August 18, 2006
Hey all. I hope everyone I haven't spoken to in a while is doing well. I'm doing ok, considering the issues you've probably been reading about in the paper with my place of employment. I know, nothing new recently, but man are the repercussions far-reaching. Anyway I can't give you much info here, but feel free to send me a message for a latest update it you are interested. Although this IS a private website, apparently I can get in trouble for mentioning stuff about work here, despite that fact that nothing I publish isn't in the papers. So everything at home is great - Caitlin has been a monster lately, but she's probably growing and teething and stuff all at the same time. I'll tell you what, she's a bright little girl. She knows her name and looks at you when you call it, and she can pull herself up on stuff. She's not quite cruising, which is walking from object to object, but she can take some steps when you have her arms, and she CAN walk a little across an object even though she's doing in on accident. I have to get a pic on this computer, it's really cute and I'm going to put it on the site eventually. I'm updating the pics that are on the site here in a minute, so they should be up when you see this. It's funny how many people still haven't seen her. Oh I'm going to South Carolina to visit mom and Chris over Labor Day weekend, very excited about that. I can't wait! It's going to be awesome. It's really hot in this room, and Dave should be coming home soon with lunch, so I'm going to get to work on the pics. Later gators!

August 7, 2006
Well I figured out why I don't update more often - with the "new and improved Yahoo!" it takes twice as friggin long to sign into this crap and find my files! Anyway things are going swell here. Quick question - why are people stupid? Like, you have to request something, but it has to pass through a middleman to get to the intended recipient, who is the one allowed to make decisions about whether the request can be handled, and the middleman says he won't pass it along because it isn't going to be handled. Who died and made you God? Seriously, you're the middleman, act like it! Anyway. I have a little flea problem here, since I was an idiot and brought a new cat into the house without first dipping it. Took it to the vet, got shots, etc., did everything else right, overlooked that ONE little thing, and BAM! All the cats have fleas. Damn it. PetMeds.com anyone? I'm going to go - it's late and time to go to bed, and I have 14 6th graders for Prep tomorrow. Pray for me all you people!

August 3, 2006
Now, before people start having heart attacks at the second day in a row of journaling, don't get used to it. I'm sure it's a phase that will pass. In the meantime, I'm going to do a new entry! The problem with this is that I don't have new things to say every day. Well, since you already know I'm teaching prep at church, we can do a "kids say the darndest things" session. Now, I'm no theologian, but I think I know a fair amount about the Catholic faith, having just gone through the Catholic training program and stuff, but these kids ask hard questions! Today we likened purgatory to a car wash (you go in dirty, wait for a while, and come out clean), and we discussed why some priests can be married while others can't (minister converts) and women can't be priests at all. Whew, heavy stuff for an 11-year-old! I have plenty to do to get myself ready for my real job, but I feel like I'm spending all my time anticipating questions and reading Scripture just so I can get by for the 2 and 1/2 hours I do prep! There's nothing else much going on. It's hotter than hell but my pool is green so I can't swim. Argh. OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH I almost forgot - I've become addicted to the Daily Show and the Colbert Report. Yes, I know what I've said in the past, but oh my GOD these men are so funny! So I'm glad I thought of that, because I've been meaning to put a colbert link on my page. In case you miss them, they are on every night, back-to-back, starting at 11 pm on Comedy Central, then you can catch the re-runs at 8 am, 2 pm, or 8 pm, also on Comedy Central. Happy watching!

August 2, 2006
Ok, since SOMEone's been hitting my site (coughBILLcough) I'll do an update. My husband and I just had our 2nd wedding anniversary on Sunday, and since my job interferes with my life we actually celebrated on Saturday. I got him a hammock, which is totally awesome but pretty lame compared to what he did. He took me horseback riding in the morning and golfing in the afternoon. Now, I've never golfed before, but I had a great time. And my score would've been awesome if we were bowling. Not so good for golf, especially since we only did 13 holes, but I was having fun and one of the guys we ended up playing with since we were both in sets of two said I have good form and "there's nothing wrong with (my) swing". So there! I can't believe I'm saying this, and those of you who know me know what I mean, but I'm a happily married woman. Seems strange, considering most guys I dated in the past I got bored with pretty quickly. But I guess that's what happens when you let God pick the person. Speaking of God, I'm teaching a 6th grade Prep class at church this week and next. It's kind of cool, actually; the little guys are pretty interesting, and they ask GREAT questions. For instance, today we had a discussion about exorcism and possession. The kids asked me why God let the snake into the Garden of Eden, and if the fruit on the Tree of Wisdom was like apples. They also asked me if gothic people worship Satan. As far as other things go, I'm looking forward to our planned South Carolina trip to visit my mom and sister over Labor Day weekend. I'm going to see Charleston, and Ft Sumter where the opening shots of the Civil War were fired, and the Hunley Confederate Submarine! It's going to be so awesome. On the baby front, Caitlin is now crawling, slowly but surely, and last Thursday she said her first word - mama! She's also really into crawling over to me and pulling herself up on my shirt to standing, which is cute and appealing until you realize all your good shirts are pulled out and stretched. She's also eating "solid" food, although I don't know how we can call it solid when you can literally slurp it out of a straw. She eats rice cereal, carrots, and squash, and next week we'll start her on oatmeal. She loves it. Yes, she's still nursing, but the real food helps her sleep longer at night and all. She mostly makes it all the way through - sometimes she wakes up for a late-night snack but generally speaking she is pretty good about sleeping. In other news, we were adopted by a kitten. I almost hit the damn thing on the way downstate, just past Felton on Route 13. I went back, which I normally wouldn't do, and she was just lying there in the field in a puddle of water and didn't run away. So I picked her up, wrapped her in a towel, and took her to the vet. We decided to keep her, figuring the coincidences were too great - to not hit her on the highway, to actually catch her in the field, to have her vetted out with no diseases; I mean, it was MEANT to be. So we now have a black kitten named Jean Gray. Dave thinks it's funny that I had a gray cat named Onyx and now a black cat named Jean Gray. There's not much else going on here. Lots of stuff has been happening, but I'm loathe to discuss most of it online where anyone can read it because I don't know how most people would take what I want to divulge so I won't. Public domain and privacy stuff and all. Anyway it's late and I'm suffering from insomnia so I'll head off to bed. Toodle-oo!

June 5, 2006
Wow, it really HAS been a long time since I've updated this! Since I updated other parts of the website, I'm going to assume you already know I had my baby. Caitlin is now 5 months old, and growing fast! I hate to only talk about her, but she is most of my life now. It's the greatest experience, being a mother. I really enjoy it, much more than I thought. Turns out my husband and I are good parents! (well, so far!) I've put up some new pics on her page for you to see. I also got a new car, a 2006 HHR. It's my first new car, so I'm kind of excited about it. It's also large, not huge but bigger than a station wagon, so I can fit a lot more stuff in it. It's awesome! Keyless entry, remote start, power windows, it's all I could want! There is nothing really new with me. I'm trying to keep my house and yard clean and tidy, but weeds and dustbunnies grow and multiply. Hopefully soon I'll get to start teaching Caitlin to swim! Anyway, I'm going to go update my other pages. I hope you all have a great day!

November 16, 2005
At the risk of giving everyone I know a heart attack, I'm going to update my journal. At this point, I am just over 34 weeks pregnant, and loving it. I really do enjoy being pregnant - yeah, I want to see the baby, and hold the baby, and clean and clothe and feed and hug the baby, but I feel and look great pregnant, and I feel really bad for all of you who can't see me! The nursery is pretty much done - we had hoped to get some more stenciling in, but unless it happens next week it ain't happening. We had the baby shower back in mid-October, and we got a neat digital camera so I will be uploading some shots soon. They may end up here, or they may end up on the main page, or on a whole new page that I might have to create! In the meantime, I have gained 7 pounds - yes, just 7 - and most women gain 20-30 or more. I was advised to gain no more than 15, but I don't think I could've gained that much if I tried. I seriously didn't gain weight at all until August, and since then it has been very little overall. For example, in the past two weeks, I gained 1/2 of a pound. I can do better than that without being pregnant! C'mon, people, pregnant women are SUPPOSED to gain weight! Anyway, it has made my baby carriage very prominent, and my face and arms and legs have slimmed out a lot. I still have tummy fat, but you don't go from being very overweight to being Barbie while pregnant. On the bright side, I get to eat ice cream every night (helps with heartburn) and can sleep whenever I damn well please. Problem with that is usually when I want to sleep is during teacher-time, and when I can sleep is when insomnia strikes. Whose bright idea was it to make pregnant women both fatigued and insomniacs at the same time? Probably a man. Just kidding, guys! I'm not a guy hater yet, nor have I given up on the whole sex-thing. It ain't easy, but it's still fun! Ah, you didn't want to know that much about me? Oh well, you'll get over it! After all, you ARE on my PERSONAL online journal page of my PERSONAL website. Anyway, new things. I cut back on virtually everything I do outside of work, so I was able to join the choir at church. That has been very fulfilling for me. OH, and I almost forgot - if you have any desire to know when I have had the wee one, please send me an e-mail and tell me when you would like to be notified (when I go into labor, when I deliver no-matter-when, when I deliver at-a-convenient-not-middle-of-the-night-time, or sometime after I get home). We'll make sure to add you to the list. We're also doing a betless pool (I don't see the fun in not making money if you're going to make a pool) on when the baby will be born. For reference, if you want to get your non-bets in, I'm due Dec 27, I'm measuring about 2 to 2-1/2 weeks large, and no one has so far picked a date anywhere remotely close to the due date. Actually, I did, but that's only because I want the baby just before Christmas so I'm home for the big day and Eve, and I don't want to go so damn early! Some people have even put down for this month. I guess you need to see a pic to believe how huge I am. I seriously won't be able to walk if I keep this growth up for another 6 weeks. And guess what? The belly makes my boobs look SMALL. I know, it seems impossible, but it really does. Dave laughed his ass off when I told him that the other night. I was very excited - if only it made them FEEL small. Then we'd patent the formula and sell it for lots of money. I'd never work again. So I hope I've fulfilled all your needs for information and for hearing from me. I miss you guys - I never stop thinking of everyone, KC e-mailed today, Bill I hear from randomly, Abram who just got married (a few months ago), John who I think of every time I have physical therapy, Lauren who still calls me Miss H....keep in touch y'all!

August 26, 2005
Not quite a month this time, but I'll update anyway. I would love to share some "ain't life great" stories about work but since I've been warned about what I put on my PERSONAL website that no one should have access to unless they get the url from me or somehow find me through an internet search I won't mention anything. God forbid I should upset someone with my PERSONAL thoughts and opinions on my PERSONAL webpage. Anyway, moving on. PERSONALLY, I love the caps lock button! My nursery is almost done, getting painted tomorrow, and we're going to pick up paints for the stencils tonight so we can do that next weekend I guess. We're also hoping to get the furniture in next weekend. You know, it's really a shame that my best guy friends "aren't invited" to the baby shower because they would get a real kick out of seeing me opening baby clothes. A friend of my husband's had lunch with us as I mentioned and gave us this diaper bag and a gift bag full of clothes and stuff, and I about died. Seriously. I would never have thought I'd be like this, but here I am. In other news, I am thinking about selling my car when I'm home on maternity leave and looking for a more family-oriented one. Maybe even a van. That's a hunk magnet if I've ever seen one - the mommy mobile! Woohoo. I'm 5 months pregnant now, if you're keeping track, or I will be at the end of the month, and still losing weight the best I can tell. It's a little unnerving, because although the doctors say it's ok as long as I'm eating well I still have that whole "pregnant women should GAIN weight" thing in my head. Funny ole world, innit? I finished the quilt I was making for the baby, don't know if I mentioned that last entry, which was my first quilt ever. I'm now making another one for someone's Christmas gift, and I won't mention who just in case someone reads this who I don't know even knows it exists. You can see what things circle around in my head by comparing journal entries. I guess I'm a little obsessed with the whole pregnancy thing but since it has changed my life SO much it's normal to be so. Everyone tells me I look great, like I'm losing weight and like I'm healthy, and all I can say is that it's true. I've never looked better, although many men claim pregnant women are the sexiest women, but there's definitely a glow about me. I also can't wear my contacts, so the glasses give me this little-girl look (probably because they're kids frames) and when I wear my hair down I look just like a little kid I think. I got a perm back in like May, and it's really loosened out and looks nice, and the pregnancy with vitamins and stuff has made my hair and nails grow like they get paid per millimeter so the hair is halfway down the back, all soft curly, and the nails are off the charts. In fact, I'm going either today or Sunday to get a pedicure and a manicure because I'm so proud of them! I guess I'd better get back to my lunch so I can finish up some work. I will talk to you all later!

August 18, 2005
So it's been a month, and probably no one even checks this any more, I'm so bad about updating, but I'll write anyway because something big happened. As you probably don't know unless you've been keeping real close track on your own, I am now almost 5 months pregnant - 21 weeks, to be exact. That's just over half-way. Well, there are about a hundred million pregnancy books out there, but I don't have them all, just one the doctor's office gave me, one I bought, and one my brother- and sister-in-law gave me. So I read a little and keep track of what changes to expect, and I only read a month ahead so as not to confuse myself, and I also get a weekly newsletter from pregnancy.com so I can keep track. Anyway, last night I felt the baby move. All the books describe this as the first moment many women truly feel or believe themselves to be pregnant. It's called "quickening", which is a neat term if you think about it in terms of "the quickening" which makes it sound a lot cooler than it actually is. Let me be very clear here. I've been thinking I'm feeling movement for quite some time now, but last night as I lay there trying to go to sleep, I felt three distinct, successive bumps in the same spot under my belly button. I immediately said to my husband "I just felt the baby move" because there was, and is, NO doubt that's what it was. Then I felt it again, in about the same spot. And I continued to feel it, off and on, until I fell asleep, moving around. It's the neatest thing ever! I feel so sorry for men, who can only feel it from the outside and have to wait until it's really strong. We had lunch with a friend of Dave's yesterday, and apparently she is a very generous person (I had never met her before) because she brought us a diaper bag and a gift bag full of stuff for the baby! Our first official baby gifts. There was a packet of 3 fitted crib sheets with little farm animals on them, since she knows I'm an "ag person" and figured I'd like them, a bunch of onesies with little duckies and alligators and giraffes, what I call a sleep sack because it looks like a sack with an overall top, a pair of shoes (so small and cute!), some socks, one of those hooded bath towels and a washcloth to match it, and some other cute outfits, even one with little footies! I'm SO psyched, I can't wait until the shower! We're having the nursery painted next weekend, not this one but the one after, and then the furniture comes in and we get to start setting stuff up! I have a bunch of children's books that I'm going to put in there, on a low shelf, and we have lots of ideas for the room. In any case, it's early for me and I'm hungry, so I'm going to go eat but I hope you all enjoyed the update! And, if you haven't seen me pregnant, you only have a little over 4 months left - we're due right after Christmas!

July 18, 2005
Well, here we are again. Almost fair week, so, not that you hear from me terribly often normally, but you definitely won't hear from me anytime soon. Things are going well - we heard the baby's heartbeat for the first time, and today is the first day of week 17. Still wiping out early in the heat, but at least my hours are already sufficient that I don't have to spend much time at school and the days we go to fair start Wednesday so I will be out of this room after then. Of course, it's already 83 outside and feels like about twice that in here, but who am I to complain? So I went shopping for maternity clothes, just a few shirts and couple pair of pants really because although I'm starting I'm not really showing yet, but when I tried stuff on it didn't fit! Here's the thing - for those of you who don't know, maternity clothes are supposed to be your regular size, only in maternity. That means there are belly allowances made but not much else. Being already fairly well-endowed in the upper front area, I feel like nothing they have fits me anyway, and I'm right of course. So the most exciting time of my life is just like all the rest of the times because I still can't enjoy shopping. And then to go into the actual Mimi/Motherhood Maternity store, the only one like it in the entire Christiana Mall and the smallest store I've EVER seen to boot, is to walk into a line of pregnant people. Then I feel like I'm not even showing yet, I shouldn't be here, what am I doing, but I'm in that "awkward" stage where my normal clothes are just tight enough to be uncomfortable, a very bad thing when your belly houses a very small child, and my normal shirts aren't long enough to cover the ugly panel in maternity pants. So I'm forced into early maternity shopping. Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed my rant. I'm very tired and am stuck here until like midday, so I guess I'll go pretend to work somewhere. Does anyone know where I might find some life-size models of chickens around northern Delaware? I mean, ones that look real, like the ones in pictures and things. Let me know - for having our southernmost county be the number one chicken-producing county in the US we sure as shit don't have any chickens in stores like they have model horses and cows!

July 7, 2005
Does anyone besides me think the London bombings were related to yesterday's announcement of the 2012 Olympic games site? Hmm....seems too fishy to be coincidence. Anyway, that's not why I'm writing after a good week's absence! I'm writing to update everyone on what's up with me, good and bad. I'm definitely in the second trimester now, which means that we're over a third of the way towards delivery which is very exciting, and the worst of the nausea and fatigue is over. The heat still wipes me out, but we're working on getting this neat thing called a "personal cooler" for use at the state fair so I don't die down there on the asphalt all day. My teams I'm training are coming along really well - at least, two of them are, I can't say much for the third because they haven't really met fully yet. Otherwise, I only get nausea when I blow my nose or clear my throat, or sometimes if I go too long between meals. Isn't it weird to get nausea when you blow your nose? I can see clearing the throat, but really. I got my first official leg cramp this morning - that is one thing that can happen during pregnancy. My hair and nails are growing like there's no tomorrow, which is a good thing, and my hair is thicker and fuller, not limp like some people get. I am getting about a headache a day, although the Tylenol helps, which is good because it's the only thing I'm allowed to use. My contacts don't fit anymore, so I'm in glasses all the time which is only frustrating because I'd just gotten new sunglasses and can't wear them. In the morning when I get up my left hip hurts, sometimes to the point that I can't walk, and by noon it's switched to my right hip. My lower back aches all the time and I feel like Lara Croft - if you didn't get that association, I'll clarify by saying Lara from the first movie, not the second, in which she was more realistically endowed. We go to the doctor today and will hear the heartbeat for the first time. I'm excited, super-excited, about that. I get dizzy a lot, and breathless easily, and man do I ever forget stuff! All the time, I forget stuff. A week ago I had to go back into the house 4 times for things I forgot. What a waste of a brain! Anyway, just wanted to keep you all updated. I'm much happier in this trimester - I'm starting to punch out a little, so I'll be showing fully soon, and I'm going ahead and wearing maternity clothes anyway because I want to. We're not going to find out the sex, at least not yet, but I'm convinced it's a girl and a little boy won't remember wearing pink instead of blue anyway, so buy what you want! Just kidding! I will talk later!

June 27, 2005
I think I got the date right. Spent the morning at church, for mass at 6:30 and then to take care of the planters I've been given responsibility for at the church entranceway. Fun stuff. Now I'm back at work and lamenting the break I had being over. Funny how fast the week seems to have gone now that I can't get it back, huh. So our pool is awesome, since we fixed the filter it has worked like a dream, and has warmed up a lot in the past week and a half so it's near normal temperatures again. My back yard is starting to look really good, too, since I'm finally getting most of the weeds out and Dave and I are putting in new plants. We did a whole garden behind the little brick wall around the pool area, we're going for a Bible garden with plants mentioned in the Bible, and it's going to be really cool when we get done. We have a little stone bench out there and a pathway and we're getting a little pond to put in, and already most of our plants are in and growing. We got lamb's ear and lilies, and we also got some blue fescue which I love, unknowingly picking up the "Elijah blue" variety. Some moss for around the stepping stones to hold the earth, and we still need to get some shasta daisies for around the pond once we get it. We're going to put some irises in the pond itself. Then we'll put in the edging, once we decide on what we want to use, and Dave is going to make these little signs that I'll paint verses and things on so you can reflect on them while enjoying the little shady area. It's going to be so cool when it gets all done - I can't wait. Anyway I'm hungry again, go figure, having eaten breakfast around 5:15 this morning, so I'm going to get some fruit and start working. I will talk more later! Oh, I almost forgot something I wanted to put in here. I was driving to Home Depot last night and on the way I saw this Delaware Lottery billboard and it had a big seagull on it carrying a half of a PB&J sandwich that had a bite out of it, and the sign said "Quicker than a seagull can snarf your lunch", implying you can win the Del lotto quicker, but it was SO funny to me because who says "snarf", much less puts it on a billboard on Route 7? So mull that over, you crazy English people, and I am off to eat fruit.

June 23, 2005
Well here it is, another week almost gone. This was my week to relax. I got a lot done, surprisingly. Well, it helps that I now feel more like a normal human being than I have in the past 3 months. Thank GOD for the end of the third trimester! Now there's a respite during which I grow fat....err, fatTER....before I feel like dogshit again. Isn't that nice? I was watching a screen adaptation of Tenessee Williams' play "Suddenly, Last Summer" today, with Katharine Hepburn and Elizabeth Taylor, and I found myself wondering, why was Elizabeth Taylor in a color movie as a child but in black and white movies as a young adult? So anyway, having no familiarity whatsoever with the plotline I sat down and watched it. A good movie! In any case, I was switching back and forth between that and "A Birthing Story" on some other channel, and boy was that a bad idea. They had this one mother who was giving birth and she had a young son in the room. He was just chilling down there in between her legs with the doctor, watching. I guess he was young-school age, maybe like 5, and every time she would cry out in pain he would start freaking out - whose idea is it to not only bring the child in to watch the horrible act but also to allow him to observe the mother's vagina the whole time? Dumb ass. But other than that everything looked pretty much like what I remembered from seeing my sister do it. And no, I did NOT stand down there, I stood off to the side so I could see everything BUT that. Whew. Give the woman some privacy! I know for a fact I don't even want a damn camera in the room at all. The doctor gave us this sheet about rules for video taping and stuff, and I thought of my father-in-law and his video camera and told my husband no cameras are allowed, hospital rules. A blatant lie, but he understands. So we're about to go out, I guess, were supposed to be gone a while ago, but his work has a meeting and then he's coming to get me. They are going to "happy hour" somewhere, probably McGlynn's he said, and though neither of us drinks (CAN drink, in my case) it'll still be fun. I like getting all dolled up and meeting my husband's work colleagues because they only know him and are often surprised by me. Why, I don't know. Isn't there even a TV show now, Beauty and the Geek? JUST KIDDING! I love my husband and think I'm at least as much of a geek as he is, if not more. He just gets the rep better because he teaches Phyics and I just teach farming. I mean ag. Anyway, I'd better get ready for when he gets here. I will catch y'all on the flip side. And check out my main links page, it's got an update. Laters!

June 15, 2005
Argh. Long week made up of short days. The heat is intense. Over 80 in this room first thing in the morning. Anyway, almost done with everything. I'm kicking my butt into gear with Arbonne to make some decent money - we have a whole new system of sales now, which do NOT include home shows, so that should attract a lot more people into the business. It's very simple and only costs about $171 to start up, instead of the $350-1500 or so it cost before. And it's guaranteed to make money - this whole business is anyway. So I'm exhausted and the heat is killing me. I am going to a baby shower for two teachers here who are friends of mine. Apparently it is tradition for friends to throw a shower here for those having a first child, and I thought that was cool because I had never heard it before and kind of hope someone will do that for me. It would be so nice. Maybe I'll put the bug in one of my friend's ear and let her know how cool I think this is! I'm sure they can take hints. Anyway finals are all graded and I have very little left to do - I hope you are all inside in the air conditioning. Isn't it great - according to polls taken of Americans, educators are considered one of the most important employees in the country, yet we are consistently underpaid, understaffed, overworked, and forced to endure conditions like this insane heat. However, I suppose I'd rather be here, in my room where it's hot but with only one computer than in a computer lab where there are 30 computers and it's ridiculously hot! They have air conditioner units in those rooms but I don't know how well they work - it might just be for damage control. In any case, enough whining. I will talk to you all later!

June 10, 2005
Quick note to all you addicts out there who can't get enough of my journals now that I'm writing every day again. I'm also trying to keep up on my links and the rest of the site as well. There's a lot to think about, and there is this thing we call "pregnancy brain" that means I lose stuff and forget stuff a lot. Which is weird for me, and I'm fortunate it hasn't been hard for me to say "oops, sorry!" when I do it. Don't ever be afraid to say you're sorry. Seriously, it makes so much difference. To some people, that is. Others couldn't care less. But then that's their loss. I'm almost done cleaning out my room here at work. This has been a task and a half. Thankfully I have a bunch of young adults to help me out. What blows about half days is that we are expected to stay here until the regular end of the day. That's when you sign out and say "I have to run a student home" or "I am going to run errands at this store". They know you aren't but no one will argue. Anyway it's almost that time. I hope you all have an enjoyable day and an enjoyable weekend. I will probably not write between now and Monday so we'll see you.

June 9, 2005
It's only 84 in here today. Woohoo. I'm tired as hell and sick, and it's made worse by this heat. I went to the doctor again last night. She did another ultrasound, although I really don't understand the need. They changed my due date, again, this time to Dec 27, which is when I wanted it to be anyway so it works out for me. They also weighed me and told me I lost 4 pounds. Yes, lost. As in, didn't gain. As in, the opposite of gain. I asked if it wasn't strange for a pregnant person to LOSE weight instead of GAIN weight, but she told me it was fine. So not only did I meet the no-weight-gain goal for the first trimester, I actually exceeded it by LOSING weight, something notoriously difficult for women to do. One of the ladies I work with told me yesterday that she lost a lot of weight due to her pregnancy because the baby absorbed a lot of the extra weight she had and she lost it after the birth. I figure it this way - I can only eat so much and so often. I can't stuff my face or eat a thousand times a day. I eat like 5 meals a day, which I know is good for me anyway since that's what my "diet" program was before the pregnancy (BP, if you will), and eating breakfast has also helped. Here's the thing - a lot of the crap I used to eat before that was preventing me from losing weight I can't eat at all now. Eating healthy isn't a problem, and with this heat drinking lots of water isn't a problem, either. So anyway we got another ultrasound picture of the baby, this one more typical as in you can't really see very well. It's still a lot better than any other I've ever seen, but not as good as the first one which was almost like one of those old silhouette pictures we used to do in elementary school where we'd go to the library, stand against a blank wall, shine a light on our profiles, and have someone trace our faces in chalk on black construction paper. Then you cut the outline out and voila! Instant picture. Well, this is my update for the day. I'm going to go sit in front of the fan now and be miserable about having a good 3 hours left before I can leave this hellhole. And by hellhole, for those reading who might be offended, I mean literally hole-of-hell, as in very hot place with no windows and no hope of respite from the heat. That is in no way intended to be a slight against what I do or where I work. To the rest of you, see you later!

June 8, 2005
As I sit here in the sweltering, 88 degree heat of my room, I can't complain because I know so many others have it worse. All I know is that it's too damned hot in here to realistically do any work, so I'm glad the actual exam days are half-days where they are only testing mornings. I'm really just eating up time until I can leave, which is about 19 minutes from now. I have a good CD on and a fan and I'll be ready soon. The end is the worst because there is nothing normal to do except sit here or grade, and grading is out because there are no assignments. Interesting change of events - you work SO hard all year long and then POW nothing. Anyway, cleaning is going on in here, and some kids are helping out so that's a good thing. I couldn't do it by myself. My Weatherbug says it's 99 degrees outside. At least it's cooler in here, although only marginally. Damned snow days. Anyway things are going well, I go in for the doctor's appointment this afternoon, and then another one next month, and the month after, and the next month after that. They are pretty much preliminary and monthly for the first two trimesters, from what I've read, again not knowing because I've never been pregnant but probably not knowing anyway because no two pregnancies are alike. All I know is I'm having a hard time drinking water but I can drink juice or water with tea or crystal light mix in it with no problem. I'm very nervous about developing diabetes through the pregnancy because I'm already overweight and although I'm eating much better than I ever did before I'm still not doing as well as I should. Of course, when the smell of vegetables makes you run to the toilet to vomit, I guess you switch to fruit, but I can't even eat steak (one of my favorites) on a regular basis, so a lot of my protein has been lost, too. I was never big on chicken to begin with, so it's not helping now. Cottage cheese and fruit in the morning, and hopefully something decent for lunches. Mac and cheese is a reliable meal, and when I mix in some beans or tuna that gives the protein boost I suppose. So in any case I am 5 minutes closer to leaving and in serious need of a potty trip, so I'm heading out for the day from the computer. I suppose you will all hear from me again tomorrow! Oh, and p.s. Something I learned today. When you are fed up, frustrated, p'd or t'd off, and just about ready to rip someone's face off, laugh. Realize the ridiculousness, the ludicrousness if you will, of the situation, and laugh until you cry. Or, in my case, vomit from stomach heaving. But for you, laugh until you cry. It's the only way, trust me. The only way.

June 7, 2005
Holy Jesus is it ever hot! My classroom has been at least 85 degrees pretty consistently the past two days, and I cannot deal with the heat. It makes my head hurt and my stomach ache. Argh. Like I don't have enough to worry about with those two items just from the pregnancy! Speaking of which, everything is going fine, except for the whole heat thing, but we have our first appointment with an actual doctor tomorrow afternoon. The first official appointment I had with the office was with a nurse practitioner, and she is the one who ordered all my bloodwork and the ultrasound. Which none of you has seen yet. I have no idea what to expect tomorrow. Of course, I have enough books that I should be able to just read about the typical prenatal vists and figure it out, but I'm certain it will include a urine sample, which is ridiculously easy to provide as long as they don't need too much. I'm not one of those women who says "men have it so good" and all, because I don't necessarily think they do, but dear god if they had to pee all the time I wonder if they could handle it. I guess some of them DO have to pee all the time, so I shouldn't even say THAT much. I'm also hoping to get the nursery really started after next week. I want to get the paint on and the furniture moved in by the middle of the summer. I'm full of demands, aren't I. My latest and greatest idea was that I'm going to make the crib bedding. Yes, MAKE, as in sew by hand. Actually I want a sewing machine, but we'll see. I'm going to pick up a quilting book and make a comforter and some sheets. I'm so excited! I have the pictures in my mind already of what I want. In the stores there are patterns you can pick from but they are all crazy and full of animals and cartoon characters, and I think it would mean more if it was hand-made anyway, not to the baby right away but to us, and to the child when it gets older. We'll see I suppose. In any case, that's my update for today. I will hopefully write again tomorrow!

June 6, 2005
I went to a student's graduation party yesterday, and I found out from his mom that he was responsible for sending the mystery flowers. How sweet! That touched me so much - I never knew how much I apparently mean to this student. He's a great kid and will be a fantastic adult, I just know. Other than that, not much up. I'm on lunch so typing out a quick note between bites. I find that some things upset my stomach, and fruit is one that does not, so I've been eating a lot of fruit - just get it at the Acme already cut and packaged and I get a nice, fresh variety not packaged in preservative-laden juice. Throw in some cottage cheese and you get a whole nother food group with some dairy and protein. It's fanastic. Having said that, I cannot WAIT until my first trimester is over. I am so exhausted, and sick, and all the freaking TIME, and it's really getting old. I know it will all be worth it in the end, but it's about time to get over it. End of next week should be it, and I can't wait, truly. That's why hubby and I are taking our vacation then. I should feel much better. If not, I think I might just go to bed and sleep until it's all over. Seriously. They can IV me and medically-induce me to sleep. I can handle the bed sores. Anyway. Moving right along I got a lot done outside the house yesterday, pulling weeds and whatnot. I also developed an excellent case of sunburn. I can't wait until our pool filter is fixed so I can swim. This is getting old. We placed an order from a company online a week ago and they still haven't even responded as to when it will be shipped yet. I e-mailed them and told them they can tell us or cancel our order and I'll take my business elsewhere. That's inane - how are you going to have an online-only company and then not honor customer orders? That's the stupidest business tactic I've ever heard of. So I'm going to go finish lunch now. I hope the rest of you had a relaxing weekend and will talk to you later.

June 3, 2005
The mystery of the flowers is still not solved. They are beautiful, whoever sent them. I meant to call the company that delivered them yesterday to ask but forgot, so I'll do it today. Hopefully they have a name on record. I mean, someone PAID for them, right? I'm not entirely sure who reads this journal that I am unaware of, but I'm going to post this anyway because my friends who DO read who I AM aware of should know what's up. My ex-best-friend, who dumped me back in like November, had her baby yesterday. I didn't expect all this pain and hurt. When she told me that I wasn't a good person for her to be around for various reasons, I was upset and tried several times after that to either account for what occurred or apologize for whatever I've done wrong, but all to no avail. I was feeling ok about it for a while recently, and then she left work on maternity leave. The day she left I went home and cried, not expecting that it would have affected me so much that she didn't even say goodbye. And yes, I did try to go talk to her but she was gone. Then I find out from a student, who I didn't believe, yesterday that she had her baby. I had found out, from a student, earlier that she was due today, and then I had to find out from a student that she gave birth. Turns out another person here already knew as well, and for probably very good reasons never told me although she has to know that I care. So I got confirmation about it officially in the middle of a meeting last night and hiding my feelings and being quiet and observant and polite the rest of the time gave me a monster headache. I went home and cried myself to sleep. I couldn't fall asleep at all, and my husband waited about 10 minutes before making me get up and go downstairs to watch a movie and fall asleep on the couch. It was the worst night of my life. My question to all of you is this: What is wrong with me? You can answer that one of two ways; what is wrong with me as a person that I would make someone who was my closest friend ever decide I was a bad person for her to be around OR what is wrong with me that I can't just accept that she's gone from my life forever and stop being so hurt and sad all the time? To emphasize the seriousness of this situation for me, I can tell you that I can't even get my mind around the pain I feel when I think about her returning to work from maternity leave and having to work "with" her again. It's to the point where I feel like I need to look for a new job because I CAN'T LIVE LIKE THIS. Advice anyone? I'm in desperate need.

June 2, 2005
Here's a question for you guys. Who sends flowers with no note? Seriously, who does that? I got a beautiful arrangement of flowers in a lovely vase today and have no idea where it came from. Maybe my husband sent it - the jury is still out on that front as he has not responded to my inquiry yet. If it was one of you, thanks, they are lovely. A nice gift but puzzling and vexing in that I don't know where they came from or why. At first I thought they might be from my place of employment but they aren't from the florist my company uses. It's the weirdest thing ever. Today has been good so far. I found that going to bed around 7:30 pm lets me wake up refreshed without an alarm in the morning. What "without an alarm" means is prior to 4 am since that's when the alarm goes off for my husband. He usually lets me sleep until 5 or so. It's interesting. Anyway I wanted to try to keep with updating as often as possible. I hope you are all having a good day!

May 31, 2005
Wow. Another long day. I woke up this morning sick as a dog, and it did not get better. It started to, and with the promise of "pigglestix" for lunch I was looking forward to a great afternoon, but then the incident occurred. The construction guys next to me out here found stray kittens in their pipes and guess who got volunteered to help catch them. Took my whole damn lunch time. So I didn't get to eat, unless you count the crackers I perpetually carry to snack on for emergencies. And now I have to take some kittens to a rescue organization. Argh. For those of you who don't know, pigglestix are yummy sausages on a stick wrapped in a pancake. I'm sure if I put my mind to it I could figure out how they do it, but I don't want to think about it. They're just so damn good! They come with syrup to dip them in....mmmmmmmmmmmm. I'm so hungry. I guess since I now have to go out that way anyway I'll stop by DQ and pick up a blizzard. I've been wanting one of those for a while. I'm impressed with myself and sticking to my "diet" from before, because I've only gained a pound or two which is all the more you're SUPPOSED to gain in the first trimester. I've seen some women really swell up - "what do I do if I gained 15 pounds in the first trimester?" It's like, "get used to being a fat cow". You never get rid of the weight once you've put it on, at least not during the pregnancy. As soon as I feel better I'll be going back to my treadmill exercise at the gym, and once our filter parts come in I can do mommy-aerobics in the pool. I'm also thinking about taking a summer water-aerobics course at the gym. May as well as something out of my membership. Who says pregnant women can't be sexy! I'm sexy, baby, yeah! Actually all the hormones are supposed to give you an increased libido anyway, and the whole "carrying my child" thing is supposed to give the guy quite the rush as well. I'm not divulging any of MY secrets, however, so you can all just stew it over in silence. About the same time kids are getting out of school I'll be getting over my morning sickness and fatigue, and boy can I NOT wait for that. I think Dave and I are going to take a "get in the car and drive" vacation overnight after things cool off. That should be a lot of fun, I'm thinking. Would be cool to find a little bed and breakfast instead of a full-blown hotel. He said we'll drive from F to E, which should put us 250-300 miles from Wilmington depending on whose car we take. That'll be a lot of fun. Anyway I'm getting neck cramps from looking UP at the monitor thanks to a broken stupid chair, so I'll say bye for now. Sorry to take a few days to get to this, but the weekend was restful for me. Later gators!

May 27, 2005
Today has been another rough day on the pregnancy front. I am extremely tired. I'm writing this between classes so it will be relatively short. My mom was over at the house last night waiting for my aunt from Florida's flight to come in at Philly, and when the flight should have been leaving Florida we got this phone call. My aunt's plane went onto the runway but had to wait for other planes in front of it, so to conserve fuel or whatever it shut down for a while. So there was a delay, mostly due to torrential rainshowers I guess. Then she called back a while later to tell us that, while waiting on the runway, the flight crew ran over their allowable flight time, and that they had to be exchanged for another crew. Weird enough, right? Then she calls back a THIRD time to tell us that they were sending everyone home from the airport that was on her plane to return in the morning for a different flight. What a mess! Poor mom then had to drive the almost hour home from my house. So anyway we're having a big family dinner tonight at a restaurant in Smyrna called the Boondocks - if you've never heard of it or never been there you are seriously missing out. They have seafood, good crabs which of course I can't eat, and this REAL serious drink called "Swamp Gas" that is green. It's interesting. Of course I can't drink, but whatever. Ok so I've got to get class started, if anyone shows up. Talk to you all later.

May 26, 2005
Part of why I'm updating again so soon is my promise to keep a journal of my pregnancy. People seem to think that would be cool for my kid, so when I have daughters who are having kids they can see what I went through and it might help them. I don't know, but it's worth a try, and I'm sure you guys won't complain about hearing from me more often. So here goes. I feel like shit today. I got up this morning the closest to actually throwing up as I've been the whole time. I know the culprit - I didn't eat dinner last night, unless you count a few spoonfuls of rice, and so my stomach was empty and therefore sickly. Sucks. I feel better now, but am very tired. Some maternity clothing is very comfortable. I'm not far enough along to really need to wear it, but the pants fit well over my belly which is all bloated so I wear them anyway. My mom got all excited and took me shopping with my sister, and they picked out a bunch of clothes for me that mom bought. It was fun, and we had a good time regardless of what we were doing. We also picked out colors for the room that will be the nursery. We're going to beg, borrow, and steal everything we can from family members to alleviate the cost. We're going to borrow a really nice set of furniture from my brother-in-law's family, and a lot of my friends have maternity clothes I can borrow. It's very exciting to be able to start planning. There's so much to do, but so much time it's frustrating. It's not like planning a wedding, where there are certain times you do certain things in order to get them done. I can register whenever, and do the room whenever, and buy clothes whenever. The only thing I'm limited with is when I have to go to the doctor. I don't really have a say there. Everything else is up to us. Whether we find out the gender, whether we use drugs or have a "natural" childbirth, whether we breastfeed or bottlefeed. Those are all decisions we can make whenever we want, up to the moment of. So there's not much pressure. Aside from being ridiculously sick, I don't even feel pregnant. I guess at the end of the summer when I really start to show and look it I'll feel more pregnant. I'll update as often as possible!

May 25, 2005
Ok here we go. I think I have contacted most of the people I should have or wanted to regarding this little piece of information, so I'm going to post it. I am pregnant! Somewhere between 8 and 9 weeks, due sometime between Christmas and New Year's. I say "somewhere" and "sometime" because I have received a couple of different reports. The nurse who did the physical when I had my first doctor's appointment said I felt "around 8 weeks", and that was almost 2 weeks ago now, and her estimated due date was December 23 or 24. However, the ultrasound I had yesterday said that I am about 8 weeks NOW, with an estimated due date of December 30. The problem is that I'm highly irregular (as most of you already knew, but you get the point) and they can't tell from the "first date of the last menstrual period". TMI, I know. So we now have the indecipherable ultrasound "picture" of "the little peanut" as the doctor said. Actually, though, our picture is pretty good, compared to other ones I've seen. The technician put the word "BABY" over the actual fetus, and centered it really well, and there's just two pics of that so you can tell what is the head and what is the body, and it's really cool because you can also see the yolk sac floating next to it, which is what feeds the baby before the placenta forms, and you can see the sac surrounding the fetus - it looks like bubble boy, you know? It's SO neat. It wasn't so neat to have a bladder full of pee and have her pushing that little wand in its gel down on top of the bladder, but at least I learned something. If you drink 4 glasses of water in a row, quickly, not only will you have incredible amounts of gas but you will ALSO have to pee worse than ever in your life in about 30 minutes. Interesting. So anyway. I decided to update today of all days because of something I saw online. We always get these neat e-mails from someone at work describing the services offered in this particular place, and she had set up a blog for our "office" to use. So as I was looking at it I thought "Wow, this is so cool, I have to sign up!" Then I realized what an idiot I am. I already HAVE a free blog, I just never use it! Granted, doing html every time you want to post a thought is a pain in the ass, but it's smarter than getting a whole new site. So I'm going to go prepare for my day. I can't wait to see you all!

May 9, 2005
I guess the best I can say now is that at least we are in the same YEAR as the last entry! I am just letting everyone know that I will be making a big update soon but want to contact as many people personally as I can first so no one feels like they have to hear everything about me through the journal instead of one-on-one. I am still doing fine, things at school are winding down, I have been accepted but not started classes for my master's degree, and my Arbonne business is growing. If you know anyone who is interested in health and wellness, takes vitamins or is interested in taking care of themselves, refer me to them for my business! You can check out my Arbonne website and see what you think. I do in-home shows where I bring product samples and people can try things to see what they like. There are some really good incentives - this month I'm offering 15% off all purchases, and if someone hosts a show they can sign up to be a wholesale client to receive 35% off all purchases for a full year. There is NO other direct sales company like ours! Anyway I will be talking to you all soon - have a great next few days!

February 25, 2005
At least we are still in the same month as the last entry. Bill, I love you to death, but truly you are the only one who bugs me to death about this damn journal! Hi to everyone else out there who read my thoughts but doesn't bug me about them. I am doing very well. Not entirely true, but true enough. I am doing awesome in Arbonne, my business that I have started. Network marketing is hard work, but it will pay off in the long run. I am at the district manager level and starting off several new consultants this month, and I am very excited. For those of you out there who are into health and wellness, and living well and keeping your body healthy, this is the company for you. I have some awesome stuff I can offer you. Just give me a call! Anyway, school is ok. I'm looking at doing my own business "full time" within the next 3-5 years, so my goal is to be done "working" then. Things at the house are coming along really well. I planted some bulbs that I should've planted last fall about 3 weeks ago. Woops. They were moldy, but at least some squirrel will get a happy meal. Some of them were actually sprouting, though, which I was pleased with. I have lost about 10 pounds on my Figure 8 program with my company, so that's making me happy. I'm not pregnant yet, which means I can still go on my company vacation in September, which makes me happy because I'm going to Hawaii. That will be SUCH fun! Can't wait. The trip is to Waikiki, which to my understanding is on the island of Oahu, which is where the show Lost is filmed, so maybe I'll get to meet one of my beloved hobbits after all. For those of you who are scratching your heads right now going "huh?", Dom Monaghan, who played Merry in LOTR is also on Lost. Anyway I know they are just people like you and me but they are also cool people, or so it would seem, and it would be VERY cool just to be able to watch a shoot or see the set or something. Who knows. It looks like a fun show to film. At school our baby chicks have hatched. I have 18 of them right now, here at home. 2 did not hatch, 1 was not fertilized, and I'm still giving the last 2 a chance because they were only just due to hatch yesterday, and although I'm pretty sure they aren't going to I need to give them the benefit of the doubt. The 2 that did not hatch died because they drowned, one from having its pip (where it starts to come out, and where its beak is) turned into water on the incubator floor and one from pipping out too low and drowning in its own embryonic fluids. Yummy. Hope none of you are eating as you read this. Everything else is ok. Family is same-old, except my mom's house got broken into by you guess it my sister's ex-whatever he was anyway. The father of her son. I guess he got all drugged out and went there for some money. We knew it was him right away, and all I can hope is that the charges she presses are enough to get him put away for a long time. He does not need to be in that child's life any longer. That's just all there is to it. I sure as hell wouldn't be letting the baby go to his grandparents on that side for overnighters. But then, I'm a mean bitch. Oh well. Time to go get off my ass - I've been sitting here doing school stuff for so long it literally hurts to sit down. Oh, and I'm starting kickboxing again at a place near my house. Will be fun! I'll check back in time for spring break, don't worry ;-)

February 2, 2005
Ok, I have just a few minutes, but I wanted to let you know that all is well with my "real" life and I am a happy married woman! I have the best husband in the world who I love very much, and my students are great and I love them all, and I'm happy! Love, peace, mac and cheese!

January 3, 2005
My first journal entry of the new year. It is a good year, so far. This year has a lot of potential for me. I started off with achieving District Manager on the last day of 2004, and I am well on my way to becoming Regional Vice President. If you don't understand what all that means, ask me. I'll be more than happy to tell you. Or visit Arbonne Online to see our stuff. Or look at my Arbonne website and look at the info. There are lots of ways to win. Anyway, I'm hungry. Trying to lose weight - of course, it's January 3; who isn't? Trying to keep my sanity. Hey, here's a good pick-up line for you guys out there. "Do you work at UPS? I thought I saw you checking out my package." Ha ha ha. Yeah, I'd probably laugh if someone tried that out on me. Not that such things happen - I am married, after all. Oh, wait, those things didn't happen BEFORE I got married, either. Oh well. Have a great day!

December 28, 2004
So it's been a month. ROTK has come out, in the extended version. For the most part, I am very glad they put the edited scenes back in. Sometimes I just shake my head in wonder, but most of the time I am very happy. The box set also came with the coolest model of Minas Tirith, which is also a little treasure box thingie. Neat. Inside the bottom is a sort of felt cover with the white tree of Gondor imprinted on it. I also got some cool stuff for Christmas. My hubby made me a cute little footstool for our glider-rocker thing. It's really nice. He also made me a dream board with a shelf, which is just a small bulletin board that I can put my stuff on. I call it a dream board because, it's an Arbonne thing, I keep pictures of my dreams and goals on it. It's easier to achieve the goals that way, I think. I am loving my vacation. Time off is seriously fine with me. I can't wait until summer when I can make my own hours and do what I want. And I want to make this my last year teaching, and I know financially that I can, but I probably won't. I don't think I'll be able to walk away, you know? I've been thinking and praying about it a lot, and I just don't think I can. That's very aggravating. There's more to this story - e-mail me to get it. In my own best interests, I'm not publishing it. Sorry y'all!

Current song: "La Gasolina", Daddy Yankee - If you haven't heard this song, you should, even if you can't understand Spanish, because it's SO damn funny....
"Subele el mambo pa' q mis gatas prendan los motores, Subele el mambo pa' q mis gatas prendan los motores, Subele el mambo pa' q mis gatas prendan los motores, Que se preparen q lo q viene es pa q le den, Duro! Mamita yo se que tu no te me va' a quitar (duro!) Lo que me gusta es q tu te dejas llevar (duro!!) to los weekenes ella sale a vacilar (duro!!) mi gata no para de janguiar porq A ella le gusta la gasolina (dame mas gasolina) Como le encanta la gasolina (dame mas gasolina) Ella prende las turbinas, No discrimina, No se pierde ni un party de marquesina, Se acicala hasta pa la esquina, Luce tan bien q hasta la sombra le combina, Asesina, me domina, Anda en carro, motoras y limosinas, Llena su tanque de adrenalina, Cuando escucha el reggaeton en la cocina. A ella le gusta la gasolina (dame mas gasolina!!) Como le encanta la gasolina (dame mas gasolina!!) Aqui nosotros somos los mejores, No te me ajores, En la pista nos llaman los matadores, Haces q cualquiera se enamore, Cuando bailas al ritmo de los tambores, Esto va pa las gatas de to colores, Pa las mayores, pa las menores, Pa las que son mas zorras que los cazadores, Pa las mujeres que no apagan sus motores. Tenemo' tu y yo algo pendiente, Tu me debes algo y lo sabes, Conmigo ella se pierde, No le rinde cuentas a nadie. Subele el mambo pa' q mis gatas prendan los motores, Subele el mambo pa' q mis gatas prendan los motores, Subele el mambo pa' q mis gatas prendan los motores, Que se preparen q lo q viene es pa q le den, Duro! Mamita yo se que tu no te me va' a quitar (duro!) Lo que me gusta es q tu te dejas llevar (duro!!) to los weekenes ella sale a vacilar (duro!!) mi gata no para de janguiar porq A ella le gusta la gasolina (dame mas gasolina!!) Como le encanta la gasolina (dame mas gasolina!!)"

November 28, 2004
It seems like not so long ago that I last wrote in this online diary, and here I am, a full 10 days later, writing again. While it is cathartic and addicting to do this, I simply don't find the time any more. Not that I don't HAVE the time - those are two different things. I don't FIND the time because I'm always doing something else, and never thinking about doing this. So anyway, here we go. In response to messages; Bill, you aren't the only one who reads this. My bad. The person I was talking about in the previous entry was, in fact, my sister. I love her to death. I think as long as we aren't living together, we are fine. She's an amazing woman. 'Nuff said. As to the whole "quit teaching, do Arbonne" thing. Check it out - Beauty is More Than Skin Deep. I think you will like it. I KNOW you will like it, if you just try it. Seriously, the stuff is amazing. I get to teach people how to take care of their skin. Did you know that our skin requires a pH of 5.5 - 6.5? That is slightly acidic - and, coincidentally, the same pH plants prefer in the soil. However, most of the skin care products we use are pH balanced, which means they have a pH of about 7. That is too alkaline, or basic, for our skin. Essentially, we strip our skin every time we wash, even if we use "gentle" soap, or soap made for "sensitive" skin. I can guarantee you that you will feel a result immediately after using any of our Arbonne products, and that you will notice a result within a few days. Other people generally notice immediately. Example: I did a show for Kay, my dad's girlfriend, and during my classes I have everyone try one of our skin care lines on one hand and not the other, so they can see the difference. Kay's daughter comes in at the end of the show and asks her mom what happened to her hand. One hand looked smoother and less wrinkly than the other. She then proceeded to impress us all by picking out the hand that had our products on it for every other woman there. I couldn't have planned it better. It was perfect. So anyway I'm not kidding here. If you want to try something, I suggest the RE9 stuff. It's the best. Yes, I went to college for 4 years, and I got a degree - two, actually - and I have a stable job. That I hate. And one day I woke up and figured, what's the point of dragging myself off every damn day to a job that increasingly makes me unhappy? I love teaching, don't get me wrong. Unfortunately, most of what I do isn't teaching. If it were, I wouldn't have a problem. But I apparently am not cut out for this business. I do things like argue with people when they are obviously stupid and making dumb decisions. I do things like stand my ground and don't give up even when I get myself in trouble by doing it. I do things like let my integrity, intelligence, and faith guide me, instead of things like politicking, muckraking, and ladder-climbing dictate my life. Let me put it this way - if you were on a baseball team, and it was just a league thing, nothing major league or whatever, and you suddenly realized that, although you LOVE playing baseball, and you're pretty good at it, you can't stand the people you play with, and you look around you and talk to other people on other teams and discover it's the same anywhere else you might go, what would you do? Would you continue to play ball, stressing yourself out and possibly ruining the fun of your favorite sports, or would you hang up your glove and move on to something less aggravating? I'm not professing to believe that any two people are the same, but if I discover that the daily headaches of something I love to do are getting worse, and it's not something I am willing to change in myself, I like to think I would be brave enough to move on. To answer an all-encompassing question, if I had a million dollars and could do anything I wanted to do, I would stay at home, take care of my yard and house, go to daily mass, join the church choir, join a bible study group, volunteer at an animal shelter, and teach something important to people who want to learn. Well, guess what? I can't DO that teaching high school. I can't do that as a teacher practically ANYWHERE. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids, and I love my classroom, and I love my subjects. What I DON'T love are the headaches, backaches, neckaches, and assaches of the everyday teacher life. If you were in my shoes, and given the opportunity to do what you love, with people you love, without all the headaches and hassles, wouldn't you do it? I thought so. Arbonne is that for me. It is my way to free myself from the pains and fulfill my life in a spiritual and material way. So now that I have said all that I have to say about that subject, and it is way too late for me to realistically expect to rise and shine with the alarm clock and before the sun at 4 AM, I am off to somewhere else to do something else with someone else. And no, not that, you perverts. That already happened. :-) Love who you are. Never give up, never surrender.

November 18, 2004
Sorry to run away so abruptly yesterday! I was dealing with student issues. For some students it seems like I am their parent, best friend, teacher, and role model all in one. Scary. Anyway, just a general update. Dave and I are doing quite well. We are very happy and love each other very much. He is the most wonderful person in the entire world. I love how we start to fight and then decide it isn't worth it and it seems like a compromise just hops up and presents itself. It's awesome. I hate fighting. A lot of the time I don't even know what the fighting was all about. Someone really close to me and I got into this fight, and she wouldn't talk to me, and it was really hard on me. But then we talked, and everything was ok. It was hard to call her and tell her that I was sorry and that I didn't care enough about the problem to stop being close to her, and since then we have been fine. I sometimes wish things worked like that for everyone. I guess that because people all are different, and think different, and have different values and belief systems, it's only natural that they sometimes wouldn't be able to see eye to eye on an issue or two. And, in the long run, you have to do what's best for you in life because you are the only person who will still be around when you've been around long enough to forget you ever knew anything. On your deathbed, the only person you have to be accountable to is yourself. God understands. We are our own worst critics - and enemies. Sometimes we think we know something, and we believe it so strongly we make major life decisions based on it, and we are wrong. Sometimes we figure out that we're wrong. Sometimes we don't, and we lose someone we care about, for good or just for a little while. And almost always, someone gets hurt. So anyway, Bill, you will get what's coming to you in life, oh yes, you will, no worries there :-) Just kidding, you are like the best person I know, aside from my husband, and I'm not just saying that in hopes you actually WILL set some time aside for me in early December. Ha ha ha. Don't worry, you are the only one who reads this, so you're the only one who will see it! Love ya!

November 17, 2004
You know what, Bill? Bite me! That's right, baby, bite me! Punk. When are we getting together? Yeah, never, that's what I figured. Just kidding! Hello to anyone else insane enough to read this stuff I write when I remember I have it. If you are interested, I have another website, too. It is my Arbonne website and they did it for me so I don't have to worry about updating it. You can go on there and see what I sell, and learn about the business that is going to make this my last year of work! They say you never work a day in your life unless you'd rather be doing something else. If I work hard enough to achieve my goals I will be able to quit teaching high school and devote myself full-time to selling Arbonne. It is truly the best skin care and nutrition company ever.

October 22, 2004
Or I'll update a few days later. Whatever works. I feel like crap! I don't know what the problem is all of a sudden, but I feel awful. I'm sick like a dog, like all the time, and tired tired TIRED. Probably part of it is that our furnace is broken, and until it gets replaced we have no heat in the house. So I'm in a chilly house. And at school they are doing funky things with the heat, so it's chilly in my classroom most of the time. At least the electric bill will be down in both places! At least, I hope so. It should be. Things are good at home, though. I love being married! I am slowly getting my landscape ready for the winter. It's hard work, owning a big ole house like this. We're having a big family party for Dave and his brother and their niece tomorrow night. Dave's birthday was Sept 20, but whatever I guess. I'm going to be gone for 5 days next week in Kentucky for the National FFA Convention. 13 hours each way in a van with a bunch of kids. Woohoo! I can't wait. My cats are good. I am going to sell my car soon and get a van. A Ford Freestar, where the seats fold into the floor and it is gonna be so cool. I can't wait. Should have it by Christmas. This will be my first married Christmas! I'm so excited to just be at my house with my family on Christmas Day - so much of my past was spent bouncing from house to house to house on Christmas Day. Dave and I will go to midnight mass and then get up and have a nice breakfast and open gifts. I got him some good gifts, he'll be really happy. Anyway I'd better go pay some more attention to my students. Later gators.

October 18, 2004
Ok so much for the frequent update thing. Yeah well I try. Don't worry, when I get to where I'm working for myself I'll be here all the time. I'll send more of an update later today....

September 22, 2004
Bill has been shaming me with his online journal, and although I'm quite sure he's one of two people who even reads mine I'm going to update anyway. First off, Bill, happy early birthday. I still have a birthday gift for you from last year, as well as last year's Christmas gift, which was a 2004 day by day calendar. Not much use now, but you can bet your sweet ass I'll make a point of giving it to you, all wrapped up, anyway. And you still haven't seen my house. Punk. Anyway my major theme today is Open House. Yes, school is back in session. My classes are excellent this year. No problems whatsoever. At least, as far as class is concerned. The other shit I'm just not going to worry about because it's not worth it! So anyway last night was Open House. I don't think I can get in any trouble for writing about this since it is a matter of public knowledge that last night was Open House at my school. Anyway Open House, for those of you who don't know or don't remember, is an evening where teachers open their classrooms to parents. The parents come in, get welcomed by the principal, then visit each class their students have according to their schedules. The first thing I find insanely funny about this process is that schedules were printed out for each student to give to his/her parent, and then they were re-printed so the parents who showed up without a schedule would be able to get one. Waste of paper, anyone? Then, we only got 8 minutes per class. What the hell can you do in 8 minutes? I mean, I can think of a LOT of things to do with 8 minutes, none of which you would want to do in front of parents. However, 8 minutes is hardly enough time to really get to discuss your program and what's going on in the classroom. Moreover, I teach 6 classes in the day. 3 of them had parents show. One of those classes had just 1 parent, and one of those classes had 2 parents but neither stayed because they "know" me and don't need to sit through my class at Open House again. It was very disappointing. If you don't already have the idea of disappointment in your mind, let me elucidate for you. I arrived late to school this morning - hell, 6:30 is late for me. Even though the teacher day doesn't begin until 7, and the student day doesn't begin until 7:30. I'm normally there around 6. So I arrive around 6:30. I get some stuff done first thing for my classes, and things go well during the school day. I am at school until a quarte past 9 at night. In case you can't count, or don't feel like whipping out the toes to do it, that is almost 15 hours at school. And for what? For 8 minutes with one class worth of parents. That's for what. Bill is right. Parents want to know what's wrong with their kids? Society wants to know what's wrong with its future leaders? That, right there, is what is wrong. Parents don't even come to Open House! The one opportunity they have to meet teachers, and they don't take it. So when your kid fails my class, don't come whining to me. You've already failed it yourself, as far as I'm concerned. Plus it was a gigantic waste of my time. I wouldn't trade my experiences with the parents who DID show for anything, but it was a waste of time nonetheless. There is so much more I could say about school right now, but until I find a clever parable to disguise my true intent I can't for fear of prosecution. Stupid people. All right, I'm out. Love, peace, mac and cheese.

September 16, 2004
I don't even know how to start this. If you have been keeping up, you know I am now married. My proper name is now Jackie Lee Hilderbrand Kook. I am very happy with the current state of things. I am relaxed - I tell people my brain shut down two days before the wedding and I haven't recovered use of it. That holds true to this day. I feel like things just don't bother me. I just get disgusted and walk away or get happy and cheerful. I am SO pleased with the wedding. Everything went well, it was perfect and beautiful, and I couldn't have been happier. My friends and family were there and I love them all for sharing the special day with me. The only thing that I felt was bad about the whole experience was when, during church, we were sitting on the alter and stuff during the ceremony and my dress kept sliding down. And probably no one could notice it from the pews, but it would slip down so the top of my bra thing could be seen. I was like, I'm in church! I should NOT be showing underwear! It was a little funny. When everyone left and we were taking pictures it rained for like 5 minutes, but no one got wet - that I'm aware of. The limo driver was awesome and everything was just so perfect. I'll have to scan and upload some pictures for you. I haven't gotten the professional ones yet, but I will soon and if you want one let me know. The honeymoon was fantastic - we went to Los Angeles, California, and stayed there for a few days. We toured Hollywood and downtown, and we saw Venice Beach, Santa Monica, San Diego Zoo, and all the other important things. We then rented a Mustang convertible and drove the Pacific Coastal Highway up to San Luis Obispo. On the way up we drove through Santa Barbara and some really nice coastal places. We stayed in SLO for a little while, and did the farmer's market and saw the mission, visited Morro Bay and Hearst Castle, and spent some time just walking around town. We also saw the movie The Village while there, in this old old theater that only has one screen and is curved, like the old time theaters you see in the movies, and had a drop ceiling under a regular ceiling with lighting to make it look curved and neat. It was cool. Then we drove the rest of the way up the Pacific Coastal Highway to Monetery, where we went whale watching, and to San Francisco. We did not see any whales, but we saw a buttload of sea lions! In San Fran we stayed in the coolest little hotel. We walked around a lot and visited Fishermn's Wharf, Chinatown, Pier 39, and the Ripley's Believe It Or Not museum. We had a really good time. We got to ride trolleys too. One thing we saw in Chinatown that surprised us so much I had to take a picture was a cat! Actually we saw two cats. It was amazing - cats in Chinatown! Not to be racist, that's not the intent, but with the reputation of dogs and cats in Chinese villages it was too funny to pass up. So now we are home, and doing normal home things again. Not that anything is normal now that I'm married! We got the most beautiful china cabinet ever, and put all our family heirlooms in it. It's gorgeous - the perfect compliment to our dining room. I told Dave we have to have another party just to show it off. Anyway I'm in my plan period and class will be over soon, so I'm going to go get ready for next period. I miss you all and want to see everyone soon!

Current song: "Fighter" by Christina Aguilera: "After all you put me through you think I despise you, but in the end I wanna thank you, 'Cause you made me that much stronger. When I thought I knew you, thinking that you were true, guess I, I couldn't trust, 'cause your bluff time is up 'cause I've had enough. You were there by my side, always down for the ride, but your joy ride just came down in flames 'cause your greed sold me out of shame. After all of the stealing and cheating you probably think that I hold resentment for you, but oh no, you're wrong, 'cause if it wasn't for all that you tried to do I wouldn't know how capable I am to pull through, so I wanna say thank you 'cause it makes me that much stronger, makes me work a little bit harder, makes me that much wiser, thanks for making me a fighter. Made me learn a little bit faster, made my skin a little bit thicker, makes me that much smarter, thanks for making me a fighter. Never saw it coming, all of your backstabbing just so you could cash in on a good thing before I realized your game. I heard you're going around playing the victim now but don't even begin feeling I'm the one to blame 'cause you dug your own grave. After all of the fights and the lies yes you wanted to harm me but that won't work anymore, no more, oh no, it's over. 'Cause if it wasn't for all of your torture I wouldn't know how to be this way now, and never back down, so I wanna say thank you 'cause it makes me that much stronger, makes me work a little bit harder, makes me that much wiser, so thanks for making me a fighter. Made me learn a little bit faster, made my skin a little bit thicker, it makes me that much smarter, so thanks for making me a fighter. How could this man I thought knew turn out to be so just uncool. 'Cause I could see the man in you, pretending not to see the truth. You tried to hide your lies, disguise yourself, you're living in denial, but in the end you'll see, you won't stop me. I am a fighter, I ain't goan stop, there is no fun here, I had enough, 'cause it makes me that much stronger, makes me work a little bit harder, makes me that much wiser, thanks for making me a fighter. Made me learn a little bit faster, made my skin a little bit thicker, makes me that much smarter, thanks for making me a fighter"

June 28, 2004
32 days until my wedding! I'm so excited. I know it's been too long since I last wrote in the journal. Since then I've been told I'm not good enough, rejected for my hard work, and kicked when I'm down. I won't go into details, but I am very hurt by a situation at work, and there isn't a way to resolve it to my satisfaction. Seriously, sometimes I just wish people could feel the grief and shame they deserve to feel because they need to explain away their inadequacies by blaming someone else's weakness. People are so selfish. I pray every day that I don't end up as selfish as others around me, especially when it comes to things I should care more about. I know that we all have to do what's best for ourselves in this world, in this life, but sometimes it seems like people do what's best for themselves to the point that they really hurt others, and that's not fair. It's not right. Anyway. I'm in the middle of this really cool inservice week about these calculators. I know, how exciting can calculators be, right? But hear me out. Just for coming to this conference I get a free calculator (the brand new TI 84 one) and a neat cradle it can plug into so I can use probes (no, not THAT kind of probe you sicko) to do tests. It's neat, we have a temperature probe, a light probe, and an electrical probe with it. I want to order a relative humidity probe, too. I'm really excited to learn more about how to use these things. It's cool. Anyway I'm all ready for the wedding, we just need to get more responses back since they are due Wednesday and a LOT of people haven't responded. I'm pretty upset about that. I mean, how much work is it REALLY to check yes I will come or no I can't and send it back? Damn, kids, I put an address AND a stamp on it for you! I took the time to send it to your dumb ass! Thanks BILL for being one of the first to send it back - I love ya babe! Ok I'm going to go do some other stuff. I'll chat laters.

Current song: "Unfinished" by BNL: "I left a tip, but it was never a donation. I took a trip, but it was never a vacation. I took a seat, but I refused to take a number. And so defeated, I proceeded unencumbered. I'd say an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of attention span. I took her hand, but it was not in matrimony. I told my side, but it was never testimony. I'd say an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of attention. Spanning all the ages and turning all the pages the history of me is incomplete. Everything is un. Everything is unfin. Everything is unfinished. I played along, but it was not for recreation. I left my home, but it was not evacuation. I made a pact that I would finish what I started. I admit the fact I was distracted and outsmarted. I'd say an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of attention span. Everything is un. Everything is unfin. Everything is unfinished."

May 14, 2004
Argh. I don't feel good. I'm SOOOOOOOOOO tired, and my stomach is all achy. I hate being sick. I have felt poopy all week. Sucks that I feel bad now. I have the dog wash tomorrow, and it will definitely be bad if I feel sick then. I need to mow. Well, someone needs to mow. I like to mow. We have one of those reel mowers that requires pushing to work. The blades need to be sharpened, but it's still a cool mower. It makes virtually no noise, so I can mow whenever I like, day or night. My next door neighbor must hate me - he mows like every other day, and our yard looks like a jungle. It's not that the grass is so long, just that the way the mower cuts makes it all look so natural, like it hasn't been cut. Plus I think the mower should be lowered a little so it cuts closer. Oh well. I'm going to go lie down with a cup of tea and try to feel better. Tata.

May 13, 2004

U.S. Constitution, Bill of Rights, Amendment I
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.

God Bless America!

May 12, 2004
It's about time I updated! I removed a bunch of old junk when I was cleaning up my site to put on the virtual tour of the house, but I felt I should keep the Apr 9 edition of the journal since it's such a nice experience. Very cool. We have progressed well along the path to marriage-dom. We have the honeymoon booked, and just about everything paid for. My dad gave me a bunch of my grandmother's china, and that's really cool. He's going to bring up a piece of furniture that was hers that I really like at some point. We borrowed a chainsaw and cut up the trees we have taken out into logs for people's fireplaces. We're also having our pool opened, whenever someone gets out there to do it! They were scheduled to come Monday, it's now Wednesday, they aren't here, you figure it out. I'm just hanging out tonight. I like this weather, although it's just a tad humid for me. My cat is sick again. I think she really does have diabetes. I keep forgetting to make a vet appointment for her. That's veterinarian, not veteran. In case you didn't know. Ha ha. I have to keep a better eye of Bill's journal since I never know if he's updated it, although in any case he definitely wins for more entries. I mean, come ON, how many entries does it take to beat the number I have?! Not many! Ok well I'm doing laundry so I'm out. Love, peace, mac and cheese.

April 9, 2004
Good Friday. Let me just dash off a quick note about yesterday's Holy Thursday service at church. As a candidate for full communion into the Catholic church, that is, a convert, I was selected to have my foot washed by the priest at mass. This is a big honor, although initially I felt extremely goofy about the idea. If you don't know, Jesus washed the feet of his disciples at the last supper, sort of a do-as-I-do edict about being the master AND the slave. So anyway, there I am, on the altar, and I do mean ON the altar, since I was expecting to be like on the part in front of the altar but I was on the part WITH the altar, and the 8 of us candidates were shoeless and having our feet washed. He washed my right foot, Father John, the priest who will marry Dave and me in July. I put my sandal back on, and he smiled at me, and I smiled back of course. Then he finished the other people and we went and sat back down. After that, my foot felt different. I'm not kidding, I had a real spiritual thing after this. I kept having to touch my foot to make sure it was dry, because though he had dried it with a towel after washing it my foot felt wet! It also felt much lighter then the left foot, as though I were wearing different shoes and it was harder to move the left than the right foot. Does that make sense? Anyway I just wanted to capture the feeling in case I ever forget....