Trail Tales

Before I got the famous no 4WD 91’ GMC 4WD. I tooled around in a 88’ Suzuki Sammy w/ 5” lift 33”superswampers. When I purchased the Zuke it had the cutest little sticker on the back of Calvin peeing on the Jeep ( 0 IIII 0 ) logo. Pretty funny huh? That is until the day came around I got good and stuck in one of the worst holes out at Fuqua (Houston). A friendly Jeeper came and offered to get me out of my predicament. As he pulled around he noticed my little pun attached to my rear, and loaded his bumkin butt back into his Jeep. He said he wouldn’t pull it out till I got it off. Well I wasn’t in a position to argue so off came the jeep on went his tow strap. A little more than frazzled at the whole affair I attempted the hole again. And the Redneck luck got hold of me once again. Stuck bigger than chuck. By this time I had quite a few on lookers. A fellow Zuke offered to get me out of my predicament. As he pulled around he noticed my little pun attached to my rear, and loaded his bumkin butt back into his Zuke. He said he wouldn’t pull it out till I got it off. Confused I walked to the rear and to my surprise I had inadvertently allowed Calvin to pee on the Suzuki emblem. Damn the luck. I grabbed the pocket knife and cut off the pee. I believe Calvin has learned his lesson though cause he’s still back there holding himself with all his might. Jared Brown Redneck Offroad

On the 1st Annual Padre Island 4x Meet we had an ALIEN ENCOUNTER of sorts.Our group of campers was the farthest south of the group. We were the addition of the beer drinking rowdy bunch throwing around blonde jokes and jeep jokes all night. Sometime in the wee hours, we had an alien encounter. NO LIE, AND IT WASN'T ATTRIBUTED TO BUDWEISER!!! The alien spoke spanish (and we didn't) if that clarifies anything. The man was from Honduras and was welcomed to our fire and given bread, water,beer, and even a little $$$. We even made him laugh! Thanks to Kurtis,Rich,myself and some funny gestures and writing in the sand to translate. I can't believe Rich remembered spanish from high school.To add to the story a little, Armando the Alien, was on a journey to see his brother in Alabama. He was told that if he could get there, there would be a job waiting for him with $250 a day pay. I didn't have the heart to bounce him back into reality so I let him live his dream. You see, Armando had a broken foot. When I say broken, I mean in about four different places. After noticing the obvious handicap and the condition of his shoes I decided it was about time for some southern hospitality and gave him my tennis shoes. Us rednecks don't have much use for em anyway. Armando seemed content with the trade, my tennis shoes for his story. He shared many stories of his travels, and we listened as best we could since about the only Spanish we knew was the Taco Bell menu and a blurb from the Jack in the Box bag. Strangely enough we understood each other somehow and shared a certain kinship for hardtimes. After sharing our fire, food and a little nap Armando drifted into the darkness. If you happen to see a Spanish guy with a limp wearing a new pair of payless tennis shoes, give him regards from ol'Redneck. Jared Brown, Redneck Offroad, LaPorte, Texas

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