Fanfics...again
Note: Brandon did not write the above title
Jack and Yazzu: Diehard Tenchi Fans
Stay tune for the sequel, coming soon.
Disclaimer: I don't own Tenchi, Ayeka, Kiyone, Washu, Mihoshi, Sasami, Ryo-ohki, Yosho, or Noboyuki. I don't own Sprint, Verizon, Energizer, or Duracell at that. I don't own Pioneer either. On the other hand Jack and Yazzu are my creations. Zerotech is also made up and I don't think it's real, but if it is, then whatever. Oh yeah, don't steal my shit! Jack and Yazzu: Diehard Tenchi fans by Paul Wetzstein One day in Zerotech (a software company), in a lonely cubicle, a man ,by the name of Jack, and his associate, by the name of Red Yazzu, decided that they would translate OVA 9 of the Tenchi Muyo series {there is no OVA 9 (that I know of), it is only used in this fic (I think), but, if you have heard of an OVA 9 for Tenchi Muyo please notify me (my email is royalteardrop@yahoo.com)} for their own entertainment. Jack, with his almighty G20, 1mil Gh computer, downloaded the episodes at light speed. "Go get some popcorn and drinks Yazzu," demanded Jack, "and be quick about it!" Yazzu quicky left the cubicle and entered the coffee room. The aroma of popcorn was invigorating for Jack. "Come quick, Yazzu, the download is complete." Yazzu enters Jack's cubicle with popcorn, drinks, and the microwave. "Hey, dude, Jack, um, did you want the extra butter or the lite butter?" "Hush, Yazzu, I am about to...click on the file." "Dude, calm down. Personally, I think they stopped trying after the 3rd one, man." "What?!? Yazzu, hold your tongue!" "Actually, dude, I think they stopped trying while they were making Tenchi in Tokyo." "They might hear you, Yazzu." "What are talking about, man?" Jack turns to his Ayeka and Ryoko action figures. "I'm sorry, he knows not what he says! Have pity on him!" "Dude, are you talking to your toys? What is wrong with you, man?! That's just...wrong." "Do you mind, Yazzu?" "Whatever." "Yazzu is very sorry, mistresses." Impatiently, Yazzu takes the mouse and double clicks on the file. Jack's eyes widen as he watches Yazzu click and shouts, "You have soiled my mouse Yazzu!" Jack unplugs his mouse and begins to clean it. "Hey, it's beginning, mouse boy." "The moment of a lifetime." Jack is glued to the screen while Yazzu grabs the popcorn and his soda. "Here's your notepad, man." "Thank you. Let's begin translating." ***about half way through*** "Well, that was the ninth episode Yazzu," Jack said looking over at a disturbed Yazzu. Yazzu looks over at Jack and says, "Twenty times, man." "I'm sorry, what?" "That joke...about the fatal disease; it was used twenty times...in that one episode! That's unheard of! I mean, they didn't used to have to make jokes, it used to just be naturally funny, man! They've killed the whole idea!" "No they didn't, Yazzu." "Tenchi joined a cult, Ayeka shaved her head, Ryoko is a lesbian, Mihoshi is wanted for genecide, Kiyone became a space pirate, Washu's intellegence was so huge that she turned into an inanimate object, Sasami is addicted to crack, Yosho buried himself and grew into a cherry blossom tree, Noboyuki is in an insane asylum, and Ryo-ohki was shot during hunting season and her head hangs on a wall in a powerbait shop!" "Maybe a little and I find nothing wrong with Ryoko becoming a lesbian." The sound of door creaking open could be heard. Jack peeked his head over the cubicle to see Tenchi and the gang (as they were at the end of the first OVA) and said, "Holy Moly!" Yazzu looked at Jack and said, "Did you just say 'Holy Moly'?!? Man, you could get your ass kicked around here for sayin' somethin' like that." Suddenly, Tenchi looked around and said, "Where are those Pioneer scum that destroyed our good names." Ryoko took a peek at Jack and said, "Maybe that guy will know." Tenchi and the gang walked over to Jack and Yazzu. "Who are you people," said Ayeka, "are you pioneer?" Yazzu gets up and shakes Tenchi's hand and says, "Dude, I am your biggest fan, man!" Jack puts on a serious look and says, "No, Miss Ayeka, this is not Pioneer, this is Zerotech. We're both computer engineers here." "Hmm, well, I knew it was somewhere on this planet, Tenchi", said Mihoshi with a confused look, then smiling she said, "Sorry to bother you guys; have fun computer engineering. What's your names?" "Well, I'm Red Yazzu, but people call me Yazzu. This is my boss Jack. We both are big fans of you guys. We love you guys. You guys are the basis of our, like, lives, man." "That's so sweet," Sasami said giving them both hugs, "seeya later, sirs." Tenchi and the gang start walking away. "Well, we gotta go meet Kiyone, dad, and granfather outside because this is not the place that we were looking for...Mihoshi. Maybe we can find that Paul Wuh, whatever his last name is, guy while we're at it," Tenchi said while walking away. The Tenchi gang quickly exited. Jack and Yazzu were left speechless. "Yazzu, did that just happen?" "Jack, if you're talking about Tenchi and the gang walking into Zerotech, me getting to shake Tenchi's hand, and both of us getting hugs from the most adorable Sasami, then..." "No, it did not happen. Not possible." "You're right, man. No way." "Should we carry on with our translating." "I'll get the popcorn." ***more hours later*** The computer screen shows Tenchi and the gang back to normal. Tenchi holds out the master key and says something in Japanese. The ending credits start to roll as the Tenchi and Ryo-ohki music starts in the background. Jack starts to shed tears as the ending credits roll. Yazzu looks over at the sobbing Jack and says, "Well that's a rap. At least it ended better than it started. I have over fifty pages of notes and scripts." "Me too, Yazzu. Let's get to work." Jack and Yazzu begin to work on the script. Suddenly, Yazzu takes a look at Jack notes. He sees nothing, but the name Tenchi over and over and over. "Yo, Jackster, what's this?" "Why, those are my notes." "Um, yeah, that's the problem. Your script has the characters saying Tenchi's name over and over and over again." "The way that the character's lips moved, I thought that they just kept saying Tenchi over and over again." "You 'thought' they said Tenchi over and over." "Well, since I can't understand Japanese..." "WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!? You mean that you watched over ten hours of Tenchi and you had no idea what was going on?!?!?!?!?!?!?" "Well, I understood that Ayeka shaved her head, Yazzu, what do buy me as...stupid." Yazzu looked at Jack and began to cry. "Why did you want to do this in the first place, man?!?!?!?!?!?" "I went to the Anime Expo as Kagato and Pioneer asked me to translate the 9th OVA. I gladly accepted. I couldn't turn the chance of a lifetime down. Well, I know that you speak and understand Japanese so I asked for your assistance, Yazzu." "I feel sick, dude." "You cannot die yet, Yazzu, we still must finish the translation. We'll just need base it off of your notes." ***days later*** Yazzu takes a bunch of papers and puts it into a copy machine. Then, he pushes a button on the machine and grabs a seat next to Jack. "Amazing, Yazzu, we did a wonderful job translating that thing." "Dude, you're telling me, man," said a tired Yazzu. It became silent and Yazzu decided to start up conversation: "So, uh, who's your favorite character, Jacky?" "Well, Yazzu, this may sound a tad bit odd, but I have two." "That's not that odd, dude." "Well these two are Ayeka and Ryoko." "Ok, yeah, that is odd. Usually, you choose between the two, you know what I'm sayin'? It's like an oxymoron, man. It's like Sprint and Verizon or Energizer and Duracell. You either pick one or the other, not both." "Well, I like Ayeka because she is smart, beautiful, and helpful. Ryoko is beautiful, funny, and helpful. See, you need both to make the triangle. In my fanfics I make Ryoko and Ayeka bisexual. If they don't love each other then it really isn't a love triangle, it is more like a love 'V'. Being bisexual makes it a lot more fun for Tenchi as well as fun for Ryoko and Ayeka. You just can't have one without the other. Just like you can't have Sprint without Verizon to compete with and same goes with Energizer and Duracell." "I've never heard it like that before, man. I guess that makes sense, dude." "Of course it does. Anyways, who is your favorite character or characters?" "Well, I just got only one. I like Kiyone. Yeah, I know she's not in the 1st OVA (which I think is the best one) and everything, but, yeah, she's my character, you know. She's not annoying like Ryoko or prepy like Ayeka. She's not ditzy or clusmy like Mihoshi. She's not too young like Sasami and she's not full of herself like Washu. She just cares about survivin' the day and, uh...yeah. She's really, kinda, sexy, you know, and has dark green hair; you can't go wrong there. She just seems soooo, uh...perfect. You kinda feel sorry for her too. The only other person you can feel sorry for is Sasami." "People say that you can also 'feel sorry for' or 'have pity on' Tenchi as well." "No matter what people say, you can't feel sorry for Tenchi. Any guy would go for what he's got. It's as simple as that. Anyways, if I had a woman like Kiyone, you know, I'd be set." "I feel the same way about Ayeka...and Ryoko." "Hey, dude, the copies are done. Let's jet over to Pioneer, man." "After you." "Ok, I'll drive. Dude, man, I have a feelin' that everythin's goin' my way." THE END Author's Notes - No way I'm really endin' it that way. Don't worry, I got more Jack and Yazzu for you...if you want it. Some people are gonna find this a waste of their time, but that's cool. The endin' was sort of like what I feel because Kiyone is my fav character. The Ayeka and Ryoko part was kinda what my friend feels about it. Just sayin' what other people want to say about the characters (I think). Well e-mail me at royalteardrop@yahoo.com. Happy campin'. Stay cool, man. "Um, hey, Jack, how I do I get to, uh, Pioneer?"
