can help me build a new one.”

“With hammer, nails, wood, and all that stuff?”

Jax had meant the last part to be a joke, but since Jeffrey hadn’t caught that, he wasn’t going to disappoint him. “You bet,” he told Jeffrey.

Jeffrey gave Jax another one of his shy looks, but he grinned at him and continued hammering. That grin was more than Jax could ask for right now. He had grinned at him. Not because of a situation, like being on a boat, but because of him. Because of something he said by just being with him. Being with his son. It was a heartwarming feeling that he could make his son smile.

Within the half hour, Brenda had a baggie full of ice on her ankle. The heat had started to kick in. Jax had scavenged up enough blankets for everyone to have a couple to wrap themselves up in.

“Are you taking the Isabella out tonight?” Brenda asked.

“I was going to, but I think maybe we should stay down here tonight. It’s getting chilly up there, and do you really want to make another trip up there?”

Brenda glanced from the stairs to her ankle to the stairs again. “No, not tonight, but I do want to tour the lake again before we have to go back.”

Go back. Those words Jax didn’t want to hear. He knew they would have to go back to their lives soon enough, he just wasn’t ready for that to happen then.”

“Tomorrow then?” Jax asked.

“Tomorrow.” Brenda said.

“When do you have to go back?” Jax asked, not really wanting to hear it.

“The end of the week. Jeffrey needs to be back in school next Monday. I don’t really want him missing that much school. And I can’t stay away from my business for too long. I’ll have so much catch up work to do.”

They had a whole other life away from him, Jax thought. It didn’t include him. They had to get back to it and leave him behind. She was going to leave him again, and take his son again. Before he got to know him. He didn’t know if he could stand that, but he couldn’t stop them either. She came for a funeral and wasn’t planning staying. In his mind he forgot to look beyond the present. His heart refused to.

“You’ll come visit, won’t you?” Jeffrey asked.

“Of course I will.” Jax said. His voice tinged with emotion. Jeffrey wanted him to visit.

“You’re welcome anytime Jax.” Brenda reassured him. Reassurance wasn’t what he wanted, though.

“Thanks,” he replied, even though it felt out of place to say ‘thanks’ to be able to see his son.

“We should probably get some rest before we go out tomorrow.” Brenda said.

“You’re right. It’s past midnight.”

“Where would you like to sleep?” Jax asked Brenda.

“I think I’ll stay right here.” She patted the seat around her, indicating she had things the way she wanted them.

“You sure? I can move you.”

“No, I’m comfortable here. No need to move me.”

‘Okay, if you say so.” Jax said before turning to Jeffrey and asking, “Where would you like to sleep? You can sleep on the bench seat you’re on, the sleeping cubby hole to you’re left, or the sleeping quarters in the bow of the boat.”

“What’s the bow?” Jeffrey asked,

“That’s the front.” Jax answered.

“Can I sleep there?”

“Go right ahead.”

“Where will you be?” Brenda asked Jax.

“In the master bedroom. It’s where I usually stay.”

Brenda just nodded.

“I’ll move you in there if you’ll be more comfortable in real bed. I can stay out here.”

“No, no, I’m perfectly comfortable here, I already told you that. Don’t be silly. Go on, sleep in your own room.”

Jax helped Jeffrey find a sleeping bag and extra blankets before helping him get comfortable in the bow of the boat while Brenda slowly made her way to the bathroom to change into the pair of pajamas that Jeffrey had packed for her.

“He says to tell you he’s as snug as a bug.” Jax said when he returned, and helped Brenda get herself back onto the couch to sleep. He grabbed a pillow from one of the overhead compartments and gave it to her.

“He said that, did he?” Brenda said, while placing the pillow behind her head just so. “That’s his way of telling me not to worry about him because he’s having a great time.”

“Do you think he really is?”

“He is. Remember the look on his face when he climbed aboard?”

“Uh huh.”

“You remember that face because that’s what he looks like when he’s having the time of his life. You’ll see it again and be just as amazed to see it every time after this as you were tonight.’

“I don’t think I’ll get used to that.”

“You will, and at the same time you won’t.”

“You warm enough?”

“Yes.”

“Goodnight Brenda.”

“Goodnight Jax.”

Brenda watched as Jax turned off the light and walked into his room. The darkened room was peaceful and empty. Only a few moments ago the three of them had been talking. It had been awkward, yes, but it was nice. Overcome with exhaustion, she fell asleep wondering how things would be if circumstances were different.

***

Sometime in the night Jax was awakened from a deep sleep by cries. Disorientated, he sat up in bed until he remembered he was on the Isabella and the cries he heard were coming from the main part of the boat, where Brenda was sleeping. He quickly jumped out of bed to see what the matter was.

“Brenda?” he called when he reached the main part of the cabin.

When there wasn’t an answer he flipped on the light switch to see Brenda clutching her pillow to her chest while screaming, “No Daddy!”

He knelt down beside the seat, took a hold of her shoulders and tried to wake her by gently shaking her and calling her name. She cried a few more times before waking up.

“Jax!” she cried, throwing her arms around him when she was fully awake.

Instinctively he pulled her close while smoothing her hair and stroking her back. “Shh…Shh….it was just a dream. It’s okay now.”

“A dream?”

“Yes. Do you want to talk about it?”

“It was awful. Daddy was trying to take Jeffrey. He said I was an unfit mother and that I couldn’t take care of him. He said I was just like my mother and I would abandon him someday. I would never do that Jax. I love Jeffrey. Jeffrey’s my baby, Daddy can’t have him.”

Her father again. When was the man going to stop tormenting her? When was she goint to get some peace from him?

“He’s never going to have Jeffrey, Brenda. Your father is dead. Jeffrey’s fine, he’s sleeping. It was just a bad dream.”

“Jeffrey’s fine?”

“Yes.”

“Daddy’s dead and he still won’t leave me alone! Why?” she started to cry again, her voice wavered.

“Shh…shh…I don’t know Bren, I don’t know.” He pulled her close to him again.

“I’m sorry. I woke you up.”

“It’s okay. I’m glad you’re not hurt.”

“I’ll be fine. You can go back to sleep now.”

“I’m not leaving until I know for myself that you’re fine.”

“I said I was.”

“Shh…lay back down.”

“But…”

“No buts. I’m going to get you to fall asleep.”

“You’re not going to do what I think…”

“Yes I am now lay down. You know it always works.”

She did as she was told and laid her head down on her pillow with her back purposefully towards him. He waited until she stopped shifting around to get comfortable before he started gently rubbing her back. Usually a few minutes of running his fingers in circular movements on her upper got her sleepy. He would barely even touch her before she started yawning. This time was no exception. After a few minutes she yawned and curled herself into even more of a ball than she already was. Not long after that he heard her deep breathing, signaling that she had fallen asleep. He rubbed her back for a few more minutes to make sure she was really asleep.

When Jax was sure Brenda was out, he stopped his movements. He took her blankets and pulled them up over her so she would stay warm. He lingered over her, watching her sleep awhile before getting up, turning off the light, and returning to his room. Along the way he wished that somehow he could erase the memory of Harlan Barrett from their lives.