First Impressions

 

By

 

Jan

 

Chapter 12

 

The first couple of weeks in their new home went smoothly. Helen dropped the children off at school then Lynne picked them up later and took care of them until she had finished at the surgery. This was only a short-term arrangement, however, because Lynne would soon have her hands full with the new baby.

 

Nikki seemed to have vanished out of her life. She had called on Emma in a professional capacity when Nikki was at work and Maddy had visited them at the cottage but Nikki’s name wasn’t mentioned on either occasion.

 

The twins’ sixth birthday was looming and Jemma had been badgering her for a party so she could invite all her friends round. Jamie was more nonchalant about it but she had seen the way his little face lit up with excitement when it was mentioned and since it was their first birthday without their mother she had reluctantly agreed. Hopefully the weather would be fine and they could play out in the garden instead of squashing into the small kitchen.

    

 

“Have you been in touch with Helen?” Emma asked her granddaughter as they sat together in the living room.

 

Nikki’s eyes remained on the report she was trying to read had her grandmother not kept making comments. “Nope,” came the monosyllabic response.

 

“Just give her a ring and see how she is,” the old lady urged. “It couldn’t do any harm.”

 

“No!” she replied stubbornly.

 

“But you know how much you care about her.”

 

“Gran,” she sighed impatiently. “She doesn’t care about me and you can’t make someone love you! My own mother couldn’t love me so what chance do I have with Helen?”

 

Emma looked at her in surprise. “I didn’t realise you felt like that.”

 

Nikki closed the report and slammed it onto the settee beside her. “Of course I bloody feel like that! The woman who gave birth to me couldn’t love me! It hurts and the hurt will never go away!” She saw the change in Emma’s expression, the pain at her words. “Gran, I’m sorry,” she said remorsefully then stood up and went and crouched in front of her grandmother’s chair. “You’re everything to me…mother and father and I don’t know what I would have done without you but because you love me and think the sun shines out of my backside doesn’t mean everyone else does.”

 

Emma reached out and laid her hand against her granddaughter’s cheek. “I don’t know how anyone could know the real you and not love you.”

 

Nikki blinked back the tears that were threatening to overwhelm her. “Well, maybe I’m not prepared to take the risk this time. Now, chatterbox, I’m going to find a quiet corner and read my report in peace.” She winked to soften her words and stood up.

 

“I might get Maddy to take me out in the car,” Emma said matter-of-factly.

 

“You’re not going to see Helen are you?” demanded Nikki suspiciously.

 

“Of course not!” the old lady retorted indignantly.

 

“Gran!” she said warningly.

 

“I just thought I would…”

 

“Interfere!” she put in quickly. “Gran, please, just leave it. Helen told me in no uncertain terms that she could never love me…for a start she’s straight!”

 

“But what if there was another reason?” Emma persisted.

 

Nikki shook her head and picked up her report. It wasn’t any good arguing with her grandmother, she would still go her own sweet way.

 

When Nikki had gone, Emma picked up the telephone and dialled Helen’s number. She just couldn’t sit back and do nothing!

 

“Emma, what a lovely surprise!” Helen said sincerely when she answered the old lady’s call. “I’ve been meaning to ring you. The twins want you…all of you…to come to their birthday party next week.”

 

“That would be lovely!” Emma replied, her mind working furiously. “But why don’t you have it here? There’s more room and the children can play in the garden.”

 

“I couldn’t,” Helen replied doubtfully. “It would be too much for you.”

 

“Nonsense,” Emma brushed her doubts aside. “It’s a long time since we had a party in this house…any sort of party. I’ll get Maddy to give you a call and you can make the arrangements with her.”

 

After chatting for a few more minutes, Helen replaced the receiver pensively. Maybe accepting Emma’s kind offer hadn’t been such a good idea after all. She didn’t want to run into Nikki and risk Marcia Taylor getting wind of it but then again a children’s birthday party was unlikely to be Nikki’s cup of tea so she would probably stay well out of the way.

 

 

As Nikki entered the house she heard the sound of childish laughter. Her first thought was of Helen and the children until she realised there was too much noise. It sounded like bedlam!

 

She went along the corridor to the kitchen and, as she reached out to open the door, had to smartly side step when it flew open and a couple of youngsters chasing each other ran out. She held the door open and peered round it. The kitchen was full of kids and Blackie was dashing around the room yapping his head off! What the hell was going on?

 

Helen caught her breath as she looked up and saw Nikki standing in the doorway. She smiled, amazed at how pleased she was to see her.

 

“What’s going on?” Nikki asked as she came up to her.

 

“It’s the twins’ sixth birthday and Emma kindly suggested we hold their party here. I thought she would have told you. I’m sorry if we’re in the way,” Helen replied apologetically.

 

“It’s OK. Do you need any help?”

 

Even as she spoke a plastic dish clattered onto the floor depositing a dollop of trifle on the tiled surface.

 

Nikki laughed. “I’ll get that.”

 

Helen looked at the back of Nikki’s head as she crouched on the floor cleaning up the mess. Tendrils of dark hair touched the collar of the blood red shirt she wore. Her eyes travelled downwards and she saw that the shirt had ridden up to reveal a patch of tanned skin at the top of Nikki’s trousers. Her eyes darkened with desire as she tore her gaze away and again looked at the back of Nikki’s head, only to realise with dismay that the woman had half turned and was regarding her intently over her shoulder. She saw Nikki mouth her name before she flushed and turned her attention back to the children.

 

“Who’s for a game in the garden?” she said with forced gaiety.

 

“Me!” they all chorused. There was a scraping of chairs then a mass exit from the kitchen.

 

Helen started to follow them but suddenly Nikki was barring her way. “Let me pass,” she said breathlessly.

 

“Helen, I…” Nikki began hesitantly. “What I said to you…I was jealous and…well, I know there’s nothing going on between you and Doctor MacDonald and I’m really sorry.”

 

“Fine,” Helen replied stiffly. “Now, will you let me pass?”

 

“Why are you so bloody unforgiving?” Nikki demanded angrily. “I’ve apologised until I’m blue in the face. What do you want me to do, get down on my knees and beg your forgiveness?”

 

“I want you to leave me alone!” Helen replied forcefully. “How many more times do I have to tell you, I’m not interested?”

 

“Liar!” Nikki retorted, pulling Helen against her and kissing her hungrily. Momentarily she felt Helen responding then she was pushed away. “Now tell me you’re not interested.”

 

Tears filled Helen’s eyes and she shook her head. “I’m not,” she murmured. “Go back to Marcia.”

 

“What the hell is it with you? I know you want me – I saw it in your eyes just now – but you’re always pushing me at Marcia.”

 

“I…”

 

“Tell her, Helen,” Emma spoke behind them.

 

“I can’t,” came the fearful reply.

 

Emma crossed and took Helen’s hand. “My dear, you have nothing to worry about,” she said kindly. “No one can touch you or the children, I’ve made sure of that. She’s gone.”

 

A sob escaped Helen’s throat and she hugged Emma to her.

 

“Will someone please tell me what the hell is going on?”

 

“Your friend threatened the children if Helen didn’t leave you alone,” Emma replied in disgust.

 

Nikki looked from one to the other of them in disbelief. “What?”

 

“How on earth did you know?” Helen asked incredulously.

 

“Let’s just say a little bird told me,” Emma replied secretively, tapping the side of her nose with her finger. “I’ll leave you to it. I think you two have a lot to talk about.” She smiled knowingly as she left the room but not before she had grabbed a dish of trifle and a spoon

 

“Helen, I…”

 

“Wait, Nikki, let me talk,” Helen interrupted quickly. “At the beginning I pushed you away because I couldn’t understand what was happening. My feelings for you were just so alien. By the time I knew how I felt about you…”

 

“Marcia warned you off me,” Nikki finished for her.

 

Helen nodded. “She threatened to have the children taken away from me.”

 

“Why the hell didn’t you come to me?” Nikki demanded. “I could have sorted her out.”

 

“I was scared,” Helen admitted softly.

 

“Scared?”

 

“Scared that if it came to a choice between Marcia and a woman with three children…you wouldn’t choose me.” She smiled as she reached up and touched Nikki’s cheek. “And I so wanted you to choose me.”

 

A look of relief crossed Nikki’s face as she put her hands on Helen’s waist and drew her forward. “I thought I was the only one who was scared,” she confessed.

 

“I never thought I would hear you say that,” Helen said in disbelief.

 

“Neither did I,” Nikki replied with a wry smile. “But I’ve never felt like this about anyone before.”

 

“Me neither,” Helen agreed as she gazed into Nikki’s eyes. The beautiful woman was looking at her with so much love and longing that she felt herself start to tremble. Nikki’s mouth came down onto hers and she grabbed hold of the collar of her shirt…wanting to hold her closer…wanting the kiss never to end.

 

Several moments later Nikki lifted her head and smiled happily down at her. “Why don’t I get Maddy to supervise this lot then you and I can have some time to get to know each other better,” she said suggestively.

 

Helen drew back, a look of apprehension on her face.

 

“What’s wrong?” Nikki asked with a worried frown.

 

“Nikki, I…” Helen looked down at the floor, her cheeks turning pink. “I don’t know what to do,” she murmured softly.

 

“Oh, Helen!” came the laughing response.

 

Helen looked at her, her eyes flashing angrily. “Go on, that’s it, take the piss!” she retorted.

 

“I’m not taking the piss. I just think it’s so…sweet.”

 

“Sweet!” she echoed. “Are you patronising me now?”

 

Nikki sighed. “Look, I’m not taking the piss and I’m not patronising you,” she said gently. “I think it’s sweet…beautiful,” she hastily corrected herself. “But all I’m suggesting at the moment is that we talk. Do you realise I know almost nothing about you?”

 

“It didn’t stop you forming opinions about me though, did it?” Helen sniped, although there was a teasing smile on her lips.

 

“I still think my first impressions of you were the right ones,” Nikki replied mischievously.

 

“And they were? Helen demanded then added threateningly, “But choose your words very carefully!”

 

“Beautiful…gorgeous…the woman of my dreams and…a great pair of legs!” Nikki murmured, punctuating her words with gentle kisses.

 

Helen’s arms slid around Nikki’s neck. “You certainly know how to sweet-talk a woman, Ms Wade,” she quipped.

 

“What did you think about me then?” Nikki asked, a look of eager anticipation on her face.

 

“Moody…bad tempered…arrogant,” Helen replied, also punctuating her words with gentle kisses. “And a great kisser.”

 

“Moody! Bad tempered!” Nikki retorted.

 

“Don’t forget ‘arrogant’,” Helen supplied, slipping her hands behind Nikki’s head and drawing her closer. They kissed and when they finally broke the embrace, Helen sighed. “And definitely a great kisser!”

 

Nikki laughed and hugged her tightly. “So when are you moving back in here?” she asked eagerly.

 

“Moving back in?” Helen repeated. “We aren’t.”

 

Nikki dropped her arms and frowned. “But I thought…”

 

“What did you think?” she asked icily. “I don’t need you to take care of my children, Nikki! I’ve done quite well on my own for the last few months.” She turned away. “I’d better go and check up on them.”

 

“Now, what did I say?” Nikki exclaimed as she looked after Helen’s retreating back.

 

Helen rounded the children up, her mind still on the conversation with Nikki. She could see her standing forlornly in the kitchen doorway and wished she could retract her words but Marcia Taylor had insinuated she only wanted Nikki for a meal ticket so she wasn’t giving anyone else the chance to say it.

 

By the time all the parents had collected their children Nikki had disappeared. Helen helped Maddy and Emma to clear away the chaos then took her leave of the two elderly women. Emma didn’t say anything but she could tell the old lady was curious about what had happened.

 

She put the children to bed and was just going back downstairs when she heard a knock on the front door. Through the glass panel she could make out a shadowy outline and knew instinctively it was Nikki. She took a deep breath, trying to regain her composure and opened the door.                                                                           

 

“Can I come in?” Nikki asked, subdued.

 

“Is there any point?” she replied, equally subdued.

 

“Put it this way, Gran says I haven’t to go home until I’ve sorted things out with you,” she joked, trying to ease the tension between them.

 

Helen smiled. She could just imagine the old lady saying it. “You’d better come in then,” she said resignedly.

 

In the living room, Nikki looked around her appreciatively. “This is nice. I can understand why you don’t want to give it up.”

 

“It’s not that I don’t want to give it up…”

 

They faced each other across the living room floor; the pain they were both feeling etched on their faces.

 

“What did I say that was so wrong?”

 

“It wasn’t what you said, it was what someone else implied,” Helen replied distastefully.

 

“Marcia again?”

 

Helen nodded. “She insinuated I only wanted you to support the children.”

 

“We both know that’s not true.” She moved forward and took hold of Helen’s hands. “I know you don’t need my help – financial or otherwise – but I’d like to be part of your family, if you’ll let me.” She smiled impishly. “I could always take care of the dog…where is he by the way?”

 

“Jemma smuggled him upstairs with her. I think she thought I wouldn’t notice.” She moved closer until she could almost feel Nikki’s breath against her face. “So Emma said you couldn’t go home until you’d sorted everything out with me, did she?” She moved even closer until their lips were almost touching. “I think you’d better call her and tell her I’m being unco-operative and it could take you all night to talk me round then she won’t be worried when you don’t go home.”

 

“All night, eh?” Nikki said with a smile.

 

“At the very least.”

 

Nikki bent her head to kiss her but she pulled away.

 

“Kids and dog are all worn out so let’s go and slip into something more comfortable,” she suggested. She held out her hand – smiling at the puzzled look on Nikki’s face. “My bed!” she said silkily, as long slender fingers curled around her smaller ones.

 

As they walked upstairs hand in hand Nikki stopped and pulled Helen into her embrace. “When I think how close I came to losing you,” she said huskily then her lips came down on Helen’s hungrily.

 

“Definitely a great kisser!” Helen sighed happily, as she laid her head on Nikki’s shoulder. 

    

 

THE END

 

 

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