By Devlin
Prologue
"Brenda" he murmured in his sleep as the blonde haired woman who was not Brenda gazed down at him in distress at the name spilling forth with such longing from his lips.
Chloe Morgan was very upset to hear her boyfriend Jasper "Jax" Jacks once again whispering the name of his lost love. Brenda Barrett. She had died nearly two years ago, and all of a sudden she was haunting Jax’s every waking thought. And apparently his every dreaming thought too, Chloe realized. She was trying desperately to put on a happy face and put a postiive spin on this, to be understanding and patient, she truly was, but she felt her own breaking point nearing. The ultimate humiliation had been last night, while they were making love and he’d called out Brenda’s name. Chloe had been so shocked she’d not said a thing, and he had not even realized what he had done.
But now here he was sleeping. Dreaming. Dreaming of Brenda. Again. This had to stop, Chloe decided, swallowing a painful lump of anger in her throat. She shook Jax awake. Thick dark-gold lashes swept upward as his eyes opened revealing remarkable eyes that could be just about every shade of blue or green one could imagine, depending on his moods or the clothing he wore. Right now they were rather a teal color. As beautiful as ever. Just like him.
"What’s wrong?" Jax asked, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. A quick glance at the clock told him it was 4 a.m.
Chloe decided to just blurt it out. "I want you to go and look for Brenda, Jax. I know it's what you want to do. I want you to look far and wide for her so that you will realize she is *not* alive and you can put her to rest once and for all. Jax, I feel like we have no future with you still thinking she may be alive and obviously her occupying your every thought."
Jax sat up in the bed and gazed at Chloe for a long time. The lie began to form on his lips. "She doesn’t occupy my. . "
"You call her name in your sleep all the time," Chloe informed him.
Jax glanced away guiltily. Did he do that? Out loud? He hadn’t even been aware . . .
"You . . .you called her name last night Jax. While we were . . ." Chloe couldn’t finish, still pinched with humiliation over that little episode.
But she didn’t have to finish, Jax understood what she meant. "Oh, god, did I really do that?" he asked, stunned. "Chloe, I . . ."
"You didn’t even know?" Chloe asked, somehow thinking it worse. "Jax. . .don’t you see? She's... she's haunting you. You have to get Brenda out of your system. We are doomed if we go on like this with you pretending you’re not thinking about her every minute of the day, when you constantly are. So, if you think she may be alive. I want you to go and look for her, Jax. I want you to go and do it and then just promise to come back to me. With no more ghosts haunting you this time. Okay?"
Jax knew what she was saying was right and it was what he had to do. But he feared that if he were to find what his heart so desperately sought, he would never be able to keep a promise to Chloe of coming back.
And so he didn’t make one.
He merely nodded to let her know he was in agreement with her suggestion. "I think she may be in Paris," he said quietly. "That picture was . . ."
Chloe just nodded, cutting him off. Not really wanting to talk about it. "So you’ll be going to Paris?"
Jax nodded. "As soon as it’s daylight," he decided. For all of a sudden his need to start looking for Brenda was like a fire inside of him that would burn him in agony until he found her. Or knew for certain that she was not alive.
As Jax boarded his jet and waved good-bye to Chloe his fervent hope in his heart was that he would find Brenda – that this was really her. Chloe’s fervent hope was that Jax would also find the woman and realize it was *not* Brenda and put all hopes and dreams of Brenda being alive out of his mind once and for all so they could finally have their future. And perhaps then Jax would ask her to be his wife…something Chloe had been waiting for so long, yet the words never passed from Jax’s lips. And Chloe hoped they would soon because she had something to tell him and she really wanted to be sure of their future first.
The fervent hope that came true turned out to be Jax’s. The woman was indeed Brenda. After tracking her and several near-misses in trying to get to her and see her, Jax finally tracked her down to a fancy hotel in Switzerland and simply waited for her to leave her room and then grabbed her. She was kicking and screaming as he quickly hauled her into his own room, but the moment she saw his face, saw who it was who had grabbed her, tears burst forth from disbelieving eyes and she whispered his name in shock and then the tears ran down like a waterfall and she launched herself into his arms, crying uncontrollably, holding him as if she would never let him go. Jax kissed her hair, shivered at the feel of her in his arms again, he kissed her face, her murmured her name over and over asking if it was really her, praying to god he was not having just another dream, for he dreamt of her every night.
And then she pulled away from him, a panicked look in her beautiful brown eyes. Jax was so mesmerized by her, his heart racing so furiously with joy that it took him a moment to hear what she was saying to him. Something about the kids. The *kids?*
Before he could stop her she’d raced out of his room, but a frantic Jax, unwilling to lose her yet again now that he’d found her, was right at her heels. She stopped in front of the suite she occupied and wiped at her tears furiously, trying to compose herself. She begged Jax to trust her and not to follow her inside, but to wait there. It was the hardest thing he’d ever had to do to let her out of his sight like that. But he had done as she asked. He’d heard her talking to a woman and then she’d come out about ten minutes later with two little boys, both maybe a little over a year old. Jax only had to look at their eyes to know who they were. *Who’s* they were. His sons. The emotions that went though him at that moment nearly sent him to his knees but Brenda handed off one of the boys to him and her eyes, wet with tears again pleaded with him to get them out of her to get them all free of this nightmare.
And Jax had. He’d gotten his family to a safe haven with Jerry, and Brenda had finally been relaxed enough, calm enough, safe enough, loved enough to tell him everything that had happened. How the arms dealer Cordova had been the one to rescue her, unconscious and adrift at sea. How she hadn’t even had any memory of who she was for six months. How she’d realized after having being rescued a month that she was pregnant and had assumed her rescuer was the father. He’d let her believe that too, but she’d gotten her memory back before the twins were born and had known the truth. She’d remembered all that had happened. Her life with Jax, the accident, her possibly having her mother’s gene. She’d panicked, thinking her boys might have the gene too. She still pretended to have no memory, fearful of the man who’d rescued her because of who and what he was. She tired a million times to try to get a message to Jax and simply had no way of doing so, but refused to stop trying to find ways. Then she *did* stop trying when she read about Jax marrying Alexis Davis. Her hopes had all died that day.
Upon hearing this, Jax had pulled Brenda into his arms fiercely and tried to explain to her everything going on in his life at the time. He told her about Chloe and Alexis and about seeing the woman who looked like Brenda in Fiji. Brenda told him she’d never been there so it was not her. Jax nodded but said that just seeing someone who resembled her opened up the floodgates of his feelings for her and amide him realize why it was he’d never proposed marriage to Chloe despite loving her. And he’d been obsessed with finding Brenda ever since, with the need to know if she could have survived, if he’d somehow failed her by not looking longer, harder. They’d talked until the wee hours of the morning. Holding each other, kissing each other, confessing how they never stopped loving each other, thinking about each other, wanting each other. Brenda had sleepily told him she was so scared that she and the twins had the gene. She asked Jax what her test results had been. Jax admitted he’d been so devastated by grief and so despondent without her that he hadn’t even wanted to know the test results and had burned them in the fireplace. But he promised her they’d all be tested - that they had to know. She had swallowed in fear, but nodded, knowing he was right. Then she had cried again in happiness at his finding her again and she’d made him promise they would never be apart again. A promise Jax had eagerly and with heartfelt determination made to her.
And they had taken those tests while Jerry went about taking care of the Cordova hunting them down problem. And the tests had all come back negative and Cordova had dropped off the face of the earth. And then Jax knew his life, all his dreams were his for the taking. He had only to tell Chloe the news first, a difficult task. While he set up a home and a life for Brenda and the twins in California, where Brenda had said she wanted to live, Jax left her catching up with her sister Julia, and planning their wedding while he returned to Port Charles to give explanations to everyone. Most especially Chloe.
It was then that he’d found out Chloe was pregnant with his child. And Chloe had been equally shocked to learn that not only was Brenda indeed alive, but that Jax was already a father as well.
Jax had promised to always be a large part of his baby’s life. He wanted that. But nothing, not even the baby could make Jax give up Brenda. Chloe had realized that without even having to ask him. She had held a stiff upper lip and tried to part as friends although the dull ache inside of her was most wretched, and a part of her could not help but hate Brenda and hate Jax’s inability to love any woman but Brenda. Chloe watched Jax walk out of her life and decided she was through with love, and would now merely do what was best for her and her child. Jax had promised to be there for her with the baby in any way she needed him to be. But she planned not to take him up on that. She would not cut him out of his child’s life, but her child would need a full-time father. A father to live with and grow with, and learn from. Not one who was living on the West coast with another family to call his own. Yes, Chloe decided. She’d have to get a husband. She needed a man to help her raise Jax’s child.
Chapter 1
It was the last weekend in November. The Jacks family of five, piled into their silver and black Jeep Cherokee as they prepared for their monthly drive from their Beverly Hills mansion to their large but cozy cabin in Big Bear.
Four year old Rebecca Jane Jacks climbed over her brother Justin’s lap so she could get the middle seat in between him and her other brother Devon. Justin Alexander Jacks and Devon Christopher Jacks were seven year old fraternal twins who loved to act perpetually annoyed with their little sister, but in truth she was the apple of their eye. They’d never let her know that though.
Her Power Puff Girl doll tucked underneath her arm, Rebecca squeezed in between them and stuck out her tongue at them both with a gleeful smile at her ingenuity in getting the coveted middle seat. Justin and Devon rolled their eyes at each other.
"You’re the only one who ever wants that seat, Becky," Justin pointed out to her. "So we don’t care if you sit there. We tell you that all the time."
"Yeah, who cares if you sit there?" Devon chimed in, whipping out his gameboy and trying to ignore his baby sister’s infectious dimpled smile. Rebecca was the spitting image of their mother. Dark hair, dark brown eyes, thick dark lashes, and entirely too pretty to put into mere words.
Justin was a near-mirror image of their father with golden blonde hair and blue-green eyes – but like Rebecca, he had their mother’s dimples. While his twin was a combination of their parents, having his mother’s dark hair, but his father’s vivid aquamarine eyes and dashing cleft chin. Both young boys were stunners and destined to break hearts far and wide some day, but the dark hair-blue eyes combination of Devon made him the one to really watch out for.
"This is the bestest seat," Rebecca insisted.
"No its not," Justin scoffed, taking out his gameboy too as he and Devon connected the games so they could play each other. "Everybody knows the window seats are the best."
"Everybody knows that, Becky-brat. Except you," Devon said, with a shake of his head.
Rebecca gazed from one brother to the other. "How come?" she asked, beginning a pout.
Justin and Devon just grinned at each other. They always found it amusing how easily they could con their baby sister into anything.
"Dev, feet off the back of the seat," his father instructed as he shut the back of the jeep which held their bags and gear and walked to the front driver’s side.
Devon slid his white Nike hi-tops down from the back of the driver’s seat.
"Daddy, isn’t the middle seat the bestest one?" Rebecca asked, still pouting.
Jax gazed at the adorable little angel who was just a tiny replica of her exquisite mother. "Sure, sweetie," Jax said placatingly, as he reached over to give her long, riotous dark curls a loving stroke.
"Dad, you are so bogus," Justin snickered.
Jax glanced over at his son and grinned and Rebecca caught the grin.
She let out a tiny gasp of discovery. "So it’s not the bestest seat?" she demanded, getting good and irate. "Oh, bloody hell then!"
Jax’s eyes widened and he busted into laughter along with both of his sons. But Jax’s wife, Brenda was glaring at all the males in her family.
"Jax, I swear to god I am going to kill your brother! I’ve only told him ten million times not to talk like that in front of the kids, and you know Becky adores the man and picks up his every word," Brenda said in exasperation. "And you .. all three of you are only encouraging her by laughing about it," she added, although she had to bite down on her own lip to quell her own laughter. Her young daughter was what one would most definitely call a hellion. But then again, her son’s were certainly no less incorrigible.
"Sorry, sorry," Jax said without the least bit of contrition. He was quite content to let Brenda blame Jerry for the outrageous things their kids would sometimes say. Although he and his father were as guilty as his brother of being the influence. Many times when Jax had taken the kids to the office for a couple of hours, they had been privy to his colorful language as he, John and Jerry hashed out deals over the phone.
Rebecca swung her little legs to and fro and sang her litany of "The Itzy Bitzy Spider" as they drove to the cabin, while her brothers tuned her out and instead battled to the death in a game of electronic baseball, incurring their mother’s ire anytime one of them would utter one of Uncle Jerry’s infamous cuss words like ‘damnation!’, ‘blasted hellfire!" and the ever popular, ‘bloody hell!’ when bested by the other.
"I’m really going to kill your brother," Brenda said to Jax again.
He glanced over at her beautiful face and just gave her a dashing smile that made her heart race, and Brenda laughed and impulsively leaned over and kissed his cheek. She ran her hand through Jax’s rich golden locks and sighed as the cabin came into view. "Why do they have to stay?" she asked him. "Why can’t they just drop him off and go back to that dreary island of theirs?"
Jax shook his head. "I don’t know. I think perhaps they think I’m going to run off with him one of these days."
"You should," Brenda said. "Jax, he’s not happy with them. You know that, don’t you? He’s just . . .he’s not happy."
Jax did know. And it made him crazy. But what could he do? Any legal move on his part could result in his never being able to see him again.
"Well at least they’re here on time for a change," Jax said as he spotted the dark blue range rover pulling up. The jeep Cherokee came to a stop behind it and the Jacks family piled out.
The range rover opened up and out stepped Stefan Cassadine and his wife Chloe Morgan Cassadine.
Cool, polite hellos were murmured.
Then the back door opened and out stepped a six year old who bore a great resemblance to Justin, with gold hair and aquamarine eyes and a handsome, young face. A face kept carefully devoid of emotion as usual. Until his gaze spotted his father and his half-siblings. Then the light lit up his eyes and there was nothing he could do to conceal his utter happiness at seeing them. Brenda was there too and her quick wink told him that she had smuggled along his favorite chocolate chip coconut cookies that his grandmother Jane had made. He grinned at her and Brenda gasped in delight.
"Awww, I see somebody got visited by the tooth fairy," Brenda said, thinking he looked absolutely adorable with that front tooth missing.
"Or slipped in a puddle," Devon said.
"Or fell down the stairs," Justin teased, flashing a devastating grin. Their half-brother was notoriously clumsy at that spooky, drafty castle house called Wyndamere where he lived with his mother and step-father.
The six year old, Nicholas Alaisdair Cassadine, named after his cousin the prince, glanced to his step-father to gain permission before approaching the Jacks. Stefan nodded curtly, displeased with the pleasure that always came over Nicholas when his father’s family was present.
Nicholas wanted to break out into a run, but made himself walk over to his father, who bent down and scooped him up. The minute he was in his father’s embrace, Nicholas relaxed and hugged him fiercely.
"Hey my little Nicky," Jax said, feeling the tension drain out of his son the minute they made contact.
"Hi Daddy," Nicholas whispered, a little boy’s sigh of contentment.
Jax was his daddy. While Stefan insisted on being called "father". But to Nicholas, Stefan, whom he lived with, who’s last name he bore, who was raising him, was just a man his mother was married to. He was not his father. Not really. And Nicholas didn’t want to be Nicholas Cassadine. He wanted to be Nicholas Jacks. Because Jax was his daddy. And Justin and Devon were his brothers. And Becky-brat was his sister. It was their blood that ran through his veins, not Stefan’s. It was Grandma Jane’s laughing blue eyes that made his heart feel warm, not Grandmother Helena’s cold, phony smiles that always made him feel like a frog about to be dissected into a billion pieces. It was Grandpa John’s booming laughter that made him grin, not his cousin Nikolas’s kind but sympathetic pats on the head. It was Uncle Jerry’s funny jokes, cuss words, and boxing lessons that made him laugh out loud, not Stefan’s grilling about proper speech patterns, which spoon to eat soup with, and the need to learn fencing and ballroom dancing, and Russian and Greek.
Stefan cleared his throat. Jax’s blue-green eyes slid over to Chloe’s husband, but he did not let go of his son.
"What are your plans for this weekend?" Stefan demanded.
Jax grew irritated immediately both by Stefan’s tone and the damned question. "Do you have to ask the same bloody question every single time we do this? I only see him once a month as it is without going through this ridiculous inquisition every time."
"Yeah, bloody hell with that," Justin murmured to his twin who snickered.
"I will have an answer Jax," Stefan said, growing more and more annoyed by the way Nicholas was holding onto Jax. "Nicholas you are not a baby, son. You can stand without being held like an infant," Stefan snapped.
Jax glared at him. "This is called a hug, Stefan. It is a show of affection, something you undoubtedly know nothing about." But Jax felt Nicholas’ tension return and so he placed him down. His brothers immediately flanked the six year old, each placing a protective arm around the boy as they glared at his step-father. Jax pulled a piece of paper from his pocket and tossed it at Stefan. "Here you go. I took the liberty of making up an itinerary for you of our every move. Will that satisfy you?"
"Jax, I would like you to respect Stefan’s place in Nicholas’ life," Chloe said. "Things don’t have to be this frosty between us all. Stefan is his father as much as you are."
Jax took immediate exception to that bit of nonsense, but he forced himself not to respond. "I’m taking the boys ice fishing," he said, as he walked over and grabbed Nicholas’s little suitcase, then herded his sons together as they headed for the cabin. Brenda, carrying Rebecca, followed.
Jax," Brenda said, trying to soothe the anger and frustration she knew he was feeling. Her voice alone could usually do that.
"Bloody hell," Jax muttered.
"Bloody hell," the twins echoed to their mother’s exasperation. And then Devon poked Nicholas in the ribs.
"C’mon Nicky, Do it, do it," Devon said with a mischievous smile.
"Blo-deee hellllll," Nicholas said, saying it exactly the way his Uncle Jerry did, which got a big grin from his father and hoots of laughter from his brothers.
"Jax!! Do not encourage them," Brenda pleaded even as she giggled at Nicholas’ remarkable impression of her brother-in-law in a temper.
Not to be left out Rebecca opened her mouth. "Bloody…" Brenda clamped her hand over her daughter’s lips.
Chloe and Stefan watched Jax and his family enter the cabin.
"I supposed we should go to our cabin," Chloe suggested.
"Nicholas has not developed the necessary attachment to me that a father should have for a son," Stefan pointed out to her crisply.
Chloe knew that was true. "I think perhaps, given more time. . ."
"More time? Chloe the boy is six years old! He’s been with me since he was born and yet it is *Jax* he is drawn to. *Jax* whom he gazes at in adoration. *Jax* who has his love."
"Well . . . Jax *is* his father, and . . ."
"*I* am his father," Stefan interrupted her. "He lives with me. I raise him. I named him for god’s sake and I demand his love and his loyalty. Jax sees him but once a month and I cannot fathom how the bond between them continues to remain and grow with them seeing each other so infrequently. It defies logic."
Chloe had no answer for that.
"Perhaps we should terminate the visits all together," Stefan murmured.
Chloe stiffened a bit. "Jax will never allow that. He’ll fight that, Stefan."
"Perhaps at first. But not for long. He’s got his own family. He’s got two rambunctious sons, very much like himself, and a very beautiful little girl. He will let Nicholas go."
Chloe said nothing but she knew Stefan was dead wrong. Jax would never just give up his son. Ever. And she knew that deep down Stefan knew this too. And so he would have to force Jax’s hand somehow. It would escalate into madness. "For heaven’s sake Stefan, I don’t want a war," Chloe said with an uncomfortable sigh.
"If Jax is reasonable there won’t be one," Stefan responded, casting her a brief glance. He gritted his teeth against the happy laughter he heard as Jax and his sons came back out of the cabin on their way to the lake. They hung around in front of the cabin for a while laughing and playing around while they waited for Brenda and Rebecca and then the entire family began the walk to the lake. Justin was talking to his dad, who had his arm wrapped around Brenda. Rebecca was giggling and screaming as Nicholas tugged at her long, ponytail of dark curls while Devon held her hand as they went down the hill. Then Nicholas walked over to the other side next to Brenda and slipped under her arm, which she happily placed around him and gave him a squeeze of affection. "You should want the same thing I want Chloe," Stefan urged her, watching Nicholas’ obvious comfort level with Brenda. "After all, at times it appears that your son might prefer Brenda to you as much as his father does."
Stefan knew his words stung and he was glad of it. He would need Chloe’s full cooperation to pursue the goal of eradicating Jax from Nicholas’ life. For he knew Chloe was right. Jax would fight it with everything he had.