| How People Die In Golf 1. They think their heart is the ground and stick a tee into it. 2. They think the shallow pools are really deep and dive in after the ball. 3. They bury themselves in the sand bunkers, playing, and forget to get out. 4. They do a bad swing, wack their heads and fall into a coma, becoming brain dead. 5. Some maniac runs them over as they putt. 6. They get run over by a golf cart. 7. They are hit in the head by a golf ball and impale themselves on a flag pole thing. 8. A golf ball flies into their mouth and they choke. 9. Someone buys too tight golf clothes and hat and is strangled to death. 10. They go swimming in the pools and drown. 11. They go swimming in the pool and are eaten by �Golf-Ball Piranhas�. (bad-tempered, mutated, flesh-eating golf balls) 12. A golf ball hits a tree causing it to fall over and kill the approaching golfer. 13. They put themselves in a golf bag and can�t get out, therefore starving to death. 14. The head of the club flies off in mid-swing and hits a golfer in the eye and causes unstoppable internal bleeding. 15. The sand bunkers are actually pits of quick sand. 16. A turbo golf ball flies through the ear of a golfer and out the other ear, damaging the brain. 17. Not looking where they�re going, they slip and fall into a giant golf ball hole. 18. They get caught in a freakish storm of raining golf balls and are battered to death. 19. The golf balls are replaced with explosives. 20. They run out of golf balls and try to use their eyes instead. 21. They start eating the golf balls and get a deadly case of indigestion. 22. The caddy is actually a crazed murderer and goes on a killing spree. 23. The golf clubs come alive and take revenge on the golfers. 24. Golf carts collide and passengers shoot each other in road rage. 25. The synthetic grass is actually carnivorous plants. 26. They try to have a pillow fight but, being the middle of the day, use golf clubs instead. 27. They swing really hard, golf club flying thousands of feet into the air. What�s wrong with that? They forget to let go of the club. 28. The golf balls come alive and take revenge on the golfers. 29. They die of boredom. (It�s a very boring game.) |