King Jonathan of Conte looked at the TV, it wasn't working. "Damn it! Thayet! Did you use the tv or vcr last night?"

"No, I already said I didn't." Thayet yelled from their bathroom/changing room.

King Jon scratched his butt wondering what was wrong with the tv. "I'm going to go get the Royal tv fixer upper."

"OK dear, be careful! Alanna told me there was some ketchup missing from the kitchen, who know's were it went!"

Jon laughed at that wondering why someone would be worried about missing ketchup! As soon as he had opened the door he knew why. Ketchup fell on top of him, making him look like a big royal tomato. And there was Alanna, standing there laughing at him.

"ALANNA! DID YOU PUT THE KETCHUP THERE???" King Jon yelled, his face already too red to be any redder because of the ketchup.

"NO! Of course not!" Alanna said and started walking down the hall laughing like a looney.

King Jon decided not to clean off, he was only going to get the Royal tv fixer upper. It wasn't likely anyone would see him.

Right as King Jon thought that Keladry of Mindelin came into veiw, holding her sister's baby girl, for

Kel's sister had just given birth a few weeks ago and was now at Corus to show her child off.

Kel bowed and then said, "Your Majesty, do you errr... need something? Maybe something to clean off with?" It was extremely hard for Kel to keep a straight face.

"No Keladry, but please don't tell anyone about my um... Tomato-y look. "

He had such a funny look on his face that Kel couldn't help it, she cracked up laughing. "Yes... Your... Majes..sty..." Kel sad inbetween fits of laughter and then started walking down the hall, laughing like a looney(a/n: i like to call people looney... Alanna, Kel, who next? and the worst part is, in the books Kel is REALLY far from looney! and Alanna was only a bit looney ;) hehe) and her neice somehow asleep in her arms.

King Jon shook his head and kept walking down the hall, hoping no one else would see him. Yet again, his thoughts must have jinxed him.

Numiar walked out of one of the rooms, a big piece of cheese in his hand, and he was taking a bit of it. When he looked at King Jon, he choked on his cheese, which he spit out as soon as he could. And it landed right on King Jon's head. "Oh... God Jon! sor... ry" Numiar gasped as he laughed and then calmed down some. "What the heck happened... to you?"

"Well, at first I was fixing a tv, it didn't work. So I decided to go get the Royal tv fixer upper and I decided that I would dump ketchup on my head. And Alanna decided she was going to be there when I did ketchuptized myself and cracked up laughing. Well, I decided that it wasn't likely that anyone else was going to see me on the way to get the tv fixer, and the tv fixer wouldn't care if i was covered in ketchup. Well, then Keladry decided that that was the perfect moment to walk around the corner and see me. Well, even she couldn't stop laughing and ended up cracking up like Alanna, the loons...(a/n: HAHA, loons again! I think I'll make Numiar one too!) And so i continued walking towards the Royal tv fixer upper and thats where you come in and SPIT CHEESE ON ME. I'm starting to think you are a loon too!" King Jon explained to Numiar.

"Me? A Loon? No... Sorry about the cheese... It really does go with your hair. BWAHAHAH"

Numiar started laughing again.

"NUMIAR!!" King Jon Yelled on the top of his lungs.

"Oh... cal... m... ddooo...wwnn." Numiar said, struggling to breath.

At that King Jon stormed off towards the Royal tv fixer upper's office.

There were no more mishaps until he got to the royal fixer upper's office, and there in the middle of the room, were Mithros and the Great Mother Goddess, just sitting there having a cup of tea.

"What are you doing here???" King Jon asked, being somewhat rude.

Mithros looked at Jon and laughed, "What are you doing with ketchup all over you?? And do not talk to us that way my boy, you don't want our wrath."

The Great Mother Goddess did a little cough/giggle thing. "As to why we are here, Andi Teddy Bear is our VERY close friend, I do think we have a right to come visit him when we please. Besides, he had some bussiness in the stables. You will find him there if you need him. But don't take much of his time, we are getting impatient. And why is he nothing but a lowly tv fixer upper?"

"BECAUSE HE IS!" King Jon yelled and walked out of the room.

"Hum... I think he needs to put a leash on his temper, what do you think my dear Mithros?"

"I think so too, would you like to help him?"

"Oh yes... But let's finish our tea first, Andi Teddy Bear makes very good tea."

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King Jon walked out to the stables, forgetting temperatioly that he had ketchup all over him. Why hadn't Andi Teddy Bear told him about The God and Goddess of Tortall being his friend???

"Yo king J DUDE! What's up?" Andi Teddy Bear said as King Jon walked into the stable. Andi

Teddy Bear was about a foot tall, brown, naked, had a little bow thing and stuffed.

"I need my tv fixed."

"Did you know you are covered with ketchup? And you have a piece of cheese in your hair!" Andi

Teddy Bear said. "Yes I know Andi Teddy Bear. And why didn't you tell me your friends were the GOD and GODDESS of Tortall???" King Jon said.

"Because you wouldn't admit that my butt is the sexiest butt in the world! It hurt my feelings." At that Andi Teddy Bear started waving his butt up at King Jon. "That the sexiest butt EVER, and YOU know it! You just won't admit it!"

"Ok, Andi Teddy Bear, whatever you say. Would you please come fix out TV before the delegate from Rencle gets here." (a/n: I had to make up a place, it acually isn't in any of tamora pierce's bools)

Just as King Jon said that, a man and a woman and a small child, each riding a goat, road in.

"Greetins Tortallan People!! We be the Dellie Gates from Rencly, Brooke and Eric and our son, Bob. We're here to see yer king cause our king dude said for us to." The man riding the goat said, in a huge redneck voice.

"Yea, we're here to talk to yer king, care ta tell us where he might be in that huge castle-y thing-y magig?" Brooke said, she too had a red neck accent.

"I am King Jonathan IV of Conte. Please be welcome to our home." King Jon said in a strong voice, which didn't exactly fit with the ketchup he had on him..

"OOOHHH momma, he's gotsa purdy voice!" Their kid Bob said.

"WHY! You're the king? I do declair, you are covered in ketchup! Yes, hunny bunches of oats, he does gots a purdy voice." Brooke said.

"Err... I have had a rather bad day. If you would hand your... um... Goats to the stable hands, I shall have someone show you to your rooms so you may... Freshen up some." King Jon said, unsure of what to say to these people who were very unlike what he thought they would be.

"Not in this life time sunny boy! We take care o' our own goats! Purdy little things needs spec-e-al treatments. They are very spec-e-al goats." The man Eric said..

"Um, ok. Andi Teddy Bear, would you please go fix the tv?" King Jon said.

"Fine! Be that way! I'll go fix the tv..." Andi Teddy Bear said and then walked off shaking his butt at everyone.

"Thank goodness..." King Jon said as he watched Andi Teddy Bear leave. And then, turning to Eric and Brooke he said, "When you are finished with your animals, tell one of the stable hands, and they will take you to your rooms. You may freshen up there and take care of any needs. And then tonight there will be a ball in your, and your king's honor."

"All right sunny, and I'm sure you are busy, so you go up there to yer cast-le and do whatever ye need ta do, we'll be just peachy." Eric told King Jon.

"Bye bye king-y dude!! Yous gots a nice voice!"

Ignoring the child and with a nod of his head, Jon started walking back to the castle.

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Disclaimer: You reconize it, it's not mine. It's the goddess Tamora Pierce's.

(A/N: E-mail me at [email protected] if you like this... I'm not sure if I'm going to go on or not.)

Jon got back to his apartments without anything else happening, but when he got back to his room, what he saw there was more of a shock than anything else that had happened.

There, on his couch, Thayet and Andi Teddy Bear were there, making out...

�WHAT THE HECK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?� King Jon yelled, getting pissed.

Thayet looked up surprised and grinned a small smile. �Jon, I�ve been meaning to tell you... Andi Teddy Bear and I have been... Well, having an affair.�

�Yes! She lloovvveesss my sexy butt!� Andi Teddy Bear said and Thayet giggled.

�You know Jon, he really is a good kisser, for all that his lips are just string... Actually, I think he kisses better than you.�

�A talking TEDDY BEAR kisses better than ME?� Jon yelled, outraged.

�Well, no offence, but he�s also got a better personality. I mean sure, he does go on about his sexy ass quite a bit... But it sort of is...� Thayet told Jon and started rubbing Andi Teddy Bear�s butt.

�Ohh, that feels good Thayet, a bit over to the left...�

King Jon coughed and said �This is TREASON Thayet! If you don�t LEAVE TORTALL and NEVER come back, I�ll have you burned you wicked lady.�

Thayet looked shocked and then yelled with tears in her eyes. �You�re going to regret this you know! We could have had a threesome!�

Andi Teddy Bear looked at King Jon and then said, �Yea! We could have! Now you are going to have to lose out on my sexy butt!�

With that, Thayet picked up Andi Teddy Bear and ran down to the stables, where she took a horse, and road on her way out of Tortall.

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(a/n- this is later that night and King Jon is getting ready for the ball for the delegates from Rencle.)

�RUB A DUB DUB THREE MEN IN A TUB!!� King Jon sang as he took his shower, then broke down crying remembering the other two people he could have had... Even if one was actually a woman.

�Come on King J, grab a hold of yourself, they did something that wasn�t right, you�ll get over it.� King Jon said and stepped out of his shower and got dressed in one of his nicest outfits, tonight the ball for the delegates from Rencle and his announcement that Thayet was no longer their Queen.

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�So, now that his wife has left him, what shall we do to him?� The Great Mother Goddess said, for it was her and Mithros� doing. They personally thought that Andi Teddy Bear and Thayet looked like a very cute couple, and they knew that Andi Teddy Bear would like it... And Thayet didn�t seem disappointed at all...

�The ball tonight... We shall come to the ball.... And have fun worthy of a God and Goddess.� Mithros said and chuckled. Then they started scheming of things to do.

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Disclaimer- You reconize it, it isn�t mine. The delegates and Andi Teddy Bear are all mine.