Chapter 12

Cordelia stepped into the elevator and pulled the door down in front
of her. As she felt herself go up, that same dizzy, slightly heady feeling came
over her, that she was powerless to stop when it came to Angel. She could
feel herself being drawn to him, inexplicably. She would do her best to
maintain a clear head, though. It was her own fault, she was giving him way
too much power, and she knew it. Well, it would stop here.
Cordelia got off of the elevator, and peered around the room to see if
she could see Angel. Of course, he was nowhere in sight. She walked further
into the room, and could see him in his office. He barely glanced up, and
waved her in when he saw her. It slightly angered her that he had so much
control over her, it was almost as if he had her under a spell, but her presence
seemed to have no effect on him. She couldn’t know how wrong she was,
though. Seeing Cordelia, her hair splayed in gentle waves all down her back,
the sleek black pants and tight black top were most distracting to Angel, but
he would never let her see that. He was talking on the telephone, and it was
obviously important. He looked a little frustrated. She sat down in front of
him, crossing her legs delicately, and waiting patiently for him to finish. Quite
frankly, the less she said to him, the better. Cordelia knew Jax would rather
go down in flames that trust Angel to help them, but she felt she knew Angel
better than Jax ever could, and she certainly understood why. If the tables
were turned, she might not ever trust someone who had hurt Jax the way
Angel had hurt her. But wait, she had just admitted to herself that Angel hurt
her. So what was she doing here? She was about to get up and talk herself
out of this particular visit, when he put the telephone down, and looked up at
her, his gaze heavy and intent, and that slight smile doing funny things to her
heart. She smiled to herself, looked casually away, and then returned her gaze
to him.
“Hello Cordelia,” Angel said softly, and quietly, his voice inexplicably
gentle. He sat back in his chair, one leg propped on the knee of his other.
“What can I do for you?” He was dressed in black, as usual, and she didn’t
know what it was about the two of them, they always seemed to match, and
wear similar things on the same day. Angel had always said it was because
their mental connection was so strong. Cordelia had often called it a
coincidence. Cordelia tried to ignore the sight of the pure power in his arms
when he stretched slightly and the material moved against his skin. He had
always been so strong. She cleared her throat, and spoke.
“Listen, Angel, I think I may have been pretty hasty when I called you
before.”
“Okay,” Angel said. Cordelia turned her head to the side.
“That’s it?” she asked. “You’re not going to try and find out why I called
you?”
“I figured you’d tell me if you wanted me to know,” Angel said, getting
up and moving across the room in slow, liquid movements, so fluid Cordelia
barely registered it. She turned around and looked at him intently, both of
them knowing the unmistakable look of love in her eyes. She sighed and got
up, walking over to him. He looked at her expectantly, and then when she
said nothing, he said, “would you like a drink?”
“Scotch,” she said, the answer almost a reflex. She almost never drank
though, and if there was any time that she needed a clear head, it was now.
He handed her a glass, but when she didn’t take it, he took it himself. “I’m
sorry,” she said.
“For what, Cordelia?” he moved back to sit behind his desk, his hands
folded gently on top, ignoring the drink. “Are you in some trouble?”
“Well I don’t know yet, my calling you was sort of like--a preemptive
strike.”
“I understand,” Angel replied. “Does Jax know you’re here?”
“Yes, and he’s not happy about it,” Cordelia answered. “And you can
understand why.”
“I can.” Angel paused, staring at Cordelia, sending her every signal in
the world that he wanted her. She sighed and stood up, about to leave.
“Wait,” he said, moving around the desk and standing so close to her, she was
forced to take a step back. “It’s been a long time,” he said. “I’ve missed you.”
Cordelia couldn’t register anything that he was saying, she was just hoping
against hope that he wouldn’t put his hands on her. If he touched her--oh,
and he knew it, too.
“What?” she said, shaking her head. “I’m sorry, what did you say?”
Angel laughed slightly, something he almost never did, but seemed to do a lot
of whenever he was in Cordelia’s company.
“I just asked you if you had missed me as well. I know you’ve been
busy, though.”
“This was a mistake,” Cordelia said, stepping past him and heading for
the elevator. He stood where he was, hands in his pockets, and stared after
her.
“Why?” he asked simply. When she turned around, he asked again.
“Why did you come here at all?”
“I’m beginning to wonder about that myself,” Cordelia said. “You know
how I get around you, Angel,” she sighed. “And there’s not much use of my
pretending otherwise. When I try to tune you out, I put all my energy into
that, and I can’t even form a coherent thought in my head.” Angel sat on the
corner of his desk, folding his arms.
“Well then why do you fight it, Cordelia? I’ve always loved you, I still
do, you know that.”
“Don’t say that, Angel, I didn’t come here for that.”
“That’s right,” Angel said, getting up and sitting behind his desk. “You
came here because you needed some help, but now you won’t tell me what
that is, and then you start to act as though it’s putting you in physical pain to
be in the same room with me.” Cordelia cast him a defeated look, and began
to walk back towards his desk. “Does it really hurt that much?” he asked,
looking up at her, with those puppy dog eyes.
“Angel, my feelings for you are, complicated at best--”
“You love me,” he stated simply. “You know you do, and you know I
love you, so much.”
“Do we have to do this every time I come here?” she asked. “Same
routine, same song.”
“You’re the only one who can change it,” Angel said. “Because there’s
just--there’s just nobody out there for me, but you.” Cordelia stared back at
Angel for a few minutes, the silence comforting for once.
“I love you too,” she said softly. He ventured to put a hand on hers and
squeeze gently.
“Then tell me what’s wrong,” he said. “And tell me what I can do.”

The mood was calm, languid, and sensual, when Jax took Brenda to
bed. There they explored every inch of one another, remembering past
memories, and creating new ones. His hands roved over her body, taking her
to unthinkable heights in her heart, soul and mind. She couldn’t believe she
had forgotten what it was like to be with this man, the only man she had ever,
and would ever love. But Brenda gave as good as she got, reminding Jax that
he didn’t have to do all the work, and his pleasure was just as important to
her. They had never made love this way before, nurturing each other, caring
for each other, and concerning themselves only with each other’s needs. All
those years ago, in college, their night together was full of passion and
reckless abandon, a firestorm of new emotions that were so often connected
with first love. That love that they some how new was impossible to contain
at the moment. So they enjoyed their time together, made plans to see each
other again, but both of them knew at that moment, that it would be years
before they would even lay eyes on one another again. And then there was
the night in the motel room where just the sight of one another had brought
back that need to be with each other that superseded his job, her assignment,
and everyone in their lives, save each other.
But now, now they were free to be with one another, at least for an
evening, with everything on the table, a promise of the slightest possibility of
a future together, and an assurance that they loved each other, and always
would, no matter what happened, when the sun came up on Monday
morning.

“So that’s everything,” Cordelia said, now sitting on the couch beside
Angel, his arm on the top of the couch, slightly above her head. He smelled so
good, she thought, and his arms looked so inviting. Both of them knew that
circumstances aside, they would be together. But now, well, maybe too much
had happened.
“And what you’re worried about,” Angel said, “is someone stepping in
the way of your making this deal for Lois and Brenda?”
“Right,” Cordelia said, “And the only person that could or would do that
is Hicks.”
“Lindsey Hicks?” Angel asked.
“Yeah, why?”
“Because,” Angel said, getting up and going to his desk, “I’ve already
gotten a call from him.”
“He called you?” Cordelia asked, standing up. “How would he know to
call you, what could you possibly have to do with this?”
“I don’t know,” Angel said. “That’s what’s particularly confusing to me.
I don’t know how this guy found out about me.”
“I do,” Cordelia said, her memory coming back to her. “You know that
our history is public knowledge. The entire department found out about the
accident, and Jax didn’t exactly do anything to save your reputation.”
“Well neither did you,” Angel said, glancing up at her as he searched
through his rolodex. When he found the card, he pulled it up and handed it
to her. “Lindsey Hicks,” he said. “He called me earlier today.”
“What did he want?”
“A meeting,” Angel said. “He didn’t say what for.”
“Did he give you the impression that he needed a private investigator?”
“No, he just said that he wanted to talk to me, and use my skills to help
him with a personal matter. And, of course, he said that he would make it
worth my while.”
“Well what’d you say?”
“I told him I’d think about it and call him back.”
“And are you?” Cordelia asked, stepping closer to Angel.
“I wasn’t planning on it,” Angel said. “Look, Cordelia, everyone but you
has always had the wrong opinion of me. I’m not involved in that kind of life.
I am not involved in drugs, I’m not going to help anyone brake the law. Any
contacts that I use, any dealings that I might have, I use them strictly to help
my clients solve their cases.”
“I do know that,” Cordelia said, sitting just across from him.
“And that’s why I didn’t want to call him back. This guy is planning
something, and it sounds like it’s something big, and I don’t want to be any
part of it.”
“Well,” Cordelia said, “you’re going to have to.”
“Excuse me?” Cordelia cast him a sad look.
“For me, Angel,” she said. “Do it for me.” All she had to do was look at
him, and he would refuse her nothing.
“What do you need?” he said.
“Well, it’s getting pretty late, so call him in the morning. Maybe wait
until lunch or something. I’m going to call a lawyer for Lois and Brenda in
the morning. We’re going to get ourselves together, and then they’re going to
turn themselves in.”
“Not the best idea,” Angel said, tapping his fingers on top of Cordelia’s
open palm.
“Why not?” she said, not even aware of the connection.
“Because I have a feeling that Lois and Brenda are going to be arrested
as soon as they get to the station, and if Hicks has his way, they’re never going
to get out. Think about it. We don’t know what Hicks has on them, he is
obviously pretty confident. He wants something, or likely, he already has it.
If he’s far enough along to contact me, then he must be suspicious of you.”
“Or, maybe he’s not thinking of me at all, and he just needs someone
with your--skills, and he remembered you from what happened with me, and
that’s why he called you.”
“Cordelia, the people who contact me want to do things out of the
public eye. They want their secrets kept, and their privacy insured. This
Hicks is a police Lieutenant. What on earth could he possibly want with me
that’s legitimate? He’s up to something, and if I were you, I wouldn’t send
Brenda and Lois in until you know exactly what that is. Maybe it’s nothing
you can prevent, maybe it is, who knows, but at least you’ll be able to find out
for sure.”
“That makes sense, you’re right,” Cordelia said. “Okay then. This is
what I’ll do. I’m going to go home, tell everyone what you’ve said, get a little
rest, because I am so tired, and then I’ll talk to a lawyer for them in the
morning.” Cordelia stood up, pulling her hand from his. “Thank you,” she
said, before turning to leave.
“Cordelia?”
“Yes?”
“Why don’t you stay?” Cordelia sighed and shook her head, about to
argue with him. As usual, he was up from the desk and had her in his arms
before she knew what had happened.
“Angel, don’t do this,” she said. “Come on, please. Just let me go.”
“But you don’t want to go,” he said, hugging her and nuzzling the side
of her neck. “And I don’t want you to go, so why don’t you stay?”
“I don’t want to open things up again,” she said, her hands pressed
against his chest, but doing nothing to push him away. “And neither do you,
if you’re honest with yourself. I know it has to hurt you every time I walk
away.”
“So stop walking away,” he said, tilting her chin up and kissing her. It
was sweet, slow, and undemanding. Not his usual, she thought to herself.
But terribly tempting and inviting. When he pulled away, she stared at him,
her heart melting. “Just stay,” he said. “Stay until the morning.”
“No,” Cordelia said, “Jax will--” at the mention of Jax’s name, Angel
released his grasp on Cordelia’s body, and she had to admit, she missed the
feel of him instantly. “Jax will get worried, and if I don’t come back, he’ll
barge over here, you know that.”
“I do know that,” Angel said, nodding to himself. “He’s always so
protective of you.”
“It isn’t as though he doesn’t have his reasons,” Cordelia said, walking
behind Angel’s desk and putting a hand on his arm. He looked at her, the
pain of living without her apparent in his eyes. “You have to know it’s not
you,” she said, taking his face in her hands. “It’s just too much--we’re too
much.”
“There’s a lot to be said for having enough in this life,” he said, his arms
draping loosely around her waist. She tilted his head down and planted a kiss
on his forehead. “Tell me you love me,” he said, allowing his hands to tangle
in her hair.
“You know that I do,” she said quietly. “That’s part of the problem.”
“I want to hear you say it,” he said.
“And then will you let me go?”
“Maybe,” he said, kissing her again. “If you still want to.”
“I love you, Angelus,” she said. “And now, I have to go, before I have no
choice but to stay.”

“What are you thinking about?” Brenda asked, her hands running
lightly across Jax’s chest.
“Whether or not we’re doing the right thing,” he said softly. “And what
it’s going to cost us if we’re not.”
“Do you want to know what I was thinking?” Brenda asked.
“Sure, love.”
“I was thinking that whatever happens, I know that you love me, and
you know that I love you, and it makes it all bearable, and if and when we get
out of this and we’re together finally, it’ll all have been worth it.”
“The eternal optimist,” Jax said, kissing her forehead. “I wish I had
that.” Jax glanced at the clock on his bedside table. “Oh, sweetheart, I need
to get up.”
“Why, what’s the matter?” Jax didn’t answer Brenda as he got up and
put on pajama bottoms and his white T-shirt.
“I have to get the dog, remember?” Jax said. “Cordelia should be back
by now, and if she’s not then--”
“You’re going to go get her?” Brenda asked, sitting up. Jax just looked
at her then, her kiss-swollen lips a major distraction, and her hair going in a
few different directions from her positions on the pillow, unnerving him.
“No,” he said, “I’ll stay here, but that doesn’t mean I won’t worry, and
that doesn’t mean that I won’t call.”
“Maybe you should let her handle this for herself,” Brenda said.
“What do you mean?” Jax said, sitting on the edge of the bed, and
letting Brenda put her feet into his lap.
“Well, Cordelia’s a big girl, maybe you should let her decide for herself
how she wants to handle things with Angel.”
“No,” Jax said, shaking his head.
“See, there you go right there. You talk about her as if she were a child.
She’s a detective, Jax. If she wants to see Angel, then you should just step
aside. It isn’t as if the two of you are together.”
“Seeing her go back to Angel would be the biggest mistake of her life,”
Jax said. “And I can’t help but feel like if I don’t remind her of that, she’ll fall
so easily back into his world, and there’ll be no hope for her.”
“And what exactly is his world, Jax? From what you’ve told me, he
made some mistakes, so have we all, he hasn’t done anything worse than what
I’ve done, and I’ve never met him, but maybe he and Cordelia should be
trusted to handle their own love lives. Love, Jax, changes people more than
anything else. It makes you do things you never thought you’d do, go places
you never thought you’d go, both in reality, and in your heart. I don’t know,
but maybe if she wants to try again with Angel, you should step out of the
way.”
“Well she’s not a child,” Jax said, “you are right about that. But you
didn’t see her in the hospital, when she overdosed. You didn’t see the look
on her face when she thought she had lost her career forever, the joy on her
face when she made detective, the sheer humiliation her first day back on the
job, with everyone of her co.-workers no longer having the respect for her
that she still deserved, just because she made some bad choices. That is no
one’s doing but Angel’s, and I won’t see her go back there, I won’t.”
“I’m just saying,” Brenda answered, leaning forward and kissing him,
“that it might not be your choice. You might have to let her go back to him.”
“We’re not even going to cross that bridge until we come to it,” Jax
said. Just then, they heard a door slam. “What time is it?” Jax asked.
“Two,” Brenda said. “Technically Monday morning.” Jax stared at
Brenda, both of them thinking that had been an awfully long talk with Angel.
“I’m going to go see about her,” Jax said.
“Wait,” Brenda replied. “I’m sure she’s fine.”
“Every time she comes back from Angel’s, she looks like she’s been to
war, she might need me.”
“Jax,” Brenda said, annoyance on her voice.
“What?” Jax said, his hand on the door knob. Brenda looked at him
then, and just couldn’t be angry.
“Wait up a second, and I’ll come with you.” Brenda dressed quickly and
was out the door with Jax in a moment.
“Oh,” Jax said, stopping Brenda in the hall way, “will you run to
Cordelia’s room and get the dog off the bed, please? Just put him in my room,
he’ll be fine there for a second.”
“Jax, that horse, masquerading as a dog, is bigger than me. If you
couldn’t get him off the bed,--”
“Just tug on his collar, and pat him on the behind, like you do me, and
he’ll behave,” Jax said, kissing Brenda on the forehead and heading
downstairs. She just smiled and went into Cordelia’s room. The room was
very feminine and soft. The carpet was plush, and the bed was huge, and
looked so inviting, warm and soft. It smelled nice, Brenda thought. Any
woman would love this room, and it fit Cordelia’s personality. The curtains
were flowing, a gentle breeze of night air was coming through. Brenda
glanced at Romeo on the bed, sleeping peacefully. He opened one lazy eye
and then closed it back once he saw that it was Brenda. Having a few
moments to herself, Brenda couldn’t resist a little glimpse into the life of
Cordelia Chase. She wouldn’t snoop, she told herself, just look around. She
stepped up to the dresser, and noticed a picture of Cordelia and Jax. They
looked really happy, Brenda thought to herself. Jax was holding Cordelia in
his arms, they were relaxing on the lawn, and the dog, obviously a puppy, was
in Cordelia’s lap. Brenda picked the picture up, but then put it down when
she heard Cordelia’s voice. She moved too quickly though, and knocked over
a small jewelry box on the corner of the dresser. Brenda cursed to herself,
and got Romeo’s attention for the first time since she came into the room.
She hurriedly put the jewelry back in the box, and then noticed a beautiful
diamond ring. She picked it up and examined it a bit, knowing it had to be
the ring Jax had proposed to Cordelia with. Why had she kept it? No time for
questions now though, she thought. She grabbed Romeo by the collar, and
patted him on the behind, just as Jax instructed. The dog barked, but
followed Brenda out of the room. She didn’t have time to grab him though,
before he bounded down the stairs, headed for Cordelia, and there was no
way Brenda was going to catch up with him.
She came down the stairs to find Cordelia sitting at the table, drinking a
glass of water, and Jax pacing around the table. Their conversation appeared
to be intense, so Brenda hung back, listening. Neither Cordelia nor Jax
noticed her on the stairs, so she took a seat there, listening. Cordelia held the
dog’s head in her lap and petted him absently.
“I had to tell him, Jax, you don’t understand.”
“Oh, I think I do.”
“He’s not going to say anything, and if we need help, he’ll be there for
us.”
“I don’t trust him, Cordelia.”
“I know that you don’t, but you trust me, don’t you?”
“I don’t trust your judgment when it comes to Angel, no, I don’t. But I
know that you wouldn’t do anything deliberately to hurt me, so if you say we
should trust him, then we will.”
“That’s all I ask,” she said, standing up and hugging Jax. He looked so
relieved that they had made up and stopped arguing.
“He didn’t hurt you did he?” Jax asked, pulling back slightly from
Cordelia.
“No, DAD, he didn’t,” Cordelia said, moving past Jax and opening the
refrigerator. “I can’t believe how hungry I am,” she said, “you want
something?”
“It’s almost morning, you know you eat like a horse in the mornings,
you should wait.”
“Excuse me!” Cordelia said, laughing, “you can just leave me alone,
thank you very much, I can eat whatever I want to, I work it off faster than
you do, running after the bad guys.”
“I’ve never known you to chase a guy down, Cordy.”
“That’s because they all come to me,” she said, laughing. “So, how’d
things go here?”
“What do you mean?” Jax asked.
“Did you finally talk to Brenda?” she asked, exasperated. “I swear, if the
two of you don’t hurry up and get together.”
“You really think we have a future?”
“Of course I do,” Cordelia said, “you’re perfect for each other, and
really, who would know better than I do?”
“I guess you’re right,” Jax said, thinking of Brenda and smiling
uncontrollably. “I do love being with her.”
“You love HER,” Cordelia said, “and that’s the most important thing.”
Cordelia stepped around the dog and took a huge bite out of her sandwich.
Jax laughed at her and wiped the mayonnaise from the corner of her mouth.
“You are such a mess,” he laughed. “I’m glad you were all right
tonight,” he said.
“I really am,” Cordelia promised.
“Oh, that reminds me,” Jax said, moving to the telephone and opening
the drawer underneath it, “your dad called the day before we left, and I forgot
to give you the message.”
“It’s 5:30 on the east coast, right?” Cordelia asked herself. “Yeah, I’ll call
him later on this morning. I’m sure it was nothing. Your mom called, too.”
“Lady Jane? When?”
“It was the night before we left, actually, and I was purposefully
avoiding giving you that particular message.”
“Why?” Jax asked.
“Because she’s starting in on me again,” she said. “You know how Jane
is, she’s old fashioned, and she will not give up on the dream of Cordelia
Chase and Jasper Jacks in happily ever after land. I keep telling her that she’s
way off base, but I guess we’re not exactly sending the right message by still
sharing this house.” Before Cordelia and Jax got more into their life together,
and she had to listen to more domestic bliss, Brenda came down the stairs,
and put her arm possessively around Jax. Cordelia just smiled and nodded.
“Listen Jax, we need to call David pretty early in the morning, I didn’t get a
chance to call him tonight, and I’m guessing you probably didn’t either.”
“No,” Jax said, “indeed I did not.”
“Okay then,” Cordelia said, “I’ll see the two of you in the morning.”
“Goodnight,” Jax and Brenda said together.
“Good night,” Cordelia said. She was upstairs in moments, and Jax took
the opportunity to steal a kiss from Brenda. Moments later though, Cordelia
peered over the side of the stairs. “Jasper Jacks, did you let that dog into my
room?!”
“Sorry!” Jax said, pulling Brenda into his arms. At the sound of her
voice, Romeo sat up and barked. “Go get her!” Jax laughed, when the dog ran
up the stairs, barking after Cordelia. Jax paused and heard Cordelia shriek
when Romeo climbed up on her.
“I love this dog Jasper Jacks, but pay back is gonna be a b!tch!” Jax just
shook his head and laughed, so did Brenda, and they went upstairs, hand in
hand.
Chapter 13

Despite the previous night’s activities, Brenda was up early that
Monday morning. She woke Jax up and kissed him, letting him know she
would see him downstairs. He didn’t ask her to stay, and it saddened her a
bit, but she couldn’t change her mind now, so she headed downstairs, hoping
she would be the only one awake. Once again, she was disappointed. Lois sat
at the kitchen table, eating an English muffin.
“Well good morning to you,” Lois said, grinning like a Cheshire cat.
“Hi,” Brenda said returning her grin.
“So come on, tell me what happened!”
“You know what happened,” Brenda said, sitting next to Lois at the
kitchen table.
“So how are things?” Lois asked. “I mean, are you two back together, or
what?”
“You’re certainly making yourself at home, aren’t you?” Brenda asked,
ignoring Lois’ question.
“Come on, Brenda,” Lois said, “I need my vicarious smooches.”
“Truth?” Brenda asked, pinching off a piece of Lois’ muffin. Lois
nodded, taking a sip of orange juice. “Well, the truth is, I don’t know what the
h#ll we’re doing, and if someone does know, I wish they’d let me in on it.”
“What’s the problem?”
“Well, I have to stop saying Cordelia’s the problem, because she’s not.”
“You sure about that? Those two seemed pretty chummy.”
“Oh, I know,” Brenda nodded, “you’d have to be blind not to notice it,
but I’ve been thinking, and I talked to Jax a little bit, and she really seems to
be totally over him.”
“Yeah,” Lois said, in a knowing way, “I’ll buy that, but what about him?
Is he over her?”
“He says he is, and I know Jax, I don’t think last night would have
happened at all if he still thought he had a chance with Cordelia.”
“See, you’re not answering the question my friend.”
“Yes I am, what are you talking--”
“No, no, I said does he still have feelings for her? Is he over her? He
could still be attached to her, even if he knows he doesn’t have a chance with
her. We’ve all been there before, and look at you with Jax. You were hung up
on him for three years, and if anyone had asked you if you were getting back
together with him, you would have laughed in their face.” Brenda started to
shake her head and argue, but then she just paused, thinking over what Lois
said.
“I really do think he’s over her,” Brenda said. “He just might not be over
what happened. You know, after everything they went through together, it’s
no wonder he would be protective of her, especially when there’s so much at
stake.”
“What do you mean? Something happened between the two of them?”
“Yeah, but it’s not really my thing to tell, you understand, don’t you
Lois?”
“Sure,” Lois said, “but can’t you tell me what happened, without details
or names, or anything specific, and maybe it’d help you figure out what’s
going on between you and Jax.”
“Okay,” Brenda said, lowering her voice. “Well, a while back, Jax and
Cordelia were really tight, I mean really.”
“I knew they were serious about each other!” Lois said.
“Yeah well, you were right. Anyway, extremely long story short, they
were close to getting married, and due to some outside forces, they were sort
of torn apart, you know? But they parted as friends.”
“So whatever happened, it’s got Jax worried enough about Cordelia to
stay close to her?”
“Right.”
“Something dangerous?” When Brenda didn’t answer, Lois went on.
“Well it would have to be, wouldn’t it? Because why would they still be living
together? And it’s got to effect him, too, doesn’t it? It’s got to be pretty big,
like enough to make them lose their careers, maybe?” When Brenda’s eyes
got big, Lois changed the subject. “Okay, okay, so knowing all of that, you’re
worried about, what? Jax seems too involved?”
“Yeah,” Brenda said, her attention focused back on Jax. “He seems so
protective of her, I mean, overly so you know? And I don’t care what he says,
they shouldn’t still be living together. I mean, I came down here last night,
right, after we had been together. Cordelia was home from seeing someone,
and Jax was down here talking about it. I didn’t want to interrupt, so-”
“So you just listened in?” Lois asked, “because what would be the point
of walking all the way back upstairs if they were going to be done talking in a
few minutes, right?” Lois gave her a sly grin.
“That’s exactly right, thank you,” Brenda smiled. “Anyway, they were
just down here talking, you know, so comfortable with each other. I’ve never
seen him more at ease than when he’s with her. They were talking as though
there were no one else in the house.”
“Talking about what?”
“Nothing even that important,” Brenda said, “they talked about their
parents, he talked about her father, and she about his mother, and their
families seem so close, and his mother totally still expects them to get
married.”
“Well is it any wonder?” Lois asked. “They live together still, and to look
at them, no one would know that they’d broken up.”
“That’s exactly what I’m saying,” Brenda replied. “I can understand why
he’s protective of her, and if you knew the situation, you’d understand too,
because it involves him as much as it does her. But this jealousy thing he’s
got--”
“Who would he be jealous of?” Lois asked. When Brenda gave her a
warning look, Lois extended her pinkie finger. “Come on, you can at least
give me a name. You don’t have to tell me everything, just tell me, is it that
person who called when she ran out of here last night?”
“Yeah,” Brenda said, “his name’s Angelus, but everyone calls him
Angel.”
“Okay, cool name, but what’s his deal?”
“Well, he and Cordelia had a thing, I guess.”
“She cheated on Jax?!”
“No, no, it was nothing like that. She and Angel were together, or
whatever, before she ever even knew Jax. She just never quite got out of his
life, basically.”
“Right, and something happened with him, and that’s why Jax is so
jealous, he thinks Angel might pull Cordelia back in or something?”
“Yes,” Brenda said, “but you’re getting way too close to the situation, so
I’m going to beg off this conversation, if possible. Can we get back to me and
Jax? I need my best friend’s advice.”
“Sure, go ahead.”
“Well,” Brenda said, tossing her arms up, “how do I get him to stop?
How do I get him to see that she can take care of herself, and that this isn’t
something he needs to worry about?”
“Let me ask you something first--from what you know of this situation
with Cordelia and Jax and this Angel person, from what YOU can tell, is this
still something he needs to worry about? Is it still a reality that something
could go wrong with it?”
“Yes,” Brenda allowed, seeing Lois’ point already.
“Okay then, so you’re not going to get him to stop being protective,
until the situation rectifies itself.”
“Okay,” Brenda said, “but what about the rest of it? The two of them do
not have to be joined at the hip.”
“You want my best advice?” Lois said, grinning. “You’ve already given
him a memorable night, I assume, so give him a memorable everything else.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well you say he’s not interested in Cordelia, but come on, Brenda,
look at yourself.” Brenda looked down at herself, and then back up at Lois.
“What? What’s wrong with what I have on?”
“You can’t live in jeans and a T-shirt for the rest of your life, Brenda.”
“Nah,” Brenda snorted, leaning back in her chair, “Jax doesn’t care
anything about clothes.”
“Right,” Lois said, standing up and putting her dishes into the sink.
“And that’s why they both always look like they stepped off the cover of a
magazine and you look like you just came back in from doing yard work.”
Brenda’s jaw dropped and she threw a dish towel at Lois. “I guess you’re
right,” Brenda shrugged, “but I don’t have anything better than this--”
“It doesn’t have to be better,” Lois said, “it just has to make him notice you.”
“So you’re saying is, when this is all over, and we have our freedom, I
should make myself irresistible?”
“You got it,” Lois said. “If he can’t even form a thought in his head, you
can trust he won’t be thinking about anyone besides you.”
“I don’t know if that’ll be enough,” Brenda said, slumping down in her
chair. “I mean, how do I compete with history? How do I compete with a life
together, and stories, and a house, and a dog, and a family who expects them
to get together, and don’t even know about me and my past with Jax? And
they have such a good friendship, Lois, I mean, you don’t even know. They are
partners in the fullest sense of the word.”
“Hey,” Lois said, coming over and putting her hands on Brenda’s
shoulders. “You can’t come to the game defeated, or you’re going to walk
away defeated. Now Jax doesn’t love Cordelia, that much we all know. That’s
one point for you. She doesn’t want to be with him, and he doesn’t want to
be with her, that’s another point for you. You are making this more difficult
than it has to be. Go to him, tell him how you feel, and let him know that
you’re not comfortable with him and the Siamese twin routine, okay?” Brenda
started to speak again, but she heard voices on the stairs. Lois took a step back
from Brenda. “I’m going to go get dressed,” she said, as Jax and Cordelia came
into the room.
“Oh, good morning everyone,” Cordelia said, putting a hand on Lois’
arm. “Could you wait just a second?”
“What’s up?” Lois asked. Cordelia and Jax moved into the living room
with Brenda and Lois following. Lois and Cordelia sat in chairs that
book-ended the coffee table, and Jax and Brenda shared the couch.
“We should really talk,” Cordelia said, “We don’t have much time before
the lawyer gets here. It’s a friend of mine, Kathryn Holmes. I’ve known her
for years, and she’s the best lawyer I know.”
“Okay,” Lois said, “well when is she coming?”
“Pretty soon,” Cordelia said. “I called her about an hour ago, and
brought her up to speed on everything.”
“What does she think our chances are?” Brenda asked, weaving her
fingers into Jax’s.
“Surprisingly good,” Cordelia said, sighing. “She said that if the DA goes
for our deal, you could get probation and community service. They probably
won’t clear your records, so you’ll really have to be careful and keep your
hands clean when this is all over.”
“So what’s the problem?” Lois asked.
“Well, there are some things in this case that haven’t gone exactly as
planned, and haven’t gone totally by the book. What we need to do is account
for them all, and make sure everyone is on the same page.”
“Okay,” Brenda said, “so let’s start from the beginning.”
“Right,” Jax said. “Cordelia and I split up Friday night, I found you and
Lois at the bar.”
“Wait,” Brenda said, speaking softly to Jax, though everyone in the
room could hear her. “What are we going to say about, well--that night?” Jax’s
face got slightly pink, and Lois actually chuckled to herself.
“For all our sakes,” Cordelia said, “that night never happened. Instead,
what happened was Jax waited all night for Brenda to come out of the bar,
but she didn’t. When he went in to look for her, she was nowhere to be
found, or her friend. He didn’t know what you were driving, so he went back
to his motel. He had told her what room he was staying in at the motel, she
came early that morning, he almost arrested her, but she got away. Since I
wasn’t there, I can’t say what exactly happened,” Cordelia continued, “so you
guys will have to make sure you’re clear on everything that happened, and I
mean everything, because they are going to grill you, and you can be sure of
that. Now, Lois, you were waiting in the car while all of this went on, Brenda
had just wanted to come and see Jax before you guys left town. It didn’t work
out with Mathers, he was on to you, you can leave that part of the story as it
exactly happened, but add in that Brenda was with you that night when you
went after Mathers.” Lois nodded.
“So we left the bar together, gave Jax the slip, though we had no idea
he was a cop at this point?”
“Right,” Cordelia said. “It makes sense that if you were going after
Mathers that night, Brenda didn’t have much time to take a trip down
memory lane.”
“Okay,” Brenda said, “so we came the next morning, he started to arrest
me, but Lois and I got away. Now, what about the compact that you traced
me and Lois with? When will you explain that you had time to put it there?”
“What compact?” Jax asked. “Oh, you mean that tracer in that compact
that no one in the department even knows I have?” Brenda nodded. “Nah,”
Jax said, “I don’t even know what you’re talking about. Cordelia and I used
our brains to find you, and we just looked in a few motels here and there in
Houston, and when we were checking one motel in particular, we lucked out
and spotted your aliases on the sign in sheet.”
“Wow,” Lois said, sarcastically, “you guys sure are good to find us only
hours after we disappeared in a town where there’s a motel or hotel on
practically every block.”
“Yeah, we’re the best all right,” Cordelia said, getting up and opening
the door when the doorbell rang. She ushered Kathryn in.
“Good morning everyone,” Kathryn said, coming into the room and
walking as though she owned the place. She shook Lois’ hand then Brenda’s
and gave Jax a warm hug and kiss on the cheek. “All right then,” she said,
sitting down on the other side of Jax on the couch. “I assume that you’ve
brought them up to speed, Cordelia?”
“Well I almost,” she said. “We’re nearly done.”
“Go on then, please,” Kathryn said, getting out her briefcase as Cordelia
talked.
“Okay, so we found you in Houston, but Lois eluded capture by hiding
in the bathroom. When emotions got high and neither one of us were paying
attention, Lois slipped out the door and was gone before we could get her.”
“What do you mean?” Brenda asked, her body growing cold.
“She means that you’re going to have to talk about your son, Ms.
Barrett. That’s what explains why Mr. Jacks and Ms. Chase were caught too
off guard to notice when Ms. Cerullo escaped.”
“I don’t want to bring my son into this,” Brenda said, shaking her head.
“I don’t want to talk about it, it’s no one’s business.”
“I don’t mean to be insensitive,” Kathryn said, “but I am their attorney
as well as yours and Ms. Cerullo’s. I have all of your best interests at heart,
and I’m telling you, there will be no other explanation for two police
detectives who are at the head of their department, to have let a suspect like
this get away.” Brenda nodded absently. Jax squeezed her hand and put an
arm around her, mentally giving her strength.
“All right,” Cordelia said. “That explains how Lois got away. From there,
we can tell everything exactly as it happened. Until we get to Corpus Christi.
We met Lois in the parking lot of a mall that was a block away from the
warehouse. You remember that, Brenda?”
“Yes, I remember,” Brenda said softly.
“Okay, well Lois called us on my cell phone and told us to meet her
there, after thinking hard about what she had done, and she decided that it
was best to turn herself in.”
“What about the warehouse?” Lois asked.
“What warehouse?” Cordelia asked. “When you called me and turned
yourself in, we had already established the deal, so there was no need for me
to pursue the warehouse issue further, especially since I would no longer be
pursuing a case against you. I never made it to that warehouse, so I don’t
know who was there, and who wasn’t. We picked you up, came straight back
to LA and called our lawyer.”
“And now we’re about to turn ourselves in?” Brenda said, right?
“No,” Kathryn said. “Cordelia has made me aware of a new
development. It seems that Mr. Lindsey Hicks has a grudge against the two of
you, some kind of a personal investment in your prosecution. We expect him
to stand in the way of our making any sort of deal.”
“Oh no,” Brenda said. “Well, what are we going to do?”
“Angel’s going to help us,” Cordelia said, casting a sideways glance at
Jax. “Angel told me that Hicks called him, wanted to set up a meeting, and
that we probably shouldn’t turn you in until we know what it is Hicks has
against you, what he’s planning, and how damaging it could or couldn’t be.”
“Lindsey Hicks?” Brenda said. “I have no idea who that is, why would he
have anything against us? Lois, do you know him?”
“Never heard of him,” Lois said.
“Well, Angel will find out and tell us, he’s probably meeting him right
now.”
“You know what?” Lois said, getting up. “I’m not liking this. This case
has too many holes, too many places where we could slip up. What about
phone records and stuff? This is flimsy at best. If we get on the stand--”
“If you need me to go over it again,” Cordelia started to offer, but Lois
cut her off.
“No, I don’t think so,” Lois said, standing up. “Now listen, Ms. Holmes, is
it?”
“Yes,” Kathryn said, “what’s the matter?”
“Suppose I wanted to make a deal,” Lois said.
“What sort of deal?”
“For Brenda and myself?”
“I’m afraid I don’t understand,” Kathryn said, looking around the room
at the others.
“Lois, what are you doing?” Brenda asked, standing up.
“I’m just posing a hypothetical,” Lois said, waving a hand. “Now I don’t
mean to be insensitive, but I’m pregnant, Ms. Holmes, and my friend here is
love struck, so I feel it’s my place to speak for her.”
“Go on,” Kathryn said, “I’m listening.”
“Okay, well our whole case hinges on if we’re able to deliver Mathers.”
“Right.”
“Well, suppose we can’t.”
“We will,” Cordelia said. “Angel is going to help us find him, too.”
“And this Angel person,” Lois said, “I don’t know who he is and why
he’d want to help me or Brenda. I was always taught to look out for number
one, and that’s me, my child, and Brenda.” Lois said this as she placed both
hands over her abdomen. “Now I’m not trying to step on any toes here, but
what if we could deliver more than Mathers, Brenda and I.”
“More than Mathers? What more information could you turn in besides
your own organization?” Cordelia asked.
“How about crooked cops?” Lois asked. “Suppose the department
found out about cops who suppressed evidence and protected criminals,
maybe even possibly had a drug problem themselves?”
“What are you talking about?!” Cordelia asked, standing up absolutely
fuming.
“Hey, I’m just looking out for myself here, I am not going to prison, and
I don’t care what I have to do.”
“Oh, Lois,” Brenda said, looking at her and shaking her head.
“You told her?!” Jax asked, turning to Brenda in disbelief. Brenda’s jaw
dropped.
“Me? No, I didn’t tell her anything, I swear!”
“Jax?” Cordelia gasped, staring at him. Jax tore his glance away
from Brenda and looked at Cordelia for a split second before looking at the
floor, unable to look at her. “Jax,” Cordelia said again, forcing him to look at
her. When he did, he hated himself instantly. “You told her?” she asked, her
voice barely above a whisper? Jax nodded slowly, and at his confirmation, a
single tear fell down Cordelia’s face. “How could you--how could you do
that?”
“Cordelia, I--” Jax didn’t have the words. And Cordelia just waved a
hand at him and started up the stairs.
“I don’t believe you!” she cried before going up the stairs and slamming
a door. Jax couldn’t manage to make his feet move to go after her, but he
looked at Brenda, his face full of pain, and casually dropped her hand from
his.
“Jax,” she said, shaking her head, “I swear, I didn’t tell her anything.”
“She told me this morning,” Lois said, stepping in.
“What?!” Brenda said, looking at Lois with a face full of anger. “Lois,
how dare you--I told you that--Jax,” Brenda said, beseechingly, “I promise, I
never told her anything specific--”
“So you did tell her, then?” Jax asked. “After you promised me that you
wouldn’t?”
“All right,” Kathryn said, raising her voice. “It seems you all need to
work out several things, and I seem to have a bit of a headache, so I didn’t
hear any of what was said in the last five minutes. I’m going to take a nice
slow walk out to my car and get my Tylenol. I’ll be back in ten minutes, get
yourselves together, people.”
 

Angel Investigations, same time....

A knock on the door alerted Angel to the arrival of his guest, Lindsey
Hicks. He stood up, and opened the door, his dark coat moving slightly with
the breeze from the open door. He ushered Lindsey inside. Lindsey Hicks
was only about as tall as Angel’s shoulder, he had light brown hair, that he
wore slightly long on top of his head, and he was scared, that much, Angel
could tell. Lindsey had called Angel earlier that morning, and basically forced
him to help him on this case, even though Angel had been reluctant. But
Lindsey threatened Cordelia, so Angel felt obligated to at least hear the man
out. But now, Lindsey was on Angel’s turf.
Angel continued to gaze out the window in the top of the door, his
back to Lindsey.
“Are you afraid of me, Lindsey?” Angel asked. He casually turned
around then. “Do you think that I might kill you?” Lindsey moved to stand in
front of Angel’s desk, keeping his eyes on the floor. Angel stalked around
Lindsey’s back, walking slowly.
“No. Do you think this is a trick, or something?”
“I’m smelling a whole lot of fear,” Angel chuckled to himself. “Big,
stinking, mortal fear. So no, I don’t think this is a trick. I think it’s a big joke.”
“Hey,” Lindsey said, “I don’t want to be here anymore than you want to
see me here, but I don’t have a choice.”
“Oh, you always have a choice” Angel said, sitting at his desk. “You
chose to threaten the woman I love, in order to get me to help you.”
“Once you hear me out, you’ll see that what I’m doing is the right thing
for everyone.”
“And why is it that I should listen to anything you say? You sold out. Oh
yeah, that’s right, I remember when you were a teenager, I researched you,
my friend. You had excellent potential. But you sold out for a fifth floor office
and a company car, well, sort of,” Angel mused, propping his chin on his hand
as it rested on the arm of his chair.
“You think you got me all figured out?” Lindsey asked. “You think you
know everything about me?”
“Everything I need to know,” Angel replied.
“What was your father?” Lindsey asked. “Some kind of business man?
International? Well, I guess it’s fair to say, even though you grew up on what
you call the streets, you never saw anything like real poverty. I’m talking dirt
poor, no shoes, no toilet. Six of us kids in one room, and come flu season, it
went down to four. I was seven when they took the house. They just came
right in, and took it. And my daddy’s being nice, you know? Just joking with
the b@st@rds while he signed the deed. So yeah, we had a choice, in this life,
you either got stepped on, or you got to steppin’, and I swore to myself, that I
was not going to be the guy, standing there with a stupid grin on his face,
while my family got dribbled out around--” Lindsey’s speech was caught off by
snoring from Angel. Angel’s arm slipped off his chair and he started, waking
himself up.
“I’m sorry,” Angel said, sarcastically, “I must have nodded off. Did you
get to the part where you’re evil?” Lindsey took a breath, trying to calm his
anger.
“Angel, don’t just dismiss--”
“Uh-uh,” Angel said, standing up, almost a foot and a half taller than
Lindsey, “Don’t take that tone with me, my friend. You did ask for my help.
Now cut the bull. Why should I believe anything you say? Stop giving me
childhood sob stories and tell me the truth. Why are you doing this? Why do
you care about Ms. Cerullo or Ms. Barrett?”
“Because Mathers is my brother,” Lindsey said, his anger building to
barely contained rage. “Mathers is the ONLY family I have left, and I’m not
going to let those two bit--”
“Watch it,” Angel said.
“Those two women trade him in to the cops, just so they can save their
own murdering skins!”
“You know,” Angel said, “there’s just a bit that’s wrong with your logic.
Your brother is a murdering sociopath. He’s a serial rapist, and a serial killer.”
“He needs help,” Lindsey said, “he doesn’t need to be locked up.”
“Tell that to the families of all the young girls he’s killed,” Angel said.
“So you won’t help me?” Lindsey asked.
“Now I didn’t say that,” Angel said. “You did say you’d make it worth my
while. Let’s hear your offer.”
 

Author’s note: Portions of Angel and Lindsey’s conversation taken from the
WB Network series, “Angel”, created, written and produced by Joss Whedon.


end chapter 13

Here's chapter 14, I hope you enjoy it and let me know what you think.
Buffy

Chapter 14

Kathryn slammed the door and sighed to herself. This was a big mess,
and she hoped they would resolve it before long, because she had a feeling it
was going to blow up in all of their faces. Inside, Lois stood defensively, her
arms folded. She didn’t look at Jax or at Brenda. Jax stared down at Brenda in
disbelief.
“I cannot believe that you told her,” Jax said, moving past Brenda and
moving upstairs to his room. Brenda was fast on his heels.
“Jax, I did not say a word to her, I promise you that.”
“Then how the h#ll did she find out, Brenda?!” Jax asked, slamming the
door once Brenda had stepped inside.
“I don’t know,” Brenda said, her voice on the verge of tears. “She’s
probably just making it up.”
“Brenda, she was way too close to the truth, it was obvious what she
was saying, and obvious she knew what she was talking about. Why did you
tell her?”
“Jax, for the hundredth time, I did NOT tell her about you and Angel
and Cordelia. I just told her Angel’s name, I didn’t get into anything specific.”
“How much did she know?” Jax asked, seething, pacing the room.
“Just that you have a secret with the two of them, and that it could ruin
your careers. And that you’re worried about Cordelia, and you have genuine
reason to be worried.” As Brenda spoke, she could see how what she had told
Lois was practically everything without any actual specifics. But if Lois took
the small information that she did know to the police, it was definitely
enough to initiate an investigation. Little did Jax know, Lois knew absolutely
everything. She sighed, sitting on Jax’s bed, facing his back. “I’m sorry,” she
said. “I know how bad this looks.”
“Do you? Do you really know, Brenda? See, you and Lois are holding all
the cards now. No matter how the chips fall, the two of you aren’t going to
go to prison, you have enough to keep yourselves out permanently. And now,
Cordelia and I could go to prison. I mean, Cordelia can’t handle this--”
“Oh, SHUT UP!” Brenda said, standing up and facing Jax.
“Excuse me?”
“I am SICK to DEATH of you defending poor helpless Cordelia. She will
be FINE. Now I’m sorry for what happened, but I’m telling you, I didn’t give
Lois any real information. If you don’t believe me, then fine. If you do, and I
hope you do, then we can work together to find out what happened. Either
way, we have to stop.”
“Stop?” Jax asked. “What do you mean?”
“We have to stop this between us,” Brenda said. “Everything that’s
going on. If there is anything going on at all,” Brenda said, slumping her
shoulders.
“That’s not what I want,” Jax said, stepping closer to her.
“Well, you could have fooled me, Jasper Jacks. You want the truth? I’ll
give you a little piece of truth. You don’t know what you’re doing, and you
don’t know what you want. You’re an excellent cop, a great friend, but
you’re safe, and you don’t want to take any chances, and I’m not going to
stand here, waiting for something that’s never going to happen.”
“Brenda, if this is about you being jealous--”
“Oh,” Brenda said, her voice disgusted. “Right there. I have every reason
in the world to be jealous, but I’m not. It’s plain to see that Cordelia isn’t in
love with you, and from the way you made love to me last night, I’d say you at
least have feelings for me.”
“Brenda, I have more than just feelings for you, you know that--”
“But you don’t know what to do about them. You just go back and
forth. One moment, I’m all there is, and then the next, I’m the last thing on
your mind. But Cordelia, she’s always there. Your work, it’s always there. I’m
demanding a place in your life, and you can’t give it to me. Either you can’t,
or you won’t.”
“Brenda, don’t do this. Don’t turn this into something about us, when
the situation is clearly about how Lois found out about all of this.”
“I’m not doing anything, Jax, except setting myself free. And I’m not
trying to get myself out of this situation by changing the subject. Also, I’m not
going to wait around for you to make up your mind. I want you, I love you.
I’ve loved you every minute of every day since that night three years ago. And
I’ve thought about you each and every day. But for whatever reason, you’re
not here with me, do you realize that? We’re not in the same place mentally,
at all. You don’t ask me anything about Sam, you don’t want to know anything
about my life with our son--”
“I do,” Jax said his voice filled with pain. “Don’t you dare accuse me of
otherwise. You’ve had years to get used to being a mother, you got more time
with our son than I ever will have. I’ve had DAYS to get used to the fact that
you had my son, and that I’m a father, and that our son is no longer with us.
Just because I’m not crying my eyes out in front of you, doesn’t mean that the
pain isn’t there. I just can’t handle it right now, Brenda. It’s too much.”
“That’s right,” Brenda said, wiping a single tear from her face. “It’s too
much, this that’s between you and me, everything with Sam, too. We both
want it, I know we do, but it’s not the right time, is it?” Jax didn’t answer, he
just looked down at the floor. Brenda nodded, clucking her tongue
sarcastically and sighing deeply. “I thought not. Listen, I’m going to go
downstairs and talk to Lois, find out how all of this happened. I’ll see you
down there.” Jax grabbed Brenda’s hand as she started out the door. She
took it, but then forced him to release her hand, using the other. “Jax, it’s
okay. I’m not upset, I’m not sorry this happened. I’m not sorry for any of
what’s happened between us. You know, Lois told me once that you and I
would never work. Because of our jobs, I guess. I never thought I’d say she
was right about ANYTHING, especially that. But I can’t help but wonder, you
know?” Brenda paused, staring into Jax’s crystal blue depths. “I’ll be waiting,
but I won’t wait forever.” With that, Brenda closed the door quietly behind
her.
Jax buried his head in his hands on the side of the bed, but went
immediately to Cordelia’s room, knocking softly on the door. He knew it was
open, she never locked her door. He knocked softly again, coming into the
room. Cordelia lay on the bed, Romeo beside her. She was petting him
gently, and a few of her tears were wetting his dark black coat. The dog
barked at Jax when he entered the room. Cordelia petted him and cooed to
him gently, and got off the bed, wiping away the stray tears.
“Cordelia, I--”
“Stop,” she said, holding up a hand and sighing. “Don’t say what you’re
about to say, because I just can’t hear it from you right now. Just tell me the
truth. Did you tell Brenda?”
“Yes.”
“Everything?”
“Everything.” Cordelia sighed, looking down at the floor. She stared up
at Jax with red eyes.
“This ruins everything,” she said. Jax put a hand on her shoulder, but
she moved defensively away.
“I know.”
“And she told Lois?” Cordelia asked, her back to Jax, her breath coming
out in uneven sobs.
“I’m not sure what happened--”
“How else could she have known?” Cordelia asked, angrily.
“Brenda says she didn’t--”
“It doesn’t matter,” Cordelia said, turning to face Jax, expressionless. “It
doesn’t matter how Lois found out, she was probably just listening to you and
Brenda talk. But she knows now, Jax, and she’s going to use it.”
“Not if we give her a way out,” Jax said. “Not if she doesn’t have to.”
Cordelia nodded and wrapped her arms around herself, hugging her body.
“Cordelia, I’m so sorry about this.”
“You know,” Cordelia said, “I don’t really care what the h#ll you are. I
don’t.” She came up to Jax, standing close to him, and staring at him. “This is
it for us,” she said. “There’s no going back now. You didn’t have to tell her.
You really didn’t.”
“You don’t understand--”
“No, YOU don’t understand. I don’t CARE. It’s over, it’s done, I’m
through. We’re going to work this deal, and hopefully Lois will keep her
mouth shut. Whatever happens, when all of this is over, I want you to get the
h#ll out of my house, and I want you to get the h#ll out of my life!”
“Cordelia, you don’t mean that!”
“I absolutely do mean that, Jasper Jacks! Don’t tell me what I don’t
mean. I’m sick of this. I’m sick of feeling like everything’s always at stake,
about to blow up in my face. Quite frankly, I don’t care what happens now.
Especially to you.”
“Stop this,” Jax said, taking her by the shoulders. She shrugged
violently from him.
“Don’t touch me. Don’t you understand what this means? If this gets
out, we both could go to prison. It’d be the end of our careers. We could
never start again, Jax. Our lives would be ruined.” Cordelia’s eyes searched
Jax’s, but suddenly they went cold and expressionless. “Enough! I meant
what I said. When this is over, I want you gone.” Cordelia’s words were icy as
she left the room, Romeo bounding off the bed and chasing after her.
Well, there he had it. Everything was falling apart around him, and
there was nothing left to say.
Downstairs, Brenda had come into the living room, and Lois knew
better than to say anything to her. Out of nowhere, Brenda spoke.
“What is wrong with you?” she asked angrily. “Why would you do
something like this? What are you trying to prove?”
“I’m trying to stay out of jail, Brenda, for me and for my kid. I make no
apologies.”
“Fine,” Brenda said coolly, “but this changes everything between us,
and you know it. I told you those things in confidence.”
“So you did tell her,” Cordelia said, coming into the room. She looked
down at Brenda expectantly. “I should have known. I mean, just because you
were jealous of me and Jax--”
“I was NOT jealous--”
“No matter how many times I told you that you had nothing to worry
about. What was the point of doing this, huh? Just trying to get me back?”
“Oh, would you two just stop it?” Lois asked. “She didn’t tell me
anything. She and Jax were talking, and I was listening, they thought I was
asleep, they had no idea.”
“Lois!” Brenda said, turning to face her. “How could you do something
like that?!” Jax came down the stairs just then, hearing everything that was
said.
“And how could you,” Cordelia said, turning to face Jax. “How could
you tell Brenda, no matter what the situation with Lois and how she found
out! I trusted you! No one was supposed to ever know!”
“All right,” Jax said, “You’re right, and I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have
broken our confidences,” Jax admitted. “And I’m sorry. That’s all I can say.
That, and that I wish you would forgive me.” Cordelia paused, looking as if
she may consider it, but the feeling Jax got at seeing she might forgive him,
went as quickly as it came, when Cordelia’s eyes clouded over once more.
“We don’t have time for that right now,” Cordelia said, her eyebrows
arching up in pain.
“I quite agree,” Kathryn said, coming into the room. “I assume you’ve
solved everything, since you’re all in the same room again. Well, enough to
move on and talk about other things. We have a lot to discuss. And your
friend Angel has arrived as well.” Just as Kathryn said this, Angel stepped into
the doorway. Seeing the expression on Cordelia’s face, he immediately went
to her, hugging her. She buried her face in his shoulder and sighed.
“They know everything,” Cordelia whispered, as Angel looked around
the room, his expression daring anyone to call him on the situation. No one
did, though Brenda did notice Jax’s jaw line clenching at seeing Cordelia
embrace Angel.
“None of that is important now,” Angel said. “I have news.”
“Have you decided what you’re going to do, Lois?” Jax asked suddenly.
“I mean, are you going to let this go, and forget what you heard?”
“I honestly don’t know yet,” Lois said, sitting back down. “If we can get
this deal with just Mathers, then you can trust me to forget everything I heard
about.”
“We can’t trust you at all,” Cordelia said, sitting down and sighing,
running her fingers through her hair.
“Calm down, sweetheart,” Angel said, letting his hands tangle in
Cordelia’s hair. “We’ll work it out. Hicks came to pay me a visit, and you’ll
never guess what I found out.” Everyone looked at him expectantly, and he
knelt beside Cordelia’s chair, lacing his fingers through hers. “Hicks is
Mathers’ brother.”
“What?!” Jax said, standing up. “I can’t believe that, are you sure?”
“I’m positive,” Angel said, standing up. “That’s what his problem with
this whole situation is. He’s angry because he’s assuming that Lois and
Brenda are going to use what they know about Mathers to put him away, and
keep themselves out of prison. Anyone would come to that conclusion.”
“And that’s why he tried so hard to get their case,” Cordelia said. “Last
week, when this whole thing started. He was dying to be put on this case, but
no one could understand why. Well that explains it, he’s trying to protect his
brother.”
“Then he’s just as sick as his brother is,” Lois countered. “Why would
anyone want to protect a murdering b@st@rd like Mathers?”
“He gave me some sob story,” Angel said, “about being poor as a kid,
and not having anyone in the world besides his brother.”
“Well we all have problems,” Cordelia said. “That doesn’t mean that
Mathers belongs on the streets.”
“Believe it or not, he knows that,” Angel said. “He just thinks that he
needs help.”
“A twelve-step program is not what this man needs,” Kathryn said,
speaking up. “And now that I know what’s going on, I have an idea. I want all
of you to go ahead and turn yourselves in, as soon as possible. Give them your
deal, about bringing in Mathers in exchange for your freedom.”
“But how can we do that without any guarantees?” Brenda asked. “If
Hicks is as dedicated as he obviously is, once Lois and I set foot inside that
station, he’s going to do everything in his power to see that we never get out.”
“Angel,” Kathryn said, ignoring their words. “How soon can you find
Mathers?”
“My contacts tell me that he’s already in the city, but he hasn’t been
home yet.”
“Could you find him if you needed to?”
“Absolutely,” Angel said. “We can have him by tonight.”
“Okay then, I want you to pick him up, let us know when you have him,
and then we’ll turn Lois and Brenda in. If we have Mathers, and they know
they won’t have to wait for an instant conviction, then most likely, they’ll go
for it. Let’s hope the DA will though.”
“Would she have any reason not to?” Brenda asked.
“Vigilantism,” Kathryn said, “no matter how you look at it or justify it, is
still murder. You’ve killed people.”
“Only those that deserve it.” Brenda countered.
“Deserving or not,” Kathryn emphasized, “you’ve killed people, and
they are not going to look kindly on that. But, it is the lesser of two evils, you
might say. So if everything works out as planned, you two will get the deal. If
not, we need some sort of back up.”
“What can we get as back up?” Cordelia asked. “We know Lindsey is
Mathers’ brother, but that’s all we know.”
“Maybe I can find out something about Hicks to use against him,” Jax
said. “Cordelia, do you have your lap top?”
“Yeah,” Cordelia said absently, “it’s in my bedroom.”
“Okay, I’ll go and get it, and do what I can to find out if there’s anything
we can get on Hicks that we can use against him if he tries to make things
difficult for us,” Jax said.
“What else can we do?” Brenda asked.
“Well you and Lois have to turn yourselves in as soon as we deliver
Mathers,” Angel said, looking at Brenda, “but I think that the two of you can
help us to trap him. After all, he knows you’re following him, right?”
“Yeah,” Brenda nodded, noting the gentleness in Angel’s voice. His
looks weren’t lost on her, either. She could certainly see why Angel had a
hold on Cordelia’s heart. There was something dark and brooding about him,
but also something about him that needed to be loved, and Brenda had the
distinct feeling that Cordelia was the only woman that had ever given him
what he needed.
“All right then,” Kathryn said, “What do you propose?”
“I think that we should put Brenda and Lois in front of Mathers, let him
think that they’re still tracking him,” Angel said.
“But he knows we’re in police custody,” Lois argued. “Won’t that tip
him off right there?”
“Not necessarily,” Cordelia replied. “He knows that you’ve been taken
into custody. But he probably thinks that the police are still after their
original targets, you and Brenda, and that he is home free. So he’ll try and
pursue you if you put yourselves out there for him.”
“So let me get this straight,” Brenda said. “He’ll see us out somewhere
and be tempted to come after us?” Angel and Cordelia nodded. “Well won’t he
be suspicious if we’re not in jail?”
“For all he knows, you made bail,” Kathryn said. “And he’s not in any
position to find out, believe me. He’ll buy it because he WANTS to buy it,
whether his logic tells him it’s not possible or not. All he sees is the rage he
has with the two of you, and trust me, that rage will consume him and he will
focus on that, he’ll walk right into our trap, we’ll get him, hide him
somewhere, until we can make the deal.”
“Couldn’t he counter sue with unlawful imprisonment?” Lois asked.
“Sure,” Kathryn said, “but who’d believe him? If Jax and Cordelia make
the arrest, they’re officers of the law, they could take the really LONG way
back to the police station until the deal has been secured.” Lois nodded.
“It sounds all right, but there are still too many things that could go
wrong.”
“Well what do you want us to do?” Cordelia asked, moving to the edge
of her seat. “Give you some kind of guarantee? You’re not the only one with
everything on the line, here. This situation is crucial to everyone involved!”
Cordelia’s voice was cut off by the sound of Jax flying down the stairs.
“Angel, hide, it’s Hicks! He just pulled into the driveway.”
“Right,” Angel said, standing up.
“Where’d you park?” Cordelia asked, holding onto Angel’s arm when
the doorbell rang.
“Blocks away, he won’t see my car,” Angel said, kissing Cordelia on the
forehead, and disappearing upstairs.
“The two of you have got to get out of here, too,” Jax said, putting a
hand on Lois and Brenda.
“No, he knows we’ve got them,” Cordelia said. “There’s nothing we can
do now. He’s going to make us turn them in as soon as possible.”
“What the h#ll do we do now?” Jax asked frantically.
“Just play it cool,” Cordelia said. “Follow my lead, we’ll make up some
story, he’ll buy it, he’s got to.” Cordelia went to the door, taking a deep breath
before opening it. “Lindsey,” she said, when he came into the room. Lois and
Brenda sat on the couch, their eyes diverted.
“Well, well, well,” Lindsey said, sauntering in the room. “What have we
here? Harboring fugitives?”

end chapter 14