Living with Javert
Assignment:
Write using only simple sentences.
I live with Javert. Javert is annoying. He always
complains. When he eats, he eats a lot. But he complains
about the food. He doesn�t drink alcohol. He says that alcohol is bad. A good
police officer would never drink alcohol. Especially a first class police
inspector. He always uses his title. If you forget to call him Monsieur
L�Inspekteur he gets angry. I spell it wrong and say it with a bad accent to
annoy him. He is very French. He magically speaks English. But he prefers
French. Enjolras also lives with me. Javert often speaks to Enjolras in French.
I took French for three years. He is saying mean things about me. I tell him to
stop. He does not stop. That is why I am mean to him. I make him dress funny.
My website has lots of pictures of him dressed up. He does not like to be
dressed up. Especially as a bunny. Or a hamburger. Or a Furby. He doesn�t mind
some so much though. He liked being Batman. He wants to be Superman next. But I
don�t dress him to make him happy. I�m too mean to do that. Next I�ll probably
dress him up as a flower. Javert doesn�t like flowers. I also make him do other
things. Like go to school with me. Or go to the Renaissance Faire. He does not
like to be dressed up. He did not appreciate the tights I made him wear then.
He looked silly. Enjolras looked good in the tights. I like Enjolras better.
But Javert is more fun to annoy. And to dress up. He does not like to be
dressed up. After I dressed him as a clown he threatened me. You stop. That�s
what he said. Or I�ll shave off my sideburns. That was his threat. I like
Javert�s sideburns. Without them he would be wrong. He would not be Javert. He
would be ugly. No. He would be uglier. Oh, Javert does not like that statement.
He says I hurt his feelings. I am sorry Javert. He does not forgive me. Oh
well. I don�t want Javert to not have sideburns. But he likes his sideburns
too. I don�t think he will cut them off. He does not want to be any uglier. Oh,
I hurt his feelings again. He is very sensitive for such a big mean man. And he
is very old. He should know I am only kidding. He is over two hundred years
old. He died when he was 52. He killed himself. He jumped off a bridge. Right
into the Seine. And he could not swim. That was silly of him. He died in 1832.
So did Enjolras. They died a day apart. They don�t like when I point that out.
Or when I celebrate it with a party. I tell them it is for the barricade. They
do not listen. They are both very stubborn. They are very alike. They do not
admit it though. Both glare a lot. Especially at me. I don�t know why. I let
them live in my house for nothing. No. They are disagreeing. They say I make
them pay. I do not. They say not with money. They say with their acting
abilities. They say that it is wrong for me to make them do things. Like
perform musicals. Or go to school with me. Or to the Renaissance Faire. They
say that is their rent. I disagree. I say that they do it for fun. Now they are
glaring again. Javert has steam coming out of his ears. He does that a lot. It
is not fun. That is what they say. I think it is fun. They say it is not. I
don�t care what they say. Javert is always complaining. Now I don�t even listen
to his complaints.
They
are both stuffy. And they both glare a lot. But sometimes they fight. Enjolras
is a revolutionary. Javert is a Police Inspector. First Class he corrects me.
Javert is a First Class Police Inspector. There, that is better he says. Law
officers and revolutionaries often disagree. Enjolras says that the government
of 1832 was bad. Javert says no, it was good. He likes authority figures. He
thinks that they are always right. Enjolras says they are never right. I am the
moderator. I say they are sometimes right. They are also sometimes wrong. This
does not satisfy them. They still argue. They don�t fight physically though. At
least not most of the time. If I let Enjolras have a carbine it would be
different. Enjolras and a carbine are a deadly combination. Javert also likes
his gun. And his little stick thing. He says no. It is not a little stick
thing. He says it is an official baton thing. I don�t care what it is called.
It looks like a little stick. But I do not let them have their guns in the
house. I do let them have swords though. And bows and arrows. These are more
sporting. And less noisy. I don�t like when Javert has a weapon. He is
dangerous. He has good aim. And he does not like me. That is a bad combination.
My Javert does not look
52. He looks 43. But he is really over two hundred. That
is how magical fanfiction works. It's the same reason that old French characters
look young and can speak English. That is good because my French is bad. Javert
always makes fun of my pronunciation of French words. Enjolras is nicer. He
only makes fun of my pronunciation sometimes. That is why I like him better.
Enjolras is also much more handsome. He is described as �angelically
beautiful�. Javert is described as a bulldog. I still like Javert. I think he
is handsome and sings well too. Javert has fainted. He does not take
compliments well. Especially from females. He is very sheltered. Enjolras also
does not take compliments well. He does not go out on dates. Except with
Eponine. He is disagreeing again. He says that is not him. That is how I write
him in fanfiction. He says he would never really marry Eponine. I disagree. He
is much happier when he is married. He is smacking himself on the forehead. And
he is glaring at me. Javert is on the floor. He fainted. Enjolras is glaring at
me. He thinks I am stupid. And insane. He is probably right. I do not care.
And how old are you again?