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Unofficial Website of Ms. Janice de Belen

Part 2
JANICE: Life without John
Conversation w/ Ricky Lo

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Was the halfway house his own... his, well, hideaway? "To tell you the truth, I don�t know, I haven�t seen it; I haven�t been there. I�ve never tried to find out where it is. What I know is that he stays there now. Doon sila nakatira ngayon." Sila? "Siya!"

What about Iggy Boy? He�s grown-up now (turning 15 today) and he�s quite close to John who treats him like his own son. How did Iggy Boy take the separation? "I talked to Iggy Boy. I told him that it shouldn�t change the way he looks at John, that he should continue to respect John. After all, si John ang nagpalaki sa kanya. You have to be honest with the kids; you have to tell them the truth. You know, �Mama and Dad are still Mama and Dad even if they�re not together anymore. If they stay together, they won�t be happy and if they�re not happy, you won�t be happy also.� I even told them that someday, their father will find somebody else he will be happy with. And you have to respect him still and whoever that somebody is. Ganoon ako magsalita sa mga anak ko."

Has John found, well, "somebody else"? "Ikaw naman. Itinatanong pa ba �yon?"

How did you know? "I know. I found out. But don�t ask me how I did because I don�t want to go into details. Masyadong complicated ang pangyayari."

Was your marriage beyond rescue? Did you work hard to save it? And John, too? "I did... I did!... I did!!...I did!!! I prayed hard and I worked hard. But instead na gumanda ang situwasyon, it got worse and worse and worse. I gave him my full trust. When the tsismis (About John and Vanessa del Bianco. � RFL) started circulating, I asked him about it and he said it wasn�t true; I believed him. I trusted him, e! I was the last to know. Sad, �no? I always gave him the benefit of the doubt. Well..."

How did he leave? "I was the one who packed his things. Siempre, may iyakan; hindi mawawala �yon."

Did John also cry? "I don�t remember if he did!"

What were the last words that you said to him? "I don�t even remember."

What about him? Did he say, "I shall return!"? (Laughs) "I doubt!"

When was the last time you ever said "I love you" to each other � if you ever did? "Ako, I�m the type na �I love you� nang �I love you.� But honestly, I don�t remember the last time John said �I love you� to me. Up to the time we parted, I was hoping that things would work out. But then... I�ve gone through the whole process � first the denial period, then the �anger� period, followed by the grieving period and then the acceptance period. But sometimes, I must admit that I�d spend nights alone in my room crying. You know, you come home from work and the kids are asleep. I usually do some bead work before sleeping and while doing that, siempre, nagiisip ka. And that�s when I start crying."

You didn�t cry much when you talked about it on TV. "When I guested on Jullie (Yap-Daza�s show), I sort of hinted that something was wrong with my marriage. That was early last year. A few weeks later, I guested on Pipol (Ces Drilon�s show) and that�s when I revealed that John and I had separated. I don�t want to go into more details. It�s pointless now, especially since I�ve already filed a petition for annulment of our marriage."

You�ve met Vanessa, haven�t you? "Oo naman. Nasa MTB rin naman siya, di ba?"

Is it true that you confronted her (as in sinugod)? "Not naman sugod. When you make sugod, you go there (spoiling) for a fight. I just dropped by sa ABS-CBN � to visit my husband."

Not to, ehem, snoop around? (Laughs again) "Had I snooped around, I would have found out earlier."

Did you file that annulment petition in a rush? "No. I thought long and hard about it. I pitied John. Hilong-hilo ang hitsura niya, nagkaka-problema siya. So I told him, �I�m giving you your freedom... I�m freeing you from whatever burden you have.� If you�re happy where you are, so be it. �But,� I told him, �in the course of my allowing you to be happy, I also want to be happy.� Fair is fair, di ba?"

You don�t sound bitter at all? (Smiling sweetly) "I�ve forgiven whoever has hurt me. I�m not angry at them anymore. Tapos na ako diyan. You know, if you really want to be happy, you have to let go of the anger inside you. When I say that I have forgiven them, I mean it."

Did you feel that you were immature when you got married? "He was 18; I�m older. When you�re young, impulsive talaga kayo. You go with what you feel at the moment. But with me, I know what I want, so when I decide on something I know what I�m getting into. Klaro sa akin �yon. The roles in my life are very clear � my role as a wife and my role as a mother."

John said he married for the wrong reason. "He�s right. I guess we married for the wrong reason. Maraming wrong reasons. If you get married because you�re pregnant, I think that�s the wrong reason. If you marry at the spur of the moment, that�s also wrong. But I don�t think ours was a loveless marriage � I hope it was not... on his part." Otherwise, you wouldn�t have lasted for almost 10 years; you wouldn�t have had four children.

Did you feel that one of you outgrew the other? "Maybe not me."