From: Stacy Barrington <[email protected]>
Date: Fri Feb 7, 2003 1:51 pm
Subject: Trading Spaces Underground (Part Four)




(*Carpenter Ty is outside, working on some wooden
shelving units. Paige has her ever irritating 'Paige
Cam' aimed right at him as he's laboring.*)

PAIGE: (*From out of camera shot.*) So, what are
you making, Ty?

TY: (*Irritatedly.*) I'm baking a cake, Paige.
What the hell does it look like?

PAIGE: I think I can do without your sarcasm, Ty.

TY: Yeah, whatever. I'm making a shelf unit for
Hoggle's knicknacks. Luckily Frank hasn't asked me to
do any projects for his team.

PAIGE: Really? Why hasn't he?

TY: Because he's still cleaning that grimy castle.

PAIGE: Day one's almost over. They'd better get a
move on.


--


(*Back to Hoggle's house. Doug knocks on the door of
the broom closet. Jareth opens the door, his shirt
collar askew and lipstick marks all over his face and
neck.*)

JARETH: What is it, Doug? Sarah and I are still
busy in here.

DOUG: Am I going to have to complete Hoggle's room
myself?

JARETH: Exactly how much more is there to be done?

DOUG: Well, once Ty has the shelf unit made we have
to put Hoggle's jewels and trinkets in it.

JARETH: (*Rolling his eyes.*) Oh, what horribly
difficult labor. You can do that yourself.

DOUG: (*Snivelling at the thought of doing more
work.*) But I want more herbal tea!

JARETH: (*With a wry grin.*) It's good to want
things. (*He slams the door in Doug's face, and
cooing and kissing sounds resume within the broom
closet.*)

DOUG: (*To himself.*) Oh, damn. I just can't get
these two to do all my work for me. They're not as
easy to push around as all the others.


--


(*The cleaning is still underway in Jareth's throne
room.*)

FRANK: Wow, we have made incredible progress.

HOGGLE: In what way?

FRANK: The room's no longer sludge-colored.

SIR DIDYMUS: Sir Hoggle doth not want sludge
coloring on his walls, doth he?

HOGGLE: Hey, nothin' wrong with sludge, though I
prefer a more mud brown tone.

PAIGE: (*Popping in to bug everyone again.*) Who
knows? You might just get your wish, Hoggle.

HOGGLE: (*Aggravated at the sight of Paige.*) Why
do you have to be so damn perky, Paige?

PAIGE: (*Smiling a big smile.*) It's just so much
fun to do this show!
FRANK: (*Fed up.*) What is it, Paige? Are you
still miffed because we haven't actually started
decorating the room?

PAIGE: No, not miffed, Frank. I'm just here to see
how far you've gotten in cleaning up.

FRANK: Well, we've gotten at least half the filth
and grime off of everything.

PAIGE: (*Taking a deep breath, she suddenly notices
a horrible stench.*) Oh my God, is there still some
goblin dung on the floor?

HOGGLE: (*He's taking a bite from a sandwich.*)
No, we got that all cleaned up. I'm just taking a
lunch break. Want a bite of me haggis salad sandwich?


PAIGE: (*Turning green.*) I'll check back on you
guys later. (*She runs outside and the faint sound of
upchucking can be heard.*)


--


(*Ty brings the shelving unit into Hoggle's sitting
room. He notices that Doug is a bit crestfallen.*)

TY: What's the matter, Doug?

DOUG: Oh, my team won't let me push them around
like all the others I've worked with.

TY: (*Faking concern.*) Those bastards. Where are
they, anyway?

DOUG: Making out in the broom closet.

TY: Really? I don't believe you.

DOUG: I'm serious. See for yourself, though I'm
sure Jareth would beat you into a bloody pulp if you
interrupt his wooing Sarah.

TY: Stop goofing off, Doug. I'm going to open up
the broom closet door and prove that you're just
bullshitting me.

(*Ty goes over to the broom closet and pounds on the
door. It seems quiet.*)

DOUG: Maybe there's just nobody in there now.

TY: Yeah, right.

(*Doug goes over to open the door; the moment he
does, Jareth picks him up and throws him across the
room. Doug smashes into the wall.*)

JARETH: I told you to leave us alone, mortal. (*He
sees the carpenter.*) Hello, Ty. We'll be in here a
while. Be a good chap and make sure Doug does more
work. He's done nothing but make me and Sarah break
our backs all day.

TY: (*Intrigued at the idea of Doug being forced to
work instead of being lazy.*) Hey, no problem! (*He
looks over at Doug, who's still knocked out.*) Oh,
how I'll enjoy this!


--


That's what Doug gets for being arrogant and lazy.
He ended up with Jareth! Stay tuned to find out what
happens next.