The Memory Box
Helen
surveyed herself wryly in the dressing table mirror. Maybe she should have bought a hat, one with a
large brim to cover up the crow’s-feet but it was too late now. Just a couple
of hours to go until the marriage service and as mother of the bride she had to
be at the church on time. It was Wade’s prerogative as the bride to be
traditionally late.
“Mum,
have you seen my new tie?” Nathan, her 16 years old son, called from his
bedroom.
“Top
drawer,” she called back. That boy would be the death of her yet. If something
wasn’t under his nose he couldn’t find it and he wouldn’t put himself out to
look for it either.
“Found
it,” he yelled triumphantly.
“Thought
you might,” she murmured. She applied her make-up carefully, trying to cover up
the evidence of approaching middle age, oblivious to the fact that at fifty-two
she was still a stunningly beautiful woman.
“Mum…help!”
Wade, the blushing bride-to-be, screeched from her bedroom.
Helen
sighed impatiently. Thank God they had only had one girl. At least when Nathan
got married she wouldn’t have the same headaches. She stood up and went into
Wade’s bedroom. “What’s wrong, sweetheart?”
“My
hair won’t go right,” she wailed.
“Your
hair looks fine,” Helen assured her. “Now, stop fiddling with it and get
ready.”
“Mum,
I can’t go through with it!” Wade exclaimed. “I’m only twenty. I’m too young to
get married.”
Helen
suppressed a smile. Those were exactly the words she had used when Wade had told
her she wanted to get married. “Wade, you’re just having last minute nerves,”
she told her patiently. “It happens to everyone. I was the same on my big day.”
“And
you’ve never regretted it?”
Helen
smiled at her. “No, sweetheart, I have never regretted it for one minute. The
last twenty-two years have been the happiest of my life. Especially since you
and Nathan came along. Now, get ready, there’s a good girl.” She gave her a peck on the cheek then went
back into her own bedroom and carried on making up her face. Her hand stilled
as she applied her mascara. Had she been honest with Wade? Did she have any
regrets? She went over to the wardrobe and, after rummaging around, brought out
a battered shoebox. This was her memory box, her precious memories of the past
twenty-odd years. She carried it across to the bed and sat down then lifted the
lid and one by one started to remove its contents.
Wade’s
first baby shoes, a lock of Nathan’s hair preserved after his first visit to
the barber’s, a small box containing the teeth lovingly rescued from under her
son and daughter’s pillows and replaced by a coin… a gift from the tooth fairy.
Her eyes misted over as she picked up the greeting card. She opened it up and
read…To Helen, my love, my life…forever, Nikki. It was the first birthday card
Nikki had ever sent her and she had never managed to find out how she had got
it into HMP Larkhall or who had smuggled it in for her.
Nikki
Wade had opened a door in Helen’s heart she hadn’t known was there and moved
in. Against all the odds – she was a wing-governor and Nikki a lesbian serving
a life sentence for murdering a policeman – their initial antagonism had turned
into friendship and then, at first only on Nikki’s part, had turned into love.
A love she herself fought so hard against feeling, denied so often and only
acknowledged after she had resigned her position at Larkhall.
She
remembered their first kiss in Nikki’s cell and the feel of another woman’s
mouth on hers. She touched her lips briefly with her fingertips as she had done
when she left Nikki’s cell. When she had run away and blamed Nikki for taking
advantage of her vulnerability but deep in her heart she knew she had returned
Nikki’s kiss, welcomed it. She had ended her engagement to Sean the man she was
soon to marry. Told him she didn’t love him anymore but she still wouldn’t
acknowledge that someone else had taken his place in her heart.
She
had gone away but invisible bonds Nikki had woven around her heart had drawn
her back. To what? A few stolen months of ecstasy then the jealousy always
simmering inside Nikki had boiled over and the arguments and recriminations had
started. She had confided in Dominic McAllister, one of the prison officers at
Larkhall but Nikki had seen this as a betrayal and they had argued bitterly.
‘Go and find someone else to love!’ she had told Nikki angrily but she hadn’t
really meant it.
Out
of a desperate need to repair the damage she had done, Nikki had escaped and
turned up on her doorstep. She had opened the door to her and instantly closed
it again. Her career, her job, her life were all in jeopardy because of Nikki’s
moment of recklessness but her love for the woman had pushed these thoughts
aside and she had let her in.
‘Tell
me you love me!’ Nikki had demanded but she couldn’t, not yet, to have done so
would have made it all too real and she would have lost complete control of her
life. They made love. Nikki’s hands and lips taking her to heights of passion
she had never known. In the aftermath, they had talked and she had finally
handed control of her life over to Nikki and told her she loved her. Only then
did Nikki decide she wasn’t returning to Larkhall and she was left facing the
hardest decision of her life. Did she let Nikki go and risk losing her forever
or send her back to Larkhall and still risk losing her forever? She made the
decision she was so sure was the right one and called the police. Nikki was
taken back. She said nothing but her brown eyes had looked at her, silently
telling her she would hate her forever and their affair, doomed from the start,
was over!
Helen
laid the card to one side and started to go through the rest of the contents. A
wizened flower, scarcely recognisable as the red rose she had taken from her
bouquet and lovingly dried. A silver plastic horseshoe taken from the cake. She
picked up the pile of love letters, twenty-two of them – one for each
anniversary – the last one added only a few months ago. Underneath them was
what she had been seeking – a photograph of Nikki. She had stolen it from the
front of Nikki’s file just before she had been shipped out to another prison
and the file had gone with her. Nikki had again protected her and she had kept
her job at Larkhall but what was the point when the woman she loved wasn’t
there? She again resigned her position and retrained to be a social worker,
which she had been doing for the past twenty-two years, taking a break only to
give birth to her children.
“Helen,
darling, what are you doing? The car will be here for you in a minute. You’re beautiful
enough without putting on a load of slap,” an irate voice called from the
bottom of the stairs.
“Won’t
be long, sweetheart,” she called back. She heard footsteps bounding upstairs
and guiltily started to replace things in the box. Too late! A smiling face
appeared round the door then looked at her accusingly. “You’re not even
dressed!”
“I
know! I know! Don’t go on at me,” she retorted defensively.
The
photograph was picked up and studied. “Why did you keep this?”
“Because
it’s an important part of my life and I’m really sorry if it hurts you to think
about it,” she said apologetically as she took the photograph and placed it in
the box. “ But I was trying to pacify Wade and she asked me if I had any
regrets and I just got to thinking how different things might have been if I
hadn’t met you.”
“And
do you have any regrets about loving me?”
“Not
a single one!” she exclaimed passionately. “Falling in love with you stopped me
committing myself to a person who was totally wrong for me. Christ! They weren’t
even the right sex!”
Large
hands cupped her face. “Darling, you fell in love with a person, not a gender.
Have you ever fancied anyone else, male or female, since you and I got
together?”
“No,
of course not,” she answered honestly.
“Thank
goodness for that,” came the relieved reply. “So, you’ve not gone off me then?”
Helen
smiled and shook her head. “Never for a single minute. Didn’t I prove that in
bed this morning and last night?” Slender fingers reached out and slid her hair
behind her ear and gentle lips covered her own.
“You two haven’t got time
for that,” Wade admonished them from the doorway. “You’ve got a daughter to
give away and I need some help with my dress.”
Warm
brown eyes gazed lovingly into Helen’s. “I’ll go, whilst you finish getting
dressed. Just think, Helen, after today, we won’t have lost a daughter, we’ll
have gained a bathroom.”
“You’re
a heartless sod, Nikki Wade!”
“But
you still love me.”
“Yes,
I do.” She watched as the tall, slender figure left the bedroom, hand-in-hand
with their daughter. How different things might have been if she hadn’t pursued
Nikki after she had been shipped out of Larkhall. She had campaigned tirelessly
for Nikki to get her appeal and when she had eventually been released the
following year she, Helen, had been waiting for her. It had been hard work
getting Nikki to believe and trust her again but it had all been worthwhile and
Wade and Nathan had completed their happiness.
She
again picked up the photograph, pressed it briefly to her lips then buried it
at the bottom of the box. There was no need for memories, not when she could
kiss the real thing every day of her life.
THE END