Past Mistakes, Future Hopes Chapter 10 (JB)

by Lissie on February 13, 19100 at 12:18:44:

Hello!

Once again, I apologize for the delay in getting this out. With school and extra hours at work (new promotion which means new training!) I've barely had time to work on any of my writings. I honestly don't know when and if more of this will be finished. Thanks to all who read, you guys are great. Those who usually email me, please note that my email has changed. And those who emailed me about the last chapter, I'm so sorry that I didn't respond, but when I came back from Christmas break some of my mail had been deleted before I had a chance to respond! If you email me this time, I promise I'll get back to you. Thanks so much for the support.

Lissie

P.S. the first part of this is the last part of chapter 9 since it has been so long.

Chapter 9 review...

“Just tell me, what has your father done now? Does it have something to do with his will?”

“My father has done nothing to surprise me. I wasn’t expecting anything from his will. Why would I? He didn’t acknowledge me when he was alive, so why would he when he was dead? But I still had a little hope. He did leave me something, a note explaining that I’ve been a pawn for revenge my whole damn life. He’s not my father.” She hadn’t meant to say so much, but once she started, the whole story came tumbling out.

“Are you sure? Did he say who was?”

“There were blood tests to accompany the letter, that prove I’m not his. He named Edward Quartermaine as my father.”

“Have you talked to Edward?”

“He wasn’t home. God what is wrong with me? Why doesn’t anyone want me? My mother left me, the man I called father couldn’t stand the sight of me, and my real father has never acknowledged me. Edward knew that I wasn’t happy with Harlan, why did he let me stay with him. He didn’t want me.”

“Maybe he didn’t know,” he said in a low voice full of emotion. When he looked away from her it was then that the reality of her actions hit her.

Chapter 10

“I’m sorry…”

“You’ve already said that.” He glanced at her for a moment, his eyes piercing her heart with the truth that he was hurting more than he said he was.

When he looked back out to the water, she answered from her heart, “I know, but I should have known,” in a low whispered voice.

“Should’ve known what? Should’ve known that the way you’re feeling about Edward at the moment, is the same way my son feels about me?”

She didn’t know what to say to that. It was true, she was angry at Edward, but she hoped that Jeffrey wasn’t angry at Jax. And if he was it was her fault. She hadn’t encouraged or discouraged any feelings Jeffrey had towards Jax over the years, except to tell him that his father had been her boyfriend in high school. Loving Jax was something she had done for a long time, she just assumed that Jeffrey would love him too.

How wrong she was. If he felt anything like she did towards Edward right now, she didn’t know what she was going to do. The one thing she did know was that she did not hate Edward. She was angry with him and she had a million questions for him, but she did not hate him. He’d always shown her kindness, even when she hadn’t known he had. There was only thing she could say to Jax to help ease his hurt.

“He doesn’t hate you.” She placed her hand on his arm.

“He doesn’t even know me.” He turned to look at her again, but this time he kept looking at her. He covered her hand with his, and squeezed as he looked into his eyes. He seemed to be asking her for reassurance for something, anything.

“I know, and I said I’m sorry for that. What else do you want me to say?” It was she that looked away this time into the darkness where the river should be.

“I don’t know. Something that makes sense,” he said in frustration. She felt him let go of her hand and when she looked at him he was running his hands through his hair.

“You’re out of luck there. The whole world is crazy right now.” At least hers was.

“Edward will want to love you. He won’t be able to help himself.”

Did he really say that? The moonlight across his face showed a hint of a smile while he looked at her.

“Thank you. Jeffrey will love you.” She smiled at him too, and she knew he saw it.

“You’re sure?” He asked as if he wasn’t sure, as if he needed to know, as if he depended on her answer.

“Yes, I’m sure.”

He seemed to be happy with that answer because he was quiet for a long time. They sat in silence; the only sound was the whooshing of the river and the sound of his breathing as he sat next to her. The sand below was starting to cool down chill her.

“Jax, you’re cold,” she said when she checked on him. “You’re shivering.” She took his jacket off and handed it back to him. “Here put this on.”

Immediately, he refused it. “You keep that.”

“No, it’s okay. I’ll leave you here to think without me getting in your way.” She needed to get of here. Coming to clear her mind hadn’t exactly worked since she now had more on her mind than before.

“Where are you going?” he asked, suddenly attentive and sounding worried.

“I don’t know. Anywhere where I don’t have to talk to anyone.”

“I promise I’ll be quiet. Please don’t leave.”

“You want me to stay?”

“I don’t want you wandering in the cold.” He stood up and wrapped his jacket back around her shoulders. “Keep this on, and come with me.” He stood up and helped her up as well.

“Where?”

“Home, to get us both out of the cold.”

“No Jax, I don’t want to go back just yet. Oh, what am I saying, I need to check on Jeffrey.” Jeffrey! What the hell was she doing here and when she needed to be with Jeffrey? To make sure he was okay?

“We’re not going to the hotel. I can get Jerry to bring Jeffrey to you.”

That sounded good. She could have Jeffrey near, but not have to face Julia yet.

“Where are we going?” he had said he was going home, but not the hotel, what was he talking about?

“Brenda, I can live anywhere I want to at anytime. The hotel isn’t my only home.”

“You’re taking me to your home? No, I won’t go.”

“What’s you’re other alternative? Sit here and freeze?”

“Yes.” Defiantly she sat back down.

“Brenda…” He stood hovering over her.

She knew he wouldn’t leave without her, unless she could convince him that she would be fine by herself, but looking into his eyes she knew that probably wasn’t possible. She would have to try anyway. Sitting down to clear her mind was not going to happen with Jax around.

“I will not cause any trouble, and if you’re worried about me, I can take care of myself.”

“I’m sure you can, which is why you know it is good for you to get out of this cold air. You don’t want to get sick do you? I’m not going to be responsible when Jeffrey wonders why his mother got sick when I could have convinced her to get out of the cold.”

She had already been following him to his car, but once he mentioned Jeffrey, she knew, as well as he did that she wouldn’t be putting up another fight. She was tired, both emotionally and physically. He was right, she needed rest, and if he knew someplace she could get that without the emotional torture she would have to endure if she came face to face with her sister, then she would follow him wherever she took him.

“So you’ve decided to come?” he asked once she didn’t say anything for several minutes.

“Yes. Can you get Jeffrey? He’s bound to be worried about me right now.”

“Sure.”

Once they reached the car, Jax opened the door for her and allowed her to climb in the car. When her door was shut, he pulled his cell phone from his pant pocket and dialed Jerry’s number. Within moments he’d arranged when and where he was going to pick up Jeffrey. When he was done, he sighed a sigh of relief, opened his side of the car and climbed inside. She was safe and he was going to keep her that way for now. She actually thought he would leave her out by herself at night? She was still as stubborn as ever.

“How is he?” she asked when he was seated in the car and was pulling on his seat belt.

“Other than worried about you? He’s fine.”

“Thank you.”

“There’s no need. He’s my son too.” He started the car, pulled out of the parking space, and joined traffic on the main road.

She didn’t say anything else. He guessed she didn’t know what to say or was too tired emotionally to get involved in anymore conversations. He was about as emotionally wrought as she was. Where they were going, he knew they could both clear their minds. It had always worked in the past, he hoped it would now too.

“Julia wanted to talk to you too.” The quiet was bothering him, because he couldn’t believe he had just said that.

“I don’t want to talk to her right now.”

“I told her you’d call in the morning.”

“You did what?” Surprise and disbelief were tinged in her voice.

“What? You’re not going to ever talk to her now?”

“Of course I am, but you didn’t have to do that,” she said accusatory.

“Brenda, you have to stop running,” he accused her. Emotions for both of them were raw right now, and he just cut them even deeper.

She gasped and answered, “Is that what you think I’m doing?”

“I know that is what you’re doing. You’ve been doing it for a long time now.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You don’t? What do you call the last 13 years? Or tonight? Or all of the other times I used to find you when you disappeared from your house?”

“I don’t know, but I wasn’t running,” she said quietly while folding her arms across her chest.

When he glanced over at her, she was staring out the window. She hadn’t been running? The hell she hadn’t been, and she knew it. She was too stubborn to admit it. At least right now she was, he knew. And he was going to do everything in his power to keep her from running again. There was more at stake this time if she disappeared from his life again.

“Where are we?” She asked when the car came to a stop.

“Don’t you recognize it?”

She looked around, squinting her eyes to adjust to the darkness outside before she answered, “The harbor?”

“Correct,” his voice was emotionless, but at another time in his life, he would have been excited that she knew where they were. But that was another time he had buried in his past, and was only recently starting to surface again, in more ways than one.

“Are we meeting Jeffrey here? Why?”

“No doubt Jerry will have Jeffrey here soon.” He glanced at his watch. Yes, Jerry would be here soon. “I will tell you that we’re going is the one place I go to when I want to get away from the world, so not a lot of people know about it.”

“Getting away from the world? Sounds like running to me.”

“There’s a difference, I come back, and people know where I am.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t want to get into this again right now. I promise I won’t tell anyone where you take me, I’m just thankful you’re letting me visit tonight.”
He nodded, not wanting to get into the conversation again tonight either. They would have to eventually, but tonight he wanted some peace. Besides he didn’t really have much choice than to bring Brenda here. She wasn’t keen on going back to the hotel right away, but he wasn’t about to leave her alone in the dark of night and the cold. This seemed like the only option.

He was also more than a little curious to how she would react to the Isabella, the boat he was taking her to tonight. At one time the boat had the same meaning to both of them, now he wondered if she remembered it all.

“Would you like to get out of the car and wait?” he asked when he noticed that she kept her eyes darting and squinting, looking for any sign of Jerry and Jeffrey.

Pulling his jacket tighter around her body, she nodded her head yes.

“Then let’s get out of here.” She opened her car door at the same time he did as they climbed out the car.

“Just in time, here’s Jerry,” he said and shut his car door.b

Jerry’s SUV pulled up next to theirs and he and Jeffrey got out of the car. He immediately looked around until he found Brenda and went to her, and pulled her into his arms. Jax watched with Jerry from a distance.

“Mom!” Jeffrey cried. “Don’t do that to me again.” He had been worried about his mom, it wasn’t like her to go running off, but that letter had made her upset. If he could, he wouldn’t have let her read that letter. But now he knew she was safe. He was going to make sure she stayed that way.

“Do what honey?” his mother asked as she too pulled him into a hug.

“Make me worry about you.”

“I’m so sorry about that. I promise I won’t do it again. How are you?”

“I’m fine. Julia and Jerry took good care of me. Where are we going? Jerry said Jax was taking us somewhere, and Julia made me pack for you.”

“She did? That was thoughtful of her. And I don’t know where we’re going. Jax hasn’t told me yet. He’s going to show us. Why don’t you ask him yourself?”

Sure, ask your father where you’re going. It’s one of the most natural things for a kid to do, right? Not this kid, he’d only met his father yesterday. He didn’t even know what to call him. Mr. Jacks? Jax? Dad?

“Jax?” he decided to ask tentatively. Jax, who was with Jerry on the other side of Jerry’s car, turned to look at him.

“Yes?” Jax answered as much with surprise as hope.

“Where are you taking us?”

“You’re about to find out. Do you like boats?”

“I don’t know. I’ve never been on one.”

“Never been on one! Jerry did you hear that? Jeffrey’s never been on a boat!”

“Never!? I think you better fix that right away, little brother.”

“What about you Brenda? When was the last time you were on a boat?”

“It’s been awhile.”

When she blushed, Jax knew it had been awhile.

Jax picked up the bag that Jerry had taken out of the back of his car. He slung it onto his shoulder and faced Jerry. “Thanks for bringing him here. Thanks for taking care of him.”

Taking Jax aside, Jerry told Jax, “He isn’t the problem. You take care of Brendas before her sister goes crazy with worry.”

“Tell Julia everything is fine. I won’t let anything happen to either one of them.”

“She knows that, but she’s not sure Brenda does. She seems to think that Brenda will pick and leave at any moment again. And this time for good.”

“I can’t say that I blame her. I’ve had the same thoughts, but I really don’t think she’ll do it this time.”

“If she does, she won’t get far, I promised Julia that her sister would be around for awhile.”

“I promised myself that my son would be around.”

“I’ll hold you to that. For yours, his, and my wife’s sake.”

“I don’t mean to interrupt, but I wanted to thank Jerry for bringing Jeffrey here.”

“It wasn’t any trouble Brenda. Keep him safe, okay?”

“I will.” She answered, then with hesitation she asked, “Will you please tell Julia I love her, and that I’m sorry?”

“I can tell her, but she won’t believe me unless she hears it from you.”

“I know, but please tell her anyway. I’ll come see her tomorrow.”

“Why not tonight?”

“I just can’t tonight.”

He nodded, but he didn’t answer. She must be going through a lot right now, he couldn’t blame her for that, but so was his wife. And in his mind, a lot of what his wife was dealing with had to do with her sister. He wanted to bring Brenda back to his wife and force them talk over this thing with their father, to talk about Brenda running away, to just talk, but he couldn’t. To do so would be alienating Brenda when she needed some time to figure things out, which could possibly make her run, and that wouldn’t accomplish anything for his wife. Or for his brother who was trying to know his son. So he just watched as she and Jeffrey followed Jax down the harbor docks.

Water had always had a calming affect on Jax, maybe it would for Brenda also. He could hope, Jerry thought as he climbed back into his car and drove home to Julia, who was waiting for news on her sister.

To Be Continued...