Can you see this face within the dildo?
And no, it doesn't belong to me.
As I sat on the toilet this morning, I realized that within a month or two, I've heard stories about people shitting in their pants. Both people, males, thought they were just going to fart and they let it rip only to realize, too late, that they Hershey splattered their bibs.
The lesson here: try not to fart.
Before that, I woke up from another odd dream. I was watching a movie at Kahala Mall. Literally. They set up a huge screen in front of the mall entrance to Longs Drugs and there were rows of theater seats in front of Liberty House. It was a double bill; The Russia House and a buddy/cop movie with Eddie Murphy and Steven Seagal.
My date for the event was two time Academy Award winner Jessica Lange.
Everybody was pretty lukewarm to The Russia House although it was arguably one of Sean Connery's finer films before all these movies started casting him as wise, odd, geriatric Yoda characters.
When the Eddie Murphy/Steven Seagal movie started, Jessica Lange (my date) began screaming. "Seagal is such a male slutt! I mean, like, Hel-lo! Can we marry any more lesbian couples?!"
At that point, I woke up.
Thursday, September 27, 2001, 5:57pm
So there's this girl who works the juice bar at the gym. She's always fucking moody and everytime I see her, she gets moodier and moodier. It's getting to the point where I'm cheerful on purpose, just to simply mock her. (As everyone knows, I'm not a cheerful person. If I'm being friendly, I'm probably mocking you.)
Anyway, so today, I'm waiting for her to help me and she's on her cell phone. She hangs up and covers her face and just sits there the whole damn time. Finally I notice, she's crying.
Is it just me or is there a huge prevalence of drama on this island lately? And if so, why is it always happening around me?
So I packed up my stuff and went to Jamba Juice instead. Kalai Miller from the hit show Baywatch was there. He was smiling and bobbing his head along with the music.
...
Okay, that was about the longest I could hold it in. WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH IOLANI PEOPLE?!!!
I let it out. It's all better now.
Regardless, I took that as a sign that I really need to get home and lock the doors. But wish me luck. I need to venture out to Dental Chick's house. Her birthday present for me finally came in: a Sonicare toothbrush! I have finally achieved the height of laziness. I no longer need to move my arm to brush my teeth!
The best thing about O is when you buy the ticket and you go, "Can I have two tickes for-- OH!!!" The things I do to amuse me.