By Sydney L
Hey all!!!
I know it's been a while. Soooo sorry about that. Got caught up with a few other projects. Here's a repost of the first part of this chapter as well as the continuation. I know it's not the best I've ever written, but I hope you enjoy anyway!!!!
Hugs,
Sydney
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~ chapter 8 ~
Time is a funny thing. It can divide emotions like the Red Sea creating a path from imprisonment to freedom. Make you numb with sorrow or ecstatic with joy. In a moment, precious treasures can be lost…or found. Time can be the difference between despair and hope. Love and hate. Torture or peace. It can change a heart. Start a life. Destroy a dream. One minute can be over in a heartbeat. Or…it can last an eternity.
Jasper Jacks only had five heartbeats.
Five minutes in a lifetime. It didn't seem enough. It wasn't enough. It never would be. Not when sharing precious time with the only person in the world that had ever made him truly live. The only one that ever knew him so completely that they breathed and lived as one. The only person who knew the true meaning of magic…because that's what she was.
Magic. It lived in her soul. Weaved its way through her heart. Permeated every aspect of her life. Jax touched that magic the first time he set eyes on her and claimed it as his own when he and Brenda Barrett truly became one in their love. It made this miracle easy to believe. Because with Brenda…all things were possible. Even life after death…
Come into these arms again
And lay your body down
Th' rhythm of this trembling heart
Is beating like a drum.
It beats for you, it bleeds for you
It knows not how it sounds
For it is the drum of drums
It is the song of songs.
Had he been in control of his own body, Jax would have commanded his trembling heart to stop its rapid beating. To hold back time by stilling the thumping of his heart that signified precious seconds being toss carelessly to a past he could never get back. Freeze it in this glorious moment of fresh awakening.
Once I had the rarest rose that
ever deigned to bloom.
Cruel winter chilled the balm,
And stole my flower too soon
O loneliness, O hopelessness
To search the ends of time,
For there is no greater love than mine.
The beauty of the rarest flower faded to dust when compared to her. She hadn't changed. His fingers ached to slide through the thick luxurious hair that still hung past her shoulders like a cascading waterfall of chocolate. The button nose he used to kiss in playfulness was turning a light shade of pink from emotions she was trying to hold back. The radiant flush on her olive cheeks gave testimony to the overwhelming rush of love that was welling up inside her as her eyes brightened with indefinable happiness. Those lips that used to set him on fire with a touch and anchor him to the foundation of their love with whispered promises were now trembling with his name. “Jax…”
His mind barely registered it all. As it was, all he could do was feel.
Electricity sparked in the air. Tingled across his skin. Stung his lungs till the breath froze in his chest. His head spun with dizziness at the silent emotions flooding the room and converging on him from every side. Translucent blue-green eyes outshining the brightest stars met and connected with deep fathomless pools the color of midnight. While sparks of fire danced in the space between, a chill settled over him. A chill of loneliness with only one cure…Brenda Barrett.
All he could do was feel. Feel…and open his arms.
Let me be the only one
To keep you from the cold.
Now the floor of heav'n is laid,
Its stars of brightest glow.
They shine for you.
They shine for you.
They burn for all to see.
Come into these arms again
And set this spirit free.
Jax staggered back a step from the force of Brenda’s soft, warm body colliding with his bringing with it wave after wave of every good thing life had to offer as she threw herself in his arms. The power of belief. The strength of love. The ecstasy of being wrapped around each other once more as her legs enveloped his waist anchoring her to him.
Her tears and whispers came floating into his consciousness escalating the already delirious joy shooting through him as Jax’s arms tightened their grip around Brenda. His beautiful Brenda. Closing his eyes against the tears that were falling, a hand slipped up and ran down the length of her hair again and again as he buried his head in the crook of her neck. He’d never gotten used to the feel of her skin beneath his fingers…her body in his arms. Once again, he knew he never would.
Soft, warm hands found his face and grabbed hold with a gentle intensity while brief, frantic kisses were raining down all around him. On his face, his hair, his neck. Every exposed layer of skin received the refreshing balm as a breathless Brenda started to speak. “God, Jax. I never thought I’d see…”
Hungry lips crushed back her words as Jax’s mouth descended on hers shouting all the words he was unable to speak. All the words her heart heard without a sound. All of the powerful emotions raging through him centered in that one point of mutual contact that stole their combined breath and sealed their merging hearts together once again. Every facet of love rhythmically beat into their hearts as lips slid greedily over lips, reclaiming the only home their hearts could ever know...each other.
Passion. Trust. Desire. Friendship. Hope. Love. A kaleidoscope of emotions swirled in the air around them. It would take forever to experience them all. To share them…show them. The necessity for claiming the right to forever in only a few precious moments reached Jax’s mind and he reluctantly eased his fevered assault to pull back and gaze into Brenda’s dazed, passion-filled eyes.
He opened his mouth to speak and silently cursed Helena and himself for his inability. There was so much he wanted to say. Too much… His eyes instantly welled up with fresh tears of frustration. Brenda took the pain in his eyes and eased it by speaking for him as she placed a gentle finger against his lips then reached up to wipe away his tears. “Honey, it’s ok. I know you can’t speak. You don’t have to. Not with me.” A smile curved her lips upward and her light chuckle hit Jax’s heart like a sweet arrow. “Boy, Jax…when you pick enemies…”
The chuckle died as their eyes locked. The gravity of their situation fell on them like a weight crushing their joy into soberness. Brenda disentangled her legs from Jax’s body and let them swing down till they were dangling above the floor. “Put me down.” Brenda’s command was gentle and low.
Jax shook his head and Brenda let out a sigh though her arms remained as firmly hooked around Jax’s neck as his were around her waist despite the fact he could still hold her weight with one arm if he needed to. Trying to somehow reason with him, Brenda tilted her head to the side, determination flashing in her eyes. “Jax. We need to talk and if I know Helena we don’t have that much time, do we?”
Swallowing hard at her words, Jax shook his head no. Still, he wouldn’t release her. He couldn’t. Not if he was expected to breathe again. Not if he was expected to make it through the next five minutes with the other half of his soul determining their fate. Swinging Brenda’s legs up and catching them in one swift move, Jax carried her to the nearby cot she’d been using as a bed for only God knew how long.
Sitting down, Jax firmly held Brenda in his lap then silently turned his eyes full of resolve to gaze at her face. Thumbs gently wiped away her fallen tears before his gaze returned to meet hers. Even though his lips didn’t form the words ‘Let’s talk’…his eyes said it all.
So, with a nod, Brenda listened to his unspoken message. As she began to talk, her hands flittered over his features, her eyes glued to his face. She simply couldn’t get enough of him. Of touching him. Of looking into those eyes full of love. Of seeing that ray of sunshine that was his smile. “First, exactly how much time do we have?”
Jax held up his hand indicating ‘five’. Brenda’s gaze faltered and she took a shaky breath while Jax ran his hand through her hair smoothing it away from those eyes that held his soul. “Five minutes? That’s all? Oh, God…that’s not enough to tell you…”
Biting back her words, Brenda’s eyes raised to meet Jax’s. She flashed him a brave smile as her eyes began to water with unshed tears. “Ok, then. I guess…I guess we’ll just take care of the basics then, right?”
Jax swallowed hard at the tears he saw welling in her eyes and blinked quickly to stop a few of his own. With a quick nod, he reached for Brenda's hand and raised his eyes to meet hers in silent readiness. Brenda sniffed back her tears and licked her parched lips quickly before beginning. "Alright. The first thing…I never…" A few valiant tears lost their battle and fell down her cheek as her lips began to quiver. "…I never stopped…loving you. I never would have left, Jax. Not by choice. Had I…had I remembered anything…I would have…"
Jax raised a silencing finger against her lips and smiled as his sparkling eyes wordlessly communicated his understanding of what she was trying to say. She smiled gratefully in return and closed her dark pools of midnight savoring the feel of his finger on her lips as a few more tears slipped out of the corner of her eyes unhindered. Jax lovingly kissed each stream of tears away before moving his gaze to where his finger still rested against her lips.
In no time at all, that finger was replaced with the warm softness of Jax’s lips. Brenda sighed into his mouth as it captured hers and she wrapped her arms more firmly around his neck giving herself up to the sensations of being in Jax’s arms once more. Firmly trapped in his arms, she felt like she was floating. Floating into a world where only the two of them existed. Where pain and fear and loneliness no longer held power. Where seconds didn’t tick away or hang over them like a dark cloud and safety reigned supreme. Where they were free to just…love.
Without consequences.
But as gravity is a universal law, so it is that every cause has an effect. Good or bad. Brenda did find herself falling back to reality with a thud as the consequences of their current actions blew a hole through her heart like a cannon ball. Each moment spent in bliss was a step toward certain hell. A moment stolen from their ultimate freedom.
Pulling away reluctantly she touched her forehead to his. “Jax…we…can’t...feel now. There’s no…time…” Brenda breathed the words against his lips as she pulled away completely and swallowed back the urge to attack him with all the love she’d been storing up for the past few years.
Jax ducked his head with a sigh and closed his eyes as tear drenched lashes wetted his cheeks. He hated this. He hated not being able to talk to her. To not tell her how much he still loved her. How much he had always loved her. How difficult it had been for him to move on. And how now he realized he never really had. His head snapped up at her next words.
“I could say I knew you’d always come for me, but it wouldn’t be true, would it? Not this time.” Jax’s gaze faltered prompting a gentle caress of his face from Brenda’s soft hand. “Jax, it’s ok. I know. I know about you and…and Chloe. It’s ok, honey. It’s what I wanted for you. To have a happy life…a life full of hope. You do now…and that’s…that really good.”
Brenda’s speech stalled as she tilted his face toward hers, waiting for his shining blue eyes to meet hers. “Jax…you love her. You have a future with her. And…and that’s what I need you to concentrate on right now, ok?”
Jax shook his head as his hands stilled their task of running through her hair and Brenda’s eyes watered once more. Her heart swelled with a mixture of love and frustration at the man sitting in front of her. His love had always been so strong…so stubborn. Even more stubborn than both of their wills put together. The determination in his eyes, the defiant set of his jaw reminded Brenda of the night he’d told her ‘good-bye’ was not in their vocabulary. That he had no reason to abandon her. That he would never leave.
Pushing those sacred promises to the back of her mind, Brenda fought to focus on their current situation. "Yes, Jax, you have to. This is so important…for all of us. I need you to keep an open mind and listen to me very carefully, ok? ” When Jax didn’t respond, Brenda asked him again. “Jax. Ok?”
Jax nodded slowly unsure of what she’d say next, feeling his stomach do a flip-flop at the determination in her eyes. He recognized that look. It was usually accompanied with the suggestion of something he wouldn’t want to do. A scheme that would demand ultimate faith. A risk to take that he wasn’t sure he’d be able to live through if he lost her again. But as her eyes shone with love and confidence, Jax knew he needed to give her the chance to speak. Only once he knew her plan could he protest…
Brenda took a deep breath when she saw his nod then plunged into the unpleasant subject at hand. “Ok. Now. If I know Helena, and believe me, I’ve had the chance to get to know her pretty well over the past several months…she’s probably doing something absolutely horrendous to you. Like…” Brenda swallowed hard at her next words. “…like making you choose between us…between Chloe and me. Isn’t she?”
Jax’s averted eyes and slight nod of his head gave Brenda all the answer she needed. She entwined her fingers through his in a silent gesture of reassurance. “That’s what I thought. She’s made it even worse for you by telling you about…” Brenda’s voice began to waver and Jax’s eyes flicked back to hers.
Reading in the depths of her eyes the announcement she was ready to make, Jax nodded his golden head before Brenda finished her sentence. His eyes began to shine with happiness as a slow smile broke out on his face and Brenda knew instantly that Jax knew about their daughter. A beaming smile was his response as her hands drifted upward to capture his face. "Oh, Jax. She's so beautiful. She's strong and sweet and there isn’t a day that goes by that she doesn’t make me laugh. And her eyes…" She let out a loud sigh. "…Jax, Jessa's eyes look just like yours."
A large grin deepened over Jax's face as his eyes began to twinkle with a million stars. He mouthed the name of their daughter as his eyes took on a faraway look. Brenda nodded slowly. "Jessica Isabelle Barrett Jacks. At least that's the last name I've used since being told who I am. Before…we were…" Brenda stopped herself from delving into the sorted details of the past few years as she was reminded once more of their time constraints by a movement at the window.
She glanced past Jax's shoulder to see Helena's malicious grin and devious eyes staring in at them. Brenda instinctively stopped Jax from turning to see what she was staring at and brought her full attention back to Jax. "God, Jax. I am so sorry about all of this. About not being able to tell you more, but I we just don't have time. We have to talk about how we're going to get you out of this…"
Jax sat up a bit straighter and his grip on Brenda's hand increased when he caught her word 'you' instead of the expected 'us'. As their eyes locked Jax knew instantly that Brenda intended on him walking out of there without her. His head began to shake emphatically and he opened his mouth to say something but Brenda stopped him with her words. "Jax, we have to. Listen to me…we both know Helena enough to know she will never let all three of us walk out of here alive…if any of us at all…"
Jax made another attempt to speak but Brenda stopped him with a shake of her head as her own thoughts and questions began to assail her. "No. It’ll be you and Chloe or you and me but it won’t be all of us. But what doesn't make sense is why she'd tell you about Jessa if…" Her eyes raised to met his and realization dawned on her face when his gaze faltered. "Oh my God. You…you and Chloe…you have a…"
Brenda slipped off of Jax's lap with her head hung low and began to pace along the wall opposite the cot Jax was rooted to. He ran his fingers through his thick hair cursing himself for having fallen for Helena's trick to render him speechless. To not be able to explain anything. To not be able to give her his heart full of love. It just wasn't fair. None of it was. To have everything he dreamed of only an arm’s length away and not be able to reach her. Or a word away and not be able to speak. That she was ever taken away from him in the first place was the cruelest twist of fate ever concocted. But now this…this truly was hell he was living in…
Brenda's words snapped him out of his self-inflicted pity party when she stopped her pacing suddenly and spun to face him. "This is perfect. This is exactly what we needed, Jax." His questioning eyes raised to meet hers and she crossed the space between them and dropped to her knees in front of him. She gently took his face in her hands to get his full attention. "Don't you see, honey. It makes the decision that much easier."
His hands covered hers instantly and Jax shook his head as tears began to form in his eyes while Brenda continued bravely. "I mean it, Jax. Listen. Helena thinks she's evened up the playing field making you choose between one family and another. That's the perfect form of torture, right? You choose me, you'll have Jessa and me forever, but you'll lose the chance to know your baby and find your dreams with Chloe. If you choose Chloe, Helena will kill me and keep Jessa's whereabouts from you…"
"So we'll do what she doesn't expect…"
Jax expression was open but confused as he watched the wheels in Brenda’s mind turn right before him. She was still so amazing after all this time. His beautiful, cunning Brenda. His eyes danced with unveiled admiration as his hands cupped her face while Brenda tilted his face toward hers simultaneously. “Don’t you see, Jax? The way to beat Helena….we simply won’t choose…”
Tbc…