COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT . . . .

ABBOTT:����� Super Duper computer store.� Can I help you?

COSTELLO:� Thanks.� I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.

ABBOTT:����� Mac?

COSTELLO:� No, the name's Lou.

ABBOTT:����� Your computer?

COSTELLO:� I don't own a computer.� I want to buy one.

ABBOTT:����� Mac?

COSTELLO:� I told you, my name's Lou.

ABBOTT:����� What about Windows?

COSTELLO:� Why? Will it get stuffy in� here?

ABBOTT:����� Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO:� I don't know.� What will I see when I look in the windows?

ABBOTT:����� Wallpaper.

COSTELLO:� Never mind the windows.� I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT:����� Software for Windows?

COSTELLO:� No. On the computer!� I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What have you got?

ABBOTT:����� Office.

COSTELLO:� Yeah, for my office.� Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT:����� I just did.

COSTELLO:� You just did what?

ABBOTT:����� Recommend something.

COSTELLO:� You recommended something?

ABBOTT:����� Yes.

COSTELLO:� For my office?

ABBOTT:����� Yes.

COSTELLO:� OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT:����� Office.

COSTELLO:� Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT:����� I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO:� I already have an office with windows!� OK, lets just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I� need?

ABBOTT:����� Word.

COSTELLO:� What word?

ABBOTT:����� Word in Office.

COSTELLO:� The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT:����� The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO:� Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT:����� The Word you get when you click the blue "W".

COSTELLO:� I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers.� OK, forget that.� Can I watch movies on the Internet?

ABBOTT:����� Yes, you want Real One.

COSTELLO:� I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers.� OK, forget that.� Can I watch movies on the Internet?

ABBOTT:����� Yes, you want Real One.

COSTELLO:� Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon.� What I watch is none of your business.� Just tell me what I need!

ABBOTT:����� Real One.

COSTELLO:� If it's a long movie I also want to see reel 2, 3 & 4. � Can I watch them?

ABBOTT:����� Of course.

COSTELLO:� Great! With what?

ABBOTT:����� Real One.

COSTELLO:� OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?

ABBOTT:����� You click the blue "1".

COSTELLO:� I click the blue one what?

ABBOTT:����� The blue "1".

COSTELLO:� Is that different from the blue w?

ABBOTT:����� The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is Word.

COSTELLO:� What word?

ABBOTT:����� The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO:� But there's three words in "office for windows"!

ABBOTT:����� No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.

COSTELLO:� It is?

ABBOTT:����� Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there.

COSTELLO:� And that word is real one?

ABBOTT:����� Real One has nothing to do with Word.� Real One isn't even part of Office.

COSTELLO:� STOP! Don't start that again.� What about financial bookkeeping?
You have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT:����� Money.

COSTELLO:� That's right. What do you have?

ABBOTT:����� Money.

COSTELLO:� I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT:����� It comes bundled with your computer

COSTELLO:� What's bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT:����� Money.

COSTELLO:� Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT:����� Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO:� I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT:����� One copy.

COSTELLO:� Isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT:����� Microsoft gave us a license to copy money.

COSTELLO:� They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT:����� Why not? THEY OWN IT! A FEW DAYS LATER . .

ABBOTT:����� Super Duper computer store.� Can I help you?

COSTELLO:� How do I turn my computer off?