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MY MOVIE REVIEWS |
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A recent study done by me, due to my Stats skills, suggests that 99% of the general population has a bad taste in movies. Due to my human nature, I feel it necessary to correct this mental error plaguing most of the world. Here are my unbiased, completely fair and accurate movie reviews. |
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THE SANDLOT |
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It's 1962. Scotty Smalls moves into a new town, needing to make a new friend or two. The result: He meets a group of 8 boys, and they have the greatest summer of baseball ever captured on the big screen. The Sandlot has long been considered one of the great movies of all time, and those critics are not wrong. The nostalgia one takes in from this movie is unparalleled. We've all had summers like these. This, my friend, is the greatest movie of all time. If you don't like it, you're probably AN IDIOT. (and I hate you) |
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LORD OF THE CRAP...I MEAN RINGS |
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I think I'll just group all three movies into this review. Let me just put it to you this way: These are NOT GOOD MOVIES. Sure, if you're into the whole great special effects thing, and you like watching elves walk around and question their sexuality for a solid 3 straight hours, then these might be the movies for you. But why waste 3 hours of your life when you can watch 2 good movies in that same timespan? For instance, I could watch The Sandlot and Soul Food in the same amount of time it would take me to watch....this piece of crap movie. My rating: G-. Yes, it's worse than an F. (Note: I have never seen the lord of the rings movies, but I feel that I'll not like them either way.) |
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SOUL FOOD |
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Just thinking about the lord of the rings makes me queasy, so I had to relieve the pain by reviewing another great movie. This movie is Soul Food. It is about a family of African-Americans, namely 3 sisters, who must experience all of the trials and tribulations in life in order to learn a lesson. The highlight of their lives is the serving of "Soul Food"...when Big Momma cooks foods such as Fried Catfish, black-eyed peas, cornbread, grits, and of course, collard greens. Everyone goes to her house after church and participates in eating this delicious and wonderful food. However, when Big Momma falls ill and takes a turn for the worse, it takes a young boy to make them realize that fighting will not solve any problems, and they must love. This movie is AMAZING. It ranks right up there with the Sandlot as one of the greatest movies of all time. You can't even compare the lord of the rings to this incredibly profound movie. A++++++ is my rating, and it will be yours too once you watch it. |
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