For a start, an explanation of the title. I called it "Aut To Be" for three reasons.
First, because we are often told how we "ought to be" and how much that differs from the way that we are.
Second, we see the way that many things ought to be, but are not. Things are as they are because people do not what they should do, rather they do what is accepted. The medical profession and the educational system are just two examples of a great many things that are nearly irreparably decaying because this is the way it is done. It doesn't matter if it isn't the way it should be done "If that is the way it is done, then that is the way that we must do it."
The third reason is in the (mis)spelling, because our too-acute awarenesses have direct correlation to our placement in the autistic spectrum.
To begin with, everyone wants a child to be "normal". Even to those that actually listen to the problems and confusions (on the rare occasions that the child finds the words to express them) it seems like the normal conflicts of growing up. I myself, when my Wife first tried to explain how she felt like she was always playing a part, trying to be what everyone seems to insist that she is or should be, told her that we all feel like that, although many are not able or willing to admit it. It honestly didn't occur to me that some others don't have to be "on" to be among other people. Further, I thought as many people do that "autism" meant that one could not communicate/interact with people.
Just like to "normal" ("neuro-typical") people, it seemed to me like she was making a mountain out of a molehill. I had been so conditioned to being "on" and acting/reacting like I "ought to" that I didn't even consider how exhausted it made me, how my moods would expire like Cinderella's carriage.
Another apparent difference is that we feel compelled to think about EVERYTHING. We don't just spout off "How are you?" in passing when there's no way to answer or say "You're welcome" when the person isn't, in fact, welcome to what we are presenting them with or doing for them. We think about what every little thing like that actually means even when some mush-minded mouth-breather is spouting it just to be speaking. We think about every bit of body language and how we might be being interpreted or misinterpreted... and I have a terrible compunction for clarification.
Additionally, after some time of paying close attention to these things, it would seem that our bodies' messages are perhaps processed a little differently. I am still unsure of how to describe this, or how much variation there is along the spectrum. Part of it is an astonishing awareness of what is going on internally, like early warnings for health risks and appetites for foods with curative properties, or intense, inexplicable aversions to foods that do not meet whatever the current criteria. Another part sadly seems to work against that sometimes, in that it appears to be easier (or automatic in some cases) to allow pain messages to slip into a state like background noise. Sometimes that seems to be contingent upon recognizing what the pain is indicating, but not always. I don't know what, if any, common elements there are that might dictate how that works, and am unwilling (for obvious reasons) to test it out much.
Textures take on immense importance... especially in foods, but also how things go together. Some people can't stand contrasting colors, we often (some ever at all) can't condone conflicting contours. I also had a problem with different sized wires, strings, etcetera that manifested itself in an indescribable, uncomfortable physical sensation. Fortunately, that part got better with time instead of intensifying, as it was unpleasant and (at least as far as I know) irrational.
Energy (particularly "chi" or whatever you understand bio-electro-magnetic fields as) manipulation, like Reiki, seems to come easier to us as well. I accelerate my healing by focusing on it. For my most recent example, I "pushed out" a gum infection in two days. It may sound insane, or like I am self-deluded, but I examine & question my sanity more often than you would be able to, and am reasonably sure it is intact. Ask me and I will show you an exercise that will allow you to feel your own energy easily.
I did an open letter to my family relatively recently, that neither of us ever mean to be antisocial or anything. We love our whole family, and enjoy spending time with them very much. However, we miss a lot of family functions and often leave early after arriving late.
We never call anyone without a particular purpose, either. If I did call, I wouldn't know what to say. Then, when I do have a specific reason to, I can't bring myself to contact people I haven't talked to in a long while because I feel like a user.
We get tired, as though we have a limited allotment of ability to deal with social interaction and people in general, and when that gets used up, we get decidedly Discordian and antisocial. We end up avoiding human contact and it snowballs until we feel obligated to explain or apologize for the amount of time since we last spoke to someone, which is all the more awkward...
I can't help it, and do try very hard to get over it as much as I can, but a lot of times, I can't handle being around people. It's very awkward, my paranoia goes wild. I know that not everyone is, and it doesn't matter, but still it always feels like people are judging me, and I HAVE to blow that before they reach their own conclusions. That's one reason that I have hair down to my belt: it drives off the overtly judgmental ones I especially can't stomach without having to talk to them at all.
I do care about people. I gladly help anyone and rarely say "no" when asked for anything (my kids don't count in that, they ask for some weird stuff). The trouble is that I never know what to say or do. It apparently isn't that I'm not smart enough, but I just don't get it. I don't understand people, why things have to be convoluted and covert. If you don't want something, say so. If you do want something, why not say it instead of hoping that the other person realizes that you don't really mean what you did say... human social interaction simply doesn't work that way. In our society, compliments and excitement are more often than not tools for sales or control. That makes it difficult for me to give or receive them, incessantly wondering what the correct context is.
There are labels for people like me, and I've been researching a lot of such things trying to figure out and deal with it. The Wife has done considerably more, and we discuss it at great length. We prefer bits of the concept of "indigos" (the "alien" theories are laughable at best, and most of the people who use the term "indigo" are nutcases in my not-so-humble opinion) to the flagrantly flawed pop psychobabble crammed into the Asperger pigeonhole (which I only partially fit anyways).
Dr. Asperger was one of the first to recognize that autism has a wide range, including "high functioning", many of whom were being badly misdiagnosed. His work was conducted in the years just before WW II, and largely lost in bombings. He worked more with regular (heh) autistics, and died before Asperger's Syndrome was coined, posthumously credited because the industry (what complexes those psych psychos have) felt sorry for the fact that he didn't get credit for his own work with autism. See, I'm not full of it, I really do my homework.
Autism is a very broad spectrum, ranging from children who have been branded animals, unable to communicate with the rest of the world to some of the most eclectic, powerful multi-tasking minds that this planet has ever seen. The main thing about it appears to be the neural pathways. Human brains may have a set number of conduits from the brain to the body, and in everyone else, it seems pretty standard. As example only (the numbers and placements are purely for simplification) say the average person has 100 pathways. They would be distributed among the needs, even those we don't understand yet, like our favorite, the pineal gland, the third eye behind your (yes you too) forehead. So, in our "normal" or neuro-typical, example, lines 3-7 might be for the left eye, 8-12 for the right, 13 and 14 for the pineal, which strongly resembles optic nerves. In an autistic brain, lines 1-3 might be for the left eye, 18-22 the right and 88-91 the pineal. It does not mean better or worse, just different. As I have long been fond of pointing out, what I see as your perception of red might be your green, but we both call it "red" because it's what we're used to.
My dad was worse off than I am, but that probably had to do with his drug use. This "syndrome" is becoming more common, but statistics are not trustworthy. Some researchers claim that history is littered with early versions, like Einstein and DaVinci. I just guess we're evolving to adapt to compartmentalized living, communicating less face to face and more through text and screen, with time to ruminate in between. If you want some links, more info or to discuss it, let me know, I'm happy to oblige, though rarely will it be promptly. I do not like or want to talk about it, but it's something I absolutely MUST get over and past to take care of myself and my immediate family. I hope it can help others not have to backtrack and make up for lost years. It is possible for even all-out autistics to be "high functioning".
It is something that is hard to face, and harder to talk to anyone else about. A big part of it is a very justified fear of the AMA and their Russian roulette with psychoactive chemicals. Those people seem to think that it is preferable to dope, regardless of side effects up to and including destruction of the brain they're claiming to try and save, than cope. They seem to think that there is something wrong with the acute awareness that goes with it. We're not supposed to take things so personally, fine, but are we really not to see or care about what we do?
Another big hurdle we commonly have is that we feel personally responsible for what our employers do. If one of us has a boss that is defrauding the Bar association, we feel as if we too are fraudulent. That makes this particular political clime and turbulent time traumatic to live in. I won't go into politics this time, but feel that we have a lot going on as Americans that we should not be part of or party to.
People keep stating that it seems to get worse as one gets older. That might make sense, or I might have been facing more than ever before. I've always been somewhat paranoid, maybe nature, nurture, or a bit of both, my father was very paranoid. Since I learned of certain political agendas, I have not wanted to leave the house at all. I don't know if the political clime has something to do with the timing, or the job market, the lack of parenting we see in the majority and the fact that the kids can go to the park now, combinations or what, but I've had days when I don't even want to open the shades more than just enough to see out.
Part of it might be a feeling like I am failing in my purpose on this planet. It was presented to me that perhaps my purpose is to make people think. Most people that follow the "indigo" school of thought think that the "early releases" were intended to prepare the world for those that would follow. I don't know about that, but I do feel compelled to point out certain things (more than the emperor's nudity, even) and to write out and spread my philosophy (still writing/formulating it, I'm still young). I also could have been, and my children will be, much better prepared to deal with it. Real estate can be an easy way to support oneself, while doing whatever one feels is the right career for them, regardless of pay scale, or to storm out when their employer shows an unacceptable side.
We have found that some days are better than others for different activities. There are days that we are antisocial, cantankerous in dealing with other people and best for sitting in front of a computer screen or doing something creative by ourselves. Sometimes that even includes each other. That isn't unusual, though, everyone needs some time to be alone now and then. Other days we even feel like going and being sociable, or (more often) like interacting with other people and actually doing something to help correct some of the problems in our society. Now we need to figure out which days are good for what and get other people to understand that if we say it's a bad day for business, they should try tomorrow or another day instead of pestering us into today's "NO! Now GO AWAY!".