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If I were to face what they want me to face,
I don't think that I could exist.
For the one that I loved most in the world
Is not here, and his presence is missed.
I look for your sweet little face
On my bed where you slept every night.
I want for you to wake me each morning
with the tap of your paw, soft and white.
Our house seems so lonely and lifeless,
even though six others remain,
How could one little cat, the love of my life,
Leave me now with such loss and such pain?
You're the one that I turned to when nobody cared,
You're the one who stayed with me when nobody dared,
You're the one who laid on me, and nuzzled my face,
You're the one who has left. No one can take your place.
Others tell me this pain will subside within time,
But it seems to hurt more with each day.
The memories alone just aren't enough,
Why did God have to take you away?
For all the joy that you gave me is gone,
and the truth of this can't be denied.
For when you left me, my sweet Kiki Dee,
The best part of me also died.
Missed will you be every day of my life
which has lost so much meaning and joy;
Missed are the times that we played in the tub
with the water, your string, and your toys;
Missed is your presence in each room of this house
which you filled with such love and delight.
Missed is you sleeping by the foot of my bed
where you laid for 14 years, every night.
Missed are you now more than I can express
for I'm so lost, and no one can console
The emptiness I feel inside me each day
without you there's a hole in my soul.
The car ride we took is so familiar
But it seemed to get harder each day,
As your condition just seemed to worsen
and I felt you just slipping away.
Now that journey was not more than a mile, maybe two
and we must make it today, but without you.
It's to pick up your ashes, all that's left of you now
I must go on without you, but I just don't know how.
Diane 9/20/91
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Mommy brought you a leaf today
How you'd swat it 'round the house.
How mommy loved to watch you play
in the tub, with your toys, and your mouse.
Mommy brought you a leaf today
and tried so hard to be brave;
Mommy brought you a leaf today
and placed it on your grave.
Diane 9/24/91
Kiki was the love of my life, "the world's most fabulous cat". No words could ever describe the depth of the emotions that I felt for this incredible orange and white little boy cat, with a dot on the right side of the cutest nose I have ever seen. To say I was "in love" with him would be an understatement. I adored him. He was my other half. He completed me. We communicated without words. I knew him better, and he me, than anyone or anything on this earth. He was my soulmate, and he was a cat...just a cat. But, oh, what a fabulous cat. I knew God sent him to me, just to me, just for me. He was perfect, "from the tip of his nose, to the tip of his toes" perfect!
I lost myself when he died. I stopped eating the things I used to eat, and doing the things I used to do. I went out and got a job within a few days of his death in a cold, dark wharehouse doing telemarketing. I hadn't worked in about 10 years, but suddenly I couldn't stand to be home. To be in that house, our house, without him there. It went beyond depression, something I'd gone through before. I think it was shock. And I still don't think I have ever, could ever, or will ever, recover from his loss. For without Kiki, I'm no longer me. More than just a part of me died with Kiki. For many years I don't think I felt. I had been through several major ordeals in my life the year before. I lost my first dog, Fonzi (a lab/shep mix) in 1990. Jeff lost his job then too. And we were going through quite a bit.
Three and a half weeks before Kiki died, we lost McGee (a sweet lovable longhaired shepherd mix) very suddenly. We had gotten McGee and Kiki just 3 days apart, 15 years before that, and lost them within weeks of eachother...both quite suddenly. How do you survive that, and not lose yourself??
Diane 1/17/97
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Thanks to Deb D. for making this image for us.
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