Buffy

Chapter Five

“Jax, if you just tell her to put down her gun--”
“Hey!” Cordelia said. “He is FAR from my boss. He’s my partner, and I
do not take orders from him.”
“Listen, everyone, let’s just calm down here, and we can all put up our
weapons,” Jax said.
“Yeah, right,” Lois replied. “I’m not giving it up until I’m sure you won’t
arrest us.”
“I don’t see that particular guarantee happening,” Cordelia said. Jax
decided that he’d have to be the one to give for now. He suddenly uncocked
his gun, and placed it in the waistband of his jeans. Cordelia’s jaw dropped.
“I do not believe you,” Cordelia said.
“Just humor me, sweetheart,” Jax said, looking at her, and giving her a
look that told her he had no intention of letting Brenda and Lois go. Cordelia
scoffed and put her gun up as well.
“Fine,” Lois said. She stepped back. “I never really would have shot
you, you know,” she said, sounding almost apologetic.
“I’m sure that you would have,” Jax said, holding out his hand. Lois
eyed him suspiciously. “Look, I’ve told you I’m not going to arrest you, but
there’s no way that I can allow you to remain armed.”
“Do you trust him, Brenda?” Lois asked.
“Yes,” Brenda said, without thinking. Jax glanced at her before looking
back at Lois. She handed him her gun, and he promptly emptied it of its
bullets.
“Have a seat,” Jax said, to Lois and Brenda. “We are going to have to
work a few things out, and I need to talk to my partner. I’m going to step
outside for a few moments. I don’t think we have to tell you that there’s no
way out of this room other than the front door, and you can believe me, we’ll
be right there.”
“We won’t move,” Brenda said confidently. “But Jax, I do need to talk
to you as soon as possible, if that’s okay.”
“Sure,” Jax said. “And I’m sorry about all of this, Brenda, but--well, I’m
just sorry.” Brenda nodded, not looking him in the eye. Instead, she chose to
watch Cordelia and Jax. They were so in sync with each other, she noticed.
Jax went to her and held an arm out, indicating that she should go out the
door in front of him. He walked with his hand on the small of her back, and
when they stepped outside, they left the door open and stood just in front of
it. Brenda could see them, and she could hear their voices, but she couldn’t
make out what they were saying.
She glanced at Lois to see if she was noticing the same thing Brenda
was noticing. Jax and Cordelia were always touching each other, she noticed.
He kept touching her face lovingly, and she kept a hand on his arm. He
seemed to be trying to convince her of something. Just then, a look came
over Cordelia’s face, and Jax pulled her into his arms for a hug. They looked
so comfortable with each other, Brenda sighed to herself. Lois opened her
mouth to say something, and Brenda gave her a warning look. Lois just shook
her head and looked everywhere in the room but at Brenda.
Jax and Cordelia came back in, closing the door behind them.
“All right,” Cordelia said, sighing, “We’re going to have to make a deal.
Jax wants to let the two of you go, with the guarantee that you will stop doing
what you’re doing, which I think is absurd. I wanted to arrest the both of you
and bring you into custody immediately. But my partner here doesn’t seem
to agree with that, so we’ve made a little bit of a compromise, and it doesn’t
really matter if the two of you agree with it. Here it is. We are going to take
you into custody--”
“Jax, you promised--” Brenda said, urgently. Jax just looked at Cordelia.
“We’ll take you into custody,” Cordelia continued, “and then on the way
from here to Los Angeles, if you can convince us to let you go, we will.”
“You’ll let us go, no questions asked?” Lois asked, standing up. “All we
have to do is convince you?”
“Yeah,” Cordelia said, “but be warned, I’m a tough sell. And as of right
now, I have no intention of letting you go. But my friend here has convinced
me to give you a chance, so I will.”
“One condition,” Lois said, standing up.
“No, no conditions,” Cordelia said. “It’s our way or no way. You can
decide right now. You do have the option of making things difficult, in which
case, we won’t deal with you at all, we’ll just call headquarters and fly you out
of here with another big bunch of convicts. The choice is yours.”
“Well, I guess we don’t have a choice then, do we?” Lois said, sitting
down and crossing her legs. She ran her fingers through her short dark hair
and sighed. “Can I talk to Brenda alone first?”
“Sure,” Cordelia said. “We’ll be right outside.” She and Jax stepped
outside and turned their backs, but didn’t close the door.
“What do you want to do?” Lois asked.
“Well we don’t have a choice, but we have to get back to Corpus Christi
before we do anything.”
“How are we going to convince them to let us go to Corpus Christi?”
Lois asked, frantically.
“Let me talk to Jax. If I tell him the whole story, then maybe he’ll let us
go from here.”
“Not with his partner on the scene,” Lois said, eyeing Cordelia with a
look of disdain. “She’ll never let us go, and I don’t really think your friend out
there has any intention of letting us go, either.”
“I’m not so sure of him myself,” Brenda said. “But he’s the only chance
we’ve got. So I’m going to tell him that we accept, ask for a few minutes
alone, and then I’m going to tell him everything.”
“You really think he’ll believe you?” Lois asked.
“I hope so,” Brenda said, sighing. “I loved him once, and part of me
wants to believe he had those feelings for me, once upon a time. I’m just
hoping those feelings are still strong enough to convince him to give us a
chance.”
“All right,” Lois said, “that sounds like a plan, but we still have Mathers
to deal with.”
“I can’t believe you’re thinking about him right now,” Brenda said.
“What does he have to do with anything if we’re in prison?”
“Because the organization in Corpus Christi is only going to send
someone else after him if we get caught. And if they send someone else after
him, he’ll bring the whole organization down. He’s on to us, remember? He
hasn’t gone to the police yet, and I don’t think he’s going to.”
“So what do you propose we do?”
“Well there are no numbers to where any of them can be reached
down in Corpus Christi, so we’re going to have to go down there and tell
them in person.”
“Lois, if we take them to Corpus Christi, they’re going to have a field
day. There are way too many people down there on their most wanted list.
We’ll be leading them right into the entire organization.”
“So either way the organization crumbles?” Lois asked, frantically. “No,
we can’t let that happen, Brenda.”
“But Lois, think about it. This is your chance. You’re pregnant. You
can go back to Ned, reconcile with him and raise your family. You’ll have
made a clean break of this life, something you yourself thought you could
never get to do. I know that it’s worth it to you.”
“But what about what we’re doing? Getting rid of the scum of the
earth that the justice system let back out into society.”
“They are not lenient on vigilantes in court, Lois,” Brenda said, her
voice deathly serious. “If you get arrested, you’re going down, you said so
yourself.”
“A necessary risk--”
“Don’t even tell me that you truly believe that, especially when you’re
carrying a life inside you that takes precedence over all of the people on the
street we’re after, and all the people in this room, including me.”
“So what do you propose we do?” Lois asked. “We could try and escape,
get to Corpus Christi, and then turn ourselves in to Jax and Cordelia.”
“Assuming they’d be willing to give us another chance. If we escape,
then they’d never trust us again.”
“Okay,” Lois said, “Well then couldn’t we just escape and go under
ground?”
“Do you know what you’re saying?” Brenda asked. “You know what
going underground means, and that’s exactly why we haven’t done it before
now. Going underground--that’s the end of everything. That’s the end of life
as you know it, and Lois, if you were to ever be caught--you’d go straight to
prison, open and shut case.”
“I know all of this, Brenda.”
“Well then stop suggesting impossible scenarios. We’re trapped, that’s
all. I always knew this would happen sooner or later.” Brenda sighed and sat
back down, giving up. Lois sat next to her.
“Brenda, come on. You know that before I found out I was pregnant,
the organization was the most important thing in the world to me. I know it’s
still the most important thing to you. Everything that we stand for,
everything we do--I know it’s everything in the world that counts to you.”
“So what do you want me to do, Lois?!” Brenda asked in a frantic
whisper.
“Just talk to him. If you have as much clout with him as you say you do,
then ask him for one more chance. Tell him the truth about the organization,
ask him for permission to warn them about Mathers, and throw in Mathers as
incentive. If they can get him and get a conviction, it’ll be the case of their
careers. They’ll go for it, I know they will. I don’t know why I didn’t think of
this before, it’s perfect. Will you try it, Brenda? Will you just try?”
Brenda looked at the frantic expression on Lois’ face, and couldn’t
deny her.
“I’ll try,” she said, finally, “but no promises.”
“That’s all I ask,” Lois said, getting up. She cleared her throat, and
Cordelia and Jax turned back around to face them. Lois waved them in.
“I cannot believe you talked me into this,” Cordelia said into Jax’s ear.
He just patted her on the shoulder, knowing that he was going to pay big time
when they got back to LA.
“Okay,” Brenda said, standing up. “Jax, Lois and I are prepared to
accept your deal. We thank you for offering it, and we’ll do our best to
convince you of our sincerity when we tell you that we both want to make a
clean brake of this life.”
“Well, that’s very good,” Jax said, with pause. “Do I hear a but?”
“But,” Brenda emphasized, “I’d really like to talk to you first, there’s a lot
I have to tell you, Jax. There’s--there’s a lot you should know. Can I talk to
you alone for a few minutes, please?” Jax looked to Cordelia knowing she
would be displeased. She surprised him though, by nodding.
“Sure, you two go ahead,” she said softly. “Why don’t you talk in the
bathroom? Forgive me, but I think I’d like to stay right where I am, just now.”
“That’s fine, thanks,” Brenda said, stepping into the bathroom, trusting
that Jax would follow just behind her. When he didn’t, she turned, looking at
him expectantly.
“Listen, I need to talk to Cordy for just one second.” Jax went over to
Cordelia, an apologetic look on his face. They spoke in hushed tones, their
faces very close together. “I just wanted to thank you for being so
understanding about all of this--”
“Don’t even start with me right now, Jasper,” Cordelia said, her tone
exasperated. “Just get in there, and do whatever you have to do, but you
better be d@mn sure of this girl, because we could both not only get kicked
off this case, we could lose our badges, do you understand?”
“I know that, but--”
“I don’t think you do, but you can trust me to keep reminding you.
This means everything to me, but I know you, and I trust you, so I’m going
along with this. Don’t make me sorry.”
“Never. Thanks,” Jax said, kissing her on the cheek, and going into the
bathroom, and shutting the door behind him. Left alone, Lois gave Cordelia
an uneasy look. Cordelia just rolled her eyes and moved to stare out the
window.
“So,” Lois said, “what’s going on between you and Jax?”
“Excuse me?” Cordelia asked, her face full of annoyance.
“I said, what’s going on between you and Jax?”
“There is nothing going on between myself and Jax. He’s my partner,
I’ve known him for years, and that’s all there is to it. We’re friends.”
“But something tells me that once upon a time there was more to it
than friendship, huh?”
“Well if there were, it wouldn’t be any of your business, now would it?”
Cordelia asked, her voice lethal.
“All right, excuse me,” Lois said, putting her hands up, and smirking
just a bit when Cordelia had turned her back. Brenda had no idea what she
was up against. These two, Lois thought to herself, definitely have a past.
Brenda did have some idea, though. In the bathroom, she sat on the
side of the bathtub, and Jax stood, leaning against the door. He looked
uncomfortable, she thought, and with good reason. She sighed, not knowing
where to begin.
“How could you do that to me?” she asked after a while. “How could
you make love to me with the intent of arresting me in the morning?”
“It wasn’t like that, Brenda.”
“Oh really? You want to explain it to me, then? Because the way I see it,
you knew exactly what you were doing when you met up with me in the bar
last night, and you knew exactly what you were doing when you took me
back to the hotel.”
“Didn’t you know exactly what you were doing, too, Brenda? I don’t
remember it being difficult to get you to--”
“Don’t you say that to me, Jax! I had no IDEA you were a cop.”
“I’m not a cop,” Jax said. “I’m a detective, there’s a difference.”
“Oh, excuse me,” Brenda said, feigning shock. “I’ll make sure and get it
right next time.”
“Look, do you want the truth or not?”
“Assuming you’d give it to me.”
“I’m going to ignore that,” Jax said. “Listen. The plan was for me to
lure you back to my room and arrest you. I was supposed to check in with
Cordelia, and then we were going to pick up Lois. Any romantic things that
went on were between you and me, and I did them of my own accord. I’d
probably get suspended at the very least if what happened between us ever
came out.”
“Oh,” Brenda said softly, not knowing what else to say. Her heart
soared at the fact that he’d wanted her as much as she wanted him. But she
was still so confused. “So tell me something, if you came all the way down
here from Los Angeles to arrest me, why’d you sleep with me? I mean,
where’s the affection coming from if you believe I’m a criminal?”
“I didn’t count on feeling the way I do towards you, Brenda, if you
wanna know the truth. I thought, it’s been three years, long enough for me to
get over you, and I thought I could do this job without my emotions getting in
the way. I was wrong.”
“What about the morning after,” Brenda said, not backing down. “Early
this morning, you nearly stopped me from going out the door. You started to
say that I was under arrest, didn’t you?”
“I did,” Jax said. “Because I guess, in the cold light of day, I realized
what this whole thing is really about. Brenda, I care about you. After all these
years, I’ve never stopped. I’m not sure I ever will. But I’m a detective, first
and foremost. And this case is as much Cordelia’s as it is mine. And she
doesn’t have any personal interest in you or Lois, and I can’t ask her to risk
her own career for me, especially when no matter how you slice it, what you
and Lois are doing is wrong.”
“Jax, I can’t begin to tell you how many people we’ve taken out that
were guilty of so many horrible things. The things they did to some of those
children, raping, killing,--” Brenda closed her eyes and shuddered. “You and
Cordelia think you’re arresting the bad guys by getting me and Lois? Don’t
even tell me that you really think the world is worse off without a few people
like Mathers, all right?”
“I won’t try and tell you that, Brenda, but that’s why we have the laws
that we do. That’s why we have the criminal justice system. It has flaws, I’ll
admit, but it works. You have to have faith in the system--”
“Don’t you tell me to have faith in the system, Jasper Jacks! If you had a
CLUE what you were talking about, then maybe--”
“Oh, Brenda would you just stop this?!” Jax asked in annoyance. “I
don’t believe you. You know, back in college, you were always gung ho about
something or another. If there was a just cause, you could count on Brenda
Barrett being behind it. You always did amaze me. But what I don’t
understand is how you got mixed up in all of this. Why are you so ready to
give up the rest of your life for this? I mean I know that you see injustice
here, but you have no personal stake in this. Why can’t you just let it go, this
vigilantism?”
“Because I DO have a personal stake in this, Jax, and so do you!”
Brenda’s hands rushed up to her mouth. She hadn’t meant for it to come out
like this, she hadn’t meant for him to find out this way. It’d only been a year,
and she knew she’d never get over it. How she expected him to find out and
adjust in the space of fifteen minutes, she had no idea. She turned her back to
him, blinking back the tears.
“What did you say?” he asked, turning her back around to face him.
“What did you mean by that?” Looking into his sparkling blue eyes and
hearing him speak with such urgency, Brenda couldn’t find the words to
articulate what she had to tell him. “You and Lois are vigilantes,” Jax began. “I
researched Lois, she had a son that was killed by some man back in New
York. They couldn’t prove it, so they let him go, he walked. And then she shot
him, and she escaped felony charges, she got off. She moved here. I
researched you, there was no information, but--Brenda, you said I had a
personal stake in this, what did you mean? All the people involved in this
organization are angry parents--oh my God,” he choked out. “Brenda, you
never--you never had a child, did you? Tell me you didn’t, Brenda!” He was
shaking her now, and all she could do was cry. She began sobbing bitterly,
her knees giving out and sinking to the floor. Jax fell with her, silent, holding
her, unable to process all that he’d just learned.
“He was just a baby,” Brenda said, crying so hard she could barely get
out the words.
“He?” Jax asked. “You had a boy?” Brenda’s body suddenly went very
still, and she sat up, wiping her face in vain, for the tears just kept falling.

Outside in the room, both Lois and Cordelia heard a noise. Cordelia
took a step towards the door, but Lois stopped her, giving her a sad look.
“What she’s got to say is going to be hard enough. Give them a few
more minutes.”
“Well what’s the matter?” Cordelia asked.
“It’s not my story to tell,” Lois said.

“He was just a year old,” Brenda said. “Back in college, I waited for you
on that stupid bridge, you never showed, so I went on with my life. And two
weeks later, I found out I was pregnant. I never meant for you to find out, I
thought you didn’t care.”
“You couldn’t have been further from the truth,” Jax said, taking her
face in his hands. She tore her face away, struggling to go on.
“I only had a few more months of school, so when I finished, I left New
York, and I moved to LA. It’s a big city, you know, I had no idea you were
there too.”
“I moved there to become a cop,” Jax said. “Smart, huh?”
“Well,” Brenda said, shaking her head, “whatever your reasons, be glad
you didn’t run into me. I was a basket case. I wasn’t ready to be a mother. I
didn’t have any idea what I was doing.”
“So what happened, Brenda?” Brenda’s eyes closed, and Jax could tell
she was going back to that night.
“I had let a neighbor watch him,” Brenda said, “just for a few minutes,
while I went to the grocery store, it was a ten minute walk, Jax, ten minutes! I
bought some diapers, some milk, just stupid stuff, bread, cereal, you know? I
was gone thirty minutes, tops. I came back--the woman who watched him
was dead.”
“Oh dear God,” Jax said, reaching for Brenda. She only shrank back.
“It was her husband,” Brenda said. “She told me they were divorced, I
had never even seen him before, so I didn’t worry about him, you know?
She’d watched him a hundred times before. He had a little fever, I didn’t want
to take him out with me, I couldn’t carry everything back by myself and hold
him too--oh, I was so STUPID!! What kind of a mother--” Brenda sighed,
gathering her arms about herself. “I went in, and found her dead. I looked
everywhere for him, I couldn’t find him anywhere, Jax.”
“So he’s missing then?” Jax asked, a faint glimmer of hope rising in him
that maybe his son was still alive somewhere.
“Do you think I’d be sitting here right now if he was anywhere on this
earth? I’d have found him by now, or at least I’d still be looking. I didn’t find
him right away, but I found him a few hours later, in the woman’s bedroom.
He had been smothered with a pillow,” Brenda said calmly as if she were
reading a newspaper account of something that had happened to someone
else. Jax felt the bile rising in his throat, and he struggled to maintain his
sanity as she spoke. “There was a NOTE on him!” Brenda said, her voice full
of anger. “A NOTE! Saying that I should take care of my own d@mn kid.” She
shook her head, laughing. “That’s exactly what it said, ‘I should take care of
my own d@mn kid. Can you believe that sick b@stard was jealous of a one
year old baby? He was JEALOUS. So he killed them both. Oh,” Brenda said,
sniffling and standing up, trying to put herself back together. “Well since he
felt that way about it, and was so angry at me that he killed his wife and my
son, I decided that I would just feel THAT way about it, and I was SO angry at
him,” Brenda scoffed, “I went up to him, and I shot him. A couple of times,
actually. I really wanted him dead, so I shot him a couple more times, just to
make sure, you know? Just to make sure he’d never take another life, I took
his. And I’ll never apologize for it, Jasper Jacks! I never will!” With that,
Brenda moved past Jax quickly, and stormed into the living room.
Lois went to her and hugged her immediately, and Cordelia, watching
the two of them, looked frantically at Jax, and then she rushed into the
bathroom, kneeling on the floor and holding him as he cried.