Everything I do

 

 

Chapter 5

 

After arranging to meet with Phil the following week to discuss the ‘finer points’ of the job, Helen replaced the receiver and shook her head in disbelief. She could be out of Larkhall in a matter of weeks and the rehab unit was only about 20 miles away so she could still see Nikki. She went back to the garden but decided to keep the news to herself until everything was finalised. Nikki was nowhere to be seen but the potting shed door was open so she went inside.

 

“What kept you?” Nikki asked without turning round.

 

Helen closed the shed door behind her. “What if it had been Hollamby and not me?”

 

Nikki turned round and wrinkled her nose in distaste. “Bodybag wouldn’t come in here with me on her own. She’s frightened to death I’ll sexually assault her. Silly cow!”

 

“She doesn’t know what she’s missing,” Helen said softly, a secret smile lighting up her lovely face.

 

“What’s got into you?” Nikki asked in surprise.

 

Helen slid her arms around Nikki’s waist and drew her close. “You have,” she said huskily.

 

“You are the real Helen Stewart, aren’t you?” Nikki asked facetiously. “And not just a figment of my imagination.” She cupped Helen’s face with her hands and kissed her gently. “You are definitely real.”

 

“Shut up, Nikki!” Helen ordered and pressed her lips hard against Nikki’s.

 

Nikki ran her hands through Helen’s hair, thrilling at its silkiness. Her mouth opened and as their darting tongues touched, Nikki let her hands fall to Helen’s shoulders and draw her closer.

 

As they kissed her wandering hands unfastened Helen’s blouse. She cupped her breasts and caressed the hardening nipples, then let her right hand drop to the triangle at the top of Helen’s legs. Her fingers massaged and probed as she silently cursed the trousers for being there. She unfastened the button on the waistband and started to slide down the zip.

 

Helen moaned softly and her breathing was ragged but suddenly with a cry she pushed Nikki away from her.

 

“Helen, what the hell?”

 

“Nikki, I’m sorry.” Helen hastily refastened her clothing. “I can’t do it, not here.” She took a deep breath before continuing. “This is so…so sordid.”

 

“Thanks a lot, Helen. It’s nice to know you find my love-making sordid,” Nikki exclaimed. She was hurt and angry and frustrated.

 

Helen cupped Nikki’s face with her hands. “Not you, Nikki, never you. It’s this place. I want our first time…my first time…to be special, not a hurried grope in a dirty garden shed. Please understand.”

 

Nikki nodded. “I do and I’m sorry for rushing you but I don’t know if I can wait ten years to make love to you properly.”

 

“I’ll find a way, Nikki,” Helen assured her leaning forward to kiss her again. “Trust me.”

 

 

When she left Nikki she made her way to Stubberfield’s office. There was always somebody waiting to stick the knife in so if she made him aware of her weekend arrangements her back was covered. She briefly informed him of Joan Wade’s invitation.

 

“Do you think this is a good idea, Helen, mixing with an inmates family?”

 

“In this instance I do. We need to cement Nikki’s relationship with her mother. Don’t you see, Simon, if she had a future to look forward to maybe she would start to tow the line. It wouldn’t do your career any harm if such a high profile inmate, a known troublemaker became a model prisoner.” She apologised silently to Nikki for trashing what was left of her reputation.

 

Stubberfield leaned forward, suddenly interested. Gotcha! Helen thought. She knew Stubberfield’s only concern was his own career and a fat pay packet at the end of the month. He didn’t care whether Nikki Wade, or any of the other inmates for that matter, had a future to look forward to or not, as long as he looked good.

 

“Well then, Helen. I’ll leave it to you. I’m sure you know what you’re doing.”

 

“Yes, Simon, I know exactly what I’m doing.”

 

 

She arrived at Joan Wade’s bungalow a little after 8 o’clock. As her tyres grunched on the gravel driveway a security light came on and the front door opened and Joan came out. Helen gasped. In the dim light Joan looked even more like Nikki. This is what it could be like having Nikki waiting for me when I come home every night, she thought longingly. In that instant she made up her mind. She would take the job Phil had offered her and do everything in her power to get Nikki out of Larkhall.

 

She took her overnight case out of the boot, made sure her car was locked securely then crossed to the front door where Joan was patiently waiting. “Hello, Joan. Good to see you again.”

 

“Glad you could make it, Helen,” Joan greeted her warmly. “Come on in, the meal is almost ready.” Joan stood to one side to allow Helen to enter, then closed the front door.

 

“This is a lovely place,” Helen said sincerely as she looked around the hallway.

 

“Thank you.” She went down the corridor and opened one of the doors. “Why don’t you put your case in here then we can have a drink before dinner.”

 

Helen entered the room Joan had indicated and put her case on the bed then she shrugged out of her short leather jacket and draped it across her case. She looked around the room. It was expensively, though cosily furnished. As she turned to leave a large framed photograph standing on the dressing table caught her eye. She picked it up. It was a photograph of Nikki dressed in her school uniform. She traced the outline of Nikki’s mouth with her finger and wished with all her heart she could be caressing the real thing.

 

“That’s the last photograph I have of Nikki,” Joan spoke from the doorway and Helen started guiltily. “She was about fifteen at the time. It’s usually in my room but I thought you might like to have it whilst you’re here.”

 

Helen blushed furiously and replaced the photograph trying to hide her confusion. “Joan, I…”

 

Joan touched her arm gently. “Why don’t we have that drink and you can tell me about Nikki. I’m dying to hear how she is.”

 

“She sends her love,” Helen said as she followed Joan into the sitting room.

 

“Not her words, I’m sure,” Joan said sadly.

 

“Not exactly but it’s what she meant,” Helen tried to reassure her.

 

“What would you like to drink? Wine? Sherry?”

 

“Wine would be lovely, thank you.”

 

They had a leisurely glass of wine and Helen filled her in about Nikki until Joan declared that dinner should be ready. After the meal several more leisurely glasses of wine were consumed and the conversation again returned to Nikki, not that Helen was complaining.

 

“Did Nikki grow up here, in this house?”

 

“No, this was Pam’s house. I didn’t find out until after her will was read but I was her sole beneficiary. She left me the house, everything.” Joan lowered her eyes sadly. “I was financially secure for life but all I had was emptiness.”

 

“Was it then that you decided to contact Nikki?”

 

Joan nodded. “I used to talk to Pam about Nikki’s case. She used to say that if she had been on Nikki’s defence team Nikki would have walked free. That wasn’t arrogance, Helen, it was a fact. Pam was a brilliant barrister.” She leaned forward urgently in her chair. “Are you and Nikki having an affair, Helen?”

 

Helen had drunk several glasses of wine and was feeling slightly mellow but Joan’s question shocked her out of her reverie. “No, we are not!” She retorted indignantly, then instantly felt guilty she had denied Nikki so readily.

 

“But there is something going on.” Joan insisted. “Nikki could scarcely take her eyes off you.”

 

“Relationships between inmates and officers are against the regulations,” Helen informed her. “I couldn’t have an affair with Nikki even if I wanted to.”

 

“And do you want to?”

 

“Joan, I don’t think I want to talk about this. You are Nikki’s mother after all.” Helen groaned inwardly. Maybe coming here wasn’t such a good idea.

 

“It’s just that if you do have…shall we say…more than a passing interest in Nikki I have something you might like to see.”  Joan got up and left the room. A few moments later she returned carrying a thick folder, which she placed on the coffee table in front of Helen.

 

“What is it?”

 

“These are Pam’s notes on Nikki’s case. We were going to start forming an appeal for Nikki but Pam died before we could get it off the ground. I have enough money to take this to the highest court in the land. Will you help me, Helen?”

 

Helen smiled. “Short of arranging a jailbreak, I’ll do anything I can to get Nikki out of Larkhall and as it happens I’ll be leaving Larkhall myself shortly. I’ve been head-hunted.” Joan looked at her questioningly so she proceeded to tell her about the new job.

 

Long after Joan had turned in for the night Helen read her way through the file. On to of all the newspaper cuttings and notes there was a sheet summarising the case written in what she assumed was Pam’s neat handwriting. Two of the points seemed to jump out at her: Why hadn’t Nikki taken the stand and why hadn’t the policeman’s background been investigated? As dawn approached she closed the file with a satisfied sigh. Maybe this was just what she needed to get Nikki out of Larkhall for good.

 

 

On to Chapter 6

 

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