Hi all!

I finally got this chapter done! The next one is on it's way soon also (like next week, possibly Monday?). Tomorrow look for "I Knew
Love"...it's almost done :). Thank you all for your support and enjoy this one!

Lissie :)

Chapter 30

A few weeks later...

“Jax, dear, where are you going?” Jane asked as she watched her son straighten his bow tie in the mirror, quickly run his fingers through
his hair, and start towards the front door of his penthouse.

“Out, Mum.”

“But you have to be at the cottage in a few hours. You’re not going to keep Brenda waiting are you?”

“I’ll be there Mum. There’s just something I have to do first.”

“But, Jasper, you should really stay here.” She said, trying to keep him in the room by sidestepping in front of his path and pretend to be
completely involved in straightening his suit jacket.

“You don’t have to worry Mum, I’ll be fine.”

“I don’t like this, I have a bad feeling that something is going to happen to you.”

“Mum, you worry too much. Nothing’s gonna happen to me. But, just in case, I’ll have my cell phone with me. Call me if you need me. If I
don’t answer feel free to send Jerry after me, but I promise I’ll be at the wedding. Nothing’s going to stop me from making Brenda my
wife.”

“I know dear, but I just don’t feel good about you going off hours before your wedding. You’ll promise you’ll be careful.”

“Of course.” He said and grabbed her hands from the lapels of his tux, squeezed them reassuringly and dropped them to her sides. “You
worry too much. Now go meet Brenda at the cottage. I’ll meet you there later.” He slipped out the door while flashing a reassuringly smile
at Jane.

He’s going to get into some trouble, I just know he is Lady Jane thought. “Be careful Jasper, Be careful.” She whispered as she gathered her
things and got ready to meet Brenda at the cottage. She made sure she looked okay in the mirror. No hint of worry, that was good. It
wouldn’t do to frighten dear Brenda right now with her unfounded worries. She just had a mother’s intuition that something wasn’t right
with her son. That was all.

***

Jax pulled his car to the side of the road, put on his parking brake and climbed out of the car. The flowers were all gone. The guardrail had
been fixed. He hadn’t been here since the day in September when Jerry had driven him out here so he could see for himself that Brenda
had to be gone. Looking out over the cliff into the raging river he couldn’t figure out how anyone could have survived such a fall. Brenda
had.

He’d known it then. His instincts had told him that she was alive, but he’d convinced himself that his instincts must have been wrong for
once. That little bit of security of believing that Brenda was safe in heaven had been what had kept him going. If he’d just listen to his
instincts and had continued to search for her even when the coast guard had said they’d searched all they could. He could have hired
professionals, something, someone. He should have been there.

Everyone had told him that he wasn’t to blame. But how could he not be? Brenda was his wife...or at least she was soon to be and she
would have been sooner if only he had listened to his heart instead of the logic of brain. Of course no one could survive such a fall.
Especially if they had injuries from a car collision right before the fall. The other driver of the other car had died. It was only natural to
assume that Brenda would have died too. Assuming with Brenda was not an option. He had learned that long ago, so why had he let his
conscious just assume that she was dead?

Acceptance was better on his heart, his soul.

He stepped closer to the edge of the cliff and watched as pebbles slid and bounced down into the river. He wanted to scream. This was
supposed to be the happiest day of his life and he wanted to scream. He wanted to get rid of the pain, the guilt, the loneliness that had
plagued him and Brenda this last year.

He had failed her and he didn’t want to fail her again. He wouldn’t. The rest of his life was going to be devoted to making sure she was
happy, safe, and loved. He would never stop loving her. He couldn’t. It was in his blood to love her forever.

This cliff was where his pain meant to last forever started, and this was where it ended. He dropped to his knees and began to pray. Jax
hadn’t prayed much in his life, but he figured now was as good as any to start. He prayed for thankfulness that Brenda and Jean were back
in his life, alive and healthy. He prayed for understanding of all that had happened the past year. Lastly he prayed for forgiveness.
Forgiveness from God and forgiveness for himself so that he would be able to forgive himself, because despite what everyone tried to tell
him, he still believed that part of all of this was his fault.
 

“Jax?” Jerry’s voice startled Jax as he came up behind him. “Are you okay?”

“Jerry?” Jax said as he turned to look up at Jerry. “I didn’t hear you drive up.”

“What are you doing here?” Jerry asked, concerned.

“Just doing some thinking.” Jax gazed out at the river again. “Do you think everything will turn out right this time?”

“Of course it will.”

“That’s what I keep telling Brenda. She looks at with those big hazel eyes and all I can think of is to reassure her that everything will be
fine. That she, Jean, and I will always be safe and happy.”

“That’s not too hard to of a promise to offer. You’re already doing that, Jax. And as far as I can see, she’s doing it for you too.”

“I know, but what if I can’t?” Jax looked at Jerry, pleading for an answer. He didn’t get one. “I mean, what if something happens?” He
asked before looking out at the river again. “I don’t think I can handle losing her again.”

“Nothing’s gonna happen. You’re not going to lose her again. You’re marrying the woman in two hours. She’s not going anywhere. She
loves you like crazy.”

“I don’t doubt that she loves me Jerry. I just want to keep her safe, and I’m afraid that if I can’t she’ll get hurt. Don’t look at me like that. It’s
happened before. She went off this cliff didn’t she? I couldn’t do a damn thing to stop her. I wasn’t even here to stop it from happening.”

“I was.” Jerry’s quiet admission rang in Jax’s ears. Something about the tone of Jerry’s voice made Jax wonder if maybe Jerry had been
blaming himself all this time. Jerry’s next words confirmed his suspicions as Jax turned to look at him. “I’m sorry Jax. If I had just searched
longer then none of this would have happened. Brenda wouldn’t have ended up on some beach campground without a memory and
almost without her life. If I could have found her we would have been able to help her and then she would have had our support the
whole time and the two of you would have gotten married sooner and we wouldn’t be looking out over this cliff contemplating life this
past year.”

“Jerry, none of this was your fault.”

“Maybe not, but I still feel guilty. I was the first one on the scene, and I still felt like I could have done something more. Anything to keep
my little brother’s family from being torn apart unnecessarily.”

“You may have been the first one on the scene, but could you have stopped the rain storm? The lightening and thunder? The crashing
waves of the river? The slippery roads? The steep cliff? The out of control drunk driver? Could you?”

“No. But neither could you.”

“That’s my point Jerry. No one could have stopped what happened, besides the guy who decided to get behind the wheel after having too
many drinks. What’s to prevent it from happening again?”

“No one, okay? No one can.” Jerry said with conviction, trying to convince himself of the truth in those words. However, it was Jax he had
to convince. “Where’s the Jacks in you, Jax? We live for the adventure in life. We take chances in life. Damn the consequences, live for the
moment. Isn’t a life with Brenda, a chance you want to take?”

“Of course it is. I’m just...Jerry, I’m scared.” His admission was quiet. He dropped his head into his eyes before looking turning to look at
Jerry. If there was a time that he needed his big brother to fix something, now was it. Only this time, he didn’t think Jerry could fix
anything. Jerry wrapped an arm around Jax and hugged him tight like he used to do when Jax was a kid, only now the problem was a lot
bigger than a kidsize problem.

“Of course you are. But don’t you think she isn’t also?”

“I know she is. She’s afraid that everything she has is too good to be true.”

“I take it you don’t let her know you’re scared? That you’re afraid of the same things?” Jerry asked.

“I think she senses it, but no, I don’t let on how scared I am. She has enough to deal with.” Jax answered.

“And you don’t? You had your family taken away from you, and by some miracle they’re back, alive and healthy. For Chrissakes you
grieved for them. If that’s not a lot to deal with, I don’t know what is.”

“How about constantly worrying that I’m not saying or doing the right thing? I feel like I’ve been given this gift that could be taken away at
any moment. Who’s to say it won’t? Everything has been taken away from me before.”

“Nothing’s going to be taken away from you. You have to believe that.”

“I’m trying. I love her so much.”

“I know you do. She knows it too.” Jerry reassured Jax and looked at his watch. “We need to get you to your wedding. Are you ready to
go?”

“Yeah.” Jax answered.

The two of them turned away from the cliff and walked towards their cars. Within moments they were on their way to Brenda’s cottage for
the wedding.

***
Brenda sat on her bed trying to make sure her veil was on perfect while Julia tried to help her. Jane had been in earlier to help, but now it
was just Brenda and Julia in the bedroom. Lois and Robin were downstairs somewhere making sure last minute things were being taken
care of and that the kids were behaving. Brenda was touched that Julia had decided to come to this wedding, it was the first wedding that
Julia had even attempted to make. What surprised her even more as that Julia was acting like a mother and a father figure for her, making
sure everything was in working order for the wedding. Brenda hadn’t asked her to, she’d just offered. Julia explained that she had been
given a second chance to be in her sister’s life, and she wasn’t going to screw it up. Brenda hadn’t realized how much Julia cared.

Brenda liked having her sister around. Maybe now they could have the kind of relationship she had always wanted with her sister. The
relationship that had just been getting started before the accident. Julia was all the family she had left. Brenda had asked Julia to give her
away, and Julia had accepted.

“I never thought I’d see the day when my baby sister would settle down.” Julia said as she combed some of Brenda’s hair out of her face
and tried to place it just so around the veil.

“Jules, this isn’t my first wedding.” Brenda said as she accepted the mirror Julia gave her and nodded her approval of the style.

“No, but this one feels more real. It feels more permanent.”

“More permanent?” Brenda asked confused.

“You’ve matured more. You seem more like a woman ready for marriage rather than one seeking marriage to fix all their problems.” Julia
tried to explain.

“Julia, that was not what I was doing when I married Jax the first time, or any other time after that.”

“Bren, what was it you told me on the phone when you married Jax? It was something to the effect that I married him so I wouldn’t risk
losing him. If that’s not trying to solve a problem than I don’t know what it is.”

“Okay, so at the time maybe I was trying to keep him in my life. He wasn’t making it easy you know. He was one of my best friends at the
time and I couldn’t let him get away, now could I?

“I guess not. He is a pretty wonderful guy, if I had someone like him in my life I may not want to give him up either. But Bren, the point is
that when you first married him it wasn’t for love. I was worried for you because I knew you weren’t in love with him, and I was afraid
you were too young for marriage. I was afraid you would get your heart broken, and I didn’t want to watch that happen to you.”

“Jax didn’t break my heart, Julia.”

“I know.” Julia said and sat down next to Brenda on the bed. “You broke Jax’s heart.”

This was not something Brenda wanted to hear from Julia. Not now. Not the day of her wedding. “Jax and I have been through this Jules.
It’s none of your concern. I don’t want to go through this again. I was young and confused and in love...”

“With two men, but not realizing which one would be the one who would last through all the good and bad times?”

“Yes...”

“And not realizing which one you loved the most, and would never be able to live without even if you tried?”

“Exactly....”

“And not realizing which one would prove over and over again that he was the one for you?”

“Julia...”

“You realize who it is now, don’t you?”

Of course she did, what was Julia getting at? “It’s Jax. It always has been Jax. I know that now.” Brenda said.

“Good. Now I want you to hold on to that thought. I want my sister to stay happy for the rest of her life, with the man loves her the way I
want her to be loved. This, Brenda, is going to be the first day of the wonderful life that you and Jax are going to have with Jean and any
other little ones that will come along the way. Jax is the one that loves you enough to make this all happen for you. You’ve both been
through hell to be with each other which has only made your love for each other stronger. You my baby sister are finally getting your
fairytale happily ever after and I couldn’t be any happier for you.” Julia said and hugged Brenda tight. She truly wanted her sister to be
happy and loved.

“Julia how can you be so sure?” Brenda asked.

“Sure of what?”

“That he loves me so? That we’ll have a wonderful life as you say?”

“Bren, how can you ask such a question?” Julia asked, shocked. “Have you not noticed how in love he is with you? The way he looks at
you should be enough to convince you. The way he makes sure you and Jean always have the things you need. The man loves you and is
determined to make sure you get all you deserve in life.”

“You don’t think he’s just trying to make up for lost time is he?”

“Of course he is, but he’s also trying to show you how much he loves you.”

“Loves, right? Not loved?” Brenda asked, putting emphasis on the differences in the endings she used in the word love. She had to make
sure Jax loved her in the present, not the past. He told her he did, but she wanted to hear it from an outsider, just to make sure.

“Brenda, what’s wrong?” Julia asked concerned.

“I’m scared that we’re making a mistake.”

“You love Jax, right?” Brenda nodded yes. Of course she did. “You want to marry him, right?”

“Yes, but what if he doesn’t want to? I’m afraid that I’m trying to hard to make our lives the way they were supposed to be before the
accident. I’m afraid that he’s doing this out some sort of sense of duty to the past and to our daughter.”

“Have you asked Jax about this?”

“Yes.”

“And what did he say?”

“He denied it. He says he loves me and that he’ll always love me, that all he has ever wanted to do was to spend the rest of his life with me
and our children.”

“See, you have nothing to worry about. Jax doesn’t say things he doesn’t mean. He loves you now and forever.”

Brenda looked at her hands and the way her ring sparkled in the light. She remembered then, the day he had put the ring back on her
finger. He had looked so happy, so at peace, so in love with her. He had been so concerned and worried when his ring hadn’t been on her
finger that she had to convince him that was where she wanted it to be. She thought of the way he kissed her and the way he made love to
her. He loved her, not the memory of her. “He does love me, doesn’t he?”

“Hey, can we come in?” Lois asked as she knocked on the door.

“Yes!” Brenda answered.

Lois and Robin came in the door to make sure she was ready for her wedding. They were both dressed in matching pale blue dresses.
They were both sharing the duty of the maid of honor.

“Bren! You look beautiful!” Robin exclaimed as soon as she had entered the bedroom.

“You look absolutely gorgeous Brenda. Jax won’t know what hit him when he sees you.” Lois said.

“Thanks you two. How’s Jean?” Brenda asked.

“Fine so far. Emily’s taking good care of her.” Robin said.

“Are you ready to go?” Julia asked.

Brenda nodded yes. Julia, Lois, and Robin helped Brenda gather herself up before they started out the door.

“Then lets get you married!” Lois said and grabbed onto Brenda’s arm as they escorted her out of the door.

***

TBC...