may06

May 2006

Friday May 12, 2006:
Hi everyone and happy Friday. Things still seem to be the same and I am still in a heated battle with my scale. I just don't get it, I wore a pair of size 12 jeans today and they fit just fine, yet the scale says I gained back another pound putting back to 196 lbs. I was at a loss and then I saw the signs. My PCOS has come back. I'm growing some facial hair around my hairline and there are now three permanent hairs under my chin!!! And let's not forget the hair on my toes!!! It's horrible. But It's not just that I have dandruff which is getting hard to control, I had to go back on proactive for my acne, I'm getting skin tags in my armpits, my mood swings are back, even my period is not normal. The cramps are excrutiating and I have noticed that I have dwindled down to 4 days almost 3 day of actual bleeding. Which is good on one hand but in reality it really isn't. I'm still weak and tired all the time, I even fell asleep on my lunch in my car!!! This is getting beyond what it was before. So I decided that before my weight sky rocks like the last time I made an appointment with an endocrinologist for next week.

I am so frustrated, I fought so hard to have this surgery and this stupid disease could reverse everything. It's a scary thought because I do not want to go back to being that super fat girl, now I'm just the fat girl. Sometimes I feel like a failure, but I know I cannot give up hope. There is so much ahead of me that if I can't get this under control I'm going to lose big time. And not just my health, my emotionally it's going to kill me. I'm praying that going back on meds will help stop this so I can get back on track.

In other and better news, we met with a photographer last night. She was really cool and since we were the first couple who ever responded to her website off theknot.com she's taking off $150. Hey any bit helps. We are still going to see one or two more photographers before we make up our mind. Man do I ever need a second job...lol.

Have a great weekend and a happy Mother's Day to everyone!!!!

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Wednesday May 24, 2006:
Sorry I wasn't around last week. My brother-in-law was found dead on mother's day by my 11 yr old niece. It's been an emotional week and I still feel like I am reeling from it all. The whole circumstances behind his death and his whole life was just one huge tragedy for someone who was so full of life and the biggest heart. He was more than just a brother-in-law, he was my brother. He had been more of a brother to me in the past 6 years that he was a part of my family than my own brother I am sad to say.

He has left such a huge hole in all of our hearts, we will never forget him. You hear me Eddie, we will never forget you and we will always keep you in our hearts. I pray you are at piece and are no longer in pain, in your body, heart and mind. And you really know now how much we all loved you and what an impact you made on our lives.

If there is one thing he taught me is that family is family and no matter what happens no matter what fights life is so short and dying at 35 yrs of age proves that. remember to cherish each day and love your family and friends and make sure they know you love them, don't just assume it let them know. so if they do go and you aren't there they know in their hearts they are loved.