The past forty eight hours had been an emotional roller coaster for Brenda.
Everything from abased,  to a complete zest for life with a hundred or more
emotions in between. In an effort to put all she felt into perspective and to
pass the time while waiting anxiously to call Jax she decided to treat
herself to a relaxing bath.  She leaned her head back against the rim of the
tub and closed her eyes as the pulsating jets from the Jacuzzi tub massaged
her tired body. The scent of lavender permeated her skin, while love songs on
the late night radio show filled the air.  She basked in the knowledge that
she was completely head over heals in love with Jax.  For the first time
since Sonny had left her standing at the altar, no in fact since Sonny had
brought Miranda back from the dead, Brenda believed that the black cloud that
seemed to hang over her life was being replaced once again by a beacon of
warm light known as hope, or in Brenda's case a man named Jax.  Brenda
reveled in the memories of the day.

Totally relaxed from her bath Brenda put on the crimson silk pajamas. The
soft cotton backing gently caressed her skin and protected it from the cool
night air.  She gently brushed her hair 100 times.  As she place the brush
back on the vanity she noticed a small sample bottle of 'Jacks' for men.  She
opened it and touched the fragrance to her finger, and gently tapped it just
behind her ears, on the inside of her wrists, on each side of her throat and
ended by running her finger between her breasts.  The fragrance made her
smile as thoughts of Jax filled her mind.

As she made her way across the room she stopped briefly to add a couple of
more logs to the fire.  She stirred the embers until the logs ignited with
flames.

She crawled into bed, turned and reached for the charm on her nightstand that
he had given her.  Bar bells for strength and courage.  Didn't he realize he
was her strength?  Brenda grasped the charm in her palm and held it to her
heart.   She leaned back against the pillows propped up against her rod iron
headboard and smiled.

Her patience waning to hear his voice she picked up the phone and dialed.

"QFIX, 9.11 on you FM dial, your name and your request please", the announcer
asked as he answered the request line.

"Yes I'm Brenda. I would like to request 'Music Box' for Jax."

"Do you have a special message you would like to send to Jax tonight?"  the
announcer questioned.

Brenda softly replied, "I just want to thank him for being the beacon of
light that has chased the black cloud from my life, and brought my to a
brighter place beyond the rain."

"Thank you for calling QFIX Brenda. Please stay tuned.  We will get your
request and dedication on shortly after the top of the hour."

Grinning Brenda placed the phone on her chest and waited for her request to
play, praying Jax would hear it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Penthouse-

Jax had just finished faxing the updated figures on the dock project to
Jerry, and his father.  It had been difficult to finish his work, with
thoughts of Brenda racing through his mind.  It had reminded him of how he
felt shortly after she first met him.

He was anxious to hear her voice and hear how the rest of her day went.  He
readied himself for bed and waited for her call.

He sat on the edge of his bed and turned on the radio.  He adjusted the
channel to tune in QFIX because it was the station Brenda enjoyed listening
to in the evening when they were together.  The station had a program called
'Lights Out" where the announcer took love song requests and dedications.
Brenda liked listening to the station as she fell asleep at night, he
wondered if she still did.  He hadn't listened to this station since Brenda
moved out.  Hearing love songs and sentiments had just been to painful.
Tonight was different, it reminded him of Brenda, and it brought joy to his
heart.  Maybe it would help pass the time till she called.

A song finished playing and the announcer said, "Welcome to Lights out.  Our
next song goes out to Jax from Brenda. "  Brenda's short message to Jax was
played.

Jax sat up in bed stunned.  Immediately he reached across the nightstand to
find the volume switch and turn it up. Propping his pillows up against the
headboard he sat back on top of his bedding as the song began to play:

When I am lost
You shine a light for me and set me free
When I am low
You wash away my tears
And take me through

The loneliness
And emptiness
Through the darkest night
Somehow I survive
Through it all

When you tell me I'm the only one you need
Sweet and tenderly
And your love
Breaks away the clouds surrounding me
All I have I want to give to thee

If I should fall
Your love is strong enough to lift me up
If I'm afraid
You chase away my fears
And take me to

A brighter place
Beyond the rain
And I feel alright
Because you're by my side
Through it all

When you tell me I'm the only one you need
Sweet and tenderly
And your love
Breaks away the clouds surrounding me
All I have I want to give to thee

You take me through
The loneliness and the emptiness
And I feel alright
'Cause you're by side

Through it all
You tell me I'm the only one you need
Sweet and tenderly
And your love
Just breaks away the clouds surrounding me
And baby all I have I want to give to thee

Want to give you all of my love
Now and forever my love
All I have I want to give to thee

Jax eyes began to fill with tears as the song ends. As the last note played
the phone rang.

Jax snatches the phone from the cradle, "Brenda?"  Jax he asks choking back
the emotion that had surfaced during the song.

"It's me.  Did you hear it?"  Brenda eagerly anticipating his reaction.

"Yes. I don't believe it.  I was thinking about you and I had just turned on
the radio to the station, right before it played."

"Really? I was a little nervous,  I wasn't sure if you listened anymore."
Brenda cautiously responded, not wanting to open old wounds.

"I hadn't since"...Jax paused momentarily, "since you left.  I turned it on
tonight because I remembered how you liked to fall asleep listening to it.
It surprised me to hear our names, your voice.  The song was beautiful.
Thanks. "

"Jax, I should be thanking you.  I am so happy because you are who you are.
For being able to forgive, and to give us a second chance."

"Brenda, you are worth the gamble.  Correction, we are worth it and more.
Remember you forgave me too, and opened up your heart once more. I love you
and I miss you."

"I love you too Jax.  It's going to be hard not having you here with me
tonight.  Did you get your work done?"

"Barely.  Thoughts of you kept running through my mind.  I got the most
important items out of the way, so I wouldn't hold up Jerry or dad.  Dad
called earlier wondering if I had finished the corrections to the financial
statements. I hope you don't mind I told him about us.  He was so happy
Brenda. He asked to talk to you but I had to tell him you weren't here.   He
wanted me to tell you that he always knew you were a true Jacks."

"Next time you talk to him tell him hi from me, tell Lady Jane too. Okay?"
Brenda said relieved to know that his parents didn't harbor any ill will
towards, especially since she had left him with a broken heart when she had
returned to Sonny.

"Sure, Brenda.  I know they would love to hear from you if you want to call
them.  They really do carry a lot guilt for the part they played in our
break-up.  Although their actions hurt us, I know it was never intentional.
They love you like their own daughter, believe that."

"Jax, I love them.  They, us, we were a family.  The first one I ever felt
truly a part of, since mine was so unfeeling.  I hope we can regain our trust
with them as well as each other."

"We will Brenda, but first let's work on us.  I miss you.  Was it really my
idea to come home alone?"

"Yes, Jax that was your idea.  Remember I offered to come home with you but
you thought I might be to distracting.  Now why you would think that I have
no idea.  It isn't like you didn't work at home while we were married."
Brenda teased. Laughing she remembered all the times she made Jax lose his
concentration while he was working.  It had become a challenge, almost sport.

Jax too laughed as he remembered her antics.  He never knew working at home
could be so fun until Brenda.  "Brenda, you are distracting to a fault, but I
love you just the same.  Tell me how the rest of your day went."

"Robin brought us home dinner from the Outback. We talked and I told her
about us.  She said she noticed the change in us earlier today, a "renewed
intimacy" I believe was the term she used.  She was glad we were seizing this
second opportunity to get it right.  She regrets she won't get that with
Stone."

"I wish I had met him, he seems to have had such a strong sense of character,
and I would have loved to see Robin truly happy and in love."

"He was the bravest person I have ever known Jax.  He fought to the end to
die with dignity, even though  AIDS doesn't leave you with any.  During those
last days both Robin and Stone taught me a lot about love, and compassion."

"So did she get her meds okay?"  Jax inquired, hoping she hadn't had any
difficulty with the snow and ice covered streets.

"Yes, and then as I said before she stopped by and got us dinner at the
Outback. She told me she saw Taggert and Garcia questioning Mac and Felicia
about the break in and me."

"I can't believe they are making this much out of such a small break-in, you
would think the Crown Jewels had been stolen.  This witch hunt with no
evidence has got to stop."  Jax voice raised as the frustration took over.

"Jax, I don't know what they are after but I think it is best that I call Lee
Baldwin in the morning and ask him for some legal advice.  I am going to see
if he can meet with me at the hospital after I see Gail in the morning."

"Brenda, this whole thing is so ridiculous. I agree it  would be wise to
check with Lee.  We know Taggert doesn't play by the rules, so it's best to
try to stay one step ahead of him.  Do you want me to meet you at the
hospital or I could take you there?"

"That's okay Jax, I know you are busy with the dock project.  Robin already
said she would take me. She wants to check in at the lab to see if maybe she
can get a job there.  Then we are stopping by PCU for her to enroll in spring
quarter."

"How about you, are you going to enroll?"  Jax said hoping that Brenda was
finally becoming pro-active in finding something to replace her modeling
career.

"No, school and me never really agreed with one another.  I like the on the
job training approach.  Robin and I talked a lot tonight about our hopes and
dreams for the future.  What we would like to accomplish, or what we would
like to be remembered for after we are gone."

"Want to share any of those ideas with me?"  Jax asked curiously.

"Not yet, I want to see what I can accomplish on my own.  I know you would
make all my wishes come true but right now I am satisfied with the gift you
have already given me, your heart."

"I know you want to be independent but if there is anything I can do, please
will you let me?"

"I'll think about it."  she quipped.

"With such a busy day planned are you going to be able to find some time in
that schedule for the man that loves you?"

"Absolutely!  Robin is going to drop me by there to get my car, so how about
lunch or dinner?"

"Can I be greedy and have you for both?"  Jax chuckled, envisioning what a
feast it would be.

A bright smile spread across Brenda's face.  He really did want to be with
her.  It hadn't been a dream.  He does want me.  "I think we might be able to
negotiate a deal to share two meals tomorrow.  Do I get to plan the time in
between?"  Brenda challenged him, raising the stakes.

"You can plan all the time in between and after as long as the only
participants are you and me."  Jax encouraged.

"Count on it.  I don't want to share you with anybody or anything." Brenda
said with certainty.

"So are you all tucked in?"  Jax replied seductively.

"Yes."  she whispered as a yawn escaped her lips.

"You sound tired, you want to go to sleep?"

"I want to fall asleep to the sound of your heartbeat.  I wish you were
here."  Brenda responded trying not to sound needy.

"I wish I were too. Since I'm not why don't we just talk until you fall off
to sleep.  We can keep our phones next to us in bed so we can hear each
others breathing and heartbeats as we sleep.  Maybe then we both will sleep
better."

"You sure you don't mind?"  Brenda asked hoping that Jax wasn't just trying
to appease her.

"Remember when you were out on the Jacks Tour and you made me promise that
every night our voices would be the last thing we heard every night?"

"Yes."  she whispered remembering too those conversations when she got him to
talk dirty to her, and make love to her over the phone.

"I think I'd like to make that promise again, if we can't be together we will
make sure we won't go more than three days without seeing each other, and
every night your voice is the last thing I will hear before falling to sleep.
 Agree?"

"It's a deal, and believe me I will hold you to it."
Brenda replied as she shifted her body and pulled the extra pillows closer to
her.

"Are your lights off?"

"Yes, just the flame from the fire lights the room.  Are yours?"  she
whispered again, this time the emotion building inside her made her voice a
little thicker.

"Yes.  I turned them off the minute I heard your voice on the other end of
the line.  You know how I love talking to you with the lights off."

"Yes, it is one of the things you taught me that heightens the intimacy of
our conversations.  So tell me what are you wearing?"  She asked naughtily.

"I'm wearing my white terry cloth robe, and what you got me for Valentines
Day last year."

"Which pair Jax, describe them to me."  Brenda asked as she visualized him
stretched out across his bed, with the robe open revealing the golden hairs
of his chest and his legs entwined at the ankles.

"I'm only wearing what you got me to wear on day 7.  Do you remember?"

She let out a small gasp.  "How could I forget?" she said breathlessly.
"Aren't you a little cool from the cold night air?"  she asked as she tried
to restore her composure as the passion rose between her legs.

"Brenda, believe me, when I talk to you like this cool isn't the temperature
I feel. Now tell me what you are wearing." Jax said his body temperature
rising by the minute.   He undid the belt on his robe allowing it to fall
open so his body could breathe in the cooler air.

"My crimson silk pajamas.  The ones you bought me in Hong Kong and 'Jacks for
men' too.  I happened to put it on after my long hot bath.  I love the scent,
it reminds me so much of you although it's not quite the same since it is
mixed with my lavender bath oil.  Nothing smells more heavenly then you
freshly showered, and Jacks for men on you." Brenda curled up on her side
bringing her knees to her chest.  She clutched the extra pillows tighter. Her
body throbbing, aching for his touch.

"Brenda are you on your side of the bed?"  He asked as he visualize her
curled up with pillows all around, the flame from the fire bathing her
beautiful face with a soft warm glow.

 "I'm more in the middle of the bed, closer to what would be your side of the
bed with the extra pillows surrounding me.  How about you?"

"I've now taken off my robe, and I am laying on my side facing your side of
the bed, and I have placed my extra pillows in front of me as a substitute
for you curled up in a ball and leaning your head back against my chest.  I
am visualizing I am placing my chin on the top of your head, and wrapping my
arms around you."

"Jax, I can feel your soft breath just behind my left ear, and the warmth of
your touch as you fingers unfasten the buttons of my top and slide under the
material to stroke my breast."

Jax let out a short groan, as the desire expanded his manhood.  "Brenda let's
make love."

********************
As they shared whispered their intimate instructions of pleasure to each
other their radios played in unison:

Baby, show me what you feel
Come to me, show me somethin' real
I need to know, I need you completely

Closer baby closer, come on let's begin
Love is takin' over, gotta let it in

Ooh I need to feel the heart of you
Need to reach the very deepest part of you

Can I touch you there,
touch you deep inside
Can I touch you heart,
the way you're touchin' mine
Can I touch you there,
touch you deep within
Can I touch you there,
can I touch you.....there

Baby tell me with your eyes
Tell me every secret darlin'
Every deep desire, till you and I
Are makin' love completely

Closer baby closer, can't be close enough
I can't help the way I hold you
I just hunger for your love

Ooh and I need to feel the heart of you
Need to reach the very deepest part of you

Can I touch you there,
touch you deep inside
Can I touch your heart,
the way you're touchin' mine
Can I touch you there,
touch you deep within
Can I touch you there,
can I touch you.....there

All I wanna do is touch ya baby
Touch the very soul inside of you

Ooh and I need to feel the heart of you
Need to reach the very deepest part of you

Let me be the one to show
just what love can do

Can I touch you there,
touch you deep inside
Can I touch you heart,
the way you're touchin' mine
Can I touch you there,
can I touch you....there

As the song played Brenda and Jax together penetrated the pleasure zone, and
burst through it on their way to euphoria.  Without another word spoken
between them, they drifted off into blissful sleep.  Secure in their love.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~