"I don't want to become a lesbian. But then again, I'm not exactly a practicing heterosexual..."
"When I was little my neighbor had a candy necklace and she was eating it, and I had a necklace too so I tried to eat it but it wasn't candy. But nobody told me that!"
"If I were a prostitute and a gay guy came to me, I'd want to give them a discount just because they wouldn't enjoy it as much, y'know?"
"It's a German dance. I'm like, a bilingual dancer"
"Go play on your bed, it's fun. But you knew that already...oh God, I'm leaving now"
"I love rain! Except when I'm wet"
"I have a Food Handler's License, I know where my hands should go!"
"Sanskrit's a language? I thought it was just a font!"
"I'm not going to have a horse at my wedding"
"We got all dressed up, and then we went to Arby's"
"Oh God, he's flaming again. Somebody put him out"
"I don't know anything. Give me a hammer, I'll nail some stuff together"
"This year is a blank slate. I've fallen on my ass so many times because it's so blank and slatey"
"I can't blame it on PMS because PMS doesn't give you a flat tire"
