Only people who aren't going to Hell don't own mini-vans
Anticipate, anticipate, anticipate: People are scum.
Oh yes, I'd LOVE to see your fucking bus tickets
"Master of Kwalgon" eh? Why don't you just wear a big sign that says "Virgin"?
I already have enough bad luck for 7 lifetimes, and all the chain letters in the world aren't going to change that
I had to rub dryer sheets all over my pants
Ya, the guys I like all have imaginative nicknames, like Hot Math Boy and That Guy in English
When I say "kitties" you say "are fluffy"
The ABBA-Teens must be stopped! Mamma-Mia was ok...but they butchered Dancing Queen! Grrrrr
Why do we need 50 states? Can't several of them be combined to create Super States?
Use the escape key for God's sake! It's so lonely...
Now, when you say "The Book Place", I assume you mean the "Library", right?
A voodoo curse has been placed on my shoe
"Don't kill children" is probably the best advice I've heard all day
Fuckwit moment of the week: when I tried to shave with hand lotion this morning
I had a friend once, but he was abducted by gypsies and sold into slavery. Ten years later he was discovered in a meat packing plant in Wisconsin, attending night school to become a barber.
People who shave their heads are unattractive by default
Elvish is not a fucking language. Esperanto is more of a god damn language than Elvish.
Is it possible to download a car? Or can you just fax me one?
Sometimes you just gotta have a doughnut
Will nothing get the taste of lemongrass out of my mouth?
You should be able to make warts go away using only the power of your mind
