BARRIER OF DOUBT

 

 

Chapter 15

 

 

The following morning Helen stood at Nikki’s bedroom door and smiled when she saw the two dark heads pressed close together, fast asleep. Her son had obviously woken up during the night and got in with Nikki. If only she had the courage to do the same thing. As she turned to leave Nikki stirred and opened her eyes.

 

“Helen, don’t go,” she murmured softly.

 

“I’m sorry about this, Nikki,” Helen said quietly as she came into the room.

 

Nikki grinned sleepily. “It doesn’t matter. He said you were asleep so he came in to me.”

 

“He didn’t wake you up, did he?” she asked apologetically.

 

“I told you, it doesn’t matter.” She struggled to a sitting position as Helen sat down on the bottom of the bed. “How long are you staying for?”

 

“We’ll go today, if that’s what you want.” Helen looked at her, hoping to see some evidence of the love she was sure Nikki still felt for her.

 

“Please yourself,” she replied disinterestedly. “This is Barbara’s home, you’re free to stay as long as you like.”

 

“But if it’s making you uncomfortable…”

 

“Helen, it’s not,” Nikki assured her. “Look, why don’t I take Nicky off your hands for a few hours today? I’ll take him to the park and you can go shopping with Barbara.”

 

This wasn’t what she wanted. She wanted to spend time with Nikki, not with Barbara. “Alright, if you’re sure you don’t mind,” she heard herself agreeing.

 

 

Over the next couple of days, Helen tried in vain to get Nikki on her own so she could talk to her but as soon as they were left alone, Nikki made some excuse and left the room. Each night she went to bed with Nicholas and each morning she woke up alone. Even her son was spending more time alone with Nikki than she was!    

 

Barbara looked up from the book she was desperately trying to read but Nikki was annoying her by pointing the remote at the television and idly flicking through the channels. “Nikki, find something you want to watch and stick to it!” she exclaimed.

 

“Nothing on,” Nikki replied absently.

 

Helen came back into the room from putting Nicholas to bed. She looked at the back of Nikki’s head and sighed audibly. She was the most stubborn, infuriating, bloody loveable woman she had ever met but if something didn’t give soon she was going to have to get back for work. The new term started in a few days.

 

Barbara heard the sigh and saw the loving look Helen was giving Nikki. “Helen, why don’t you and Nikki go down to the pub?” she suggested as she snatched the remote from Nikki’s hand and turned the television off. “I’ll babysit.”

 

“We’re not going out and leaving you on your own,” Helen protested.

 

“I won’t be on my own. Anyway, it will give me a chance to catch up on my reading,” she replied, looking pointedly at Nikki.

 

Helen turned to Nikki questioningly. “Yeah, if Barbara doesn’t mind we can go for an hour. If you want to, that is.”

 

“Ok, I’ll get my jacket.”

 

They leisurely walked the half-mile to the pub making occasional small talk. “My round. What are you going to have?” Helen asked as they entered the public bar.

 

“I’ll just have a mineral water, thanks.”

 

“Have something stronger,” she urged. “You’re not driving.”

 

“Alright. I’ll have a vodka and Coke.” She found a seat at an empty table whilst Helen bought the drinks and smiled as she saw her flirting with the barman. “You’re a tart, Helen Stewart,” Nikki grinned as Helen placed her drink in front of her. “I saw you making eyes at the barman.”

 

Helen looked at her in surprise as she sat down. How often had Nikki gone ape-shit in the past at the mere thought she might have competition? Then again, if she didn’t care she wouldn’t see them as competition now. “Just making sure I haven’t lost my touch,” she said light-heartedly.

 

“Don’t worry, you haven’t,” Nikki said simply as she raised her glass to her lips. She took a long swallow then placed the glass on the table. “So, what do you want to do tomorrow then?”

 

“I’m easy.”

 

“I know you are but what do you want to do tomorrow?” Nikki tried to suppress her smile but her eyes were shining mischievously.

 

“You cheeky sod!” Helen exclaimed with a laugh. “You’re in a good mood.”

 

“I’m enjoying being here with you and Barbara and Nicky. He’s a great kid.”

 

“He thinks the world of you,” Helen said before she could stop herself. “I mean, when you’re around, I could almost be redundant.”

 

“No one will ever take your place, Helen…with Nicky I mean,” she added as an afterthought. “Same again?”

 

“Please. Vodka and tonic.” Helen watched as Nikki went to the bar. She smiled at something the barman said. He obviously made a point of chatting up all his female customers.

 

“Have you never wanted kids, Nikki?” Helen asked when Nikki came back with the drinks.

 

“Me?” Nikki was just taking a swallow from her newly filled glass and almost choked. She sat and looked at Helen for several moments before replying. “ Yeah, I guess I did, with the right woman but neither Trish nor Claire wanted kids, well, not with me anyway. What about you, wouldn’t you like a little brother or sister for Nicky?”

 

Helen grimaced. “I don’t know if I could face all that morning sickness again.”

 

“He might miss out on a lot if he’s an only child. Look what you and Anna have.”

 

Was Nikki an only child? Helen suddenly realised how little she knew about the woman she loved. She voiced her unspoken thought.

 

For a long while Nikki didn’t answer, preferring instead to fiddle with a beer mat. “No, I have a younger brother and sister. Richard, my brother, was almost ten when I last saw him and my sister, Sarah, was about four.”

 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know,” Helen said softly.

 

“Why would you? It was something I’ve never talked about.” She drained her glass before continuing. “When I was about sixteen, my dad threw me out, well as good as and he wouldn’t let me see them, my own brother and sister,” she said bitterly. “The last memory I have of Sarah is of her sobbing hysterically and trying to get to me with my dad holding her back.” 

 

“Have they ever tried to contact you?”

 

She shook her head. “No. He obviously did a good job on them. They knew where to find me if they wanted to. Both the case and my release were well publicised.”

 

Helen touched her hand briefly. “I’ll get us another drink.”

 

“Are you trying to get me drunk?” she demanded, suddenly back to the old Nikki.

 

“Might be interesting,” Helen smiled.

 

“Nikki Wade falling down drunk is anything but interesting, I can assure you. It’s your own fault if you have to carry me back.”

 

“I’ll take my chances.” As she stood at the bar Helen looked across at Nikki who was staring thoughtfully into space. Maybe this was why Nikki was so jealously possessive when she loved someone. She was afraid they would be taken away from her.     

 

They arrived back at the bungalow to find Barbara had already gone to bed. “Do you want a coffee or anything to eat?” Helen asked quietly as she looked up at Nikki in the dim light of the hallway.

 

“No, thanks. I think I’ll turn in,” Nikki replied abruptly. ‘Night, Helen.”

 

“Yeah. ‘Night, Nikki.” Helen looked at Nikki’s retreating back. ‘Shit!’ she muttered to herself. She had Nikki to herself for the first time in days but her courage had failed her. She couldn’t just jump on her and tell her how she felt. Could she?

    

As had become the custom the past few nights Nikki was roused by Helen’s son climbing into bed with her. “Come on then, sweetheart,” she said softly as, still half-asleep, she flung back the duvet and moved over in the bed. A pair of soft lips covered hers and she felt hands fumbling with her pyjama jacket buttons. She grabbed hold of the hands and jerked her lips free. “What the fu…?”

 

A hand clamped itself over her mouth and a soft Scottish voice whispered in her ear. “Shhh, you’ll wake Barbara.”

 

She reached out and switched on the bedside lamp to find a naked Helen in bed beside her. “What the hell are you playing at, Helen?” Nikki demanded, desire building up inside her at the sight of Helen’s full breasts.

 

“I’m trying to get into your bed before my son does and I’m not playing, Nikki, I’m deadly serious.” She pressed her mouth against Nikki’s in a burning kiss then drew back and looked at her lovingly. “Oh, Nikki, don’t you know by now how much I love you?”

 

“How was I supposed to know? You never were one for giving much away,” Nikki said accusingly.

 

“Then I guess I’m going to have to change. I’m in love with you, Nikki Wade, and I’ve never loved anyone as much as I love you, apart from Nicholas, of course.” Helen smiled, desire showing in her eyes. “And once and for all, I am going to tear down every last barrier of doubt you have about my feelings for you and there isn’t a thing you can do about it.”

 

“Oh, no?” Nikki grinned.

 

“No,” Helen laughed as she pushed her down onto the bed.

 

“You do realise I’m no good for you,” Nikki said softly.

 

“You are the best thing that has ever happened to me,” Helen said sincerely. “And I don’t ever want to hear you talk like that again. We’ve managed to get over every obstacle that has been thrown at us. I’ve even told my mum and dad. My dad wasn’t very pleased but mum will talk him round,” she added confidently.

 

“But…” she was silenced by Helen’s lips. They drew apart and Nikki looked up at her. “You are beautiful,” she murmured.

 

“Even with my sagging boobs?”

 

Nikki laughed. “If I’d wanted firm young breasts, I wouldn’t have gone for you in the first place.” Helen slapped her arm playfully and Nikki looked at her, suddenly serious. “Do you know how much I still love you?”

 

“Why don’t you get out of these passion killers, “ she indicated Nikki’s pyjama’s. “And show me.”

 

Nikki stripped off her jacket and then raised her legs so Helen could pull off the bottoms. As Helen turned and dropped the pyjamas unceremoniously onto the floor, Nikki grabbed hold of her and she squealed with delight. “Shhh, you’ll wake Barbara,” Nikki hissed. She pulled Helen beneath her and drew the duvet over them.

 

Helen rolled her over and lay looking down at her. “I love you so much,” she said softly as she bent her head and placed her mouth on Nikki’s. Her lips parted and she felt Nikki’s warm soft tongue invade her mouth. She pulled her mouth away and dropped light kisses on Nikki’s face and throat as her hand started moving downwards, lingering to caress Nikki’s breasts before continuing on its way. She slid her hand between Nikki’s legs, marvelling at the softness then, as her fingers stroked and caressed, she felt Nikki grasp her head and she kissed her hungrily. “I have missed you so much,” Nikki said softly against Helen’s lips. “I won’t ever let you go again.”

 

“I have no intention of going anywhere without you,” Helen assured her. She brushed her lips across Nikki’s then started to kiss her way down Nikki’s body. She lingered over her breasts suckling each erect nipple in turn. Nikki moaned softly as Helen’s tongue circled her navel and traced a line downwards. She removed her hand and ran her fingertips up the inside of Nikki’s thighs then repeated the caress with her lips, her mouth kissing and pulling at the soft flesh.

 

Nikki felt Helen’s fingers parting her and then her tongue pushing its way inside her. She gasped as Helen’s mouth and tongue sucked and stroked her. She pushed her hips up to Helen’s face urging her on until she couldn’t hold back any longer and she murmured Helen’s name over and over as she climaxed.

 

Helen moved slowly back up Nikki’s body her hands and lips caressing and soothing. “Well!” she said with a triumphant little smile as she gazed into Nikki’s eyes.

 

“If you’re asking after my health, I feel bloody fantastic,” Nikki murmured wrapping her arms around her. As her breathing returned to normal, she felt Helen take her hand and slide it between her legs. She raised herself on one elbow and smiled at the concentration on Helen’s face as she pushed two of Nikki’s fingers deep inside her own wetness. Nikki rolled over until she was partly lying across her. She eased her knee between Helen’s legs and heard her gasp as the action forced her fingers deeper. “Oh, Nikki!” she said harshly. “I love you.”

 

“I know you do. I love you too.” She started to move her fingers faster then she felt Helen tremble beneath her and she came with a shuddering cry.

 

Nikki’s arms enfolded her, her hand stroked Helen’s hair and their lips met in a long kiss.

 

“Well, are there still any doubts in that thick skull of yours?” Helen said softly.

 

Nikki shook her head. “No more doubts but just to make sure…” She bent and took Helen’s nipple between her lips as the door was flung rudely open.

 

“Mum…mee!” Nicholas cried in delight at having found her.

 

“Much as I love your son,” Nikki groaned. “He has lousy timing.” She reached out of bed, snatched up her pyjama jacket and slipped it on as Nicholas climbed into bed between them and snuggled down.

 

“You do realise we’ve got this until he gets married,” Helen laughed impishly.

 

Nikki raised her eyebrows. “You mean he’ll be getting into bed with us for the next twenty years,” she joked.

 

“You know what they say, Nikki, a child is for life, not just for Christmas.” She reached out and stroked Nikki’s cheek, her face suddenly becoming serious. “You don’t mind, do you? Having a ready-made family, I mean.”

 

Nikki pushed herself up onto one elbow and looked down at the now sleeping child then at his mother. “Helen, I’ve never been happier than I am at this minute.”

 

“I want…We want you to come and live with us. If you want to that is,” Helen added, nervously awaiting her answer.

 

“Well, Miss Stewart, I guess this is one life sentence I’ll be happy to serve every day of,” she replied with a grin. “And no chance of an appeal.”

 

Helen stroked her cheek then pulled her close until their lips were almost touching. “Oh, you appeal to me very much, Ms Wade. Now, why don’t we leave him here and go and get into my bed.”

 

“Helen, you’re terrible!” Nikki exclaimed, pretending to be shocked. She got out of bed and waited until Helen climbed gingerly over her son, trying not to wake him. Nikki took her hand and they started to go out of the bedroom. “Shit!” she said softly as she heard Barbara’s bedroom door open. She pushed Helen behind the door as Barbara walked past her on her way to the bathroom. “I…I was just going to get a drink,” she stammered.

 

“Well, don’t catch your death,” Barbara smirked. Nikki glanced down and realised she was only wearing her pyjama jacket, which was gaping open. She flushed and started to fasten it. “’Night, Helen.”

 

“’Night, Barbara,” Helen replied without thinking. She collapsed into fits of giggles when she realised what she had done. Nikki shot her an angry look, which changed to a leer when she saw what was happening to Helen’s breasts. She leaned against her, pressing her back against the wall. “Do you know your boobs jiggle about when you laugh?”

 

“So, what do you propose to do about that then?” Helen drawled sexily.

 

Nikki raised her eyebrows. “Buy a joke book then I can read to you in bed!” She looked down at Helen, all the love she felt for her mirrored in the beautiful Scot’s eyes. There were no more barriers between them, no more doubts. “I love you, you gorgeous, beautiful woman,” she whispered as she bent her head.

 

Helen slid her arms around Nikki’s neck and threaded her fingers in her hair. “Ditto,” she murmured as their lips met.

         

 

Epilogue

 

Helen looked up from the pile of Christmas cards she was writing. “I was wondering, Nikki, do you mind if we have mum and dad for Christmas?” she asked apprehensively.

 

“Can’t we have turkey like everyone else?” Nikki quipped, not looking up from her book.

 

“Nikki, be serious!” Helen said impatiently.

 

“I want to make lo…”

 

“Forget I said that,” Helen quickly interrupted with a smile. “Anyway, been there, done that. So, what do you think?”

 

“About what?” Nikki muttered annoyingly.

 

Helen tutted. “About mum and dad coming here for Christmas. Nicky and I usually go up there but Anna’s spending Christmas with Dave’s family and I don’t like the thought of mum and dad being on their own. We could invite Barbara as well.”

 

Nikki closed her book. Helen was obviously in a talkative mood. “Helen, darlin’, it’s our first Christmas together, we’ll do whatever makes you happy,” she told her lovingly. “Why don’t you ask the boss?”

 

Helen knelt down beside her son who was playing on the floor. “Nicky, do you want granny and grandpa to come for Christmas?”

 

“No, I want turkey, like Nikki!” he exclaimed.

 

Nikki choked and spluttered as she tried to stop herself from laughing. Helen wagged a finger at her. “You, lady, are a bad influence on our son!” she admonished her. Nikki’s face became serious and her eyes filled with tears. Helen stood up and went over to her. “What is it? What’s the matter?” she asked, her voice filled with concern as she sat down and held Nikki’s hand.

 

“It was just, you saying that about…our son,” she said tearfully.

 

“Sweetheart, as far as I’m concerned he is ours. You’re a great parent to Nicky, even though you do spoil him rotten and you have the patience of a saint with him, more so than I have.” She laid her hand on Nikki’s cheek and ran her thumb across her lips. “What you started to say earlier,” she whispered softly. “Do you fancy putting your money where your mouth is and making it third time lucky?”

 

“Another all-nighter?” Nikki mused. “You are insatiable, Helen Stewart!”

 

“And aren’t you just glad about that, Nikki Wade!”

 

  

THE END

 

 

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