Please pardon my vulgarity du jour. And my French.
I frequently wonder, where did things like profanity come from? How can there be such things as "bad words"? They are WORDS, and thus precious and sacred, and there are times when some subjects are inappropriate, but really, words themselves? Still, after all this time trying to accept it, that's just appalling!
Regarding the insult "bastard", what exactly is supposed to be so insulting about it? Does one's parents' pre-marital sex habits make any difference in the current person? Nearly everyone has (gasp) *sex*! Does anyone check or even care any more? Personally, I would rather be or father a bastard and have a more stable family than have a family unit in occasional uproar that gives the children the impression that family members are replaceable. I would think it much better if they test drove the hell out of each other beforehand instead of committing prematurely! Kinda antiquated in my opinion.
How is "Screwing up" or being a "fuck up" doing things wrong? Wouldn't everyone prefer a lover who is more versatile, maybe knows more positions? Or maybe that's the point of that one, that they just lay on their back... although it certainly sounds like active participation to me. "Screw it" or "fuck it" should mean putting more attention and effort into something instead of "brushing it off"!
Why/since when is "fuck" a BAD thing? It seems to me that being "fucked" should mean something more like "satisfied" or possibly "exhausted".
How is it a bad thing for someone or something to suck or blow? Most people really appreciate it! If someone has "blown it" that should mean that "it" should be very grateful, right? People call me "cocksucker" and I reply "SO?" or "Only part time." It throws them completely off their stride, makes them wonder if I'm serious, and blows their train of thought clear off the rails.
"Get fucked"? My pleasure, and thank you so much for your wonderful well wishes!
"Fuck you"? Not exactly a good pick-up line, and the tone of voice doesn't inspire me any!
"Fuck off"? Who/where can I find him/her, we've evidently had a lot of dates and I keep being stood up!
"Jerk off"? Doesn't every guy?
"Fucker"? Doesn't every guy want to be?
"Mother fucker"? I used to say "only yours", now it's just "yup."
I can see calling someone an "asshole", because you only get shit out of them, and "shit" and "crap" are pretty understandable. If you don't think that it deserves to be an epithet, you haven't changed enough diapers.
But how about "kiss my ass"? The standard retort now is "bare it and share it", (Jeremy's reply is "Lick your lips and consider it done.") but people still say it. Likewise for "eat me". "Bite me" is just asking for trouble. And calling someone a "cock"? I happen to like my cock, a lot, and certainly much more than I like the guys who get called one. The same sentiment goes for "cunt", "prick", "dick" and "dickhead". And what do you think "schmuck" means in Yiddish?
Likewise with "pussy", only that makes less sense, being another way to say "wimp". I've seen pussies take a hell of a pounding, get all stretched out... even allow something several times their own size to force its way out. I doubt that equates to "wimpy" in anybody's book!
People often say "God damn it" when in a frustrating situation... how is that supposed to improve anything? "Pissed off"? Better than "pissed on" any day in my book.
Another retort to anger that I'm quite fond of might not work so well for a woman, but especially if it's a big bad macho man trying to be scary, I blow him kisses or say "I love you too" or both, especially very loudly in public.
I think that the reason that expletives are bad words is not because of which ones they are. It is because when they are used, it is an admittance that one is not in complete control of one's emotions. That shows weakness, and sometimes gives an enemy ammunition.
Used properly, they can make your words carry more weight. If people know you as the type to control your language use, and you swear, it tells them that you really are mad or feel that strongly about it, and they are more likely to listen.
I like to come up with amusing compromises, so that I am still getting to let it out, and regaining composure with humor. It also gives power charismatically, and shows that any reaction will still be firmly controlled by a sharp mind. One of the easiest is to use quotes from movies, like "rat farts!" from Caddyshack, or "fargin' ice-hole" from Johnny Dangerously. Also, verbally abusing and insulting inanimate objects... then you can "make up" with them. It seems to make people nervous sometimes. :)
I get some amusement from the ones that I know the origins to. I've heard rumors of where "fuck" came from, a few different variations as acronyms, but my friend David pointed out that they have been found to be Urban Legends. The word itself appears to be Germanic (or from that area of Europe at any rate).
The "bird", the middle finger is a funny (in a macabre sort of way) story. See, there were these two nations in Europe who had been fighting almost incessantly for many years. The introduction of the long bow (carved from the wood of the yew, very important point for the quiz later) tipped the scales, and devastated enemy ranks.
Therefore, when the French captured a Welsh bowman, they would cut off his right middle finger so that he would never again draw the bow properly. Thus, when the Welsh were doing well, they would proudly display that they still had their middle fingers, and shout things like "I can still pluck the yew!" Also, shooting an arrow was called "Flicking" or "flipping" "the bird" because of the arrows' fletching.