"When the cod smells like crab, you know you�re in trouble"
�It�s Jeff, enhanced!�
�He�s shifty McShift-a-Lot�
�It smells like Jeff�s doing homework�
�I drink way more than I masturbate�
�Jeff, I have a crush on your boyfriend�
�You know what�s totally unnecessary? Screaming during sex�
�Are you going to fall asleep in my wet bush?�
Jeff: �Why don�t you like JT anymore?�
Allison: �Because his porn has narration�
�...so these two floaters combined to create one big floater�
�Take me home, I just threw pasta under your car�
�Look at him! He�s at least a B-Cup!�
�Remember? They kissed and Connie got wet�
�Evan is pissing me off, I should go poop in his shoes. Oooh, I just might....well...no,
prolly not. I already pooped today, I�m good for another 48 hours. Holy Crap! I can�t
believe I just said that!�
�My nerds aren�t working�
�I was afraid whoever owned it would smell it and kick my naked ass�
Jeff: �Why are you listening to country?�
Allison: �I�m getting in touch with my inner hick! Shut up!�
"We had sausage and Buddha for breakfast. I mean Gouda"
Jeff: "It took you a while to reply"
Allison: "Sorry, I had my finger in my mouth"
"Her ass had more stage presence as an actress than she did"
"Have dinner with me at WD. It's either that or convert to Catholicism for free food"
"Of course, I wanted to scream, but I ordered a vanilla latte instead"
"Oh my God, I just licked the phone! Gross!"
"This is gonna sound really sad, but I'm wearing my red dress with my tiara, and "Lady in Red" is playing in the background. And I'm all alone"
"Ow! She hit me with her pussy! Right in the eye!"
"How do you know that? Are you in touch with The Man? No! Nyaa!"
"Whatever! Don't fuck my brother!"
"He looks like a 12 year old boy, but he sounds like an 8 year old girl"
"I love Catherine Zeta Jones! If I were a lesbian, I'd so have sex with her"
"Fuck it, I'll buy a sparkly thong, and Chuck will be happy"
"I haven't worn my sparkly thong yet, I'm afraid of getting glitter in my crotch"
"Speaking of law firms that sue..."
"He's a horny bastard who wears lipstick and a dog collar when he's all alone and thinking of you."
"We're talking 'Holy Neon, Batman!' Blue"
"Crabs! Want some?"
"How are we going to do it without getting it everywhere?"
"Is it akwarf?
LOL
I'm not even going to TRY to correct that"
Connie: "We took the plunge"
Allie: "Please, take it back!"
"I love it when the guy comes over and then you can smell him on your chair and stuff after he leaves. I just wanna throw myself at my furniture."
"If I move, I'll have an orgasm!"
"This involves heavy amounts of alcohol and a raccoon. And maybe some white pants"
"Got Wiggins?"
"His last name is Fields, which is so much better than Trillingham"
Fun with things taken out of context:
Jeff: "So getting eaten by the bear was looking like a better option"
Allie: "The bear would have made a better boyfriend"
"I would have made a really bad joke there, but I remembered that you weren't a girl"
"Tell you what, let's keep notes on who pisses us off and we'll fart on their pillows"
"That's right, a Pear of Wisdom"
"Life is too short for bad sex"
Jeff: "How does one make brownies with a shot glass?"
Allie: "Well, one didn't have any measuring cups"
"You wish you could squeeze your cheeks together, but you can't without flinching"
"I think I swallowed some glitter"
"There's just something about the holidays that makes you feel inadequate"
Jeff: "Nothing shocks me when it comes out of your mouth"
Allie: "How about when it comes in my mouth?"
"Some days I swear to god you'd rather be harpooned than be alone"
"I like my men like I like my oatmeal...thick and rough"
"I love my boyfriend.... even when he cums in my face"
