Jedi Go Home

Part 8

The apartment door opened into a little entry way, and beyond it was a living room, smaller than the one in the Maethum house. A short hall led to a kitchen, a refresher, and two bedrooms.

"This is your bedroom, Ben.�The Jedi opened the door next to the kitchen, and Ben went in. To his relief, the Jedi did not insist on coming in with him, and the door shut behind him, leaving him alone. The room was small. There was a bed, with drawers that fit underneath it, shelves on the wall by the door filled with data chips and all sorts of electronic equipment, and a wardrobe. Ben glanced through it, and was annoyed to see nothing but Jedi clothing, hanging up or folded away in the drawers. He�d keep his purple pullover on! Sitting down at the desk, he stared morosely out of the window for several minutes, but there was nothing to see except buildings and air traffic in constant motion. No greenery, no gardens, parks, or anything inviting at all. Coruscant was a horrible, ugly place.

Nothing seemed familiar, either outside or in. Everything was strange, remote, or simply incomprehensible. As he sat there, Ben felt a wave of homesickness wash over him. He wanted his old bedroom back, the one with the sofa-bed. He wanted to sit at the dinner table with Uncle Fulk and Aunt Bedec, eating ice cream and listening to Rixi talk. Rixi. She was home, and he was stuck here on this ugly planet and he would probably never see her again. He missed her so much that his heart literally ached, and the merest thought of her brought tears to his eyes. It wasn�t just a physical separation either, he realised. If the treatment worked, if he got his memories back, he�d be a Jedi. He�d be her enemy, and she�d hate and fear him in exactly the same way he now hated and feared Qui-Gon.

Some hours later, Qui-Gon knocked on his door.�Ben? Do you want something to eat?�

Ben scrubbed at his eyes with his sleeve and came out of the room, heading for the kitchen, but the Jedi seemed to be walking towards the door instead. Noticing that Ben was not behind him, he turned around and said,�We can eat in the cafeteria.�

The last thing that Ben wanted was to sit in a room full of Jedis, but he followed anyway, unsure of what Qui-Gon would do if he refused. And he had to admit it, he was hungry.

The cafeteria was huge, but only about half of the seats were taken. The Jedi led Ben to the end of a huge buffet and said,�Take whatever you like. There�s ice cream here, too, if you want, just down there.�

Ben felt his heart contract as he thought of Rixi again, and after he had chosen everything else he wanted, he went to the freezer and took out two packages of ice. Just let the Jedi try and stop him! The Jedi did not comment, however, merely led the way to an empty table on one side of the room, and they sat down to eat in silence.

Halfway through the meal, a young man about his age, sporting short hair and a long, thin braid exactly like the one Ben had had before cutting it off, approached their table and swung himself into the seat opposite Ben.�Hello, Obi-Wan. Hey, nice pullover! I want one! Hello, Master Jinn, may I join you?�

"Padawan T�kar--�the Jedi said, but the boy was already speaking again.

"I haven�t seen you for weeks, Obi-Wan, where�ve you been? Did you have a good mission?�He indicated Ben�s tray with his fork.�How�s your baby meat? Tender and juicy as always? Bet you�ve missed it while you�ve been away.�

Ben stopped chewing in sheer horror, feeling the blood drain from his face, then dropped his cutlery and threw himself out of his chair. Landing on his knees, he bent forward and began to vomit. It was true! The Jedi really did eat babies! It was so commonplace for them that they actually joked about it!

"Is he all right, Master Jinn?�he heard the boy ask in concern.

Qui-Gon stood up and laid a hand on Ben�s shoulder, which he shook off with a shudder of disgust.�It is not true, Ben. It is not baby meat. T�kar was only joking. You were eating nerf, not baby meat.�

Ben felt his stomach roil even at the words, and he heaved again.

"Master Jinn?�the boy asked again.

"No, he�s not all right. He�s had amnesia for the last six weeks, T�kar, and he�s been so thoroughly indoctrinated against the Jedi that he actually believed you. I suggest you come over here and apologise.�

The boy came around the table from the other side.�Force, I�m sorry, Obi-Wan, I didn�t know. I was only teasing, really. It�s not baby meat. It was nerf, just plain nerf. We really don�t eat babies. I apologise, but we�ve always joked about it, ever since you got back from Tutuapalova. I�m sorry. Please. I�m really sorry.�

Ben struggled angrily to his feet, clenched his fingers to a fist, and swung. Connecting solidly with the shorter boy�s jaw, he sent him crashing into a chair to land on the floor in an undignified sprawl.

"You stinking filthy Jedi!�he shouted, stomping over with the intent of pulling the boy up for another blow.�You stinking filthy baby-eating Jedi! I�ll kill you!�

A moment later, his arm was caught and twisted behind his back, and a voice in his ear said,�Don�t move or you�ll break your own wrist. I�m only holding you, but if you struggle, you�ll hurt yourself.�

"Let go of me!�Ben cried, enraged not only at the other boy, but also at himself for forgetting how fast the Jedi could move, and feeling humiliated that he was in such a position again.�Let go!�

T�kar stood up slowly, holding his chin in one hand, and approached, and for one horrible moment, Ben thought that he was going to hit him back. But he only said,�I really apologise, Obi-Wan.�

Then he bowed slightly.�I�ll clean up the mess, Master Jinn.�

"Thank you, T�kar.�

To Ben�s surprise, Qui-Gon let go of him then. Retrieving his wrist and rubbing it, he gave the Jedi a hard look, then stalked off in the direction of the door.

"Where are you going?�Qui-Gon caught up to him quickly.

"I�m not hungry anymore!�

"Then let�s go back to our quarters. Or would you rather go to the Room of a Thousand Fountains?�

"I want to go home!�Ben shouted.�Why can�t you just let me go home?�

"Because I don�t want you to get killed! Because you are the most important person in my life! Because I am responsible for you and I refuse to let you get yourself executed!�Qui-Gon shouted back. The people in the cafeteria around them were suddenly silent, listening.

"Well, you�re not the most important person in my life!�Ben retorted.�I hate you! You�re nothing but a stinking filthy Jedi and I do not want to be around you any longer!�

Qui-Gon sighed, and lowered his voice.�Ben, you have two choices. You can have the freedom of the Temple, as long as I am with you, or I will take you to one of the cells and lock you up until An-Paj is ready to treat you. You can stay in splendid isolation until he gets back!�

"Are you going to handcuff me to the table again while I consider this?�

"If you really know what you want, you won�t need twenty minutes to decide!�

"Then take me to a cell!�Ben roared.

Qui-Gon�s face smoothed out and became impassive as he nodded.�All right, then. Come with me.�

They went out of the cafeteria and into a lift that took them several levels down. Getting out, Ben noticed the difference immediately. The rest of the Temple had seemed filled with life somehow, even if no one was occupying a room, but here, everything felt isolated, abandoned, even dead. They walked down a long hallway that turned to reveal a short corridor with five doors set in the far wall. That was it. There were no guards, and no other prisoners. Each door looked dusty and unused, and Ben had a sudden, horrific vision of Qui-Gon locking him in, going away, and never coming back. He stopped walking, feeling suddenly cold with sweat.

Stopping in the action of laying his hand on the door handle of the first door, Qui-Gon turned around and looked at him.�Is this really what you want, Ben?�

In the cafeteria, Ben had been convinced that it was, but now he took a step backwards. The thought of being down here alone--completely alone--spooked him more than he was willing to admit. He took another step backwards, and saw Qui-Gon let go of the door and come towards him. Panicking, afraid that the Jedi would grab him and throw him inside, he turned and ran back to the lift, hitting the call button over and over again with his fist.�No! No! No!�

Behind him, Qui-Gon said quietly,�It�s all right. I wouldn�t want to be down here alone, either. Let�s go back to our quarters.�

Ben stopped pounding the wall and laid his head against it instead, feeling both ashamed and relieved.

*****

Ben was eating bread and jam in the kitchen when the door buzzer sounded. When they�d come back, Ben had gone directly to his room, but a few minutes later, Qui-Gon had knocked gently and told him,�I�ve put out some bread and things in the kitchen if you want something to eat.�

He�d resisted at first, but eventually, his hunger had got the best of him, and he had come out to see a loaf of sliced bread, a few pieces of cheese, and a jar of jam arranged on the table. There hadn�t been any meat or sausage, and he�d found his appetite returning. Bread was good. Bread was safe. Sitting down, he�d reached eagerly for the first slice.

Now his ears pricked up as he heard someone come into the apartment, and he swallowed, then listened, wondering if it were this An-Paj that everyone kept talking about, the one who was supposed to start the treatment that would bring his memories back.

"I heard about what happened in the cafeteria,�a female voice said.�Did you really lock him in one of the cells?�

"No,�Qui-Gon replied.�He changed his mind; he�s in his room.�

"Do you want to come spar with me? You look like you could use a little distraction, old friend.�

"What if he runs off while I�m away? Gets lost here in the Temple, or worse, finds his way outside? Tahl, I spent five weeks searching for him on Theosne. Five weeks! If you think I�m going to let him out of my sight again--�

"Bring him with you. Tell him to run the obstacle course a few times. That�ll keep him busy.�

"Tahl, he already thinks I�ve tortured him once. How do you think he�ll react if I tell him to run the obstacle course?�

"He thinks you tortured him?�

"I had to break his shields. I asked him to lower them, but he didn�t even know what I was talking about. They were completely up, and tighter than anything I�ve ever encountered, and I had to go in and break them down.�

"Oh, no,�said Tahl sympathetically.

"He was part of a resistance group that kidnapped the Mayor�s four-year-old son, except that Obi-Wan got caught and arrested. They tortured him for hours to get him to tell them where the boy was hidden. He was still holding out when I came along. I couldn�t believe it, Tahl. I thought he�d betrayed me again, left the Order without telling anybody. They let me speak to him and all I could ask was, why? Why, Obi-Wan? And it turned out he had amnesia. Amnesia, Tahl! I wanted to believe it, but I had to be sure. He could have been lying, he could have been trying to hide from me. He was on the floor, his hands cuffed behind his back and about thirty of those artificial neural-transmitters shot into him, and I went into his mind and broke down his shields so that I could go through his memories. It hurt him, Tahl. And hurting him, especially right after he�d been tortured, was the worst thing I have ever had to do in my life!�

There was a pause, and then Qui-Gon went on.�I could feel his pain. It was excruciating, Tahl, it was almost worst than the torture, but I couldn�t stop! I had to know. If he had betrayed me, I would have left him there to be executed. But he had amnesia! He hadn�t left me on purpose--he didn�t remember who I was. I was happy, Tahl. I was so happy that it was only amnesia! But Obi-Wan was so scared, he just--panicked. I remember, he was screaming �get him out of my head, get him out, I�ll tell you anything you want to know if you just get him out of my head!��

"And did he? Tell them, I mean?�

Qui-Gon sighed.�Yes, he did, and he blames me. He claims I helped the Get-tro-wens torture him and that I mind-tricked him into confessing. He really believes it, Tahl. He really believes the Jedi go around torturing people, eating babies, and at the very least, mind-tricking people into doing things they don�t want to do. But I had to do it. I had to know!�

"Does he know that he�s a Jedi, too?�

"Yes. I told him he was my apprentice, and I told him his real name, and he said I shouldn�t call him that. He said he didn�t want a Jedi name, he didn�t want anything to do with the Jedi. He claimed that the Jedi keep peace in the galaxy by manipulating people into not wanting their freedom. He probably believes I spent those five weeks on Theosne trying to trick the Theosnen diplomats into accepting the Get-tro-wen terms, when actually I spent the time trying to convince the Get-tro-wens to make any concessions at all! They were willing to go through the motions of negotiating, but they weren�t about to actually concede anything to the species they consider as slightly better than slaves. Things aren�t going to change any time soon, either. They used Obi-Wan as an excuse to get rid of me. They offered to spare his life, but I had to take him off the planet immediately, and Force knows if they�ll ever accept Jedi there again.�

"But he still wants to go back.�

"He said he�d rather be executed than be a Jedi. Tahl, there�s so much misinformation on Theosne. The Get-tro-wens have tried to cut them off from the rest of the galaxy, and although they haven�t completely succeeded, there�s very little that does get through, and most of that is rumours. They only know the worst that�s said about the Jedi, and they hate us because they�re frightened of us. Obi-Wan is a perfect example of what Master Yoda is always talking about. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, and hate leads to suffering. Obi-Wan is suffering, Tahl, and I�m suffering too, just watching him.�

Could it be true? Ben asked himself, tuning out the rest of the conversation. He found himself believing that it might be, and instantly felt sorry for Qui-Gon. It was hard to watch someone else suffer; he knew that. He remembered how he�d felt when the Getter patrol had threatened Rixi, and how anxious he�d been to do and say whatever they�d told him to, anything to keep them from hurting her. Qui-Gon sounded like he felt the same way about--Ben stopped in mid-thought. What was he doing? Feeling sorry for a Jedi? For the man who�d tortured him and taken him away from the only family and friends he remembered? No. He couldn�t allow himself to feel that way.

But he saved your life, Ben heard one part of his mind telling himself. The Getters would have executed you.

What sort of life is it without Rixi, another part of his mind asked. And anyway, he only wants me to come back and be a Jedi. A Jedi!

They don�t eat baby meat.

Maybe, but they do manipulate people�s minds. Think of the negotiations, Ben!

He said he wasn�t working for the Getters. He said he was trying to get them to make concessions.

Oh, that�s what he claims, yes. He probably knows you�re listening. He�s trying to soften you up.

How can he know I�m listening? And why would he lie to another Jedi?

All Jedi lie. He knows you�re listening. He�s just trying to lure you into a false sense of security so you won�t run away from him.

Why should you run away? Where would you go? You don�t remember how to fly. You wouldn�t be able to get off the planet.

You�d be away from the Jedi, and that�s the main thing.

He�d come looking for you. He spent five weeks looking for you on Theosne.

You�d find a place to hide, somewhere. He wouldn�t find you. And he wouldn�t have found you on Theosne if you hadn�t got your pants stuck in the chain of your bicycle and been caught by the Getters!

Abruptly silencing the argument in his head, Ben stood up and went into his bedroom. It took a long time for him to fall asleep, and when he did, he dreamed that the Getters had come to arrest Rixi. They put her into the back of their car and drove away, and when he tried to run after them, the Jedi was there, keeping him immobile by bending his wrist behind his back. Ben awoke with a gasp of sheer terror. Rixi!

It was dark in the room, but he didn�t turn on the lights, merely got dressed by feel. It was the middle of the night. The Jedi was surely asleep by now. He�d have until dawn to find his way out of the Temple before anybody came looking for him. Exiting the bedroom, he moved as quietly as he could to the door of the apartment. His foot came up against something, however, close to the entry way, and he frowned as he reached down to determine what it could be. He didn�t remember the couch being so close to this wall. Then his hand touched something warm and soft, and he recoiled in shock before realising what it was. The Jedi had moved the couch and was sleeping on it now, right in front of the door.

"Go back to bed, Ben,�Qui-Gon said quietly.�Rixi�s fine. It was only a nightmare.�

Silently fuming with chagrin, Ben stalked back to his room.

*****

The next morning, as Ben was eating bread and jam again for breakfast, Qui-Gon came in from the living room and stood in the doorway. He looked at Ben for a moment and then said,�I heard a rumour when I was on Theosne. Somebody said that you were spying on the Theosnens and informing to the Get-tro-wens.�

"What!�Ben jumped up immediately, ready to attack the large Jedi, then thought better of it.�That is not true! I�d never spy on the Theosnens!�

"But that�s what I heard.�

"No! It�s absurd! I�m not a spy!�

"But it�s a rumour. It must be true.�

"It�s a lie! I�m not a Getter informer! I�d never betray the Theosnens like that!�

"So the rumour isn�t true.�

"No!�

"You don�t believe that rumour.�

"No, I don�t believe it! Why should I? It�s about me, and I know I�m not an informer! If I ever gave any information to the Getters, it�s because you helped them torture me into doing it!�

Qui-Gon ignored this statement and said simply,�If you�re telling the truth, then I shouldn�t believe the rumour, either.�

Ben gritted his teeth together with anger as he replied,�I�m telling the truth. I�m not an informer.�

"So I shouldn�t believe it.�

"No! It�s just a rumour!�

"And we shouldn�t think rumours are true.�

"No.�

"So why do you believe all the rumours you hear about the Jedi?�

Ben stared at him with his mouth open, temporarily robbed of speech. He felt the same way he�d felt when he�d caught his pants in the bicycle chain and had fallen, his speed abruptly truncated, flat on his face at the foot of the Getter patrol. He�d been going along so well and then wham! From one moment to the next, he�d been trapped.

"I�m a Jedi, and I�m telling you the truth, Ben. The rumour is, we eat baby meat. The truth is, we don�t. The rumour is, we manipulate people�s minds into not wanting their freedom and accepting compromises that keep them enslaved. The truth is, that we strive to negotiate peace wherever we are sent. We act for the greater good of the galaxy. The rumour is, the negotiations were a sham and the Jedi were working together with the Getters to keep the Theosnens from gaining their independence.�

Qui-Gon paused slightly for breath, then continued.�The truth is, Ben, I spent five weeks working very hard to get the Get-tro-wens to make even one concession. If they had had their way, the negotiations would truly have been a sham. They were not prepared to compromise on anything, anything at all. It was with great difficulty that I managed to persuade them to reduce their troops. It wasn�t everything that the Theosnens had been hoping for, no, but it was a step in the right direction. When I give my report, the Galactic Senate will know much more about the situation on Theosne than they did before. Changes will be slow, but at least things have been prepared so that they can come about in the first place.�

"You�re trying--�

"Don�t accuse me of trying to mind-trick you. You know it isn�t true. You know how that feels, and you know you don�t feel it now. Listen to what I�m telling you. The rumours are not true. There is no reason for you to run away from the Jedi. There is every reason for you to stay and get your memory back.�

Ben was silent for a long moment, considering this, then remembered something and cried,�You tortured me!�

"Obi-Wan, you have no idea how sorry I am that I hurt you, but I needed to discover the truth about your amnesia and that was the only way. It wasn�t torture.�

"Did you do it for the greater good of the galaxy?�Ben scoffed.

"I did it to save your life. It was like the time you fell and broke your arm while we were on a mission, and I had to twist it back to its proper position and then splint it. That hurt a lot, but it was necessary. Now I want you to think about what I�ve been telling you. Then, maybe, you can let go of your pain and your anger and your fear. Those emotions are a heavy burden to carry when there�s no need, and right now, Obi-Wan, there is no need. Just let go of them.�The Jedi seemed about to say something else, but then he turned abruptly and went back to the living room.

Part 9
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