Jeff (singing): "Who wrote the book of loooove"
Jess: "Satan"
"What if the skylight fell out of the ceiling and hit you in the head? What would you say? Ow, or Owie?"
"Guess what I found in the attic: little dolls! Can I have a lock of your hair?"
Jess: "You're running the show today"
Jeff: "But I don't want to run the show"
Jess: "Really? But you get your own theme song and everything. It's called 'Somebody Please Shoot Me'"
"Have you ever been driving down the road and remembered a line from a movie and been like 'Ya! That would so totally fit that situation!'?"
"Oh that was stupid! Why did I put an exclamation point instead of a, what's that word? Question mark!"
"If you hear screaming, it's not sex, it's bad. I'm dying"
"Actually, I'm a siamese twin, but I can't tell you where the other head is"
"I should learn to emboss things"
"I'm pinching myself, I know I'm there, but I don't feel me!"
Jess: "The fish is dead!"
Jeff: "Well, it'll be reincarnated as something nice"
Jess: "Ya! Like a paper clip. *gasp* That wouldn't be nice at all!"
"Creepy rememory!"
Jess: "I will feng-shui your ass!"
Jeff: "Ya, I'll so rearrange your furniture to achieve maximum harmoniousness in your home"
Jess: "And who wants that?"
"It's going to be a long, lonely, doughnutless winter"
"I need to travel the world with my Tomb Raider hair"
"I have this retarded left hand!"
"The arm was missing for centuries, and they found it under the linen wrappings. Duh! Even I would know to look under the linen wrappings!"
"It's not like glue is going to melt when it gets uncold"
*phone rings*
Jeff: "Hello?"
Jess: "Luke, let me talk to your woman"
Jeff: "I don't have a woman"
Jess: "Yes you do, it's your wife"
Jeff: "Do you even know who you called?"
"I need this white robe, I'm forming a secret society. It'll be my ceremonial garb"
"I have a plan! Ya, I know, everyone shudders when I say that"
"All the lakes in the world have a hole at the bottom, and they're all connected so there are giant snakes that can get into any lake and thats how they hide. So I can't be a lake"
"Wait a minute, you like Earth Wind and Fire, but you don't like my pants? Do you not see the irony?!?"
