By Sydney L
Hey guys!!!
Here's the next section. Thanks for you support, encouragment and feedback! Just in case you don't know me (and I think most of you do), I'm a die-hard J/B fan soooo this my spin on some of Jax's actions since Brenda's 'death'. I've not gotten SUPER detailed because it would take forever to write and I know this isn't completely true to the show but then again that's why it's a fanfic!!! Hope you enjoy and I'd love to get your feedback!!
Hugs,
Syd
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~ chapter 6 ~
Jax's eyes widened when Helena unclasped the hook and opened the doors with a flourish. "What the…" Jax question echoed through the room as he stared ahead of him at a cabinet full of memories. "How the hell did you pull that off?"
Helena turned a proud smile on Jax as she waved her hand in front of the cabinet much like a Price's Right show girl. "How do you think, Jax?"
"But no one knows where I keep…"
Helena's cackle filled the air. "You're not that spontaneous, Jax." Folding her hands in front of her Helena stepped forward, blocking his view of the cabinet's contents. "Anyone watching you…paying close attention to your every move say… since Brenda’s death would know exactly where you keep her things."
Her eyes flashed with amusement at the way Jax's jaw tightened. "You thought she was safe with you, didn't you? You thought you had an untouchable haven to go to… a private sanctuary where you could meet with her and no one would know. You didn't know someone watched you every time things got too tough to handle. How you would find your way to the docks and meet up with a yacht called the Isabella. How even now, an argument with Chloe sends you to a place where you sit for hours. Thinking. Dreaming. Holding on to your dead fiancee's things."
Jax swallowed hard at the look of pure delight he saw in Helena's eyes. Malicious delight. "But she's not so dead anymore…is she, Jax? And you'll finally get to say all the things to her face that you've whispered to her spirit all this time." The light above captured a gleam in her eyes as they turned to stone-cold ice. "Oh, dear. I forgot. You'll be able to say even less…"
Turning back to the cabinet, Helena indicated the items inside. "You'll see here on the left side I have momentos of your life together with Chloe. On the right…you're life with Brenda. Amazing how years of memories, days of endless little moments can be dumped into a cabinet…or a box…as you chose to do. I wonder how Brenda would feel knowing this great love of yours was relegated to a cardboard crate once she left you. Or how Chloe would feel if she knew of your secret rendezvous…"
"What is your point with all of this, Helena?" Jax interrupted impatiently.
"My point, darling, is that your life is wrapped up in this cabinet. The past with all of its glory waits for you on one side. The future with all of its promise waits on the other. It's up to you to choose. To aid you in your choice, you may take two items of value from each side." Her voice was as smooth as cream, but her ultimatums were like scalpels cutting into Jax and ripping open his heart. "I'll even let you carry them to your lovers. Make promises, say good-bye with them…I really don't care. Just be sure to choose wisely. For one woman, these will be the last gifts you ever give…"
Memories attacked Jax from all sides as his gaze fell on the contents of the cabinet. His trip with Brenda to New Orleans. Their magic place. The place where they reached the pinnacle of perfection their first time together. The fountain he gave Chloe as a reminder of their carefree laughter. Brenda's Nancy Drew books. Chole's German chocolates. A box of Brenda’s favorite cookie. Brenda's bracelet. Chloe's broken shoe. Chloe’s doll she placed on the mantle. Their…yacht…
His breath froze in his chest. It was like Helena had found a new way to torture him by chronicling specific moments in his life. Reminding him of all he had been blessed with. Moments he would never give up. Minutes he'd lived over and over again in his mind. Looks and words he treasured in the recesses of his heart. Then telling him to banish one set of memories forever.
As his eyes filmed over with tears, Jax realized Helena wasn't asking him to do anything he hadn’t already asked himself to do. Had succeeded in doing. Or at least he thought he had. Like a child hoarding his Halloween candy from his siblings, Jax had pushed his memories of Brenda away so no one could see. Pulling them out to look at for a brief moment of time when he needed her the most. Returning them to their hiding place and blocking them from his mind as easily as one would a trunk of Christmas decorations.
Only to find that, in reality, it wasn't so easy.
Subconsciously, he searched for her. Every day. In little things. In someone else's eyes. In things said and done so subtly that he didn't even realize he'd been trying to live with Brenda every moment of every day since the day she went over the cliff. But he had been. Through a life different…but the same. For a man priding himself on his intelligence, he hadn’t even realize it. He’d been so blind.
Until this moment. Until he saw their lives stacked up side by side. The deep emotions that reverberated throughout his body as his gaze rested on the miniature yacht that held so much promise…so much love...was shocking. Jarring. Undeniably real. And far from being over.
Promises sprang alive. Dreams reawakened. Love thrived…
“Well, Jax? What will your treasures be? And to whom do you want to speak first?” Helena’s harsh voice called him back to the present.
Silent answer was given in the unsteady hand that reached out to the cabinet for the treasured possession of one love. “I’ll take this…and go to Chloe.”
Tbc…
Hey guys!!!
Thanks again for the awesome feedback and support!!! Ok. Here's the J/C conversation. Now, let me preface by saying that I am in no way, shape or form a Chloe fan. SOOO, if you are you may not want to read (not that I put her down or anything) but I'm not completely flattering about her either. So, read at your own risk!! :) Hope you guys enjoy and I'd LOVE to hear what you think!!!
hugs,
Syd
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~ chapter 7 ~
Time is a funny thing. It can divide emotions like the Red Sea creating a path from imprisonment to freedom. Make you numb with sorrow or ecstatic with joy. In a moment, precious treasures can be lost…or found. Time can be the difference between despair and hope. Love and hate. Torture or peace. It can change a heart. Start a life. Destroy a dream. One minute can be over in a heartbeat. Or…it can last an eternity.
Jasper Jacks felt as if he had been handed five eternities.
The moment he stepped into Chloe’s cell, he felt her in his arms. Her tears on his neck, her words rushing out in a heated breath against his skin. All he could do was hold her. He didn’t know how to do anything else to comfort her. Even as his arms wrapped around her shaking shoulders, he felt out of place. For the first time since their relationship began Jax was seeing things in a way he never had before.
Clearly.
Not just with his head or even with his heart. A heart that now open to recognize and include the part that had always belonged to someone else. No, he was seeing things through the infallible combination of the two. A combination that had never once let him down in his life.
And every part of that alliance was whispering to him that he belonged in another's arms. In a different cell. Hearing another woman's fears and drying the tears from another's face. Knowing that was tearing him in two. Because he and Chloe had created a future together. That was if Helena wasn't lying about the baby…
Jax gently pushed Chloe away from him and stared down into her misty brown eyes so full of fear. Brushing a thumb lightly across the cheek where her tears had formed a path, Jax smiled faintly. It wasn't that he didn't love her. He did. He loved her creativity. He loved the way she had brought laughter back into his life. Her optimistic outlook even in the midst of so many personal challenges.
A thought struck Jax like lightning. Not only had he been trying to find Brenda in his life with Chloe since the day she died, he'd also been trying to make amends. For wasting time with Brenda. For not protecting her the way he felt he should have. For not being able to see their greatest challenge through to the end. For not demanding more say in her decisions.
Only, God knows, Jax wouldn't have been able to…or really even wanted to.
Then the lightning bolt of 'maybes' hit him. Maybe…if he hadn't been so honest with her. Maybe if he'd kept things from her for her own protection, he could have saved her. Maybe if he'd been more in charge of her daily routine, Jax could have kept Brenda from leaving Port Charles without his knowledge that fateful day.
Though omissions of truth and restrictions on her wanderings would have been completely contrary to him and their relationship, at least Brenda would have been safe in his arms and all of this time wouldn't have been wasted. As soon as that irrational portion of his brain arose, Jax beat it down. There's no way in hell he would have wanted to control Brenda. Her untamable spirit was her beauty. The part of her that drew him to her and locked her forever in his heart.
Still, somewhere in the recesses of his mind, it had been a comfort to him the way Chloe rarely took risks of great measure. How malleable she was. How she depended on him so completely. And she was depending on him now. To care for her. And it wasn't that he didn't care for her. For her safety. Her future. Her life.
He did. Jax wanted the best for Chloe. In all aspects of life. Her career. Her family and health. Her love. And no one could say he didn't like her. Because, again, he did. He liked her warmth. The way she cared about other people. She would make a wonderful mother.
Funny that he'd never thought about that before. When he'd fallen in love with Brenda, marriage and children became his dream. His deepest desire. To create a family with her and raise them to be healthy, loving, capable miniature Brendas. Those longings became synonymous with her name. Brenda, his wife. Brenda, the mother of his children.
Somehow, those dreams hadn't made it into his life with Chloe yet. If he'd ever allowed himself to wonder why, the answer was now staring him in the face. He didn't see her that way. As his other half. His soulmate. The one person in the world that became such an integral part of his life that he couldn't live without her. Even when, as far as the world knew, she was dead.
Chloe was a companion. Sweet and loving. Warm and comfortable. She didn't demand his all the way Brenda had. She didn't consume him. Match him. Challenge him. She kept the loneliness from consuming him. Allowing him to live in her dreams had kept Jax from facing his own...and drowing in despair.
Finally, he was facing his dreams. And it only gave him hope. And determination. Now that he knew Brenda was alive, there was no way in hell he was going to live without her. Especially now that they had a child. On the other hand there was Chloe's baby…
Chloe’s tumbled words finally made it through the familiar, foggy haze in his mind and Jax suddenly realized how often that haze appeared in his conversations with Chloe. There were so many times he didn't hear her. Actually tuned her out. Now that he thought about it, he seemed to do that a lot. Or maybe he didn't tune her out. Maybe they just…talked past each other so many times that it felt as if he tuned her out. Now, with so much at stake, her words were coming through loud and clear.
“Jax. Oh, Jax. I’m so glad you're ok." Her hands rested on his chest as she gazed up at him. "Jax, what is going on? What does Helena want from you?" Jax shook his head and Chloe's eyes widened. "What is it? Is it that bad you won't even tell me?"
Again Jax shook his head and pointed to his throat mouthing the words 'Can't talk' to her. Chloe's eyes widened further. "What did she do to you? You can't…you can't speak?" 'No'. The silent word seemed to jar Chloe out of her fear and sent her into a fit of anger. Or at least as angry as the usually passive Chloe could get. "How dare she!? What does she want? Can you tell me…"
Chloe's eyes drifted to a piece of paper Jax had unfolded and held up in front of her. "What…" A hand flew to her mouth and her eyes shifted to meet Jax's. "Oh God. It's true then…"
Jax blinked his eyes and swallowed hard as a fierce war raged within in him. It was in that moment, Jax realized just how much he'd wanted Chloe's confirmation of the pregnancy to be in the negative. And he hated himself for it. To not want his own child…
"Oh, Jax." Chloe was speaking again. "I was going to tell you. I…I didn't know for sure and now that it’s true…" Her gaze shifted to the window where Helena was watching from a distance with malicious delight. Turning back to Jax, Chloe's face set with resolve. "Do it. I don't even want to know what. Just do whatever you have to…whatever she's asking of you…and get us out of here."
Jax chest rose and fell as his lungs pulled in a deep breath of air. She had no idea what she was asking of him and yet she asked with no hesitation. No doubts. She didn't even want to know that another life depended on his choice. Or that he was being torn in two with the prospects that lay ahead. All she cared about was…
Chloe placed her hands on Jax's arms reassuringly as her eyes filled once more with pleading tears.. "I know you can do it, Jax. You said you'd do anything for me. Now we have a baby to think about. I know…I know whatever it is she's asking you'll find the strength. And then when this is all over…we can…we can go to Fiji like we wanted. We can…just forget this horrible place and…"
Jax hesitated no longer. He pushed the object he'd taken from the cabinet into Chloe's hands. She stared down at it in surprise and raised unsure eyes to him. "My broken shoe? What does this have to do with any…"
Jax reclaimed the shoe and it's heel with a sigh. Apparently, Chloe required a demonstration. He placed the heel back on the shoe and worked them together till the heel was firmly back in place. Holding the shoe back up to Chloe he handed it to her and mouthed the words, 'I'll fix it.'
A smile spread across her lips and Chloe threw her arms around Jax's neck with a whisper. "I knew you would, Jax. I knew you'd protect me…no matter what…"
Jax almost laughed as a feeling hit him with full force. He was actually *glad* he couldn't speak. For in that moment, Jasper Jacks realized he had nothing left to say...
tbc...