Age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill.
Reason to smile: Every seven minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
Insanity is my only means of relaxation.
Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets.
Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hairstylist you like.
It's amazing what you can accomplish with a little hard work and a lot of whining.
You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair as you once got from a roller coaster.
Perhaps you know why women over fifty don't have babies:.... they would put them down somewhere and forget where they left them.
One of life's mysteries is how a two pound box of candy can make a woman gain five pounds.
My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
Everytime I think about exercise, I lie down till the thought goes away.
God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind .. I will live forever.
It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.
I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart.
When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.
Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.
Some days you're the bug - some days you're the windshield.
Life not only begins at forty - it begins to show.
The nice part of living in a small town is that when I don't know what I'm doing, someone else does.
The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place, but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stop laughing.
I don't mind the rat race, but I could do with a little more cheese.
I had to give up jogging for my health .... My thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire!
Sometimes I get so frustrated that I don't know whether to cry, scream or wet my pants.
Amazing ! If you hang something in your closet for a while, it shrinks two sizes.
Age is not important unless you are a cheese.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out - but she can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake.
Can it be a mistake that "stressed" is "desserts" spelled backwards.
Old is when your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love", and you answer "Honey, I can't do both!"
Old is when your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
Old is when a sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door nearest your car.
Old is when going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
Old is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.
Old is when an "all-nighter" means not getting up to go to the bathroom.
Old is when "getting a little action" means you don't need to take any fiber today.
Old is when you are cautioned to slow down by your doctor instead of the police.
Old is when "getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.