Chapter 1
5:30pm-Brenda's Cottage
 

"A blind date Robin?" Brenda moaned as she followed her friend into her own cottage.

Robin sat down on the couch and smiled up at Brenda "Come on Brenda, it'll be fun"

Brenda shook her head "No, I don't think so. I'm not into this blind date stuff."

Robin paused "Come on, he's really nice and single" she paused "And did I mention handsome?"

"Robin!" Brenda squealed as she plopped down next to her friend on the couch "I can find my own dates, thank you very much!"

Robin shook her head "Think of the disappoint on this man's face when I have to tell him you won't even meet him."

Brenda threw a pillow at Robin's head "You will pay dearly for this my friend!"

"So you'll go!" Robin smiled big

"Just this one time" Brenda held up her forefinger "But don't you ever ever even so much as dream of fixing me up again!"

Robin clapped her hands together "Great, his name is Jasper Jacks and he will be waiting for you at the Grille at 7"

"How will I know it's him?" Brenda asked.

"Just say you are meeting Jasper Jacks and they'll take you to his table"

"I swear Robin if this guy tries to get me in bed, is some sort of pervert or even so much as hints to a criminal past, I'm outta there!" Brenda warned.

Robin smiled, very proud of herself "Well you better go get ready. You don't want to be late"

Brenda got up off the couch and stopped heavily upstairs "Robin Scorpio you owe me big time for this!"

...............

7:00pm-Port Charles Grille

"Hi, I am meeting Jasper Jacks for dinner" Brenda said to one of the male staff members.

"Right this way" he said leading Brenda to the bar area of the restaurant.

"Mr. Jacks" the male waiter said "Your date" and he walked away.

Jax stood up and smiled "Hello"

Brenda nodded politely "Hi" she pulling out the bar chair "I'm Brenda"

"Jax" Jax said extending his hand "Sorry about this
blind date thing. I was set up to show up here"

Brenda laughed "Me too. Why are they trying to fix you up?"

"My wife died a few years ago and I haven't really dated much since. They think I am not social enough anymore. And you?"

"My ex, stood up me at the altar." Brenda said softly.

Jax gestured for another drink "Would you like anything?"

"Club soda is fine" Brenda said.

"Well we sure are pretty pathetic people then huh?" Jax said "Our friends think we can't get our own dates"

Brenda smiled "I think they are only trying to help." she looked around the bar for someone she knew but she saw only a handful of people. "So tell me about yourself" The bartender set Brenda's drink in front of her and she took a small sip.

"Like I said I was married before, I live upstairs, I am a corporate raider that has no mercy for little compaines, I fly a jet, I have one brother and I take a daily run" Jax said all in one breath "You?"

Brenda smiled as her eyes sparkled "Wow, sounds like an exciting life. Well let's see, I'm a model, I live in a cottage, never married, no kids, a sister, a father who never liked me much."

Jax threw a few dollar bills on the table "What do you say we go for a walk, and get out of here?"

Brenda thought for a moment "Ok" she took another long sip of her drink and they left the grille.

.................

7:30pm-The Park

Brenda and Jax were walking slowly in the park and sat down on a park bench "So if you don't mind me asking, can you tell me about your wife?" Brenda asked looking up at the stars.

Jax's face showed a pained expression and took a deep breath "Her name was Chloe. She was a fashion designer. She was always happy, never once was mean or spiteful to anyone" he paused for a moment "She had pretty blond hair and a beautiful smile. She always knew how to cheer me up. We got married in a gazebo and a few months later she was on her way home when she lost control of her car on an icy road." his voice trailed off "I miss her everyday"

Brenda gently touched Jax's forearm "I think I remember reading about it in the paper. I'm sorry for your loss."

Jax wipped a tear from the corner of his eye with a kncukle "I'm finally starting to move on. I mean it has already been over a year. I should get on with my life. Everyone is expecting me to be over it."

Brenda shook her head "Don't listen to them. Your heart is the only one you have to answer to. If you aren't ready, then you are not ready. Don't try and move on too fast. It will only be worse for you later"

Jax looked deep into Brenda's eyes "Sounds like you are talking from experience"

Brenda nodded slowly "After Sonny, the guy I was telling you about before, left me at the altar I flipped. I immediately pushed myself to move on but deep inside my heart was broke into a million pieces. I put a smile on my face and faced the world too soon." she felt tears form in her eyes "Things just blew up in my face. I ah hope you don't think of my as wierd when I say this but I also see a counsler. He really helps me"

Jax smiled "That's not wierd. It shows how strong enough you are to be able to go and talk to someone and deal with your pain."

Brenda smiled "You are an easy person to talk to"

Jax nodded "Nah, I just like to listen and hear what people have to say."

"No one has ever listened to me before." Brenda said shyly "It's nice"

Jax looked surprised "Not even...Sonny?"

Brenda wrinkled her face "No. He was too busy to listen to me. I spent my time waiting for him to notice me as a real person, not just his girl. I wanted so bad to fit into his world, but I finally realized that his world can't be my world"

"Wasn't he involved with the mob?" Jax asked

Brenda bobbed her head "Yeah, that's Sonny"

"What about your parents?" Jax asked.

"My father always liked to pretend I didn't exsist. I spent my whole life trying to get him to notice me, but it never worked."

Jax gently placed his arm behind Brenda and rested it on her neck "I think you seem like a very nice person. You deserve to have someone who listens to you"

Brenda smiled "Maybe someday"

Jax eyes rested on Brenda and he smiled "Yeah someday"

.............

Next day
10:00am-Kelly's

"So!" Robin screamed as she slid into the open seat across from Brenda "How did it go?"

"It was fine" she said plainly as she sipped a cup of coffee.

"Fine" Robin pouted "That's it?"

"Well he was very nice and we had a nice conversation"

"About what?" Robin demanded

"Robin, don't be so nosy" Brenda said bringing the cup to her lips "It wasn't a total waste of an evening and I was home by 10:30"

"So when is the next date?" Robin said smiling across the table.

"We didn't discuss another one" Brenda said reaching for her purse and reaching for a few dollar bills.

"Brenda Barrett" Robin said slumping back into her chair "You are hopeless"

"I have an appointment with Kevin, so if you will excuse me" Brenda said standing up.

Robin smiled as Brenda picked up her stuff and walked out of Kelly's.

............

Same Day
Penthouse-12:00pm

"Yes that is right" Jax said into the phone "The number for Brenda Barrett" he paused "Yeah...right...ok...got it...yes...thank you" he hung up his cell phone. He stared at the piece of paper with Brenda's number on it. He suddenly crumpled it up and tossed it into the wastebasket. He almost reached back into the garbage to grab it but stopped himself. He silently cursed himself and walked upstairs.

..........

Same day
6:00pm-Kelly's

Brenda was sitting next to the counter waiting for her take-out as Jax jogged into Kelly's. He had been on a run to clear his mind and stopped in for a bite to eat. "Brenda" he called and walked toward her.

Brenda turned in her chair "Hi" she said "Looks like you have been excersing, that daily run you were telling me about?"

Jax brushed the seat that was forming on his forehead away "No this is run number 2, I needed to clear my head"

"I wish I had enough energy to run once a day!"

Tammy called Brenda's name and she grabbed the food bag and stood up "It was nice bumping into you Jax"

"Yeah..." he let Brenda walk away a little before he stopped her "Brenda?" Brenda turned to face him. Jax looked around nervously and played with his wedding band, but before he could muster up enough courage to ask her out he stopped himself "I am glad we ran into each other too" he said then kicked himself for not asking her out like he wanted to.

Brenda smiled "See you around"

"See ya"

..........

Next Day

1:00pm-Brenda's cottage

Brenda flipped through her mail and slumped onto the couch. "Bill...Bill...junk...Bill" she threw all the mail onto the coffee table and stopped at one that was addressed to her with no return address. She quickly opened it and read out loud.

"Brenda-

Please forgive me for leaving you on our wedding day, but I felt it was the only thing I could do to protect you. I never meant to hurt you or cause you any sort of pain. Please know how much I love you and want to still be with you. I want you to meet me on the island. I want to marry you here and then we can be together. If you don't show up I'll understand, but I will be waiting for you.

Love
Sonny"

Brenda wipped the tears from her eyes. She heard a loud knock on the door and she got up. She left the letter on the table and answered it "Jax!" she gasped "How did you know where I lived?"

"Robin. She told me to come over"

Brenda laughed "god, she claims to be my friend but I have to wonder about her sometimes"

"I'm sorry" he said "But I sort of have another reason for stopping by."

Brenda raised an eyebrow "Oh yeah? What's that?"

"I was hoping you would want to go out with me again" Jax said hopeful.

Before Brenda could respond the phone rang and she excused herself to answer it. Jax wondered in and sat down on the couch. He noticed the letter and refused to read it but saw it was from Sonny and couldn't help himself. He scanned it and his face fell. He dropped the letter back on the coffee table and stood up. Why chance did he have now? He slowly walked toward the door and left silently. He stood outside her door and frowned, before it could even begin, it was over.

Thanks for the great feedback! I appreciate any/all feedback (:
 

3:00am
Brenda’s bedroom

Brenda sat on the edge of her bed re-reading Sonny’s letter for the hundredth time. She flopped back onto her pillows and held the letter in one hand as she flipped to her side and brought a pillow to her chest. She started remembering some of her times with Sonny, their first kiss...the first time they made love...and the various happy moments.
 

Why does it hurt so bad
Why does it feel so sad
Thought I was over you
But I keep crying
When I don’t love you
So why does it hurt so bad
I thought I had let you go
So, why does it hurt me so
I gotta get you outta my head
It hurts so bad
 

Brenda flipped onto her back and stared at the ceiling and re-read her letter once again. She wiped some tears from her eyes as she had a flashback to her canceled wedding to Sonny. She felt a wave of humiliation come over her as the disappointment and hurt stung at her heart. Brenda buried her face in the pillow "Oh god" she said out loud quietly
"What am I going to do?"

..........

9:00am
Kelly’s

"Hey Brenda" Robin said sliding into the chair across from Brenda in the tables outside of Kelly’s "What’s up?"

Brenda tried smiling "Thanks for coming so quickly"

"Well you said it was important"

Brenda nodded "It is Robin" she pulled Sonny’s letter from her purse and handed it to Robin. Brenda watched nervously as Robin scanned the letter. Robin’s eyes raced down the letter "Wow" she finally said.

Brenda bit her lip as Robin slid the letter back across the table "What are you going to do?"

"I was hoping you’d help me with that" Brenda said hopeful.

"Do you want to go?" Robin asked

"No" Brenda said avoiding eye contact "Yes." she finally quietly said "Maybe"

"Oh Bren this is haunting you isn’t it?"

Brenda nodded slowly as she held back tears "I know I shouldn’t go. I know that it’s not what I want anymore. I’m strong enough to want to resist this, but I still feel this incredible pull towards him. God maybe I always will!" she paused to play with a ring on her ring finger hoping in some way it could give her an answer "This part of me wants to
go now and marry him tonight!" Brenda explained looking up at Robin "But this other more practical part is saying don’t go, it’s wrong. Which side do I listen to? Which side do I trust?" Brenda moaned "Why is this so complicated?"

Robin reached for Brenda’s hand "You know you could never marry Sonny with any sort of doubt." she started "I am not going to tell you what to do but I think you should stay in Port Charles. Don’t make a mistake you could regret"

"What if I regret not going Robin?"

"You know the life Brenda, you know the pain he has caused you over and over again, but you also know the good times. It has to be your decision! You know your heart." Robin paused "I’m not sure but are you trying to base this decision on what you and Sonny had? Because you know that can never be again Brenda? Things will always be different between you. Think about it, if you run down there on this wild spur of the moment thing, you will never seen any of your friends or family again."

Brenda shrugged "I know! Gosh, I just can’t help but think of what could be. We were happy once."

Robin shook her head "You can’t go back to that. You realize that don't you? Besides is a life on the run what you want?"

Brenda bowed her head "No."

"It’s obvious that you have all sorts of doubts because you are asking for advice and you can’t start a marriage with any doubts. It’s not fair to either of you"

Brenda sighed deeply "You are right, it’s wouldn’t be fair."

"I’m sorry Brenda, I know how much you love Sonny. This can’t be easy for you"

Brenda nodded feeling a lump in her throat "It’s better if I don’t go." She tried to be confident "As much as I want to, I can’t. I will always love Sonny in some way, but I can’t build a life with him. It’s not the life I want or deserve."

Robin smiled at her friend ready to change the subject "So I was wondering if a certain handsome blonde showed up at your place last night"

Brenda laughed "Yeah I wonder how he knew where I lived."

Robin leaned back in her chair "I have no idea" she covered her smirk with the back of her hand "So what did you two talk about?"

Brenda’s smiled faded "He left before we got to talk."

"Well that’s strange" Robin said

"Tell me about it" Brenda responded suddenly concerned

"Why don’t you find out why he left?" Robin said hopeful.

"Shouldn’t he come to me?" Brenda asked leaning across the table "He is after all the one who left me high and dry"

Robin shook her head "Not necessarily sometimes the woman has to go after the good stuff"

Brenda fell against the back of her chair and smiled "Go after the good stuff ‘eh?" she stopped to think for a mintue "Ok yeah maybe I will."

Robin leaned her elbows on the table and rested her chin in her hands and smiled across the table at her friend.

............

Next evening
6:30pm-Jax’s Suite

"Coming" Jax called as he came out of the bedroom with just a towel around his waist and a towel in his hand drying his hair. He jogged to the door "Brenda" he said surprised once he opened the door.

Brenda gave Jax a once over "Obviously you weren’t expecting company"

Jax touched his chest with his hand and smiled bashfully as he shut the door "What brings you by?"

"I don’t like to be stood up" Brenda said standing next to the coffee table and crossing her arms across her chest.

Jax ran his fingers through his wet hair "Sorry about that" he said moving to the table to get a glass of water.

"Why did you leave? I wasn’t on the phone that long" Brenda said turning to follow Jax.

"If I told you I’m afraid you’d hate me" Jax explained sadly as he poured a glass of water and took a sip.

"I don’t really know you, so how could I hate you?" Brenda asked raising her brow.

"I want to know you better Brenda."

Brenda smiled "I’m supposed to hate you for that?"

"No" Jax began "I was a jerk. I know it was none of my business but for some reason I took it upon myself anyway and I’m sorry..." Brenda cut in "What was none of your business Jax? What are you talking about?"

Jax sat on the arm of his couch "I read your letter"

"What letter?" Brenda asked quickly.

"From Sonny" Jax said rubbing his hand over his face "I’m not proud of it. I know it was
none of my business and I’m sorry"

"Oh my God, how dare you?" Brenda fired at Jax "You had no right!"

"I know" Jax said hanging his head in shame "I’m very sorry. I know it was not my place and I had no right. You can yell at me till your blue in the face but nothing can take away the guilt or make me feel any worse than I already feel"

Brenda flipped her hair off her shoulder "You hardly know me and you come over to my house and read my mail, I don’t believe you. That is really pathetic"

"I know" Jax said ashamed "I don’t expect you to forgive me or ever talk to me again"

Brenda took a deep breath "I should walk out of here and never look back and forever think of you as a weak man with no sence of pride but I can’t help but feel a little sorry for you"

Jax looked at Brenda "You do?"

"Yeah" Brenda said smiling "God only knows why but I guess I take pity on pathetic people"

Jax breathed a sigh of relief "I could just kiss you right now or hug you. Thank you!"

Brenda held up her hand "Let’s not get carried away here Jasper"

Jax cringed "Why did you call me that?"

"I believe Robin said only your friends call you Jax"

Jax rolled his eyes "And you aren’t my friend?"

"Oh Jasper you will have to win me over. I make take pity on people of your nature but that does not mean I become friends with them"

Jax smiled "So what do I have to do to win you over Ms. Barrett?"

"My my Jasper we are getting formal here? Should I get warm fuzzies?"

"Well Robin once said only your friends call you Brenda and since I am not your friend..."

Brenda laughed "So where are you taking me tonight to start making things up to me?"

"Where am I taking you?" Jax questioned.

"Yeah, the first step one in winning me over is buying me dinner."

"I see" Jax said "Well it would be an honor to escort you Ms. Barrett"

Brenda smiled "Great" she looked at Jax "I think you should probably change before we go though. Towels aren’t too fashion friendly these days."

Jax looked down at his towel "Right! Be back in 10 minutes"

"Great that will give me enough time to dig through your drawers and find something to read" Brenda said spinning around to sit on top of Jax’s desk.

"Ha Ha Ha" Jax said as he started up the stairs and pointed a finger toward Brenda "Be ready to be dazzled tonight, you are in for the night of your life! After all not many people get the chance to date me you know! All your friends will be jealous"

Brenda laughed "And to wonder the real reason you haven't had an active social life" she rolled her eyes as Jax stood at the top of the stairs. She ushered him along "Well I am waiting! Hurry up!" she called after him shaking her head.

........
 

Jax hurried down the stairs a few minutes later "Find anything interesting to read while I was away?"

Brenda picked up a picture of Chloe "Was this your wife?"

Jax nodded sadly "Yeah" he picked up the picture glanced at it for a second and set it back down on the table then looked up "You ready?"

Brenda frowned a little as she watched Jax’s facial expressions and noticed his sudden sad eyes "Yes I am ready to be dazzled!" She said with her eyes sparkling.

Jax held out his arm with a renewed spirit/sadness gone as Brenda linked her arm through his. Jax turned and grabbed his keys off the desk as they headed out for their night on the town.
 

Selection is part of the song “Why Does it Hurt So Bad” by Whitney Houston

Thanks to everyone who reads my fan fic! I love your feedback. I know this is not 1/2 as good as some of the others, but I appreicate everyone's kind words (: Thanks everyone.

(Please also forgive any mistakes. I try to proof read the best I can! Also this was typed on a lap top a few days ago and so certain sentences and such may post funny! Sorry.)
 

8:00pm
Luke’s

Brenda and Jax sat on the bar stools at Luke’s as they glanced around the dance floor. Brenda and Jax were munching on some cheese fries “Can you just imagine the fat grams in these fries?” Brenda said wiping her mouth with a napkin after downing several fries.

Jax laughed as he stuffed a mouthful of fries in his mouth “MMMMM” he paused as he swallowed. “Why do woman worry so much about stuff like that? You never see a man pass up perfectly good fries because we are afraid of getting fat.” Jax reached for some more fries as he smiled.

Brenda shook her head in disgust “That is because you men try and make us think we are supposed to be thin. I mean you wallpaper your room with Jennifer Lopez and Rebecca Romain Stamos. What are we supposed to think?”

“That is not true!” Jax said sipping on a drink “Besides it’s not like you don’t notice a well
built man” he pointed a finger toward Brenda “And don’t you lie to me! Because I know”

Brenda rolled her eyes “Is that what your wife did?”

Jax shifted uncomfortably in his chair “Can we talk about something else?”

“Are you afraid to talk about her?” Brenda asked reaching for a fry.

“I just don’t feel like talking about her.” he took a sip of his drink “So do you dance?”

“Sure” Brenda said “A little”

“Well, wanna dance?” Jax said hopping off his seat and extending his hand toward her.

Brenda laughed as she stood up and placed her hand in his. Jax picked her up and spun her around onto the dance floor. “I’ve got hips that put Ricky Martin to shame” Jax said as he grab one of Brenda’s hands and slid his arm around her waist. Brenda stared up at
Jax “I am still waiting to be dazzled you know”

“What, this is dazzling? Isn’t it?” Jax asked spinning her around as she let out a tiny
scream.

“No, I like exciting, adventurous, adrenaline rushing stuff” she said smiling.

“Like what?” Jax asked curious.

“That is what you are supposed to come up with” Brenda smiled “And I’m waiting...”

........

11:00pm
In Air

“How’s this for fun?” Jax asked as they were flying high above Port Charles in his jet.

“This is awesome” Brenda screamed as she looked over the city “Port Charles is so beautiful. Look at all the little lights”

Jax looked over at Brenda and smiled “Is this dazzling?”

“Definitely dazzling” Brenda smiled back at Jax “So when did you learn how to fly this thing?”

“Awhile ago. I like to fly, it’s a very free feeling”

Brenda scooted back in her seat “Do you do this often?”

“As often as I can” Jax replied “Maybe if you are lucky, you can come up again”

“Oh my could I be so lucky?” Brenda giggled.

“If you play your cards right, I’d say the possibility is great”

“Did your wife like to fly?”

Jax tensed up and as he avoided the subject. He looked down at his gages “I should probably land, I’m running low on fuel”

Brenda sighed silently and pretended not to notice his constant need to change the subject whenever Chloe’s name was mentioned “Well thank you very much for the ride Captain Jasper, I enjoyed it”

“Anything to dazzle you, Ms. Barrett” Jax gushed as he made preparations to land. “Can I ask you something?” Jax asked without looking at Brenda.

“Ah sure” Brenda said glancing at Jax “About what?”

Jax bit his lip “Ok I know this is a bad subject, but I was wondering if you were leaving
Port Charles to marry Sonny?”

Brenda turned away and squinted her eyes “Why do you ask?”

“No reason” Jax said “I was just wondering and since you know that I read the letter, I figured I might as well ask.”

Brenda felt uneasy “If I was...” she began “Would it matter?”

Jax quickly jerked his head toward Brenda “No, No, of course not. I just thought I’d ask, you know in case...”

“In case of what?” Brenda asked.

“Well in case I should ask you to dinner sometime and you won’t be around anymore. I want to be your friend, you know.”

Brenda nodded toward Jax “Why don’t you ask and find out”

Jax remained quiet as he landed his jet and he ripped off his earphones “Would you like to go out to dinner say tomorrow night?”

Brenda tilted her head and pretended to think “Sure I believe I have nothing better to do”

Jax laughed “Great, say 7:00?”

“I say ok!” Brenda said as she smiled, her brown eyes dancing with happiness.

.........

Next day
Brenda’s cottage 10:00am

Brenda sat Indian style on her bedroom floor holding up different tops to her chest “What do you think of this one?” she asked Lois who was sitting on the end of her bed.

“No way” Lois said “You do not want to wear that thing on a hot date with that gorgeous Aussie business hunk Jasper Jacks” Brenda looked down at the shirt and shook her head in agreement with Lois's disapproval. Brenda threw the shirt in the rejected pile “It’s not a hot date”

“Then what is it?” Lois asked peeling back a wrapper on a candybar.

“Well it’s a sorta date” Brenda raised her hand before Lois could speak “But not a hot one. Believe me!”

Lois shrugged “Whatever, I won’t come over tomorrow till like 9:00. That’s enough time for him to shower and dress and leave isn’t it?”

“LOIS!” Brenda dropped her jaw and stood up.

“Oh Come on Brenda, I may be married, but I ain’t blind” Lois said taking a bite out of the candy bar “He’s a definite eye catcher, not to mention a real nice guy. Most women would be taking numbers to jump his bones.”

Brenda looked at her reflection in the mirror and ignored Lois’s comments. Brenda sat back down on the floor and looked up at Lois “Say Lois do you remember a Chloe Morgan?”

“Oh yeah, Ned used to talk about her alot. She was a famous designer. I met her a few times, real nice. Why?”

“Wasn’t she Jax’s wife?”

Lois thought for a minute “Oh that’s right! She died not that long after they were married. Real tragic accident.”

“Do you remember what happened?” Brenda asked playing with a loose string from her shorts “I was out of town on a modeling gig when it happened. After I returned the dust had already settled. Sonny and I never knew her very well so we just briefly mentioned how sad it was and that was it. Never thought much about it, ya know.”

“I think it was a car accident, she lost control of the car. The papers never said much and I never asked. I remember Ned went to the funeral, but I couldn’t go, had the flu.” Lois brought her legs up onto the bed and crossed them “Why are you so interested in her? Does Jax talk about her alot?”

“No” Brenda said “Actually he never mentions her at all. I try and ask him to tell me about her, but he always changes the subject.”

Lois crumbled the wrapper of the candybar “Maybe it’s too painful. I wouldn’t worry too much about it. He’ll come around when he’s ready.”

Brenda stretched her legs out “Yeah maybe”

Lois picked up a short black skirt that was laying next to her on the bed “This would be perfect with that tight red v-cut shirt Brenda!”

Brenda tried to smile but for some reason Chloe Morgan was weighing heavily on her mind.

.........

3:00pm
Port Charles Library

“Hi, I am looking for some old newspapers” Brenda said to the librarian behind the desk.

The lady smiled at Brenda “All of our papers have been microfilmed by year. They are in chronological order on that self to your left.

Brenda glanced at the thousands of little rolls “Thanks”

“Your welcome dear. If you need any help, just let me know”

Brenda nodded as she started toward the shelf. She briefly breezed through the selection and found the year she was looking for and grabbed it. She walked over to the machine and sat down. She flipped through the early parts of the year through the summer and
stopped at November. She slowly went through the headlines and stopped to read the headline for the November 28 edition of the Herald ‘Famous Designer Killed in Tragic Auto Accident’ Chloe’s picture appeared next to the article and Brenda stared at it
for a few moments. She studied her facial features and her big smile. Brenda mouthed the words of the article and didn’t find anything really abnormal. Mentioned Jax, no kids or surviving relatives, and cause of death was blunt trauma to the head. Not many details were released about the accident, except it happened 3 miles out of town on a country road. Brenda tapped her fingers gently across her bottom lip “What was she doing on a deserted road 3 miles out of town?” Brenda wondered to herself. Brenda re-read the article again and flipped to the next day’s edition. There was a smaller article about Chloe’s funeral and mentioned her business was being taken over by husband Jasper Jacks. Brenda raised an eyebrow at that. The obituary was brief and nothing else was mentioned. Brenda flipped through the rest of the year and found no other article about the accident. Brenda sighed as she glared at the blank screen for a passing moment and looked up at the clock on the wall and jumped up. It was getting really late and she had to meet Jax soon. She quickly packed up her things and returned the film. She raced out of the library with the same nagging feeling.

........

7:10pm
Port Charles Grille

“Sorry I am late” Brenda said rushing into her seat as Jax quickly stood as she sat down.

“No problem” he said. Brenda watched as he grabbed for his water glass. She noticed for the first time that he still wore his wedding ring. She watched his movements and mannerisms for a moment but tore her eyes away before he could notice her staring. She quickly reached for her menu “So what are you ordering?”

“Not sure yet” Jax said “Do you know what you want?”

Brenda glanced over the menu “Nope”

“Before I forget to say it, you look beautiful” Jax said smiling over his menu at Brenda.

Brenda beamed “Why thank you, Lois helped me pick it out.”

Brenda decided to bring up the design company “I was talking to Lois today and she mentioned you owned a clothing business once.” She fibbed about Lois telling her about the business but thought she better hold off on the sneaking around part.

Jax took a sip of his water “Awhile ago, but I sold it”

“Really?” Brenda said “Why?”

“Not into fashion.”

Brenda nodded “Oh” she paused for a moment “Wasn’t your wife a designer?”

Jax set down his menu with a raised voice laid into Brenda “Brenda, please, I really really do not want to talk about Chloe. I’m not interested in discussing any of this with you. I thought you would have gotten the hint by now.” he raised his voice louder “So please just drop it!”

Brenda bit her lip as she glanced around to make sure no one was staring “I’m..I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Jax rubbed his hand over his face and rested his head on his folded hands “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have gotten so upset. I just, it’s hard for me to talk about this sometimes.”

Brenda looked at Jax sympathetically not really sure what to say “I shouldn’t have said anything. I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s fine. I shouldn’t get all emotional about. You would think I’d be better about it by now.”

Brenda smiled “Don’t worry about it. It’s no big deal.” she paused for a second not sure if she should say anything but decided she better have a confession to make”

“Oh no” Jax smiled “What?”

“I went to the library hoping to find something about Chloe. I read articles about her accident.”

Jax glided his fingers through his hair “What did you learn?”

“Not much” Brenda said “I’m sorry. It was none of my business. I should have waited for you to say something. I have wanted you to say something for awhile now, but you always freeze up whenever I mention her name.”

“We are both really into each other’s personal business aren’t we?” Jax smiled “I guess that is something we have in common”

Brenda felt relieved that Jax didn’t appear to be upset “I guess so.”

Jax pondered his next move and then held out his hand “We should talk, come on” Brenda grabbed Jax’s hand and threw her napkin on the table “Where are we going?”

“You’ll see” Jax said as he led them out of the restaurant.

........

7:30pm
Cemetery

Jax stopped in front of Chloe’s grave and gently laid a flower on top. They stepped back and sat down on a bench not far from her grave. Jax looked up at the stars “I don’t like talking about Chloe, because it’s hard for me to deal with certain things” Jax began

Brenda tried to stop him “It’s ok, you don't have to do this. I promise no more talk about her.”

Jax shook his head and continued “Chloe and I we, we had separated and that night we got into a huge fight. I asked her for a divorce and things got kind of out of hand...” Jax flashback to that night as he began to explain to Brenda what happened to Chloe.

*********FLASHBACK*********

“I want a divorce Chloe” Jax said quietly.

“What?” Chloe repeated “I thought we were working things out. I thought we were on the road to better things”

“I’m so sorry Chloe, but we have just grown so far apart these last few months. We want different things. You want to expand your business, I want to settle down and have kids, move into a nice home, and you want to move to New York City. I want you to be able to stay home with the kids for awhile and you are very into your career. We just can’t agree on anything anymore.”

Chloe had started crying “But Jax, I love you. We can make it work. I’ll have a child, I’ll do whatever it takes. I promise, just don’t leave me. Please.”

“But you wouldn’t be happy” Jax said sadly “And I am not going to force you into something you don’t want or aren’t ready for.”

“I am ready Jax.”

“No you aren’t Chloe. I am not going to spend the rest of our lives with you miserable. You deserve to be happy doing what you love. I won’t take that away from you.”

Chloe was crying hysterically now “Jax you can’t do this. I won’t let you!”

“You can stay here and I’ll move into another suite until things settle” Jax said heading toward the stairs.

Chloe picked up the angel from the mantle and threw it toward Jax “NO! I won’t let you do this!!”

“Chloe please” Jax said inching toward her “This isn’t easy for me either. I just thought it would be easier if you...”

“Easier? The only thing that would be easy would be if you and I got back together. I’ve been so miserable without you. Jax why can’t we just work things out together? I love you”

Jax wiped a tear that had fallen down his cheek “Don’t do this Chloe. Things just didn’t work out for us. It's no ones fault.”

“We can try again” Chloe said falling to her knees crying “Please Jax, don’t leave me”

“Chloe either I will leave or you will, but we both can’t stay here tonight” Jax said walking away from her ignoring her pleas “I’m sorry, but it’s over”

Chloe slowly got up onto her feet and grabbed her handbag “I...I...I will go” Chloe said between sobs “It can’t be over Jax, it just can’t be.”

Jax wiped his eyebrow “Chloe, I love you and I’m sorry. I just couldn’t do it anymore.”

Chloe headed toward the door and turned toward him. She slid her wedding ring off her hand and threw it onto his desk “No Jax you could do it if you wanted to, but you don't want to. It's also obvious you don't really love me, because people who love each other don’t make each other hurt so bad” Chloe stepped
into the hallway and slammed the door behind her.

**************END OF FLASHBACK 1*************
 

Brenda slowly slipped her hand into Jax shifted his eyes around the cemetery and fixed them on Chloe’s grave “See it would have been easier if it was just a horrible accident” Jax said slowly.

“What do you mean?” Brenda questioned.

Jax gripped Brenda’s hand as tears ran down his face “Chloe, didn’t die by some horrible mishap or awful fate, because she meant to do it. She committed suicide Brenda and I drove her to it”

“No, Jax you couldn’t have...” Brenda started before Jax cut her off “She left me a note saying how she couldn’t go on without me and how I was free now. Asking her for a divorce that night was like handing her a loaded gun. I should have saw it coming. I
should have been more sensitive toward her, more aware of how she was feeling. Oh God Brenda, I killed her. I killed my wife!”

Brenda reached up and delicately brushed away a tear from Jax’s face. She didn’t say anything as she slowly brought Jax’s sobbing face to her chest and gently held him close to her body.
 

Spend all your time waiting for that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There’s always one reason to feel not good enough
And it’s hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty and weightless and maybe I’ll find some peace tonight
In the arms of an angel
 

Brenda rested her chin on the top of Jax’s head. He slowly stood up and Brenda cautiously followed. Jax gradually started walking out of the cemetery with Brenda walking in step with him by his side. Jax stopped next to Chloe’s grave and knelt beside it
and placed his forehead against the coldness of the headstone. He kissed into his hand and set it on her grave as he began to cry again. He looked up at Brenda who knelt down beside him and placed his arm around her shoulder and they stood up together. Jax reached for Brenda’s hand and locked it with his. He brought her hand to his lips as he lightly closed his eyes. He gently rubbed the back of her hand across his cheek. Brenda felt the cold tears fall across her hand and placed her other hand on the opposite side of his face. He slowly opened his eyes and she gently brushed some tears away with the soft tips of her fingers. Jax allowed her hands to drop and wrapped his arms around her shoulders as he brought her body next to his.
 

...You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there...
 

Brenda rested her face against his chest as he held her for several seconds before he broke the embrace. He cupped her face in his palm and they turned to walk out of the cemetery...together they left slowly walking away hand in hand.
 

...It’s easier to believe in this sweet madness
Oh this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here.
 

Selection is parts of Sarah McLachlan’s song called Angel