Entry for August 21, 2008
Self Sabotage
There is a old saying but it is true. Sometimes we are our own worst enemy. My last entry I ranted about how outside forces can sabotage our weight loss efforts but honestly we can not always put all the blame on others. These days people seem more inclined to blame others or other things intead of taking responsibility for themselves and their own actions.
For many of us, food is more than substanance to keep our body alive. Food has become our comfort, a way to hide and feel safe, an obsession, an addiction and sadly even a form of abuse. Before college I lost a lot of weight, I could finally buy those cute outfits in the regular stores. Suddenly everything changed, the way people treated me changed. I finally got attention from the guys (Yikes that was scary). It was like a whole new world for me. At first, I actually got offended with all the comments like "Have you lost weight? You look great!" or "You look so much better since you lost the weight"... well you get the idea. It was like they were saying you looked really terrible with all that extra weight. I finally decided to just accept the well meaning compliments. After all I was reaping the rewards for all the work I had done to lose the weight. I had to learn how to be a thin person and how to relate to the world and to people as a thin person. It was a bit intimidating at first and a little scary. However, a whole new world opened up to me and it was wonderful.
Okay so the point of my mini-biography is it can be scary to loose weight. Some of us hide behind our weight. After all food can't reject you or hurt your feelings. Some people unknowingly are afraid of changing their role in the family or in the world. You're the jolly overweight one at the family get togethers. If you lose the weight what would your idenity be then? How or where would you fit in? Sometimes fear controls us and holds us back and we hide behind a layer of fat.
Sometimes food replaces something that is missing in our life. Food can also be like a drug or medication. Stressed out, depressed? Eat something. Thats comfort eating. I had a saying... "Some people smoke, drink or do drugs.... I eat". I had fooled myself into thinking that my bad food choices or overeating was a harmless vice. But it's was not harmless. I sit here tonight with a severly enlarged heart, my joints in my legs (knees and hips) hurt and I can not lay down flat without my CPAP machine or else I can not get enough air. No, its not harmless at all. I have heart disease or a heart attack staring at me, lets not forget diabetes its also looking at me and getting closer and closer.
Figure out WHY you sabotage your weightloss efforts. Find out why you overeat in the first place. Why do you use food to hurt yourself? Get help for the emotional issues and face your issues. Then you will have an excellent chance of winning the weightloss battle. In my case I realized I was eating because of depression, stress, loneliness and boredom. I went to my doctor and finally got a good anti-depressant and I am losing the weight. I am not depressed so I do not need to seek comfort in food. Of course,
hearing "lose weight or die" was very motivating for me too.
So stop being your own worst enemy. Take some responsibility for yourself and love yourself enough to help yourself lose weight. Unless someone is holding you down and forcing food down your throat, then it is up to you. No one can do it for you. I had many meals with friends where they insisted I had to have the pizza or the dessert and these people love their desserts but I stayed firm and I made the choice NOT to eat all the foods I did not need. Okay, not everytime but many times I said no. Each incident was a battled and many times I refused to surrender.
