From: Stacy Barrington <palomino1975@y...>
Date: Thu Dec 12, 2002 2:57 pm
Subject: Trading Spaces Underground (Part One): Repost




Hi, all! *Sigh* I had posted part one of this
story the other night, and it wasn't until after I had
posted it that I realized I mistyped something!

It's nothing extreme, but I felt so aggravated by it
I had to repost, so, here we go again. Thanks for
your patience, everyone.


--


Title: Trading Spaces Underground (Part One)

Author: Stacy 'Little Magpie' Barrington

Rating: PG (adult humor)

Summary: Romantic comedy. A crossover with the
decorating show 'Trading Spaces' in which Jareth,
Sarah, Hoggle and Sir Didymus redo each other's rooms
(you'll have to wait for the romantic bits).

--


(*Host Paige Davis addresses the TV camera. We see
her standing against an orange sky.*)

PAIGE: Hi! Welcome to Trading Spaces. Normally we
redo rooms under normal, everyday circumstances. But
today, we're redoing rooms in an underground world!

(*Cut to a shot of Hoggle in his hovel. He's
sitting at a wooden table with Sir Didymus.*)

PAIGE: (*Voice over.*) Hoggle the gnome and Sir
Didymus live within the labyrinth in this part of
Faeryland. Hoggle is a gardener, and Sir Didymus
guards a flatulating bog.

HOGGLE: (*To TV camera.*) I like me humble little
hovel. It's perfect for a solitary dwarf. But, me
shiny trinkets and lovely jewels are just taking over
the whole house.

SIR DIDYMUS: Sir Hoggle could do with more storage
space.

HOGGLE: Yeah. There's only this sitting room which
doubles as me dining room, a small kitchen, and a
bedroom. I don't have much space at all.

PAIGE: (*Out of camera shot.*) Don't you have a
bathroom?

HOGGLE: Nah. I bathe whenever it rains, which
ain't very often, and if nature calls I either go out
and use the bushes, or I pass water in the pond
outside the labyrinth walls.

SIR DIDYMUS: Sir Hoggle wishes to have his sitting
room renovated.

HOGGLE: Yeah. Nothin' too fancy, mind you. Just
make it easier for me to hoard all me valuables.

--

(*Cut to shot of Jareth's throne room, littered with
discarded food, and there are goblins and chickens
running rampant. Jareth and Sarah are standing next
to the throne.*)

PAIGE: (*Voice over.*) Jareth is the goblin king
and ruler of the entire labyrinth. Sarah is his human
friend from the 'aboveground.'

JARETH: (*To TV camera.*) I've let my throne room
go to hell. It's the most important part of my
castle, but also the worst.

SARAH: It needs a lot of cleaning.

JARETH: I'd change a lot in here. For a start, I
would get rid of the chickens and goblins. I'm sick
of stepping in dung piles.

SARAH: Yeah, those chickens are messy.

JARETH: I wasn't talking about the chickens.

SARAH: The chickens and goblins need to be kept
somewhere else.

JARETH: (*Eyeing Sarah intently.*) I would like a
soft throne in here, preferably one that folds out
into a bed.

(*Sarah picks up a squishy old tomato from the floor
and throws it in Jareth's face.*)

JARETH: Well, perhaps not.

--

(*Outside shot of Paige and the two teams. Jareth
and Sarah are wearing yellow 'Trading Spaces' shirts,
and Hoggle and Sir Didymus have blue ones.*)

PAIGE: Okay, I've explained the rules, but I'll go
back over them. You have just two days to redo each
other's rooms, and you only have a budget of 1,000
gold coins each. No sneaking back to your own homes
before time is up to see what's going on.

HOGGLE: Not even in an emergency?

PAIGE: What sort of an emergency?

HOGGLE: I just don't want anyone to mess with me
jewels while I ain't lookin'.

JARETH: (*Sneering at Hoggle.*) I promise not to
touch your jewels if you'll keep away from my balls.

PAIGE: (*Interrupting.*) Okay, break it up, you
two. Jareth, Sarah, no messing around with Hoggle's
jewels, and Hoggle and Didymus, don't do anything bad
to Jareth's balls.

HOGGLE: (*Grumbling.*) Okay, we won't do nothin'.

PAIGE: Good. Now, go decorate!

--


Oh, no! What will they do to each other's rooms?
Find out in part two, so stay tuned.