Chapter 4
Helen
was acutely aware of Nikki’s eyes fixed upon her but she couldn’t look at her.
She couldn’t bear to see the scorn on her face.
Look
at me, Helen, Nikki pleaded silently. She couldn’t handle the knowledge that
this might be their last day together. She felt physically sick at the thought
Helen might send her away as she had done once before without a word of
explanation. Was it so terrible that she had loved Helen so much and only
wanted to be with her that she had risked everything for her? She realised
Karen Betts was speaking and dragged her eyes back to the Wing Governor.
“Nikki,
I know the police interviewed you about your escape but certain allegations
have been made against you and I need to ask you some questions,” Karen said
with quiet authority.
Nikki
frowned. “Allegations about what?”
“That
the night you escaped, you also beat up Michelle Dockley.” Karen watched her
closely, trying to judge her reaction. She saw a look of disbelief cross the
lifer’s face.
“Dockley
said I did it?” she demanded, looking from Karen to Helen and back again.
“No,
she didn’t,” Karen was forced to admit.
“Let
me guess then,” Nikki replied bitterly. “Bloody Fenner! You know that bastard
has always had it in for me! If you want to find out who beat Dockley up, why
don’t you question him?”
Helen’s
head jerked up at her angry words. Oh, Nikki, she begged silently. Don’t say
any more!
“Making
unfounded accusations against a senior officer won’t get you off the hook,
Nikki!” Karen reprimanded her.
“And
blaming me won’t get that bastard off the hook!” Nikki retorted. She glared at
Helen who was staring at her ashen-faced. “You
know he did it, as well as I do,” she almost spat out the words. “But he’s one
of your own so you all stick together!”
“So,
you’re denying all knowledge of Michelle Dockley’s attack?” Helen asked her
calmly.
“Too
bloody right I am! You know what he’s…”
“Alright,
then, Nikki, you can go.” Helen interrupted quickly. She had to get Nikki away
from Karen before she made any more accusations against Fenner.
“But
I haven’t finished yet!” Karen exclaimed in surprise.
“Yes,
you have,” Helen replied, meeting Karen’s eyes challengingly. “You can go,
Nikki.”
“What
the hell are you playing at, Helen?” Karen demanded angrily when they were
alone.
“Karen,
you know as well as I do, Nikki didn’t beat up Dockley. It was a cowardly
attack and it’s just not her style. If she has anything to say or do, she’s
open with it. She doesn’t stab anyone in the back.” You hypocritical bitch, she
thought to herself. Isn’t that just what Nikki said she had done?
“Don’t
you think you’re letting your emotions get in the way of your professional
judgement?” Karen looked at her smugly.
“Maybe
I’m not the only one here guilty of that,” Helen retorted. “You are going out
with Jim Fenner.”
“Alright,
point taken,” Karen conceded.
Helen
rubbed her brow wearily as Karen got up to leave. “Will you do me a favour,
Karen?”
“Right
at this minute, Helen, I don’t think you’re in any position to ask for
favours,” She replied icily then reluctantly agreed. “OK, what is it?”
“Don’t
tell Jim about what happened in here, please. Nikki was right, he doesn’t like
her and there is enough bad blood between them without making any more.”
Karen
nodded. “Alright, everything that has just happened in here is strictly off the
record.”
Helen
smiled with relief. “Thanks, Karen.”
“But,
Helen,” Karen looked at her warningly. “Don’t ever do that to me again in front
of an inmate!”
Nikki
pushed her shepherd’s pie around her plate as she went over in her mind what
had just happened in Helen Stewart’s office. She really thought Helen had asked
for her to be transferred but instead she had stood up for her against the Wing
Governor.
“Do
you mind if I sit here?” a cheerful voice asked her.
“Help
yourself,” she said without looking up. A smile played around the corners of
her mouth as she remembered the look on Karen Betts’s face when Helen had
turned on her.
“You
should smile more often, it makes you look almost human.”
Nikki
looked irritably at the speaker. It was a woman who had only been on the wing a
few days. She looked to be in her late twenties, plump with shoulder length
dark hair, startling blue eyes and a smile that lit up her pretty face. She had
heard one or two of the women ribbing her about her weight but she had taken it
all good-naturedly. “Look, love…”
“Call
me ‘Tommo’, short for Catherine Thomas.”
“Look,
Catherine, if you want to eat your
meal then stay where you are but if you want to chat would you mind moving
somewhere else? I’m trying to think here,” Nikki retorted.
Tommo
looked disappointed. “Sorry, I was only trying to be friendly.”
Nikki
pushed her chair back and stood up. “Well, I don’t need bloody friends, so stay
away from me!” she snapped, sharper than she had intended because she had just
seen Helen walk into the dining room.
As
she started to walk away, Helen caught up with her. “Nikki, can I have a quick
word, please?”
Nikki
turned and glared at her, arms folded. “I hope you’re not expecting me to thank
you for what you did.”
Helen
sighed. “I haven’t come for thanks. I know you’re innocent so there’s no way I
was going to let you take the wrap for someone else.” She looked around the
dining room and saw some of the women were regarding them with interest. “Look,
can we go to your cell? I really need to talk to you privately.”
“I
don’t think we’ve anything private to say to each other,” she said bitterly.
“There
was a time when you couldn’t wait to get me on my own,” Helen smiled seductively
up at her but only received a frosty glare for her trouble.
“Yeah,
well that was before I realised what you were really like,” Nikki snarled,
struggling to keep her voice low so she couldn’t be overheard. Christ! She
still couldn’t stop protecting the bloody woman! She glanced over to the table
she had just left and saw Tommo watching them intently. “Hey, Tommo!” she
called out. “That book I promised you, do you want to fetch it now?”
A
puzzled look momentarily crossed the woman’s face then she nodded. “OK, Nikki,
be right with you,” she called back.
“Nikki,
please,” Helen said urgently. “I need to talk to you. It’s important.”
“How
many more times do I have to tell you?” she replied impatiently. “I’m not
interested in anything you have to say.”
“Please…”
“Get
lost, Helen!” she hissed just as Tommo joined them. She looked at the woman
with a smile. “Ready?”
“Sod
you then, Nikki!” Helen muttered as she turned and walked away.
Tommo
looked at Helen’s departing back and then at Nikki. “So, is this where you tell
me to piss off now?”
“What
do you mean?” Nikki asked with a frown.
“Well,
you’d just told me to leave you alone now you’re offering to lend me a book but
I think if you were trying to make her jealous, you picked the wrong woman to
do it with.”
“I
wasn’t trying to make her jealous,” Nikki snapped.
“But
it was a lovers’ tiff I detected, wasn’t it?” Tommo persisted.
Nikki
looked at her in surprise. “Something like that,” she admitted. “You’re not as
daft as you look, are you?”
“Bloody
good job, don’t you think?” she asked with a grin.
For
the first time in days, Nikki felt like smiling. “Come on, let’s go for a
walk,” she said kindly. “By the way, how did you know my name was ‘Nikki’?”
Tommo
gave her a teasing smile. “I made a point of finding out the name of the best
looking woman on the wing.”
“You’re
incorrigible!” Nikki laughed.
“So,
encourage me!”
“You
don’t bloody need it! Come on.”
“Who
was she then?” Tommo asked as they walked round the garden. “Beauty to your
beast, I mean.”
Nikki
smiled. “Helen Stewart. She’s in charge of the lifers’ unit.”
“Well,
that lets me out but as far as you’re concerned, I think it could be seconds
out, round two,” Tommo nodded over Nikki’s shoulder. “Here comes the lovely
lady again.”
“Shit!”
Nikki muttered.
“Nikki,
can I please have a word?” Helen asked as she came up to them.
“Catch
up with you later, Tommo.” She turned to Helen. “Now, what? Why don’t you just
leave me alone?”
“Don’t
worry, I’ll say what I have to say then you can get back to your new
girlfriend,” came the stony reply. “Though I wouldn’t have thought she was your
type.”
She’s
bloody jealous, Nikki thought incredulously. “Why, because she’s so unlike
you?” she retorted. “Well, she’s funny and she makes me laugh and she’s caring.
Also, unlike you.”
Helen
looked around and saw some of the women walking nearby giving them curious
looks. “Can we go in there?” she asked indicating the potting shed.
“So,
what do you want to talk about?” Nikki demanded as Helen closed the door.
“Us!”
“There
is no bloody ‘us’, Helen, or hadn’t you noticed!” Nikki exclaimed.
“Nikki,
you once told me a relationship needed both people involved. Well, you were
right. There was only one person in our relationship…me!”
Nikki
looked at her in disbelief. “I don’t know how you’ve got the bloody cheek to
say that!”
“Because
it’s the truth!” Helen exclaimed. “I believed in you, trusted you, enough to
give up my fiancé, my job and all hope of a normal life.”
“Here
we go again! What you bloody gave up for me!”
Helen
ignored her remark as she carried on relentlessly. “The judge said you were a
cold-blooded killer but I trusted you enough to take you into my bed. I put
this job on the line every day by helping with your appeal because I believed
in you.”
“Oh,
for Christ’s sake, Helen, spare me the bleeding heart!”
“You
don’t give a shit about me, do you, Nikki?” Helen asked bitterly. “All you had
to do was trust me when I said I loved you but you couldn’t do that for me,
could you? I called the police, not because I am a Home Office employee or
because I am a law-abiding citizen, but because I believed in you, in your
innocence and I knew some day we would get justice. Don’t you realise it breaks
my heart to go out of those gates every night and leave you on the other side?”
Her voice broke and she turned away. “Oh, what’s the point? I’d better go
before I say something we’ll both regret. I’m sorry I’ve screwed up your life
but it won’t happen again.”
Nikki
watched her go. She knew it would only have take one word from her and they
would have been in each other’s arms but what was the point? The relationship they had now wasn’t fair to either
of them. She couldn’t expect Helen to sit at home every night waiting for her
until she got out of prison and she obviously didn’t trust Helen enough or she
wouldn’t be eaten up with jealousy all the time. A clean break was the best
thing for both of them. She dropped her head into her hands as she realised the
significance of her decision. She would never again hold Helen in her arms or feel
the softness of her lips. Great sobs shook her slender shoulders and tears
streamed down her face.
“Are
you alright, Nikki?” a voice asked her gently.
“No,
Tommo,” she cried in anguish. “I think my bloody heart is breaking!”