CIRCLE OF LOVE

by Kathleen

 

 

AUTHOR'S NOTE:  Thanks for the continued interest and feedback in this story, not to mention your patience.   This chapter is dedicated to Terri for her prodding and her motivational suggestions.  *G*

 

RATING:            "PG-13" 

                        The "NC-17" version of this chapter can be received from the "NC-17" mailing list ([email protected]) or from me directly at [email protected]  

 

 

CHAPTER 35 -- UNITED IN LOVE

 

 

Saturday, October 26, 2002

The Barrett/Jacks Penthouse -- 4:15pm

 

The dart hit the center of the bull's eye just as Jerry heard the sound of the front door opening.  Jerry celebrated his perfect throw with a pumped fist in the air and then called out from the den, "Julia?"

 

"Are you expecting some other woman," Julia queried as she moved toward the den.  "If so, she and I will have to have a little chat."

 

Jerry turned around to see Julia coming through the doorway.  "A chat about what?  How utterly dashing I am?"

 

"About how she needs to have her head examined to have anything to do with you," Julia replied as she put down the two shopping bags she was carrying. 

 

"Too late.  I knew it was you, just had to give the sheila time to get out the window," Jerry retorted with a smug grin.  "You know how the rustling of Neiman-Marcus bags always gives you away."

 

Julia nodded her head in accord as she sat down on the couch.  "And don't you ever forget that."

 

"So, how much corrupter is Roo now after spending half a day with the Barrett sisters, otherwise known as a retail merchant's dream," Jerry said with a chuckle.  "Does she have her own gold card yet?"

 

"She prefers platinum," Julia responded with a smile.  "It is more sparkly than the gold one according to her."

 

A loud guffaw escaped from Jerry's lips as he sat down on the couch next to Julia.  "A true Barrett lady then.  She is going to drive Jasper nuts and I can't wait to see it."

 

The look in Jerry's eyes caused her stomach to flip flop and Julia busied herself with the contents of the shopping bag beside her. "We found everything we needed for Robin's shower next weekend and Jillian picked out her shoes for the wedding."

 

He pulled out a small pink purse from the shopping bag.  "I'm sure Robin will love this or is this for Matthew," Jerry teased.

 

"That's Jillian's," Julia declared with a sigh.  "She put it in my bag at lunch so she wouldn't lose it and then we all must have forgotten about it."

 

"Brenda called a little while ago about it since Roo was hyperventilating," Jerry explained as he laughed.  "She thought you would have been home already."

 

Julia cleared her throat.  "I had another stop to make after I left her."

 

Jerry unfastened the lock of the purse as he spoke.  "Now, let's see what the munchkin is carrying these days."

 

She stopped the movement of Jerry's fingers with her hand.  "Jerry, a gentleman doesn't go through a woman's purse without permission."

 

He flashed her a grin.  "When did I ever say I was a gentleman?  And this is Roo we are talking about, remember?  There could readily be something alive or at least newly stiff in here."

 

"Why do I even bother," Julia muttered to herself.

 

"Let's see, what we have here," Jerry proclaimed as he emptied out the contents of the purse.  "Bubble gum flavored lip gloss, one half of a dog biscuit -- didn't you and Brenda feed the joey?  A blue magic marker, and twenty-two cents -- I guess she did not offer to treat for lunch?"  Jerry pulled out the last two items from the purse. "A ballerina barrette and what's this?" He pulled the photo from the plastic protector and heard the sound of an involuntary sigh expelled from his lungs.

 

"That's one of Chase's proofs of the photos he took last week for the Christmas cards."  Julia watched Jerry intently as she murmured to him.  "Aren't they gorgeous?"

 

"That they are," Jerry responded with a nod as he looked up at her.

"They even make that mutt of a brother of mine look good."

 

She took the photo from him and gazed at it.  Julia was momentarily mesmerized by the images of Jax and Brenda and the three children sitting on the living room sofa.  Brenda and the girls wore red turtleneck sweaters while Jax and Jonathan were dressed in forest green.  As Jax sat with Jessica in his lap and Brenda held Jonathan, Jillian sat between them with her arms around Lady's neck.  The dog, donning a Santa cap and her red jingle bell collar, sat in front of the couch. 

 

Julia looked up at Jerry as she spoke.  "I don't think I've ever seen my sister look so beautiful."

 

"Well, you Barrett women have often been accused of being able to stop traffic," Jerry replied as he met Julia's eyes.

 

Julia flashed him an appreciative smile as she shook her head.  "Not like this.  Just look at her, look at that light in her eyes."  A soft exhale fell from her lips.  "Brenda has never looked this stunning.  Not when she was wearing a ten thousand dollar ball gown or when surrounded by the lights of Paris in a photo shoot.  Not ever.  And look at Jax, it's the same glow."

                                 

Jerry reached out and began stroking her arm.   "Yes, it's a wonderful picture."

 

"It looks pretty damn perfect to me," Julia proclaimed in a hushed tone.  At the of worry in Jerry's eyes, Julia quickly gave him a reassuring smile.  "Don't worry, I'm not going to fall apart and go lock myself in the bathroom....at least, not at this particular moment.  There are no promises about tomorrow or the next day," she added with a wink.

 

"You can fall apart all you want," Jerry pronounced with a wink in return.  "Just as long as you don't lock me out."

 

"Okay, but the same goes for you, I need to know about you."  Julia's words trailed off as her voice trembled slightly.  "This has to be about us."

 

Jerry lifted her chin so that Julia would meet his eyes again.  "What has to be about us?"

 

Julia moistened her lips before she answered him.  "I've been thinking about our last two sessions with Melanie and some of the  suggestions that Lynn gave us..."

 

"And," Jerry asked as he continued to hold Julia's gaze.

 

She took a deep breath before reaching down and pulling out two books from the shopping bag beside her.  "I thought we could each start on one of these and see what we'd be realistically facing."

 

The left side of his mouth curved up into a smile as Jerry took the books from her.  "The reference materials Lynn and Melanie suggested on adoption."

 

"I thought it would be a good idea if we both knew more," Julia nervously stated.

 

"I understand," he acknowledged with a smile.  "I would like to know something, what made you do this today?" 

 

Julia leaned back and rested her head against the leather of the couch.  "It wasn't any one thing, really.  We've been talking about it with Melanie and then last weekend at Brooke's party with Lois' family..."

 

Jerry finished her statement.  "When Jillian asked when she was going to have cousins like Brooke and Anthony do?" 

 

"Yes, it made me ask myself the same thing," Julia stated with a sigh.  "All she meant was wanting someone to grow up with and be a family to.  How that comes to be is not the focus."

 

"Kiddo, I love Jillian and the twins as much as you do but this has to be something that YOU want to do."  Jerry took her hand as he continued.  "You can't do it for anyone else, not even me."

 

"I know that," Julia affirmed as she squeezed his hand in return.  "It's just that between what happened then and the sessions and just seeing Brenda today with her, it all just helped me finally see what it is that is important and what I really want for us."

 

His gray blue eyes locked with her pools of sapphire.  "And that is?"

 

"This," Julia whispered as she held up the photo from Jillian's purse.  "I want us to be a family with children that bring that same light to our eyes.  I finally understand that the light comes from loving them and watching them grow up and turning the house upside down, not from how they come to us.  Life may have forced us to miss out on bringing a child into this world but life is not preventing us from being parents."

 

Jerry felt the fluttering of his heart as her words reached his ears.  "Wow, you've have quite a few days then.  How do all of these realizations make you feel?"     

 

"A little scared but I feel like I can breathe again, she replied.  Julia then swallowed the lump which was threatening to overtake her throat.  "But I can only speak for myself and you have to feel the same way.  I mean that.  But, if you're still interested... I mean, really interested," she stammered over her thoughts.  "I just thought..."  

   

"Here, take yours," Jerry immediately replied as he handed her the top book.  "What a minute, take this one, it weighs a ton," he remarked as he swapped books.  "Some of these people must get paid by the word."

 

Julia could not stop the laughter from escaping from her chest.  "Am I going to have stand over you with a ruler to ensure that you read these books?"

 

"Do you have to be such a book worm about everything?"  Jerry rolled his eyes and shook his head.  "I am telling you right now, no kid of ours is going to be on any debate team or in any library club.  I am going to have to counteract your schoolmarm tendencies.  And another thing, no son of ours is wearing any saddle shoes or any godforsaken sailor suit, nor will any daughter be dressing up any kangaroos in this house either."

 

Julia's tears were flowing so steadily that she could barely see as she threw her arms around Jerry's neck.  Through her hiccups, she finally managed to mumble, "I love you."  When Jerry responded in kind, he did not even try to blink back the tears creeping from his own eyes.  Life suddenly had never looked better. 

        

The Jacks Residence -- 7:15pm

 

Brenda and Jane came around the corner from the dining room and Brenda rolled her eyes at the sight of the closed living room doors.  Between that sight and the din of John imitating the sound of revving engines, it was evident that the Jacks Speedway was back in operation. 

 

As the women reached the foyer, Jane patted Brenda on the shoulder and smiled.  "We are leaving in the morning, dear.  Peace will be restored then."

 

Brenda laughed softly.  "Well, at least the overgrown children are rather adorable at their games."

 

"These two are raring to go," John exclaimed as he held onto Jessica's walker at the end of the hallway.  "Are you spectators going to move out of the way or simply be run over?"            

 

"Grandpa, I'm all ready to wave the toys," Jillian called out.

 

Jax flashed Brenda and Jane a grin as he knelt behind Jonathan's walker.  "You know how little it takes to humor the old man these days."

 

"Okay, okay, the things I put up with from the Jacks men," Brenda said as she laughed and moved behind Jillian.  "On your mark, get set, GO!"

 

Jillian waved Snowball and Rudy in front of her and cheered on the racing twins.  Jane and Brenda clapped their hands and called out for Jessica and Jonathan while Jax and John encouraged them from behind as the hallway became a raceway/bumper car track.  Over the past few weeks, such activity had been almost a daily occurrence and Brenda had finally given up and moved all of the furniture from the foyer and main hallway.  Between crawling contests and walker races, the twins had quickly been introduced to the competitive and entertaining nature of the family.

 

Jessica squealed as she barreled down the hallway and Jillian excitedly called out.  "Come on, come get Snowball."

 

John's raucous laughter resonated from the walls.  "Look at that sheila go."

 

"As if she needs any encouragement," Jax remarked with a chuckle.  "She is a holy terror already in that thing.  The kitchen tile will never be the same."

 

"Nor will the door of the dishwasher," Brenda added in recognition of Jessica's constant attempts to get to the silverware that she knew was hiding inside the dishwasher.  

 

"So, she likes the sharp utensils, she'll be the fencing champion of the family," John suggested with another laugh.

 

"Looks more like the roller derby queen to me," Jane offered with a smile as Jessica's walker bounced off Jonathan's.

 

Jillian giggled at the sight.  "It's like the bumper cars at the carnival."

 

Brenda shook her head and laughed at Jonathan's enthusiastic squeals of glee as Jessica's "bump" bounced him against the wall.  Meanwhile, Jessica quickly teetered toward a giddy Jillian and reached out for her prized Snowball.  "Jessica won again," chirped Jillian.  

 

"That she did," Brenda crooned as she lifted Jessica and the fuzzy bear into her arms.  "Pumpkin, here's your Snowball."  Jessica accepted her reward with a coo as she snuggled her head against the bear's soft white fur and then sucked on its ear. 

 

"The lad is unstoppable on all fours and the lass is unbeatable with her wheels," Jane said with a big smile. 

 

"I do think Mother hit the nail on the head with that roller derby queen title, John declared with a snicker.  "She gets much too much enjoyment from knocking her brother into the wall."

 

Jax flashed Jessica a beaming smile which prompted a giggle from her.  "Pumpkin, you just want to be on the move all the time, don't you?"  Jax then picked up a babbling Jonathan from the walker.  "Meanwhile, the peanut here would prefer to get into trouble on all fours."

 

Jillian laughed as she waved the stuffed reindeer in front of the baby.  "Jonathan likes to crawl all the way under the chair and suck on Lady's bones and toys."

 

"Well, I guess that tastes better than the grass he was trying to eat this morning," Jane suggested with a wink at Jillian.

 

"Yick," Jillian exclaimed as she made a sour face.  "Grass and bones taste yucky."   

 

"Jillian, you keep reminding the babies about that," requested Brenda.  "They think everything will taste good and we know how fast they move now."

 

John stroked his beard as he chuckled.  "And the little sheila will be walking before Thanksgiving at this rate to add even more speed to the mix."

 

Brenda sighed aloud.  "Don't remind me, it is hard enough now to keep up with the two of them on all fours, especially when Jonathan is in his speed demon mode."

   

Jax flashed her a lopsided grin.  "Sweetie, we'll just have to rope and tie them like Mom had to with Jerry until he was eighteen."

 

"Daddy, Uncle Jerry says Jonathan is gonna make you have white hair," Jillian murmured between her giggles about Jonathan's antics the weekend before when Jerry was supposedly keeping an eye on him on the terrace.  "He crawled so fast and dumped Lady's water bowl all over Uncle Jerry's shoes."

 

Jax leaned down and loudly whispered to Jillian.  "At least I will  have hair.  Uncle Jerry has holes in his head from the hair that is falling out already."

 

"I still think we should have gone with the plan to leave tufts of hair on his pillow," John managed to declare amidst his guffaws. 

 

Jane then motioned to the laughing John.  "As if you are one to talk about a lack of hair, John Jacks."

 

"But I wear it so well, Lady Jane.  Just as Master Jonathan here does," John added.  "Like distinguished royalty."

 

"Jonathan's got hair now," Jillian chimed in with a smile.  "It growed like Jessica's but no baby curls."

 

Brenda stroked her fingers through Jessica's golden curls as she spoke to Jillian.  "Jessica has beautiful hair just like you did, but it's Daddy's color."

 

"And Jonathan's hair is like Aunt Julia's," Jillian remarked as she bobbed her head.

 

"Yes, and that is how your Daddy's hair looked as when he was a little boy too.  We called him our little towhead," Jane explained to Jillian.

 

Jillian's eyes widened in confusion.  "Daddy has toes on his head?"

 

Jane laughed at the look of Jillian's face.  "No, sweetheart.  That just means that his hair was so blonde it was almost white like Snowball's fur."

 

A sigh of relief fell from Jillian's lips.  "Oh, good.  Heads aren't supposed to look like toes."

 

Jax leaned down again to whisper to Jillian.  "No, but Uncle Jerry had antennae growing out of his head like a martian."

 

"That's funny," Jillian said between her cackles. 

 

John picked up on the teasing.  "That's why you have to watch out for Uncle Jerry all the time.  I'm just glad you called and reminded him not to use any of the bubble gum lip gloss in your purse.  He really thinks he looks good wearing it."

 

Jillian nodded with a look of determination on her face.  "I telled him and Aunt Julia said she was hiding it for me till tomorrow when we go to the movies."

 

"That's a relief, princess, Jax replied with a deep sigh.  "You know how martians like to eat lip gloss." 

 

As John joined in on Jax's bantering again, Brenda rolled her eyes at the two of them.  "You both are incorrigible."  She then turned to face Jillian.  "It's almost time for your bath and for everyone to get ready for bed so the entertainment is done for the night."

 

"Can I practice wearing my wedding shoes now?  Please Mommy," Jillian pleaded.

 

"Yes, for a few minutes to start to break them in for the wedding," Brenda responded with a smile.  "Daddy can help you since he is such a comedian tonight."

 

"And because Grandpa thinks he is Dean Martin, he can help me get these little ones into their pajamas," Jane advised as she reached out to take Jessica from Brenda's arms. 

 

John rolled his eyes at Jane as Jax handed the baby to him.  "Come here, Jonathan.  We'll have a little talk about these tyrannical Jacks women and their lack of any sense of humor."

 

"John Jacks, it was only a sense of humor that enabled me to ever agree to a life of being chained to you," Jane rebutted as she shrugged at him.

   

Laughter fell from Jax's lips as Jillian reached out and grabbed his hand.  "Daddy, come on.  My shoes are in the bag and I wanna show 'em to everybody."

 

"We'll be back in a few minutes to see you modeling your shoes," Jane stated with a wink as she and John started up the stairs.

 

"And the pretty comb for my hair too, Grandmom," Jillian excitedly crooned as she led Jax toward the den with Brenda following behind.  "Brooke and Georgie are gonna wear a comb too." 

 

Inside the den, Jillian pulled out the shoe box and then started rummaging through the remaining shopping bags.  "I hafta find my comb with all of the ribbons and things for Aunt Robin's party."

 

"I'll help you look," Jax said as he reached out and grabbed a bag.  He pulled out the box from Victoria's Secret and smirked.  "I guess we won't find it in here."

 

"No, we won't," Brenda acknowledged with a smug smile as she sat down on the couch next to Jax.  "That is one of Robin's shower gifts."

 

"Daddy, it's so pretty," Jillian exclaimed as she took the lid off the box to show him.  "I helped Mommy pick it and the robe has pearls."

 

Jax nodded his head as Jillian showed off the pearls on the white satin peignoir set.  "Very pretty and you and Mommy did a very good job picking out the present."  He then flashed Brenda a devilish grin.  "Such a good job that Mommy could have bought two and kept one for herself as a reward."

 

Brenda folded her arms in front of her and gave Jax a wide eyed gaze as she suppressed the laughter threatening to break free from her throat.  "Oh, really?  A reward for ME?"     

 

"Of course, sweetie," Jax replied as his eyes twinkled brightly.  "You know that I just want you to be happy."

 

"Aww darling, aren't you just so sweet," Brenda crooned with a dramatic lilt.  "But much too generous so there's only one for Robin."

 

"Oh," Jax muttered in a slightly deflated voice and Brenda could not stop the grin from covering her face.

 

"Now, I definitely know where Jonathan inherited his adorable little boy pout," Brenda whispered to him as she leaned over and kissed Jax's cheek.  She then discreetly winked at Jillian who nodded her head and gave Brenda the best imitation of a return wink that she could.   

 

Brenda replaced the lid and returned the box back to the shopping bag with the other shower gifts and supplies.  Jillian then pulled out the small box containing her comb.  "I finded it.  Look, Daddy, it has ribbons and pearls on it."

 

"Oh, aren't you going to look beautiful," Jax told Jillian as he stroked her curls.

 

"Let's get your shoes on and then we'll show Daddy how the comb looks in your hair," Brenda suggested as she opened the shoe box.

 

"Cinderella, allow me," Jax declared as he lifted Jillian onto Brenda's lap so that her small feet rested atop his thighs. 

 

Jillian laughed and held out her right foot as Jax slipped on the white patent leather shoe. 

 

"A perfect fit," Jax noted with a beaming smile as he slid on the other shoe.  "See, we knew you were the real princess." 

 

Jillian's sparkling eyes matched those of her father's as she smiled at him.  "Now, you hafta see the comb after Mommy fixes my hair."

 

Brenda reached into her purse and pulled out a brush.  "Yes, Your Royal Highness." 

 

Jax watched as she brushed back Jillian's curls.  When Brenda moved her head around to see the front of Jillian's hair, their cheeks touched and Jax felt the smile overtaking his face.  It still amazed him just how mesmerizing the sight of his sweetheart angel and her miniature version could be.  From their radiance to their stubbornness to their tenacity, they made his heart sing melodies that could only have been sent from heaven.

 

Brenda pulled Jillian's hair back and then pushed the comb through the thick tresses.  She looked up and met Jax's dreamy gaze and felt the warmth from her heart course all the way to her toes.  She had to take a breath to find her voice.  "Okay, princess, let's take a look."    

 

Jillian scooted off Brenda's lap and stood in front of the couch.  With light dancing across her face, she beamed.  "Does it look pretty for the wedding?" 

 

"Just beautiful, princess," Jax murmured.

 

Jillian coyly giggled and then held out her right shoe.  "And see how shiny my shoes are?"

 

"Let's see how shiny those shoes are," John announced as he carried Jonathan into the den.

 

"See 'em, Grandpa," Jillian said as she faced the door to show John and Jane who had come behind him.

 

John nodded his head and winked at her.  "As shiny as a new quarter."

 

"And look at that beautiful comb in your hair," Jane added.  "Those pearls will match your dress perfectly."

 

An excited Jillian grinned as she sat back on the couch between Jax and Brenda.  "I hope the wedding comes real fast."

 

Brenda took Jessica from Jane and laughed as Jessica tried to grab the ribbon from Jillian's combs.  "No, pumpkin, that is not yours."

 

Jax chuckled at his youngest daughter's antics as he lifted Jonathan from John's arms.  "Look at your big sister, she's so beautiful that Uncle Matt may just marry her at the wedding."

 

Jillian giggled and then shook her head.  "No, Daddy.  I'm gonna marry you when I get big.  Just like Mommy."

 

Jax reached out and stroked Jillian's cheek as he flashed her a radiant beam.  John and Jane both smiled as Brenda kissed the top of Jillian's head and whispered to her.  "Aren't we both so lucky?"

 

Tuesday, November 5, 2002

The Barrett/Jacks Penthouse -- 7:00pm

 

Jerry watched as Julia mindlessly pushed the medallion of veal around her plate.  She had been silent since they had sat down at the table with the meal that Rose had left for them.  It had been a very emotional twenty-four hours since their trip to Manhattan the day before with Justus to meet with his law school friend, Lindsey Tate.  Lindsey and her husband had spent years as the awaiting clients in the adoption process and she had now decided to devote part of her legal practice to private adoptions.  She had her own experience as well as social workers she retained as consultants to provide her prospective clients with the true picture of the adoption world.  That included the negatives and positives as well as the happy ending and not so happy ones. 

 

Julia finally let out a deep sigh and dropped the fork on her plate.  "I don't think my stomach can deal with the idea of food right now."

 

"It's all right to be overwhelmed right now," Jerry said in a reassuring tone. 

 

"What about terrified," Julia asked as she sunk against the back of the chair."

 

Jerry reached out and covered her hand with his.  "Hey, to be worth anything, it has to be frightening and overwhelming.  And I mean for both of us."

 

"Do we really know what we are getting ourselves into?" Julia's voice shook as she spoke.  "Sometimes I really wonder if we have any idea what we are doing."

 

The left side of Jerry's mouth curved up into a smile.  "Julia, are you now doubting your research and bookworm skills and the complete obsessive way of looking into anything you do?"

 

"Jerry, I mean it," she murmured with a frustrated exhale.  "It is one thing to read case studies and manuals and talk to lawyers, social workers and adoptive parents, but it is quite another to actually be part of it all.  After everything that Lindsey said yesterday..."

 

He interrupted her with a question.  "Are you saying that you would rather not have heard it?"

 

"No, I'm not saying that," Julia responded with a shake of her head.  "She knows exactly what we're facing.  Of all the things we've done, going to Lindsey was the wisest."

 

"So, you are now saying that we actually did one thing right," Jerry queried as he cocked his eyebrow.         

"You're not funny," Julia retorted with a slight edge in her voice.  "Not funny at all."

 

Jerry met her eyes as he continued.  "Actually, I am hysterical but for the moment, we'll overlook that since you haven't answered my question.  "Are you admitting that we actually did something right?"

 

"Yes, she replied with a glare.  "Are you satisfied?"

 

"Not quite."  His tone then became serious.  "I want to know what you're really feeling right now after hearing all that Lindsey had to say."

 

Julia's voice wavered as she looked up at him.  "I'm scared.  Really scared."

 

"So am I," he acknowledged in return.  "Don't you know that?"

 

"I do and I know in my head that we're supposed to be but it doesn't make it any easier at times." She pushed back the hair form her face.  "I know all awaiting parents are afraid on some level, I'm just scared we won't even get to that point to be afraid."

 

"What else," Jerry prodded as he stroked her arm.  

 

Julia took a deep breath before she answered.  "I hate not being in control of all this.  I hate that we have to wait for some phone call that may never come and even if it does, someone has to give up their child to us and then not decide to come take it back."  She shook her head as she met his gaze.  "Could we really survive that?"

 

"Does anyone ever really know the answer to that?"  Jerry took her hand in his.  "Life deals plenty of lousy hands and often at merciless moments.  No one ever knows when it is their turn to get a bad draw.  Look at Jax and Brenda."

 

"It almost destroyed her," she whispered aloud.  "It almost destroyed both of them."

 

"But it didn't, and look at what they have now."  Jerry held her gaze as he continued to speak.  "There is always the choice to fold and step away from the table.  We have that choice now, Julia.  We could stop this before it even starts."

 

"That's not a choice for me now," Julia countered in a deliberate tone before her voice softened.  "But this is not only about me."

 

"It's not a choice for me either," Jerry responded with a shake of his head.  "But you know this is not going to be easy."

 

Julia closed her eyes momentarily as a lump formed in her throat.  "I know.  We could be in this same place a year from now or even longer.  There may never be a call."

 

"Are you sure you want to do this," he asked.  "Lindsey was clear about how long this could take and how short notice this could be and what could happen..."

 

"And what could happen in the end," Julia added.  "Or what may not happen in the end.  You know that's what scares me the most."

 

He squeezed Julia's hand again.  "What scares you the most?"

 

"Someone has to find the strength in their heart and soul to give their child up and then has to decide we will be its parents.  What if she thinks we're not young enough or we're too wealthy or we just don't stack up?"  Julia lowered her eyes to the table.  "What if she thinks we're simply trying to buy something we can't have?"

 

Jerry reached out and lifted her chin so that Julia was looking at him.  "Hey there, I don't want to hear anything like that from you again.  I don't care how much money we have, we are not buying anything.  We are choosing to bring a child into our lives because we want a family and someone to share in all the love we have to give."

 

"We know that's the reason but not everyone else will understand that."  She let out a jagged breath before proceeding.  "It will be up to us to protect our children from the viciousness and misperceptions of the world and there are times we won't be able to be there."

 

"No, we won't.  But it won't matter because our children will know just how chosen they were," Jerry responded in a reassuring tone.  "From the first moment, our children will know how much they were truly loved and wanted."   

 

"I don't even know if I'll ever be able to really convey how much they're wanted," Julia murmured.  "Or make them understand how they were conceived and carried in our hearts while we waited."

 

Jerry stroked his hand through Julia's hair as he smiled.  "All they'll need is to look at you, and they'll know."

 

Julia blinked back the tears brimming her eyes.  "You're sure you want to do this, risks and all?"

  

"If I was in the habit of walking away from a risky game, I would have blown this town five years ago after laying eyes on you," Jerry said with a shrug. 

 

As an involuntary smile appeared on her face, Julia felt some of the tension in her muscles dissipate.  "I guess I'm supposed to be thankful for that?"

 

"Honored actually."  Jerry then clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth and continued.  "I decided you had lived such a deprived life and to get by St. Peter, I had to do my good deed and show you just what you were missing."

  

"Lucky and honored, what else could anyone ask for," Julia inquired as she flashed Jerry a bright smile.

 

"We'll do what we can to find that out," Jerry replied with a smile of his own.  "We're going to get through this, Julia."

 

"You're right, we all will," Julia whispered in return as her eyes mirrored the dreams and love in her heart.

 

The Jacks Residence -- 8:00pm

 

Brenda changed Jessica into her pink sleeper as Jonathan sat on the rug of the nursery, beating the large plastic spoon against the plastic bowl.  Jax had decided weeks before that his son had a career as a drummer ahead of him.  Brenda finished fastening the snaps at Jessica's feet and lifted the baby against her shoulder.  Jonathan was already dressed for bed and Brenda was just waiting for Jax to return home from his two nights in Toronto before putting the twins down for the evening.

 

Simultaneously with the sound of her approaching footsteps, Jillian called out to Brenda.  "I saw Daddy's car coming."

 

"Okay, thank you for being such a good look-out," Brenda said in relation to Jillian's vigil at the guest room window.  "When Daddy comes upstairs, we'll all say good night to Jess and Jonathan and then it'll be your bedtime as well." 

 

"I remember, cause we already read the Clifford book," Jillian lilted as a glowing smile appeared on her face.  "Daddy's gonna be surprised and I helped."

 

"Yes, you're going to be a big help and we like to surprise Daddy," Brenda said with a wink as she sat Jessica down on the rug next to Jonathan.

    

"Daddy surprised us too," Jillian remarked as she looked up at the bud vases sitting on the dresser.  Matching the vase in Jillian's room, one held three perfect pink sweetheart rosebuds for Jessica while the other held three flawless white rosebuds for Jonathan.  They had been delivered this morning along with two dozen long stems of pink and white roses for Brenda.  "The baby flowers are so pretty."

 

Brenda touched Jillian's cheek and smiled.  "Daddy makes us all feel very special, doesn't he?"

 

"Uh-huh," Jillian replied with a nod.  "And today's a special day, just like Daddy's card you read when the man brought the flowers."

 

"Today's a very special day and that is why tonight is Daddy and Mommy special time."  Brenda caressed Jillian's face again.  "You remember what I told you?"

 

Jillian bobbed her head up and down as she spoke.  "Special time, just like you coming to ballet school with me and when Daddy takes me to play on the big monkey bars at the park."

 

A proud grin covered Brenda's face.  "Exactly and thank you for helping Josee make a special dinner for Daddy."

 

"Josee cooked lots of food and it tasted good."  Jillian then revised her statement.  "Not the little claw things.  Those are yucky."

 

"Crawfish, and they do look a little yucky," Brenda said through her soft laughter.  "But you can have more of the gumbo for lunch tomorrow when you come home from school."

 

"And more candy too," Jillian asked with a hopeful tone.

 

"Yes, you can have the pralines too."  Brenda hugged Jillian and Lady then bounded down the hallway at the sound of the front door opening.  "Okay, Daddy's here so you know what to do." 

   

Jillian put her right index finger to her lips.  "Shhh, secret."  She then rushed out into the hall and stood at the top of the stairs.  "Daddy!"

 

"Hey there, princess.  I missed you," Jax crooned as he climbed the stairs.  "Where is everyone?"

 

"Playing in the nursery till you comed home," Jillian declared as Jax kissed the top of her head.  

 

Jax took her hand.  "Let's go find them."

 

A moment later Jax and Jillian entered the nursery and found Brenda sitting on the floor with a sleepy Jessica in her lap while Jonathan continued beating his drum next to them.

 

"Jess, here's Daddy.  I told you he was coming home to kiss you good night," Brenda murmured as she bounced the baby on her knee.  Jessica began babbling as she saw Jax approaching.

 

"Hello pumpkin."  Jax leaned down and lifted Jessica from Brenda's arms.  "I'm so glad you stayed awake."  He kissed both of Jessica's cheeks.  "I missed saying good night to you and your sister and brother the last two days."

 

"They missed you too," Brenda proclaimed as a smile lit up her face.  "We all did."

 

Jax kissed Brenda softly on the mouth as she rose from the floor.  "Not half as much I missed all of you." 

 

Jonathan took the opportunity to show off his talents as he squealed and beat the spoon even louder against the bowl.  Brenda laughed at his activities.  "Yes, Jonathan, we hear you and Daddy missed your drumming too."

 

"Yes, we all hear you, peanut," Jax stated as he knelt down beside Jonathan and patted the baby's head.  He then looked over at Brenda.  "I'm telling you, he is going to be the next Phil Collins."   

 

"Well, Phil Collins and his back up singer need to get to bed," Brenda remarked as Jessica rubbed her sleepy eyes.

 

"Daddy, Jessica likes to talk to her flowers," Jillian announced before she then started to giggle. "And Jonathan tried to eat his."

 

Jax shook his head as Jonathan gave him a toothy grin.  "Your brother wants to taste everything he sees."

 

"The flowers are so pretty and they smell good," Jillian declared.  "Mommy likes hers too." 

 

"Mommy loves her flowers," Brenda murmured as she gazed lovingly at Jax.  "Thank you from all of us."

 

 "You're very welcome," Jax responded with a twinkle in his turquoise eyes.  He then chuckled as Jessica pulled at his tie.  "You're welcome too and thanks for loosening my tie."

 

Brenda lifted Jonathan from the floor and he fussed as she took the plastic spoon from his grasp. "Tomorrow, you can play your drums again.  It's time to go nite-nite."

 

Jax rubbed Jessica's back as she snuggled her face against his chest.  "I know you're ready, sweetie."

 

"Nite-nite Jessica and Jonathan," Jillian said as she stroked the babies' heads.  She then walked over to the dresser and turned on the musical aquarium.  "Here's the fish and the music."

 

"Thank you, Jillian," Jax stated as he flipped off the light switch so that the aquarium glowed brightly on the ceiling. 

 

"You can go brush your teeth and Daddy and I will be there to say good night in a few minutes," Brenda told her with a sly wink. 

 

Jillian gave her a big smile before bounding toward the door.  "Okay, I'll get all ready."

 

"Nite-nite, sweetheart," Brenda crooned as she kissed Jonathan's cheek.  "You like the bubbles."

 

Jax leaned over and kissed his son's forehead.  "Good night, peanut.  Tomorrow we'll see what you can do with two spoons on your drums."

 

Brenda put Jonathan into his crib and then rubbed the soft cotton of his blanket against his cheek until the baby clutched it and quieted down.  As Jonathan's frets became soft coos at the fish swimming on the ceiling, Brenda kissed Jessica good night and Jax then put the baby down in her bed.  "Sweet dreams, pumpkin."  

 

Jax turned on the baby monitor and then he and Brenda made their way out into the hall as the twins babbled to each other.  "They have their own way of communicating."

 

"That, they do," Brenda affirmed with a nod of her head as she wrapped her arms around Jax.  "Maggie said this afternoon, they were in a very animated conversation before Jonathan used Jessica as a ladder to try to get to the bottom leaves of the ficus tree."

A lopsided grin appeared on Jax's face.  "So, they're plotting their crimes already?"

 

"They make quite a formidable team," Brenda remarked as she stroked her hands along the taut muscles of Jax's chest.  "We're going to be pulling our hair out before all of this is done."

 

"They'll try but we are an unbeatable team," he voiced in a tone which sounded like a melodious serenade.  Jax then tilted Brenda's head up and kissed her fully on the mouth. 

 

"Unstoppable," Brenda whispered in return as her velvet pools glimmered with light.  She then rested her head against Jax's chest as he pulled her deeper into his embrace.  "I know it's been a long three days for you and I'm so glad you're home."

 

"There's no place else I'd be tonight," Jax mumbled as his mouth caressed the silkiness of her hair.   "We made a promise to each other."

 

Brenda smiled against his chest.  "Yes, it almost makes me feel sorry for all those deprived souls who don't have un-anniversaries to celebrate."

 

A cheshire grin covered Jax's face as he spoke, "They don't have a clue what they're missing."

 

"But, on the other hand, I know exactly what I have," Brenda confessed in a voice laden with emotion as she looked up at Jax.  

 

"We both do," Jax countered with a gleaming smile.  "That's what makes us indestructible."

 

Brenda flashed him a beaming simper and then took a step closer to the nursery door.  Only one set of fading coos resounded as Jessica had fallen into dreamland and Jonathan was waging his final battle with Mr. Sandman.  "Okay, they should stay settled so we can sit down to eat soon.  I'm sure you're starved."

 

"I must be because I swear I smell food up here," Jax replied with a nod.

 

Brenda let out an inward groan.  The man could smell any food within a one mile radius.  "Let's go say good night to Jillian and then you can take a shower while I get Josee's dinner."

 

"Princess is still a little wired for this hour," Jax noted as he moved his arm around Brenda as they headed down the hallway toward Jillian's room.

 

"She has been since this morning," Brenda responded with a soft laugh.  "I promised we'd explain about an un-anniversary when she gets older so now she is just enjoying the fact that she has  flowers from her Daddy."

 

They entered Jillian's room and found her holding Roo-Roo as she leaned over her dresser to sniff the roses.  Jillian turned and saw Jax and Brenda in the doorway.  "Me and Roo-Roo wanted to smell the flowers again."

 

"I'm glad that you and Roo-Roo like them so much," Jax declared as he flashed her a smile.

 

"I'm all ready for bed," Jillian chirped as she moved to her bed.  "I brushed all my teeth."

 

Jax pulled the comforter back as Jillian climbed onto her bed.  "No story?"

 

"Mommy helped me read about Clifford, the Big Red Dog," Jillian replied as she laid Roo-Roo next to her.  "Now you won't have tired eyes after all your meetings."

 

He leaned over and kissed Jillian's cheek.  "Aren't you and Mommy sweet?"

 

"Uh-huh, just like cotton candy," Jillian giggled.  "Mommy always tells me that."

 

"That's right, we're sweet just like cotton candy." Brenda affirmed with a snicker as she tucked in Jillian's blanket and then kissed her forehead.   

 

Jax could not hold back the grin from his face at the sound of the laughter of his two beautiful princesses.  "Something tells me that it is the two of you that I'm going to have to watch like a hawk rather than the conspiring playmates."

 

"Such a smart man," Brenda replied with a smug smile as she squeezed Jax's shoulder.  "I guess you've earned your dinner."  She then winked as she blew a kiss to Jillian.  "Good night sweetheart.  We love you."

 

"Nite Mommy and Daddy," Jillian chimed as she blew a return kiss to Brenda.

 

"Good night princess," Jax murmured as he stroked his hand through Jillian's curls.     

 

Brenda turned off the light and Jillian waved good night to her and Jax as they left the bedroom.  They stopped at the nursery and found the twins peacefully sleeping.  When they finally reached the master suite, Jax shook his head at Brenda and chuckled out loud.

 

She looked over at Jax with a lift of her eyebrow as she turned on the baby monitor.  "What?"

 

"YOU, that's what," Jax answered with a laugh as he took off his suit jacket.  "What did you bribe Jillian with to go to bed without three story requests and snacks?"

 

Brenda shrugged her shoulders.  "There was no bribery.  I simply told her that today was a special day so it could be a present to us if she cooperated."

 

Jax choked back his laughter.  "Now, the real story."

 

"What real story," Brenda asked with feigned ignorance.  

 

"Brenda..," Jax prodded as he removed his tie.

 

"Fine, it was candy," Brenda announced with a roll of her eyes.

 

A smirk lit up Jax's face.  "Such a big shock there.  She is your clone and sugar always worked on you."

 

Brenda folded her arms across her chest.  "Are you quite through?  If not, then I guess you want me to actually cook your dinner which means it will be a bowl of cereal."  She then flashed Jax a smirk of her own.  "And it will be my favorite -- Lucky Charms and with a chaser of Cocoa Puffs.  We could start an un-anniversary tradition with that on the menu."

 

"Okay, I'll stop," Jax pledged with a snicker.  "But you just remember, I am going to be watching you and your fellow schemer."

 

"Fine, we'll enjoy the attention," Brenda declared before she then spoke in a throaty whispered against Jax's ear.  "And you can enjoy the view."

 

"That, I will most assuredly do," Jax acknowledged in a husky tone as he ran his hands down Brenda's arms and then captured her lips with his own.

 

After a torrent of kisses, Brenda finally put a stop to the passion.  She pressed her palms against Jax's chest.  "You'd better get in the shower and I'd better go check on Jillian and dinner before we have a lot more than an un-anniversary to explain."

 

A sexy glint radiated from Jax's eyes as he headed toward the bathroom.  "Fine, just don't forget where we were."

 

Brenda waved her hand at him as he laughed.  When the bathroom door finally closed behind him, she let out a deep exhale and keenly listened for the sound of the running water.  At the first sound of the pulsating jets, Brenda quickly scrambled around the room.  She turned on the gas fireplace and then pulled the picnic basket from under the four poster bed.  She removed the china, silver, crystal, linens and candlesticks and quickly set the small table in front of the fireplace.  Brenda then scurried out of the suite to Jane and John's guest suite down the hall.  She pulled the salads and dessert out of the refrigerator and took them to the master suite.  She then returned to the guest suite to get the heated serving cart, which had been keeping Josee's gourmet meal warm.  One final trip to the guest suite yielded the ice bucket where she had been chilling a bottle of champagne and a last check of all the children found them all in dreamland.  She added the touches of Mardi Gras decor around the room and turned down the bed for the last celebration of the evening.

 

Everything in place for dinner, Brenda quickly pulled the sweater over her head, kicked off her shoes and then stepped out of her jeans.  She hurriedly removed her bra and then opened up the lingerie drawer.  She pulled out the sea shell pink peignoir set from the bottom of the pile and quickly slid the satin gown over her head and then put on the robe as she heard the water shut off in the bathroom.  She tried to catch her breath as she threw her discarded clothes onto the floor of the closet.  Brenda grabbed the brush from the dresser and ran it through her hair and then sprayed her favorite perfume in strategic places.  Brenda then fastened the top pearl button of the robe and made a last check of herself in the mirror.  She sighed at the flush on her cheeks from her frenzied activity of the past fifteen minutes but at least the tint matched the color of her gown.

 

Brenda then grabbed the matches from the mantle and lit the candlesticks on the table to finish setting the scene just as she heard the turning of the bathroom doorknob.  She quickly stepped back further around the corner and used the remote to turn on the CD player.    

 

Jax opened the door, rubbing a towel through his hair and wearing his blue satin pajama bottoms and the matching robe, untied at the waist.  As he took one step into the suite, the sound of the music, the glow of the candle and the smell of food, tinged with the fragrance of Brenda's perfume, hit him instantaneously.  With three more steps, Jax had passed the walk-in closet and now had a full view of the scene awaiting him around the corner. The towel fell to his shoulder as Jax simply drank in the sight of  Brenda as the candles and firelight flickered across her face and against the satin of her negligee. 

 

"Happy un-anniversary, darling," Brenda murmured with a smile that immediately touched his soul.

 

Jax's voice sounded as if it were strangled in his throat.  "You're getting much too good at this, Mrs. Jacks."

 

Brenda's musical laughter made his heart sing as she spoke.  "That's part of the test of being a true Jacks, isn't it?"

 

"Truer than I believed anyone could ever be."  Jax shook his head in awe at her as he fully surveyed the scene she had so beautifully set.  The sultry jazz music continued to play as Jax easily recognized the spicy aroma of the Cajun and Creole dishes on the menu.  There were small Mardi Gras masks and court jester dolls positioned around the room.    He moved over to Brenda.  "You brought New Orleans here."

 

"Well, not the Spanish moss.  And I left the rain and humidity as well," Brenda retorted with a grin as she passed him a glass of champagne.  "But the best parts are here."

 

Jax was still slightly overwhelmed and his voice was laden with tender emotion.  "You're the best part."

 

Brenda felt her heart flutter with joy at the look on Jax's face and at the sound of his words.  "We're the best part."  She lifted her glass of champagne to him.  "Happy un-anniversary."

 

"Happy un-anniversary, my love," Jax returned with a beaming smile as their glasses clinked. 

 

She took a sip and it took a few seconds for her throat to get accustomed to the bubbles again after eighteen months without alcohol between the pregnancy and her months of breastfeeding which had ended two weeks before.  Brenda looked up at Jax and shook her head.  "I see you laughing at me behind your eyes." 

 

"No, I'm laughing with you, not at you, sweetie," Jax countered with a snicker.  "Last year still takes the prize with your non-enthusiastic reaction to the toast with a vanilla milkshake."

 

"With fat free frozen yogurt and no whipped cream.  And most importantly, it wasn't chocolate," she reminded him. 

 

Jax took Brenda's glass and placed it along with his own on the table.  He then took both of Brenda's hands in his.  "I know, all those sacrifices and you were such a trooper through all of it last year." 

 

"So were you," she offered in a velvety voice.  "Last year, we didn't have the opportunity to really celebrate today.  With me being seven months pregnant, off my feet with high blood pressure and in celibate status, it was not a real anniversary for you."

 

He tenderly kissed the back of Brenda's right hand.  "A small price to pay.  We were together, that was all that mattered." 

 

Brenda nodded as she smiled.  "Yes, and now we have Jessica and Jonathan which makes today even mean more.  After all your pampering of me last year on this day and every other one, it's your turn."

 

"It was well worth it," Jax replied before then flashing her a smirk.  "Even if I did have to sit through `The Sound of Music' yet again."

 

"I'll ignore that remark tonight," she mumbled before continuing.  "This is not only from me, Jillian was a big help.  And as you already would have surmised, Josee did the culinary honors."

 

"See, that's what I meant about having to keep a very careful watch on you and your fellow plotting princess," Jax noted in a sensual tone as his eyes roved down the soft pink satin of Brenda's robe.  "You two were conspiring ten days ago on the shopping excursion for Robin."

 

A sultry smile curved at the corner of Brenda's mouth.  "I told you I bought only one of the gift I had for Robin and that's exactly what I did.  Her set was white and this is not.  It's not the same at all."

 

"Bewitching, even in outrageous denial," Jax responded as he gently sucked on Brenda's right index finger.

 

Brenda cleared her throat as she regained control of her thoughts.  "I think we'd better sit down and eat."

 

Jax moved his hands to her waist as he pulled Brenda toward him.  "I like what's on the menu right here."

 

Before Brenda had the chance to reply, his mouth captured hers and Jax's hands roamed up and down her back.  She moaned against his mouth as her hands moved inside Jax's robe to stroke his bare chest. Brenda offered no resistance as his tongue begged for entrance and soon the tip of her own tongue took control of the dance.  As she felt Jax's hands roving lower down her back, Brenda mustered the strength to pull away from the sensuous storm brewing between them.

 

"Enough of that appetizer for right now," Brenda warned as she reached up and wiped her lipstick from Jax's mouth.  She then moved over to the table and pulled out the chair.  "Sit."

 

Jax suppressed his chuckle at the sound of Brenda's labored breathing and walked to the table and sat down.  "Now, it's your turn," he announced as he pulled Brenda into his lap and then left a trail of kisses along her ear and neck.

 

Brenda rolled her eyes and groaned.  "Jax, you're mad."

 

His eyes twinkled more brightly than the light from the candles as Jax met Brenda's gaze.  "I'm in love."  

          

She let out a blissful sigh at the memory of the same exchange in New Orleans six years before.  Brenda wrapped her arms around Jax's neck and she spoke.  "So am I and I don't have the words to explain it now."  Her voice quaked with emotion as she continued.  "How do you describe being head over heels in love to the thousandth degree?"  Tears crept into the corner of Brenda's eyes as she found her voice again.  "How do I tell you exactly what you mean to me?"

 

"You just did, just like you do every day," Jax whispered as he wiped away the tear which had escaped down her left cheek.  "One look in your eyes is all that I'll ever need.  Just one look and I'm looking into my own soul."

 

"So much has happened since that night at the Quartermaines," she said softly.  "In those first few months, I didn't think we'd ever be here now.  But after we found out way through that, I realized we needed to go through those difficult times in order to have a future together."

 

Jax stroked the palm of his hand against her cheek.  "We love each other and that never changed -- not through any it, the good times or the bad.  Through Miranda and Sonny and losing Jamie and everything in between, our love was there."

 

"You're right, it was always there," Brenda professed as she turned her cheek into the warmth of his palm.  "And it always will be."

 

"We love each other.  Enough to forgive each other.  Enough to stumble and fall and try again," Jax asserted as he gazed at Brenda.  "That will get us through anything that life brings our way."

 

"Yes, it will," Brenda affirmed with a beaming smile.  "We need to promise each other that we'll teach those beautiful angels of ours to do the same when it's time for love to come into their lives."

 

A deep exhale fell from Jax's lips.  "Of course, that means when they are fifty.  Especially Jessica and her spellbinding eyes."

 

Brenda laughed as she hugged him.  Jax put his arms around her and when his palm slide around to cup the side of her breast, Brenda patted him on the back and broke free of his embrace.  "Okay, mister, now it is really time to eat."

 

"Why put yourself to the trouble of serving from all the way over there," Jax teased as Brenda sat in the other chair, a whole three feet away from him across the table.

 

"As if you didn't know," Brenda answered with a devilish look in her eyes as she placed the ladle into the steaming tureen.  "Besides, if any of this lands in your lap, your misbehaving hands won't be the only thing down for the count tonight."  

 

Jax choked on his mirth and took a drink from his glass of mineral water while Brenda laughed to herself.  She dished out the seafood gumbo and passed a brimming bowl to Jax.  "Jillian put her seal of approval on the scaled down version with no cayenne pepper or crawfish since they are too yucky to eat according to her."   

 

"She'll change her mind about them," Jax said with a chuckle.  "And she'll appreciate cayenne pepper and tabasco sauce before it is all over."

 

Brenda handed Jax the cayenne pepper and tabasco sauce that she had brought up from the kitchen for him.  "Here are these for that cast iron stomach of yours."

 

"You don't know what you're missing," Jax countered as he added the extra spices to his bowl.

 

"I'll take my chances and save the indigestion," Brenda contended as she served herself a small bowl.  "And Josee put plenty of oysters in it for you...not that you NEED them," she added with a roll of her eyes.

 

Jax gave Brenda a sly smile as she brought the soup spoon to her mouth.  "Well, at least you know what you're missing on that score.  ABSOLUTELY NOTHING."

 

"Stop," Brenda muttered aloud while she choked on the gumbo and laughed at the same time as she kicked Jax under the table with her bare foot. 

 

He flashed her an even more devilish grin as his bare foot moved against hers.  "Footsie already and you claim that I'M the one who doesn't need the oysters." 

 

Brenda moved the spoon in her bowl and threatened to shoot one of those oysters right at Jax's face as he raucously laughed.  As he watched the mischief glow in Brenda's chocolate eyes, Jax blew her a kiss and then flashed her one of his irresistible smiles.  Brenda envisioned them sixty years from now in a similar exchange with roving canes instead of roving feet.  He'd still have that smile and she'd still be unable to resist it.  Now, that was something to celebrate, Brenda basked as she shot Jax a surrendering grin.

 

An hour later, Josee's dinner of artichoke salad, shrimp creole with parsley rice and creole white chocolate mousse pie had been savored.  Jax and Brenda were now enjoying each other and the music as they danced amidst the shimmering firelight in the otherwise darkened room.  Murmured promises of love fused with soft laughter as the loving pair floated together.  As the shadows moved across the wall, it was impossible to detect where one form ended and the other began.  Their bodies melded together as one as the images drifted across the room.  The union was so perfect, so complete, that the cast shadows illustrated the sole heart which had been created from two merging perfectly together six years earlier.       

 

Their lips mirrored the intimacy of their dance as Jax and Brenda swayed in front of the fire.  Brenda tangled her fingers through the back of Jax's hair as he pulled her tightly against his chest.  As their bodies pressed together, Brenda could feel the flames building between them.  She gave him a long drugging kiss and then dropped baby kisses along Jax's jawline.  Her hands moved inside his robe and she traced circles along his chest.  Jax gasped at the feel of her burning touch and then he groaned as Brenda took a step away from him.

 

Brenda gave Jax a beautiful smile and her eyes danced with fire as she made sure he was aware of just who was in charge tonight.  She ran the tip of her fingers down the center of his chest and then moved her hands to Jax's shoulders and pushed away the material of his robe so that the garment dropped to the floor.  Brenda's fingers then caressed the breadth of his chest before the pads of her thumbs rubbed softly against his nipples.  She continued her passionate attack as Brenda's mouth traced the path her fingers had made on his chest.  When her tongue imitated the action of her thumbs against his nipples, Jax sucked in his breath at the pleasure.     

 

Can I touch you?

I can't believe that you are real

How did I ever find you?

You are the dream that saved my life

You are the reason I survived

Baby

 

Her sensual assault continued as Brenda's mouth laid claim to his.  Her tongue rimmed the edge of Jax's lips before gaining entrance to his mouth.  When her tongue led his own in a torrid tango, Brenda scratched her fingernails up and down Jax's back.  Brenda pressed her body against his she backed Jax over to the edge of the bed.  He sat down on the bed with her in his lap as their lips never separated.          

Once they came up for air, Brenda moved from his lap and then pushed Jax against the navy blue satin sheets on the bed.  She pushed the robe from her own shoulders and climbed into the bed beside him.  Jax closed his eyes as her mouth began a trail of caresses at his forehead.  The path moved to his eyelids and then his cheekbones before Brenda dropped a kiss on the cleft of Jax's chin.  Her tongue rimmed the outside of his left ear as Jax moaned with pleasure.  Jax's fingers threaded through her thick tresses as Brenda's barrage of kisses moved down his chest to his stomach. 

 

I never thought that I could love

Someone as much I love you

I know it's crazy but it's true

I never thought that I could need

Someone as much as I need you

I love you

 

Brenda knelt beside him on the bed as her hand crept inside Jax's pajama bottoms.  Jax struggled to regulate his breathing as her fingers bestowed their magic.  Brenda spoke in hushed caresses as Jax lifted his hips and she pushed the satin pants down his legs.  Jax's control teetered at the edge as he shifted against the satin sheets. 

 

Jax sat up as Brenda knelt behind him and massaged his shoulders.  Her mouth followed her healing hands as Brenda left a track of kisses and then nipped at the skin of Jax's neck.  Brenda then pulled her satin negligee over her head. She reached around his chest to hold Jax's hands in front of him as she pressed her bare chest against his back.  Jax's breathing became short pants at the sensation of the sweet torture. 

 

Can I hold you?

Girl, your smile could light the sky

You are too beautiful for the human eye

You are the dream that never dies

You are the fire that burns inside

Baby

 

Brenda released Jax's hands and he immediately pulled her in front of him.  Their lips met in a scintillating kiss as Jax fell against the satin pillows with her on top of him.  Brenda's taut nipples pressed against Jax's chest and his palms moved to cradle the sides of her breasts.  His fingers caressed and squeezed the roundness of the soft skin as Brenda whimpered with pleasure into his mouth.  Jax then moved his right hand to the mattress and rolled both of them over so that Brenda was now beneath him.  As Jax's kisses then moved down the center of Brenda's chest, she reveled in the sensation of his sensual assault.

 

Jax saw all the love on Brenda's face as he eased himself over her.  Brenda smiled at the darkened desire in his eyes as she took Jax's face into her hands.  Their lips joined in soft caresses as Jax moved between her legs.  With whispered pledges of love, Jax watched the fire in Brenda's eyes explode as he made them one.  Brenda's hands moved to his shoulders as Jax kissed each of her eyelids.  As Jax continued to bring her closer to paradise, Brenda moaned in delight at the feel of every ounce of delicious love that they shared.       

 

I never thought that I could love

Someone as much as I love you

I know it's crazy but it's true

Ohhh

I never thought that I could need

Someone as much as I need you

 

Her nails clawed at Jax's back as the pace and intensity of his loving caresses increased.  Brenda arched her back to meet every move as Jax took her closer and closer to heaven.  Jax brought her to the brink before he slowed down the pace again.  He took her higher until Brenda reached the edge again and Jax brought her back down a step to extend the bliss.  Jax began a new series of intimate touches as the gates of heaven beckoned them.  As Jax was about to take Brenda to Eden, a sigh of pleasure fell from his lips as their love had once against enabled him to touch her very soul.  They had fit perfectly together yet again.

 

Bursts of color intertwined with the heat of the sun and the power of the ocean as Jax and Brenda soared through heaven's gates on their journey into paradise.  The love flowing through them provided Jax and Brenda wings as they glided over the shimmering water below.  They sailed through the sky as the glistening sunlight warmed their path.  Music from the heavens above wafted through the air as they danced under the sparkling brilliance.  Jax and Brenda reveled in the feel of being in each other's arms as they floated to the never-ending song in their hearts.  The melody continued around them as they came back to earth again and snuggled together under the comforter.  Jax wrapped his arms around Brenda's waist and she interlocked her fingers intimately with his as they murmured "I love you" into the blissful night.   

 

You are the sunshine in the sky

You are the sparkle in my eye

Ohhh

I never thought that I could love

Someone as much as I love you

I know it's crazy but it's true

I never thought that I could need

Someone as much as I need you

I love you

 

Saturday, November 23, 2002

Port Charles Cathedral/The Versailles Room -- 4:40pm

 

The bride's room of the cathedral was a bustle of activity as the start of the ceremony quickly approached.  The room was filled to bursting capacity as attendants, family and friends gathered.  Lois had joked earlier that Robin had to choose the cathedral for the wedding because it was the only church in town that had a bridal room big enough to accommodate everyone. 

 

As the excited flower girls looked on in awe, the photographer snapped a few candid shots of the last minute preparations.  Felicia placed the final clip in Robin's hair to secure the tiara in place as Lois smoothed out the lace of the veil.  Brenda and Karen bent down to fan out the train of the gown as Julia handed Robin her bouquet.  Everyone then took a step back to get the full view of the bride and Robin was a sight to see as adulation came from all around.

 

Jillian then moved in front of the mirror next to Robin and sighed as she touched the skirt of Robin's gown.  "Aunt Robin, you're prettier than Maria AND Cinderella."

 

Robin knelt down and put her arm around Jillian.  "Thank you Jillian.  I don't think anyone will say anything nicer to me all night."

 

Brenda flashed her daughter a beaming smile as the photographer caught the moment between Robin and Jillian.  Brenda then looked up at the clock and saw how late it was.  "Okay, it's time for the last details."

 

"Yes, you need something old, something new, yada yada," Lois offered as she ran a brush through Brooke's hair.

 

Felicia removed the lace handkerchief from her purse and placed it in Robin's hand.  "Here is the old.  It was my mother's and I want you to have it now."

 

"Oh Felicia," Robin murmured in an emotional voice.

 

"No crying now," Felicia warned Robin as she hugged her.  "We'll all start and our make-up will have to be redone and Mac will be back here pacing more than he is now."   

 

Robin laughed as she cleared her throat.  "Yes, none of us want to see that."

 

"New is next and you have your dress," Karen stated with a smile as she dabbed a tissue at the corner of Robin's eye.        

 

"The borrowed is from me," Brenda announced as she fastened the pearl bracelet around Robin's arm.

 

Lois pulled out the blue garter from the box.  "Here is the blue."

 

"Brooke, can you help me with this one," Robin queried.  Brooke delightedly agreed and Robin put her foot up on the foot stool and lifted the skirt of her dress so that Brooke could slide the garter up her leg.

 

Julia walked over to Robin.  "Last but not least, here is the penny for your shoe." 

 

"Jillian, it's your turn to help," Robin declared and Jillian excited removed Robin's shoe for Julia to tape down the penny inside the leather.

 

"I think we're done," Karen enthusiastically proclaimed.  "And with a whole five minutes to spare."

 

There was then a knock at the door and Maxie answered it to find Mac and Jerry standing outside.  "Are we all ready in there?"

 

"We've been waiting for you Mac," Felicia teased.  "We've been ready for an hour and were just about to come look for you." 

 

Jerry stuck his head inside the room.  "Jeesh, you all are decent.  I knew I should have come back here earlier."

 

"Why are you even here," Mac asked as he shot Jerry a glare.

 

"I came to get Felicia since it is about time to seat her and Matt's mother."  Jerry then slapped Mac on the back.  "Felicia gets to be on the arm of a handsome man unlike poor Robin who gets the likes of you."

 

"I'll be right there," Felicia said as she watched Mac clench his jaw.  She hugged Robin and then took one more look at Maxie and Georgie.  "Give me big smiles both of you as you come down the aisle."

 

As Jerry took Felicia's arm to escort her down the steps to the vestibule, he smirked at Mac and Robin shook her head at the two of them.  It was then time for the wedding party to move downstairs and take their places.  Lois and Karen held the baskets of rose petals and ivy leaves for Georgie, Brooke and Jillian so that the girls could safely walk down the stairs while Mac took Brenda and Julia's bouquets so that they could carry Robin's train.

 

The bells in the cathedral's tower tolled as they reached the vestibule.  Jax, Jerry, Ned, Joe Scanlan and Matt's brother, David, were waiting to take their places once the minister, Matt and his brother/best man, Steve, came out from the vestry.  The groomsmen looked distinguished in their ensemble of double breasted black tailcoats,  white pique vests and white bow ties.  The men wore a white rose at their lapel to coordinate with the white roses found along with the orchids, gardenias, lilies, baby's breath and ivy in the attendants' bouquets.

 

Jillian, Brooke and Georgie wore long white satin gowns with pearl accents at the neck, similar to those on Robin's dress.  The combs in their hair had white satin ribbons and pearls to match and their flower baskets were white with green satin ribbon woven through the handle and along the top edge to form a tailed bow at the front.  The green satin coordinated with the women's gowns which had dark green velvet bodices with green satin skirts.     

 

Brenda put her hands on Jillian's shoulder as they waited and Jax flashed them both a smile as he walked over to them.  he whispered against Brenda's ear as he kisses her cheek.  "Mrs. Jacks, you're not supposed to look more gorgeous than the bride but you do."

 

She gave Jax a return smile.  "You look pretty gorgeous yourself."

 

Jax knelt down beside Jillian and tweaked her nose.  "You look very pretty and I know you're very excited."

 

"Daddy, see my flowers," Jillian chirped as she showed him the basket of fresh petals.  "I'm gonna drop them just like I practiced."

 

"You, Brooke and Georgie are going to be the stars today," Jax professed as he stood up again.

 

Brenda rubbed Jillian's back to try to calm down some of her  bouncing.  "I know it's hard to wait, but it will just be a few more minutes."

 

"Then we get cake.  Grandma Gloria made it," Jillian reminded them.

 

Jax choked back a laugh at Jillian's one track mind for sugar.  "Yes, you'll get cake after dinner."

 

The organ music then changed and it was time for the groomsmen to take their places at the altar.  Jax gave Jillian the thumbs up sign and she gave him one in return as he moved back to the door.  Jerry teased her by putting rabbit ears behind to Jax's head before he and Jax then followed Ned and David up the aisle.  Brenda glared at him as she reminded a giggling Jillian to remain quiet.  Once the men had met the minister, Matt and Steve at the altar, it was time for the ladies to join them. 

 

Maxie took a deep breath before beginning her walk down the aisle.  Lois winked at Brooke and then took her turn with Karen and then Julia each following several steps behind.  Brenda was last to go and Emily came into the vestibule to stand with the girls to send them down the aisle.  She positioned Georgie in front and then Jillian and Brooke behind and reminded the girls when to start walking.  Once Brenda has reached the halfway point, the three flower girls started their trip.  They scattered the rose petals and ivy leaves along the aisle as cameras flashed around them.  The girls' gazes were cast more to their feet than to the guests surrounding them until they each caught sight of their respective grandmothers who gave them all reassuring smiles and then their walking became closer to skipping as they reached the altar.  Jax and Ned each winked at the girls who beam as they stood in front of Lois and Julia.

 

Brenda, in her matron of honor role, stood at the steps of the altar, opposite to Steve in his best man position.  The wedding march began and the guests rose from their seats as Robin and Mac made their way to the altar.  Georgie peaked around to get a better view as Felicia and Mariah proudly looked on. Brenda felt tears of happiness threatening to surface as she saw the joy on Matt's face as Robin approached along the path of rose petals.  The tears then quickly fell at the sight of Robin and Mac's emotion as Matt took his place at Robin's side.  Matt took Robin's hand as he led her up the two steps to stand at the altar and Brenda fanned out Robin's train so that it cascaded down the stairs.      

              

I've dreamed of you

Always feeling you were there

And all my life, I have searched for you

Everywhere

I caught your smile in the morning sun

I heard your whisper on the breeze at night

I prayed one day that your arms would hold me tight

 

The minister, who was also the hospital chaplain and had known Matt and Robin for several years now, spoke of the commitment and love shared by the two of them.  The wedding party and guests joined in on the laughter and smiles as the minister spoke of the events of the past two years between the couple, including Matt's proposal at the Nurses' Ball.  When it came time for Matt and Robin to exchange their vows, Robin handed Brenda her bouquet.  Matt then took Robin's hands in his as they faced each other to make their promises.

 

And just when I thought love had passed me by, we met

That first look in your eyes, I can't forget

You melted me with your tender touch

I felt all fear and sorrow slip away

Now here we stand, hand in hand

This blessed day

 

With vows of love, devotion, commitment, fidelity and support, Matthew and Robin pledged their hearts and souls to each other as family and friends looked on with joy.  Jax watched the emotion and tears on Brenda's face as the vows were made and when she met his gaze, he knew that the same vows were being reaffirmed in both of their hearts.  Jillian and the girls stood at the bottom of the steps so that they could have a better view and they all grinned when Robin and Matt exchanged rings.  When the union was then sealed with a kiss, the grins became giggles from the girls.

     

As Matthew and Robin were introduced for the first time as husband and wife, the recessional music began.  Amidst the happiness and well wishes from the two hundred fifty guests, the couple moved along the aisle.  Lois motioned for the three flower girls to start their walk and Brenda then took Steve's arm as they began their path next with everyone else following behind to continue the celebration across the street at the Port Charles Hotel.

 

 

~~~~~~~

 

The evening had worn on as the bridal party and guests were enjoying the reception at The Versailles Room.  Since Matthew had proposed in the same place, there had never been a question on where the reception would be.  The bridal party photographs had been taken, cocktails and dinner had been served and Matt and Robin were now mingling throughout the room to greet their guests.  Jillian and Brooke were standing guard over the wedding cake as Jax and Ned got them Shirley Temples from the bar.

 

Jerry walked over to the girls and smiled.  "Look at that cake and all that icing."

 

"The icing is like marshmallows.  Grandma let us taste it on the beaters," Brooke informed him.

 

"I think you two should just have your cake now," Jerry goaded.  "Aunt Robin won't mind if you have the first piece.  I bet she does not even like cake."

 

Jillian shook her head.  "Mommy says Aunt Robin and Uncle Matt have to cut it."

 

"Aunt Robin is busy talking and I know how much you want to eat that cake," Jerry said as he looked at the cake.  "I bet your stomachs are saying, `Feed me some cake right now.'"

 

"And I bet my your stomach is asking why it was saddled with an oxygen deprived brain," Jax said as he slapped Jerry across the back.  "Jillian and Brooke know exactly who has to cut the cake."

 

"Aunt Robin," Jillian and Brooke both responded with vehement nods.

 

"If your brain only had oxygen, you would have known that too," Jax declared with a smirk.

 

Ned nodded his head as he handed Brooke her drink.  "Jerry, you'll have to ask the Wizard of Oz for one.  Maybe you and the scarecrow can share it."

 

The music then began and it was time for Matt and Robin's first dance.  Brenda, Julia and Lois came over to join the group as Matt and Robin moved out onto the dance floor.  Brenda rested her head against Jax's chest as he wrapped his arms around her waist from behind.  Jillian and Brooke swayed along with the music as they watched.

 

As the bridal party was then asked to join Robin and Matt, John and Jane came over to stand with the girls while everyone moved out onto the dance floor.  Jillian waved to Brenda as she danced with Steve and Jax winked at her as he and Karen moved to the music.  When the song ended, Robin made Jillian and Brooke's night as she told them it was time to cut the cake.  

 

In his usual razzing fashion, Jerry challenged Matt and Robin to make a food fight out of the tradition.  Both declined, Robin out of good sense and Matt because she had threatened him with the knife in her hand.  Jillian, Brooke and Georgie were given the first pieces of cake for mastering their flower girl roles and they were all sitting with Gloria as they enjoyed the dessert. 

 

"Already henpecked and you have been married less than three hours," Jerry chided Matthew as he and Robin came over to them.  "I told you this afternoon you should have made a break for it."

 

Julia pecked her fingernail against Jerry's shoulder as she spoke.  "Robin, if all else fails, push him overboard on your honeymoon.  It did wonders for me."

 

"Pushing mine in a snow bank always worked for me," chimed in Jane.

 

John and Jerry exchanged empathetic glances and then rolled their eyes at the smug smile on Jax's face.

 

Robin suppressed her grin at the looks exchanged between the Jacks family.  "Brenda, no advice from you?  Oh, I guess you have no complaints with Jax for a husband."

 

Ned rolled his eyes and groaned.  "Of course not, Jax is just peeerfect."

 

"Well, pretty close," Brenda replied.

 

"Her brain's been poisoned by all that alcohol she's had since the two monsters were born," Jerry announced.  "I'm telling you, she had flasks hidden all over the house.  And all that milk you saw her drinking, 1 shot of milk, 10 shots of vodka."

 

"No, that was so that I could face being related to you," Brenda quipped.

 

Jax stroked Brenda's shoulders as he smirked at Jerry.  "Green is such a familiar color on you.  I warned Jillian about how you have been a martian all along."

 

"At least he matches Julia's dress tonight," Brenda offered as she then tipped her head to Robin.  "Great choice."

 

Robin nodded.  "What are friends for?"

 

"Next, you could figure out a way to have Jerry be more refined and distinguished like me," Jax suggested.  "That would help Julia a lot."  

 

"You've been transfusing with vodka too," Jerry choked out through his mirth.  "We know exactly which assets Brenda uses to keep you in line."

 

Brenda took one of the plates from the cake table and held it in the palm of her hand.  "If the words, `dairy queen' come out of your mouth, this cake is going in it."

 

"Brains and great assets," Jerry acknowledged with a grin.

 

"As opposed to you who has neither," Julia pronounced as she shook her head at Jerry.

 

Jane sighed aloud.  "What a family this is.  I'm so proud."

 

Everyone laughed and the music began again on the dance floor.  John put down his drink and took Jane's hand.  "Lady Jane, they're playing our song."

 

Jerry and Jax were not to be outdone as they led Julia and Brenda onto the dance floor.  Lois and Ned followed suit as Brooke and Jillian continued to sit with Gloria and Matt and Robin joined the others as well as the music wafted around them.  As they held onto their partners in love and life, the couples remembered their own joyful wedding days and the words had special meaning for all.

 

I promise you as I give to you my heart

That nothing, nothing in this world, shall keep us apart

Come happily ever after be

The one I love until the very end

I've dreamed of you, my great love

And my best friend

For God must know

How I love you so

He's blessed us here today as man and wife

Come dream with me as I dreamed of you

All my life

 

 

To be continued

 

 

SONG CREDITS:              "I Never Thought That I Could Love" by Dan Hill                                                     "I've Dreamed of You" by Rolf Lovland and Ann Hampton Callaway (performed by Barbra Streisand)