Many assailants come across as charming and pleasant people at the beginning. They often continue to display these qualities in public while being abusive in private. The following are warning signs, but there is no sure-fire way to identify a batterer.
Is he very, very jealous?
Does he want to know where you are every single minute?
Does he drive away your friends and family?
Does he have extreme highs and lows? Does he seem like two different people?
Is he cruel to animals?
Has he hit a former partner?
Does he believe you belong to him?
When he gets angry, are you afraid of him?
Did he grow up in a violent family?
Does he say he can't "help" losing his temper? Does he say it's your fault when he is in a rage?
Abusers use physical and sexual violence, threats, emotional and psychological abuse, and economic deprivation to control their partners and get their way.
Survivor's Handbook for Battered Women (1994). The Domestic Violence Project, Inc.; Safe House. Ann Arbor, MI.
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