A collaborative story that is too good to be true . . .!
First Email From Gomez:
Greetings fellow thespians.
This week our beloved friends in Brown Deer, Wisconsin were affected by a natural disaster of epic proportions. Many of you have heard the details of Hurricane Falcon that made landfall on Tuesday evening around 6:03pm Central Standard Time in Brown Deer bringing with it winds of 80mph. Tales of death and destruction have become common with this disaster. It is our job to help out.
The grisly details have been played out on network news and other media outlets all week. Scenes of downed trees and power lines have ripped this once peaceful community to shreds. Children and parents are being forced to bath in the dark, people have been forced to run generators for hours, and the unthinkable has happened, some citizens have been forced to seek shelter at their parents� house for showers, food storage and moral support. My God, it's almost unbearable to think of it. Most are still without electrical power, but more the point, these tired souls are without will-power.
It is our duty to help out. Please contact your local Red Cross and donate. A benefit concert featuring Mid Evil and Dethret has been arranged for next Sunday. Do your part and help out those affected by this terrible tragedy.
Thank you.
Help Hurricane Falcon Victims
Donate to the Disaster Relief Fund Providing Shelter, Food & Support
www.RedCross.org
Kim Moranski wrote:
We are the victims seeking food and electricity at the parental units
(poor Paul ~ gotta love your in law's!) Who wants us over for dinner tonight :)
PMoranski wrote:
Mr. Irv Peter's, will Evie, Chuck Hayes or Mr. Roth be helping with the investigation?
From Gomez:
Yes, you are all victims. You are victims of FEMA's slow response.
We warned Gov Doyle of the impending doom lurking across Wisconsin on
Tuesday afternoon and HE DID NOTHING to protect you.
We all share your frustration but we will get to the bottom of this.
There will be a FULL inquiry once normalcy has been resolved.
Sincerely,
Irv Peters
Andrew Stanislaw wrote:
This is a terrible tragedy. I would like those affected to feel free to feast on the plentiful garden at 8554 N. 46th St. This garden contains many edible's that will help provide sustenance to you at no cost. Please also feel free to swim and or bathe in the swimming pool at 8550 N. 46th St. This pool, I'm sure, contains the appropriate levels of chlorine which will cleanse you. This garden and swimming pool belong to neighbors of my parents and own no weapons with which they would protect their homes. They do however have officer Shea on speed dial, so I wouldn't linger.
May God bless your tortured souls,
"Dude" Sherfinsky
From: Eileen McCreary:
I heard the Gomez's (is that how you pluralize Gomez???) would like to throw a barbecue, Mukwonago-style- to help us all....Even the survivors who wisely moved South....
From: Jeffrey A. Moranski
Us sout-siders are finally being mobilized to assist following previous warnings to stay away due to rumoured danger. Apparently people from as far away as Canada (better known as Canadiens) have been seen shooting at Brown Deer's men in blue during search and rescue attempts.
The Village Manager is considering the appointment of Mr Bob Moranski, former Village Trustee, to provide oversight to the cleanup and beautification phases. Moranski commented on the pending appointment by stating that, "years of experience in Stormwater Management within the Brown Deer government insured that this disaster wasn't any worse than it already was."
With the YMCA shelter already bursting to capacity, the Brown Deer Lanes is being used as a temporary shelter. Ironically, the Lanes has a plentiful supply of drinks that could last for several weeks.
From: Jeffrey A. Moranski
As my fellow chopper 6 pilot and I watch the numerous evacuees standing in line at Brown Deer city hall waiting for government intervention, we witness the frustration of long time village resident and businessman James Schieble as he frantically attempts to contact his sons via a plethora of borrowed cell phones. "Can't get any of these damn things to work - where the hell is the cord anyway!" Meanwhile across inundated Brown Deer road are his two sons clinging to the 1973 Plymouth that lie upon the sole working lift at their Citgo Service Station. With the water rushing in at their feet, Brian and Les are thankful that Dad taught them that beer cans float. Say's Brian, "just a few more feet deeper and the 30 pak of Pabst that Bill the Body Man brought over this morning will be just within reach. Hope it stays cold! Les countered that "he was pissed that the 17 year old cashier had bailed earlier, leaving them without the ability to gouge motorists with higher gas prices once the waters recede."
On the other side of town, Moranski takes a quick oath of office as the Village Manager stops by to assess the damage just north of Tripoli. This reporter asks what his plan is in this time of crisis. Moranski added "Given the extent of the drought this summer, the hostas should do much better once the flood recedes. The ones behind my garage need to be split, so Brown Deer should have plenty to beautify the boulevards. If not, I'm sure Father John Kolonko would be willing to donate a few of his. Did you know that Father John is 94 years old and still says mass at Our Lady of Good Hope! He is the oldest priest in the archdiocese!"
"Blehovde, Kurt" wrote:
I just spoke with Michelle at Channel 6, she's now covering the weather AND traffic reports!.....She has finally convinced Brown Deer's finest men in blue to shut down Sherman Ave. for the hosta processional.....planting tips can be had from Fr. John, and Moranski has printed out planting instructions on the "unused" side of the paper (from his semi-new HP printer and the screamin' Dell)....does anyone have a notepad? If not, there will be a lesson on how to glue notepads at the First Friday meeting next month, Ernie Von Schledorn will start class with the clonk of a VW and a German blessing.....translated into Polish by Brianna.......
snacks will be provided by Argus Apple Farm, on the east side of the Moranski homestead......
Greg moranski wrote:
Numerous retired teachers from the Brown Deer School system have been called in assist in keeping the peace in Brown Deer during this very difficult time. Mr. Carpenter will be having those out of order running around Emily, Mr. Johnson will be giving all looters the stare and if this down not work he will be slamming them into a wall with one arm. As far as those not listening at all, Mr. Blanchard will be giving the gouch !! The water continues to rise in Brown Deer and as Mr. Moranski stated, the water is better than it could be but the Library is next to go.
"Blehovde, Kurt"wrote:
Since the library is most likely the next to go, Mr. Moranski has taken precautions to ensure the movement of Otto's stock from their establishment to the Moranski garage roof, this will come in handy when he's shooting bottle rockets at the neighbors dog! The dog will warn if flood waters threaten again�..we'll then warn all visiting restaurant patrons (who have gone to Al's) to ascend the ladder (made with "good" wood) to sample the Otto spoils�..
Greg moranski wrote:
Newsflash in California !!
These two gentlemen were seen in the middle of Spring Lane trying to get a meeting with Moranski on splitting hostas. (By the way the one on the right is the CEO of Kraft from a meeting with the GOV yesterday in Sacramento).
From: Jeffrey A. Moranski
We had a breif moment to check in with Michelle between her two 12 hour shifts. "I only went over to TV6 because cable was out at our house and I figured at least this way I'd get to watch TV. Next thing I know I was covering the weather and traffic - both of which are pretty easy since it's raining and the floods are keeping everyone off the roads. I don't think it's safe to go out onto the weather deck yet with the Canadiens shootin' and all. Bart Adrien was out there and the Police arrested him on the air charging him with failure to predict this storm! I just wanna go home and watch Dirty Dancing!"
Meanwhile, arguments break out as citizens claim that the recently split Hostas are only "garden variety" plain green ones. Several people point out that Brown Deer is entitled to better and call Moranski on the carpet (an old soiled carpet from in back of his garage). He states, "The original disaster recovery plan had me donating my Sum & Substance hosta split 4 ways. But my daughter recently moved into a new house and we transplanted it there. We had no idea that this would cause such an issue. To make up for it we will be issuing $50 Stein's gift certificates to every registered evacuee to use as they see fit."
From: Jeffrey A. Moranski
Moranski is kidnapped by members of the original committee who circulated the petition to recall him several years back when he was a Village Trustee. The gang leader was heard to have said, "Even though we like you, we beleive you are doing things in secret behind the scenes again. We won't tolerate such government corruption and will recall you again." Moranski, realizing that they can't recall him now since he was appointed to the new position, he agreed to take the kidnappers to Delafield to the Sum & Substance hostas to see for themselves.
Arriving in Delafield, the kidnappers pass though the quaint downtown screamin', "see, look at how beautiful the boulevards are here. Why can't Brown Deer be as nice." Knowing that blaming the cheap Brown Deer taxpayers or the incompetent contractors won't appease them, Moranski nods in agreement.
Even before they stop the car in the driveway of Blehovde Manor, the kidnappers see the transplanted hostas under the large pine tree. Thinking that these are her Dad's friends, Dawn Moranski invites the kidnappers to grab a Dew from the garage refrigerator. Upon entering the garage, the gang leader notices a fairly new generator sitting there. "Given the impending generator shortage in Brown Deer, I'll bet I can get 2 grand for this baby!" he says. Whereupon he starts a bidding war with his cohorts driving the offer price to over $1500! Dawn calms them down indicating that her husband (who is helping one of his brothers build something between calls to fix some computer at Ball) acquired the generator for $200 and a window washing from her brother Biga. "Although he isn't done with it yet, the money would really help pay off the $50 he still owes Biga and for the extra concrete he poured to provide a slab next to the new shed."
"You have a shed?" exclaimed the quietest kidnapper. "Can we see it?" Upon inspecting it, they offer to reprime the siding in exchange for the right to stay in it until FEMA restores their swept away homes in Brown Deer. "Who did that initial priming job anyway? Did that guy know what he was doing?"
From: Jeffrey A. Moranski
Kurt arrives in his Ford F150 truck just before Dawn agreed to the shed and generator deals. He says, "We're not sellin' Biga's generator and the shed looks fine. Who are these people?" "This Biga you refer to, does he have any Hostas?" said the quiet one. Kurt said, "Oh yeah, and he has Snap-on screwdrivers, too!"
With that, the Brown Deer kidnappers race to their car and take off with a roar to seek out Biga's Hostas. Dawn notes, "they don't even know where Biga lives, they'll have to try all of the Moranski's in the phone book until they find it. Quick, Bob and Kurt, go pick up Father John and get him to bless Biga's Hostas before it's too late!"
As they speed toward the Hi-way, Bob tells Kurt to take a right. "I promised to stop by and see Kelly Brown's baby. He's 6 months old just like Brianna. She lives right out here." Screechin' up the Kettle Moraine driveway, they call out to Kelly. She jumps in the truck, car seat in hand. "It's good to see you again Bob," says Kelly as they race towards Brown Deer.
Finally they are on Good Hope Road and see the flooded underpass at 51st street. "I can make it!" says Kurt, as he slams into the wall of water, stalling the F-150. "I always knew this was a piece of crap!"
With no other alternative, they call new Brown Deer resident Paul Moranski, who starts up his boat (I mean, the Moranski boat) and proceeds along the side of his house toward the flooded road. Seeing his Kim as he passes by, he blows her a kiss, and one for the baby and says, " I've gotta go save the day, so be 'the perfect wife' while I'm gone."
He races off and arrives at the scene in no time. Bob, Kurt, Kelly and the baby hop in the Boat. "We've got to pick up Father John, now hurry," pleaded Bob. Paul navigates the winding streets, up Spring Lane onto Fountain and towards Sherman Blvd where the Procession should just be ending. Kelly points to the south side of the street and exclaims, "Look at those Hostas." Bob responds by explaining that those are the Hostas of Mrs. Shallert, and they are definitely not for sale.
As they reach Sherman and Bradley Road, they see him - a small balding man wearing varigated vestments - slowly wading thru the water with trailers of Hostas floating behind him.
"Hop in Father, we need you in the boat," yells Kurt. "Oh I'm too tired to go fishing." says Father. Tall Paul reaches over the side and pulls him into the boat which results in the crowds cheering. Lenny Cass, the senior center aerobics instructor yells out, "We have enough Hostas for the beautification now. Go save Biga from those rabelrousers."
As Paul speeds away, he realizes that only Brown Deer is flooded and they will never make it to Biga's in time with a boat. He quickly pulls out his fully charged cell phone (been plugged into to the socket in the boat all day) and calls Biga to warn him. "Take the Milwaukee River down to the A-B clock tower,� suggests Biga. �I'll pick you up at Skipper Bud's"
As they race down the river, Paul masterfully cruises right over the Kletzch park waterfall. Noting the scenery, Bob compliments Paul on his maneuver and notes, "This is where Bapa used to take your brothers to get pine cones for Nanie's wreathes." In no time they were there and the 6 climb onto the dock and into the waiting Town and Country mini-Van. "Thank goodness Erica still has a vehicle that seats 7 or we wouldn't all fit" said Biga. "What's going on with this group of rabelrousers and why do they want my Hostas?" "Just jet" said Paul.
Biga speeds along I-43, exiting on Hi-way 100. Father John says, "I can feel it Bob, God is calling you to go into that BP station and buy a scratch-off ticket." "But we might risk the Hostas! I've been meaning to get you to bless them for over a year. The dry erase board on the refrigerator at my house can't be changed until we get it done. We have a system!" "Go my son," says John.
Biga pulls into the station and Bob buys 3 scratch-offs. "I never play the lottery," he mutters as he uses a quarter with the state of Louisiana logo on the back to remove the material on the tickets. "How ironic" he muses. Biga, now holding a Quick Slam Dew in the check-out line looks at the numbers on the 3rd ticket and exclaims, "you Won!"
Kelly Brown, holding her little boy in her arms, blurts out, "Bob, you can deposit the Million Dollars you just won at my bank!" "Now I can really retire," said Bob, "and Janet too."
"You guys take Father over to Biga's; since we're already on Hi-way 100, Kelly and I are going to pick out a Cadillac. Drop us off at the dealer." With that, Bob got his Cadillac, dropped Kelly off at her house and sped back to Brown Deer which by now was close to bone dry. Entering his house he yells out to Janet, "let's go, you can retire from Baird, I won the lottery. Hop into my Cadillac. We need to pick up the boat at Skipper Buds and bring it to Biga's. I hope Father John got there in time."
"What's been going on today?" said Janet as she looked up from the screen of her new Dell Inspiron 6000 notebook PC with wireless mouse. "I've been on the internet all day and found the Yahoo Lauchcast music site. I've been jammin' all day to the oldies while sending emails. Did it rain? cause if it did, Pat might not want to come over tonight."
"Let's go," shouted Bob as he took her by the hand and walked her to the Cadillac. "Nice wheels" yelled nosy neighbor Mike Hebel as he admired the Caddy. Bob countered, "Get back in your basement and play with your trains, you jerk!" as he threw a small fallen apple from Mike's tree at him.
Bob pulled his Caddy up Biga's driveway just as the rabelrousers pulled in front of the house. "You win Bob!" yelled the quiet one as they all witnessed Father John making the sign of the cross on Biga's front porch. "Very nice Hosta garden, Biga" said Father as he joined the rest in sipping on a Sprecher Octoberfest. He added, "Come to think of it, they sure do look familiar."
THE END
Executive Producer �� Molly Puutz
Director ��� Nostrovvia
Special Assistant to the Director Upstroney Gotchze