Disclaimers: Standard disclaimers apply.
(Curtain opens to Wufei standing in front of the bathroom mirror, frowning and trying to comb his hair back. Duo is watching from a safe distance.)
Wufei: ARRRGH! I can't get this stupid hair to comb right! See how this little part at the back keeps sticking out? It just doesn't comb out easy, even after all the gel I used! (He silently wishes he had Duo's shiny locks instead)
Duo: Maybe you should go to a barber, Justice Boy.
Wufei (still combing his hair and almost on the verge of frustration): I can't! With my "funds", you think I could afford just having one little part of my hair cut off?! Kisama, Maxwell! I have no time for your humor! The barber never cuts it the way I want it!
(Second scene opens to Wufei sitting on a chair with a cloth draped over him…Duo is busy cutting Wufei's hair.)
Wufei: Boy, this was a GREAT idea! Thanks!
Duo: No problem! Are you sure Sal will pay me eight bucks?
Wufei (Snorting derisively): That woman? Ha!
Duo (frowning a little and stepping back to observe his handiwork): Wouldn't you like it a little short? I think it would look good if it were shorter.
Wufei: No, just cut the part that sticks out and taper it a little. Why?
Duo: Well, I think short hair would look better, especially…oh, right here.
Wufei: What are you trying to say? (Getting suspicious) What did you do?
Duo (trying to be nonchalant): Nothing. I think we can cover it up.
Wufei (getting a little edgy and wonders for the first time if Duo is really a pro): KISAMA! Cover WHAT up?!
Duo (gets busy with the scissors): Nothing. Let's try parting your hair from ear to ear.
Wufei (getting VERY angry): MAXWELL! I want answers! WHAT DID YOU DO?!
Duo (a little annoyed): Nothing! I can't help it of your head's got funny bumps that make the scissors go screwy!
Wufei (flails his arms around in the air, making the chair shake): YOUR head's gonna have funny bumps in a minute if you don't tell me what you did!
Duo (dodging Wufei's thrashing arms): *SNIP* Oops! Hold still!
Wufei (Horrified and starting to picture what would happen to his hair): Why'd you say "Oops"?! What did you do?
(Third scene opens to Wufei frowning, his battle aura starting to glow.)
Wufei: This had better be a good haircut, Maxwell.
Duo (smirks an oh-so-confident-smirk like only Duo knows how): Trust me, you'll love it. It's sort of "new wave". Punk actually.
Wufei (raising an eyebrow): New wave? Like a mohawk?
Duo: In some places it looks like a mohawk.
Wufei (frowning again and getting uncomfortable): I want a mirror.
Duo (looking at his black baseball cap): You know what's the rage this year? Hats.
(Fourth scene opens to Wufei looking at himself in the mirror. He is also completely BALD ::Author's Note: THIS IS WHERE I STARTED LAUGHING REAL HARD!)
Wufei (with a look of utter terror): GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Look what you did to my hair! It looks like it was cut with a WEED EATER!
Duo (waving him off): Nothing a little tonic and combing can't fix.
Wufei (tosses the mirror -which shatters against the wall- in his haste to get away from the insane braided pilot) : Get away from me, you menace!
Wufei (eyes completely bloodshot): KISAMA! If that onna sees this, she'll blow her blood vessels! What am I going to do?!
(Scene changes…Wufei is now in a turban)
Duo (observing his handiwork with pride): How's that? Sort of a "Lawrence of Arabia Look".
Wufei: Grrmmmph! Sort of the "Lobotomy Patient Look" is more like it.
(Scene opens to a leering Wufei wearing a trench coat, sitting in a semi-darkened office with a cigarette dangling from his mouth, a .38 calibre pistol on the table and a bottle of half-empty rum beside it. His feet are propped on the table and his face is partially hidden by the shadows of the blinds) *picture something a la Dick Tracy...*Drum roll...DUN-DU-DUN-DUN*
Wufei (narration): The smell of nicotine mingled with the unmistakable stench of alcohol. My beloved calibre whom I deem "Nataku" (A.N: awww...I couldn't help it.) sat on the table beside me, satisfied after another day of rounding up the usual thugs and mafia bosses.
Wufei (still narrating): The name's Wufei "Tracer Bullet" Chang. I got eight slugs in me. One's lead and the rest are bourbon. I'm a private eye. Suddenly the door to my office swung open and in walked trouble, blond as usual.
(Scene suddenly shifts to Preventer's HQ. Wufei is sitting at the table with the rest of the Preventers. Sporting a fedora and Heero's patented Glare of Death, he ignores everyone's curious stares. Sally comes in bringing a casserole of her famous Chicken-alexander.)
Sally (looking at Wufei): Take off your hat at the table, Wufei. It isn't good table manners. (thinks to herself) When in the devil's name did he start wearing HATS?!
Wufei (thinking): She was a pushy dame, but she had a case.
Sally (very patiently): Wufei, please_take_the hat off at the table.
Wufei (thinks to himself): Here it comes... (Wufei takes off his hat, revealing his scalped head care of Duo. Everyone's jaws drop and Sally is shocked.)
Trowa (sweatdropping): ......
Quatre (clearing his throat): I...uh...well...Wufei...
Heero (doesn't bother to hide the maniacal grin on his face): Nice haircut, Chang...(his shoulders start shaking and then he doubles over with laughter)
Duo (blushing): Uh...excuse me...(says to himself in a barely audible voice) gotta go hang myself on the nearest tree.
Zechs (loses his composure and struggles to hold his chuckles that crescendo into full-blown laughter): My, oh, my...
Une (giggling behind her handkerchief): Excuse me.
Noin (laughing out loud): Gahahahaha...oh god! Look out, G.I Joe!
Sally (shocked to her bone marrow and trying not to laugh): WHY DID YOU CUT YOUR HAIR?!
Wufei (frowning): Once and for all, onna, I did_NOT_ cut my hair. MAXWELL did...
Sally (still shocked): Why in the world would you cut your hair?! We have BARBERS who would gladly do the job if paid properly!
Wufei (pissed-off and practically blustering): I DIDN'T DO IT! WHY WOULD I CUT MY OWN HAIR?!
Sally (raising an eyebrow): Really now?
Wufei (very VERY pissed-off and wishing Nataku would come and spirit him away): I SAID I DIDN'T DO IT! THAT BRAIDED BAKA DID!
Sally (propping her chin in her hand and looking at Wufei with a bored and disbelieving expression): Oh, Buddha...
Wufei (sitting very erect now): WHAT? YOU THINK I WOULD DO THIS TO MYSELF?! (looks at Sally again, who is still wearing the same expression) WELL, I DIDN'T!
An abrupt scraping of chairs follows and everyone excuses themselves from the table and all run into the Conference room to laugh their heads off.
Wufei (arms crossed, glaring at the ground and punctuating each word he says with an angry stomp): There! *stomp* That onna *stomp* says that *stomp* there's nothing *stomp* I can do *stomp* except wait *stomp* until my hair *stomp* grows back! *stomp*
Duo (frowning slightly): .....Hmph!
Wufei (angry at Duo): In the meantime, _I_ have to go around looking like_I_got MANGE! I hope your'e happy!!!
Duo (frowning at the Chinese pilot and waves his arms in the air): HAPPY?! You_STIFFED_me!!! Where's my eight bucks?!
(Camera zooms in to Wufei chasing Duo around the obstacle course in the Preventer's sparse gymnasium)
~*fini*~
Chibi-Maia (wiping tears of laughter from her eyes): Can I pick a talent or can I pick a talent? I just KNEW Duo and Wufei would hit it off so perfectly. (Laughs harder)
Chibi-Wufei (very angry): ONNA! You did _NOT_ have to write about me that way! You have embarrassed me!
Chibi-Duo: Awww...c'mon, Wuffie...it was all in good fun. (pats the laughing author on the back) I gotta hand it to ya, girl!
Chibi-Maia (bursts into outright guffaws): Somebody lend me an oxygen tank! I gotta breathe!
Chibi-Wufei: Ha! Serves you right for reading those subsequent volumes of Calvin and Hobbes_AND_ coming up with the idea of making me bald!
The rest of GWing cast laughs in the background. Even Heero is rolling on the floor, holding onto his sides.
Chibi-Heero (still gasping for breath): Hahaha~! You have to admit though, Wufei...it was a pretty EXCELLENT idea...
Chibi-Wufei (groans): Oh, Nataku...Oh, Buddha...Oh, Jeez...
C&C's are accepted. NO flaming!