Chapter
3
Dominic walked down G-Wing thoughtfully. He’d woken that morning
to find Helen had pushed a note through his letterbox, apologising for her
behaviour and leaving a contact address and telephone number, in Scotland of
all places, in case Nikki wanted to get in touch with her. So instead of the
bright future he had visualised with her, he had made a total balls-up of it
and she was hundreds of miles away.
“Mr McAllister, can I have a word?” Nikki spoke behind him.
He turned impatiently. Nikki was really pissing him off asking the
same question every morning. “No, Nikki, before you ask. I haven’t heard from
Helen. She’s gone to Scotland to see her family.”
“But you said she was visiting relatives.”
“Relatives! Family! What’s the bloody difference?” he snapped.
Nikki looked taken aback. “Sorry, Nikki. Bad night.” He walked away leaving a
bewildered Nikki staring after him.
She walked back into her cell frowning.
“Something wrong?” Barbara commented.
“McAllister has just bitten my head off. I only wanted to know if
he’d heard from Helen.”
“Nikki, I know you don’t like to think about it, but he cared for
Helen too, you know.”
“Yeah, I know he did,” Nikki replied bitterly. “That’s what caused
most of the trouble.”
Helen pulled up outside her parents’ picturesque cottage and
stretched wearily. It had been a long drive and she was aching everywhere. The
last time she had been here was just after she had broken off her engagement to
Sean. Now, she was here because…A picture of Nikki’s beloved face came into her
mind.
“So, who are you daydreaming about?”
She started guiltily as her sister Anna’s voice came in to her
through the open window. “Wouldn’t you like to know?” she smiled secretively.
“Do tell,” Anna persisted.
“Some other time,” she replied as she climbed from the car. “I’m
bushed.”
“Good to see you, Sis,” Anna said as she hugged her big sister.
“We’ve missed your ugly mug around here,” she teased.
“Well, I’ve missed your ugly mug too,” Helen smiled affectionately
at her. “And since you’ve been so cheeky you can carry the heaviest suitcase.”
“God! How long are you staying for?” Anna wailed as she struggled
with Helen’s luggage. “Or does that depend on how long it takes you to get over
whoever you were daydreaming about? Two weeks with…Sean, wasn’t it?”
“Oh, I think I’ll be here longer than that this time,” Helen told
her wearily. “A good bit longer!”
“Thanks, Mum. That was delicious,” Helen said appreciatively as
she pushed her plate away. “But I’ll be like a bacon pig if you keep feeding me
meals like that whilst I’m here.”
“You look as if you could do with a good feed,” Angus, her father,
told her dourly.
Helen knew he was proud of her, not that anyone would ever know
it. The only time his expression changed was when he looked at her mother,
Mary. His eyes, still filled with so much love for her even after almost forty
years together, watched her every move when they were in the same room
together. She thought about someone else’s eyes that filled with love when they
were looking at her. Oh, Nikki!
“Helen! Helen!” Anna was looking at her quizzically.
“Sorry, I was miles away,” Helen apologised.
“Still thinking about some handsome prison officer, Helen?” Anna
teased.
Helen lowered her head, tears threatening to overwhelm her.
“Something like that,” she muttered.
“Leave your sister alone, Anna,” Mary scolded her.
“Sorry, Hel. How about coming to the pub with me tonight?”
“I don’t think so…”
“Get yourself off, lass,” her mother urged her. “It will do you
good. They work you too hard at that Larkhall.”
“Alright, then,” she agreed reluctantly.
“And don’t make a noise when you come in, the pair of you. I’ve
got an early start in the morning,” Angus ordered gruffly as he left the table.
“Fine meal, Mary,” he touched his wife’s shoulder gently as he passed her on
his way to find his pipe. “And do the dishes for your mother before you go
out,” his voice boomed from the other room.
The two sisters grimaced at each other then collapsed into fits of
silent laughter.
“Alright, Nikki.”
Nikki was stretched out on her bunk reading. “What do you want,
Dockley?” She demanded without looking up from her book.
“Just bein’ neighbourly,” Shell Dockley pouted in the doorway.
“Thought you might be lonely now Miss Stewart’s gone.”
Nikki still didn’t look up from her book. “Well, piss off and
‘just be neighbourly’ somewhere else! I’m busy.”
Shell ignored her outburst and came right into the cell. “You
know, Nikki. Me and you, we’re different to the rest of ‘em in ‘ere.”
Nikki closed her book. “And what do you mean by that?”
“We..ll, we’ve both ‘ad screws wrapped round our little fingers.
Well, Miss Stewart was the Governor but that’s still just a glorified screw.”
Nikki flung her book to one side, swung her legs from the bunk and
drew herself up to her full height. “Just what are you getting at, Dockley?”
“Don’t you see, Nikki?” Dockley gabbled. She was beginning to feel
intimidated by Nikki glaring down at her. “We’ve always been at each other’s
froats and they do say love and ‘ate are the same thing.”
“So you love me and I hate you, is that it?” Nikki smirked.
“I’m just sayin’ that you and me, Nikki, we could comfort each
other. Denny’s got Shaz now, she don’t want me.”
“So you and me could…” Nikki licked her lip suggestively. She
folded her arms and looked Shell up and down. “Well, you’ve got a good figure
and you’re quite pretty when you’ve had a good scrub.” She walked round behind
Shell, placed her hands on her shoulders and ran her tongue around the other
woman’s earlobe.
Shell leaned back against her. “So, what do you fink then, Nikki?”
“What I fink, Shell, is,” she spoke against Dockley’s ear. “I
don’t want to go anywhere where Fenner has been!”
“You bloody bitch!” Shell hissed. “You’ll be bloody sorry!”
“I already am. I’ll probably have to disinfect my tongue now or
get a rabies shot.” She laughed as Dockley stormed from the cell. “Thanks for
cheering me up anyway, Shell,” she called after her. She dropped down onto her
bunk and picked up her book still laughing to herself.
“I’m glad to see you’re looking better,” Barbara remarked as she
came into the cell.
Nikki again laid down her book. “You’ll never believe it, Babs.
Dockley just made a pass at me.”
Barbara joined in her laughter. “Dockley! Well, at least she made
you laugh.” She looked at her cell-mate affectionately. “I haven’t seen you look
so happy in weeks.”
“I think it’s time I started to move on, Babs. The funny thing is,
if Dockley hadn’t been with Fenner…she ain’t exactly ugly.”
“Nikki, you wouldn’t!” Barbara exclaimed.
Nikki just smiled and went back to her book.
Helen strolled across the fields behind her parents’ house. She
hadn’t told her family why she had gone back to Scotland, just that she was
taking a leave of absence until she started a new job. It was partly true she
just had to find another job first and soon, she couldn’t live off her savings
forever. She hadn’t told them about Nikki either. No point hitting them with
that bombshell now nothing was going to come of their relationship. She had
been home almost a month and she was still missing Nikki as much as ever.
Her life seemed to be spiralling out of control. She was drinking
too much and eating too little. Anna, eight years younger than she was and full
of life, dragged her to the pub most nights. Not that she needed much
encouragement. Drinking seemed to be the only way she could blot out the pain
of losing Nikki. Even though she had lost everything because of her she still
loved her. Sean had once told her Nikki Wade was becoming an obsession with
her. How right he had been!
She turned and headed for home. Anna had commandeered her for
another mammoth drinking session tonight. She really ought to have refused but
if she sat at home all she could think about was Nikki.
“Can I buy you a drink?”
Helen looked up. It was a man she had noticed watching her since
they had come into the club. “Yeah, I’ll have a vodka and tonic, please.”
“Don’t go away,” he smiled down at her.
If only. She might as well have stayed at home for all the company
her sister was. Anna had dumped her at a table and then spent the best part of
an hour on the dance floor with some bloke she had picked up.
The man brought back the drinks and sat down beside her. “I’m
‘Brian’, by the way.”
“’Helen’ and thanks for the drink.”
“Do you want to dance?” he spoke against her ear.
“No, thanks, I don’t dance.” She stole a sideways glance at him.
He was quite good-looking and, she judged, nearer Anna’s age than her own. He
turned to face her and she saw his eyes. She’d always been a sucker for brown
eyes.
“You have lovely eyes,” he said with a smile.
“Funny, I was just thinking the same about you,” she said softly.
He leaned across and kissed her gently. “Shall we get out of
here?”
“Alright. I’ll just tell my sister I’m leaving.” She caught hold
of Anna on the dance floor. “Anna, are you going to be alright? I’m leaving.”
“Yeah, I’ll get a cab.” She looked past Helen to where Brian was
hovering. “Be good!”
“Oh, I have no intention of being good,” Helen laughed wickedly.
They went out hand in hand to Brian’s car. He drove her part of
the way home before pulling up in a lay-by. He reached across and kissed her
and his hand slipped inside her blouse and caressed her breasts. “Shall we get
in the back? It’s more comfortable.”
Tears were streaming down Helens face as she stood in the shower
and let the water cascade over her. Dear god! What had she become? A drunken
slut who had betrayed Nikki with a complete stranger to satisfy her own selfish
needs but after being rejected by both Nikki and Dominic, she needed to know
she was still desirable. She couldn’t deny she had enjoyed the sex but that’s
all it had been. Sex in the back seat of a car with a complete stranger. The
only thing she knew about him was his name but it had been Nikki’s name she had
almost cried out as she climaxed.
She had arrived home feeling sordid and dirty and had been as sick
as a dog as soon as she reached the bathroom. Even taking a shower and
scrubbing every part of her body until it was almost raw hadn’t cleansed her
but at least it had brought her to her senses.
She switched off the shower and wrapped herself in a large bath
towel. As she emerged from the bathroom her mother appeared on the landing.
“Sorry, Mum. Did I wake you?” She apologised.
“Are you alright, Helen?”
No, I am not alright, her head screamed but she forced a smile.
“I’m fine thanks, just a bit of a headache.”
“Did Anna not come back with you?” her mother enquired.
“No, I left early. She’s going to get a cab home.” She flushed under
her mother’s careful scrutiny. “Go back to bed, Mum. I’m sorry I disturbed
you.” She gave her mother a kiss on the cheek as she passed her and went into
her own bedroom.
Sleep eluded her as she lay on top of the bed instead of getting under the covers. She was almost numb with cold but the numbness helped to ease the pain that was almost tearing her heart out. Oh, Nikki, what am I going to do without you?